19 thoughts on “Russell Howard [3]

  1. God I hate this cunt. Then again, I hate everyone on the far left. Political correctness has fucking ruined comedy, as it has most things it touches. Howard is one of the least funny of the ‘I wear my self-righteousness on my sleeve’ stable. And that’s saying a lot. I’m told that poor cunt who cut his own knackers off and then ran into a church did so after being forced to watch Russell Howard’s Good News. Thank fuck he didn’t watch Miranda as well. Could’ve been really messy.

  2. Time Ed Milipede was cunted. First of all, for bragging that he’s bringing back socialism. Who told the cunt there was a demand for it? What lying sack of rat vomit looked Milibong in the eye and said ‘boss, we’ve been out on the streets, and what the entire population of the UK told us was, we want socialism. Well, the ones who spoke English did anyway’. There’s also the fact that the cunt took to the stage to do his ‘I’m one of you poor plebs’ act…whilst wearing a fucking £750 tailor made suit. Actually, he should be cunted just for giving Chuka ‘Britain’s Obama’ Umunna a place on the front bench. Britain’s Obama. Not unless he’s talking about Cyril Obama, a toilet attendant from Barnsley. Being a politician, Militwat is expected to talk shite, but this cunt really goes above and beyond with it. He almost makes Clegg look honest.

  3. The Chinese.

    Are rude miserable cunts who come here, set up fucking rancid takeaways and soak up the benefits of our society whilst putting nothing back in.
    “Vely, vely good mr Clamoron” Fucks sake.
    The Chinese prop up North Korea, a desperate shithole of mad slitty eyed gooks who eat thier own people and stick most of then in death camps.
    Led by a fat yellow ugly evil little stunted cunt who was educated in Switzerland.
    The Chinese cunts use North Korea as a dog to bark at the west.

    And stupid cunts in the west still buy tons of crappy shit from the chinky bastards!!

    Yelow cunts.

    • Lo and behold that stupid rich thick fat cunt Ozzy and his other stupid Latin spouting fat prick mate De Pfiffel have been busy sticking thier tongues down the back of China’s filthy yellow crack for a few quid so they can come over here and take over our utilities.
      Fucking what?
      Next time you pay your ‘leccy bill, take solace in the peace of mind that the Tory cunts have sold you down the shitter like a Klingon and your hard earned is going to some wealthy slanty eyed prick.
      What a cavalcade of morose cunts!!!!!!!!!!

  4. I would like to nominate ….Is A Cunt

    for repeating cunting on a regular basis and being fucking un original particularly when I’ve nominated several cunts who haven’t been cunted before you cunts.


  5. Arsenal were originally known as ‘Woolworths Arsenal’ (founded in 1909), having been the staff division of the retail giant Woolworths’ arms dealing department. The fact that they sold weapons became convenient as it allowed them to put “arse” in their team title (the original founders were notorious bum pirates). Their weapon trade had many distractions on and off the field, most notably when World War I and II broke out. This was both a blessing and a setback as the side had money to chuck at all the best soldiers, the problem being the best soldiers were either dead (most of them being British in those days) or Nazis (a divide too far).
    Arsenal players are believed to have cultural relationship with Crazy Frog, although Crazy Frog is originally from Sweden not France as Arsee Wenger would prefer. The facts also suggest that most of the Arsenal players are unable to play any game consoles, due to the lack of ability. However, the manager Arsene Wenger doesn’t lack the ability in game consoles and it’s believed that he secretly attends Call of Duty lessons. Although he has the talent to beat anyone at console games, he doesn’t seem that confident when playing PC games. He has played the game “FIFA 10” especially Manager Mode where he always fails at motivating his players, and also comments: “Erm, yes.” in every interview. His team, which by any chance was Arsenal, were unable to beat any team throughout the season, which suggest that his abilities and talent to manage a team are very slim, which is reflected in real-life matches.
    Arsenal pass the ball around hundreds of times during a game, and can light-weightily move around with ease because if their small cocks. And if you look at an Arsenal player closely, you could see a holster and a revolver sticking out of his shorts pocket.
    Following the wars, Arsenal’s luck changed after their manager, General Ivanoff, watched Ajax destroy Arsenal in a ‘friendly fire’ match. However, due to his poor sight, he was confused and thought Arsenal beat Ajax. “Zose cherri shirtid fairies didn’t know vat ‘it zem”, he was heard to boast to friends. This led to hastily drawn up plans by the soldiers to change uniforms with Ajax a few days after the battle and Arsenal have marched on in those colors ever since.
    Soon after the management and fans came up with a foolproof plan to beat opponents. They decided that the fans shouldn’t sing so as to make the opposing side forget their in a football match and maybe pick up a book. Hence their ground was dubbed “the library”. This tactic hasn’t been very effective but they still stick at it, the fans having refused to make a single sound since 1922 when someone accidental coughed.
    Throughout the fifties and sixties Arsenal endured countless losses both on the field and in the war room. A succession of managers died of Chicken Pox, Gout and “bloody mindedness”. Indeed, former boss Captain Trips got so fed up after not winning any trophies for nigh on twenty years he literally depressed himself to death, much against the advice of colleagues and doctors. The boys on the field weren’t coping much better either, star player of the day – Norwegian wunderkid Fjord Bastarde – was so upset by heckles from opposing sides, in relation to his table manners, that he sought to remedy it by slicing his ears off. Needless to say, this did not have the required results and the hecklers just had more ammunition to unload on the poor lad.
    In the eighties, Arsenal had considerable fortune on the field in the Battle of the Hanging Field (1989). Against the Scouse, both sides waged a brutal war campaign lasting all season and one which went down to the wire. A vicious battle ensued, and with the Scouse heading toward victory overall, it all hinged on the plucky Lt. M.Thomas who sprang behind enemy lines and “left a deuce in Kennys onion soup”. This, of course, was the then leader Lt. Gen. George Graham’s way of affectionately refering to the winning manoeuvre. Several years later, Lt. Gen Graham was court martialed for stealing rations off new recruits.
    In the nineties Arsepirates bored the shit out of everyone playing what has been voted the worst football in the history of the sport, winning one nil was their only tactic. This tactic was championed by their ever inspiring captain Tony “pisshead” Adams.
    Arsenal FC are possibly one of the biggest load of cheating, diving, penalty faking bunch of cunts ever to be seen playing football. The club consistently finish in the top 4 of the league on account of their pure cheating play of football. in fact they play “Wengerball”, 962 passes per minute and every 6.3 hours a shot will be made, usually after several hundred passes in the 6 yard box. Beautiful football is not the only reason Arsenal are so feared. Renowned terrorist Osama Bin Laden is known to be an Arsenal fan and this puts off the shitter teams who play Arsenal; probably due to the fact that they fear his “nuclear arsenal”. In addition to this, Arsehole Wanker has threatened the FA countless times with the exact words “I will touch yer kids”.
    During the construction of Highbury, a horse accidentally fell into an open pit, where the foundations were being laid. It was not rescued but buried under the North Bank Stand. Its ghost can be seen at night urinating on wengers seat and this is why the cunt stinks so much. Unknown to many Arsenal supporters is the fact that their legendary status, as the team who play the best football in the Premiership, is complete nonsense. In fact, the club stole the honor from Manchester United in the early 15th Century, under the guidance of the walking dinosaur Jens Lehmann. United have tried to steal their rightful trophy back in the Ferguson years, but have failed miserably every time. The last attempt was cut short because Carlos Queiroz accidently smashed a window at the Emirates Stadium and woke up baby Walcott, attempts to calm down the young striker were only made worse when Alex Ferguson showed his ugly red face to him. Let’s just hope, for everyone’s sake, that they reclaim the title and put the “young Gunners” where they belong, in bed.

    • Fucking yes!!! I can confirm and having been saying for years that Arsenal are the biggest cunts in football history. In 1913 they came to Norf from sarf, the encroaching cunts. Then in 1919 bribed their way into the football league at the mighty Spurs expense. Over the years they have cheated, stolen, whinged their way to cunt status. I live in Gooner central, the gibbering, chant stealing wankers.

      Remember when Thierry Henry handballed against Ireland to deny them qualification at the 2010 world cup? I’d been telling the world this geezer is a cunt for ages but they wouldn’t believe me until it was blindingly obvious.

      Boring, cheating, wankers. In the early 90’s they knocked down the north bank and put up cardboard cut-outs of fans and tape recordings of singing and chanting… best fans they ever had, certainly the most intelligent.

      The most well deserved cunting I’ve seen here. I don’t normally talk football here but when I saw Arsenal getting a coating I had to jump in. Nice one. Wenger… what a cunt. It’s tea Arsene wanker not the!!

      • Football anoraks are cunts. Long winded ones are boring cunts. Used to support Crystal Palace in the glory days of the grudge matches with Millwall. They even used to foul the footpath.

  6. Italians

    May I refer to a funny phrase i heard once for the ‘eyeties’? ‘rifle droppers’

    Fucking useless during the war–cowardly, thick as shit and would surrender in their droves the moment shots were fired.

    The Mafia are good at intimidating and murdering people who are weaker than they are, but when they come against someone who’s up for a ruck, they shit themselves, or surrender.

    Greasy Cunts.

  7. Parkinsons disease is caused by being arse kissed in interviews by the cunt Michael Parkinson. Billy Connolly, Mohammed Ali and Emu are the most notable victims of the free parker penned tosser. Rod Hull couldn’t live without Emu so he hurled himself of the roof after fixing his TV aerial. It was his way of saying no to the TV licence. Maybe Parky shouldn’t be cunted with such a success rate? Did he interview Michael J Fox? Fuck this old chatting bastard has powers beyond our comprehension!

    I get the feeling he’s another tiresome cunt who bangs on about how good his home is whilst living in London (See Melvyn Bragg, Cilla Black etc). London is a shithole unless you’ve got money but hey if that cunt can bang on about Barnsley I can Bang on about bloody London. I have to live in the same city as Jamie Oliver and Iain Duncan Smith. Bollocks! Barnsley can’t be that bad can it you Parkinson disease giving, interviewing, up your own ass cunt?

  8. Don’t fret Mr Dervish. They,re in the queue and will drop out in due course. Mind you the one about Islam might have been a tad over the top even if I do agree with it!

    • Oi! That was me, not Dervish, who is a cunt if he can’t see that Man U are the biggest bunch of mummy’s boy, arse bandit cheats ever to befoul football. Arsenal are just shit.

      Believe it or not I restrained myself with the muzzies, and it is more a criticism of the suicidal attitude of people who think these fuckers are ok. They’re fucking not.

      Surely you’re not going to be jihaded into not posting it?

  9. KING OF THE CUNTS -> Russell Howard.
    Takes a genuinely funny story about a cheating slag getting humiliated deservedly and turns it into charming housewife humiliated undeservedly (cue applause sign … BBCunts audience obliges).
    Charmless, graceless cunt.

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