Dead Pool (5)

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* * * * UPDATE * * * *
As Sir Limply rightly points out, we keep missing the target with this pool, so here’s a quick rule change for this one only : Each entrant will be allowed a maximum of 5. I’m feeling generous because Limply’s already had 4 goes.

Let’s face it, you cunts have been giving me multiples anyway!

We have a winner!

The Dead Pool 4 has been won by Ollie Burton’s Granddad
who correctly guessed the next cunt to kick the cunting bucket
… therefore becoming a dead cunt.

Ollie correctly predicted “Clive Dunn 92 not out but has to pop his clogs soon for fucks sake”

Well done! – Not least of all for stopping that cunt Dioclese winning three in a row!

Right then!
The slate has been wiped clean and everyone gets to pick
a new ‘dead cunt walking’ as we move on to The Dead Pool 5.
No rule changes but in case you’re new to the world of
predicting bucket kicking cunts, here’s a refresher:

1. Nominate who you think is next on the way out.
One Cunt each. Leave names in the Comments.

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and everyone picks another one,
so my top tip is to be quick off the mark and
steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. The winner gets a dedicated Dead Pool Champion post and kudos of cuntishness aplenty. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

132 thoughts on “Dead Pool (5)”

  1. Paul ‘Gazza’ Gascoigne looks like his liver is going to explode. Either that or someone will thrash him to death for drunkenly assaulting them.

  2. How the fuck is Robert Mugabe not only alive but well enough to rig elections? He’s got to be nearly Mandelas age (still standing…. or breathing at least so technically not a winner there yet!) I would love to see the murdering, Hitler moustached old cunt pop his clogs but my nomination is the bloke Mugabe ‘beat’, he’s been complaining it was rigged, if he keeps that up he’s bound to accidently, violently get his head tragically cut off while shaving. Verdict: suicided.

  3. I cannot believe how sexist you cunts are. Not one filly nominated! For shame. By way of addressing this inappropriate situation and to get us under starters orders I herebye nominate Prof Mary Beard on account of all the death and bomb threats in her favour flying around on twitter. Perhaps some other sporting cunters may wish to hazzard a punt on Caroline Priado-Perez and Stella Creasy MP. Long odds perhaps but fair play donchaknow. Now you can wear your purple ribbons with pride.

    • Sir Limply is right – that’s how we missed Thatcher. So in the interests gender-cunt-equality, my money is on Honor Blackman.

  4. I didn’t see Frosty coming. Never saw the point of the slimey Through The Cunthole presenter… like most of his generation, he hadn’t done much of note for over 30 years. Plus the cunt always slurred his words and sounded pissed to me. “Who lives in a (funeral) home like this? Panel, it’s over to you…”

  5. Update on Frost – it’s been 2 hours and still no nauseating Tweet from Stephen Fry “RIP My dear sweet friend David Frost…” etc. The lanky cunt is slipping up.

  6. Get ya laptops aat. Ray Winstone ere. You slaaags might know me as the geezer in scum or Henry the fucking 8th. Don’t believe it’s me Ray ‘the daddy’ Winstone? ok…. Oi Wolsey you fucked up ya slaaag, jog on. I fucking love ya Anne. Yeaaah was born to play Enry the fucking 8th I was. See told ya. naaah I jacked in acting, naaah I work for 365 bet full fucking time like the cunt I aaam, more readies for the daddy.
    George Bush senior 3/1….. what’s that you slaaags? want another? Nicholas parsons 7/1

    BET 365…. BET IN PLAY…. NAAAH.

  8. What about that diminutive cunt, Ronnie Corbett? Can I have that cunt? Also Richard O’Sullivan is looking none too flash these days- I want that cunt as well.

  10. Donald Sinden, the fruity-voiced ham, typifies everything that makes actors such repulsive, narcissistic cunts. Surely he doesn’t have long left?

  11. What about Yootha Joyce. I thought she was dead, but clearly not as she is posting here. Must be about 103. Come on Yootha, drink another bottle of vodka and curl up and die. Do it for uncle Saxon.

    • King Cunt, I reckon Brucie is a rank outsider. The cunt has made a pact with the devil. He looks no different from when he did in the 70’s, Looked an old cunt then. My monies still, on Nelson Mandela.

  13. No doubt the scotchcuntcrapcomic Billy Connelly, currently out on his cockcancer/alzheimer tour, will fail to oblige in time so my pet vulture Gristle is getting excited about old Viscount socialist pinko pain in the arse called his son Hillary, Tony Benn. As ever I accept Gristle’s judgement.

  14. Stuart Hall is suddenly looking frail – I reckon the latest allegations will lead to a massive heart attack – either that or some insider will do for him, the kiddy fiddling cunt

  15. Going through much stress re age discrimination and being a useless old cunt at this time so an appropriate moment to tip gee-gees pundit John McCaric. Odds on I would say.

  16. Noted that Nazi sweetheart Erich Priebke has just turned orf the gas at 100. Now freezing his racially pure bollocks orf while goose stepping on his way through the icy mists to Niflhel (the Norse/Nazi hell of ice and freezing fog cunts). Seem to recall that Dioclese nominated him a while ago. Well done that man although the timing is a little orf what.

    • I am officially fucking angry!!!!!!!

      Whilst I was away I was delighted to hear that the afreomentioned former SS cunt Eric Priebke had kicked the bucket. “Wonderful”, I thought. “I’ve won the dead pool again!”

      What did I find when I checked? I nominated the cunt in the last Dead Pool. Bollocks! Right bloke, wrong list.

      Can I have it anyway, pretty please?

      • You could Dioclese, it’s your gaff your rules but it would make you a cheating cunt!

        Is this Eric Priebke fella Ian Duncan Smiths Grandfather? If I nominated IDS it would be the heart ruling the head, cunt will probably outlive me and live to 100 like his possible Grandpapapapa. I think you’ll find Mr Norden’s price is shortening by the day. BTW what the fuck has happened to Nelson? Do you think he’s snuffed it and the S.A. authorities are keeping it quiet so it doesn’t all kick off out there?

      • The interminable way this Dead Pool is playing out it is going to take a spot of gamesmanship to sort while any of us is still alive. Have the cunt with my blessing. These old Nazi cunts hang on like grim death. Somewhat worried by what the old grim reaper has in store for them I’ll be bound.

  17. Surely this scion of Herronvolkdom will receive his free bus pass from Der Furher himself and go straight to Asgard, Valhalla or Netherton depending on where the number 48 bus goes to these days.

  18. Did any cunt have Lou Reed? Like Keith Richards, Lou Reed always looked like he’d been dead for fucking years already.

    • Fred, you could be psychic! On the other hand, the rules do say that the cunt you nominate has to be alive at the time.

      No offense, but does anyone know the exact time of death? To be fair, you got him in before the newspapers announced it…

      • In the interests of showing that I’m not a dishonest cunt (well, not dishonest anyway), I should clarify that I made the above post AFTER hearing of Lou’s demise.

      • Fred, you have restored my faith in human nature. I didn’t want to offend you, but had to ask the question.

        The papers are all over him this morning saying that he was a major musical influence. Frankly, I think that’s bollocks. Velvet Underground were ground breaking at the time, but he’s pretty much done fuck all since as far as I can see…

  20. Re Rule Change –

    1) Clive James
    2) Donald Sinden
    3) Someone’s already picked Denis Nordern which I think is an extremely good bet, so I’ll have comedy writers Galton & Simpson instead (either one).
    4) Stuart Hall and/or Rolf Harris – the former facing multiple new allegations of kiddyrape, the latter facing a trial. Hoping that either their heart will give out or they’ll top themselves first. Either option suits me fine.
    5) Having already picked two “doubles” I’m not sure I’m entitled to a fifth, but just for the sake of wishful thinking (and in the sprit of the webmaster’s wish to move the Dead Pool on), I’m gonna pick Rupert Murdoch.

    • You’ve already got Clive James , Honor Blackman and Barry Crier. Stuart Hall’s already taken, but I’ll add Rupert Murdoch and Rolf Harris for you.

      I’m still contemplating me own. I seem to have a habit of nominating them in the wrong pool!

  21. OK, here’s my additional 4 to add to Ronnie Biggs :

    Vera Lynn (may her music die with her)
    Dennis Healey (sick of those eyebrows)
    Christopher Lee (shock, horror!)
    and Zsa Zsa Gabor, darlings

    • Parsons is already taken and you’ve already got Dicky Attenborough, Mary Beard, Billy Connelly and John McCririck – so I’ll let you have Doris Day in the interests of gender equality. She’s 89 and the Booth cunt is seven years younger

      Bad luck if Booth croaks first!

  23. Ok folks 1) Norden 2) Chinny Hill 3) John McCririck (is he taken?) 4) Leon Brittan 5) IDS (A real longshot, I may have to buy a voodoo doll and learn the dark arts for this one to happen)

    • Bollocks Sir Limply’s got McCririck! I forgot I’ve still got Morgan Something or other, Mugabe’s opponent. Probably wont happen now but fuck it.

      • Ok Dioclese. To be honest the other 4 are just window dressing. Denis Norden is absolutely nailed on to make it all right on the night.

  24. This started as a sporting list, but I ran out of steam, Hence William Shatner @ number 5

    Muhammad Ali
    Alex Ferguson
    Sepp Blatter
    Olga Korbut
    William Shatner

      • Indeed. Confirmed.I have reallocated him to you. Apologies. But that gives you 6 which I will allow as I fucked up.

        Culopazzo gets another one as that one’s taken.

        (Come on guys! It’s only a bit of fun…)

      • Take Mary Beard orf me list. Keep it a sporting 5. Like every encounter in the filly’s life twas an act of desparation on my part. McCrarick has also been in me frame for a while but happy to give up Bill Shatner (unless he croakes imminently which seems unlikely as he seems to have a severe touch of the Klingons).

  25. Seems that I failed to notice the demise of Michael Winner back in January. What an odious little cunt he was. Went everywhere by private jet because he hated travelling with the plebs. I hear say that he used his celebrity to pay for it rather than a cheque as he was reportedly bust.

    Remember his ‘Calm down, dear!’ advert? How the mighty had fallen to sink to that.

    Met him once in Barbados when he was blagging his way to the best table in the restaurant at Sandy Lane. Unfortunately for him, the table he wanted was occupied by my party. ‘Do you now who I am?’ he said. ‘Yes’ I replied, ‘you’re the odious little yid that isn’t getting this table. So fuck off!’

    He fucked off. Like I said, odious little cunt…

    • Knew the cunt a few years back. Would answer the telephone pretending to be his own secretary. Had a whole string of ex lady loves he kept sweet by letting them think they were in for substantial legacies on his demise. The last one was looking after the terminal tosser in the belief that she would get the mansion in Holland Park. He did have plenty of readies but it was all cash from multiple mortgages and loans on his properties. Did not own a bean. Fine old to-do now, m’learned friends ect ect. Warring next of kin, banks, mortgage companies all unaware of each others conflicting claims. Rather delicious actually.

      Intended to cunt him myself until the old grim reaper stuck his foot in the door. Postumous cunting for old time’s sake? He would enjoy that.

  26. Damn another one’s down. Face from the sixties and Pink Panther filums Graham Stark actor chappie at 91. We also missed out on Herbert Lom in September, another Pink Panther stalwart aged 95. Double damn and bugger.

  27. Turned into a damn sneaky world. Now that they have dug up Arafat again and found his bones to be loaded with massive amounts of the KGB’s favourite drinks chiller, the old polonium cocktail, can we have him on the rebound? Gristle predicted precisely the manner of his demise several years ago.

  28. I’m having a predominantly showbiz list. It’s not that I think royalty and politicians AREN’T cunts, I just think luvvies are BIGGER cunts:

    Donald Sinden
    Richard (not David) Attenborough
    Ronnie Corbett
    Windsor Davies
    Liza Minnelli

    Are any of these already taken?

  30. Right. Since that cunt Mandela is still alive lets see if I can do any better with another 4 guesses!

    1) Adam West aka BatCunt

    2) Eli Wallach Fucking old cowboy cunt actor

    3) Al Molinaro Odd Cunt / Happy fucking Days

    4) Christopher Lee Cunt Dracula himself

    Fingers crossed

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