Dead Pool (5)

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* * * * UPDATE * * * *
As Sir Limply rightly points out, we keep missing the target with this pool, so here’s a quick rule change for this one only : Each entrant will be allowed a maximum of 5. I’m feeling generous because Limply’s already had 4 goes.

Let’s face it, you cunts have been giving me multiples anyway!

We have a winner!

The Dead Pool 4 has been won by Ollie Burton’s Granddad
who correctly guessed the next cunt to kick the cunting bucket
… therefore becoming a dead cunt.

Ollie correctly predicted “Clive Dunn 92 not out but has to pop his clogs soon for fucks sake”

Well done! – Not least of all for stopping that cunt Dioclese winning three in a row!

Right then!
The slate has been wiped clean and everyone gets to pick
a new ‘dead cunt walking’ as we move on to The Dead Pool 5.
No rule changes but in case you’re new to the world of
predicting bucket kicking cunts, here’s a refresher:

1. Nominate who you think is next on the way out.
One Cunt each. Leave names in the Comments.

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and everyone picks another one,
so my top tip is to be quick off the mark and
steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. The winner gets a dedicated Dead Pool Champion post and kudos of cuntishness aplenty. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

132 thoughts on “Dead Pool (5)”

  1. In an attempt to regain my rightful place as dead pool king, I nominate Ronnie Biggs.

    This cunt was released from prison in 2009 on compassionate grounds because he was dying. The cunt is still dying – so come on, Ronnie, pop yer clogs and gimme the title!!

  2. I can’t nominate my fucking plumber as I have inside knowledge of his imminent death. He’s going to commit suicide by hitting himself over the head repeatedly in a dark alleyway. Next weekend is a good bet.

    So I’m going to go for Morrisey. He’s being treated for double pneumonia right now. Hope it’s AIDs related, the talentless obnoxious cunt.

    • Yer, a total limp wristed cunt. Perhaps we can accelerate his demise by shoving a daffodil up his arse.

  3. Well I reckon that the ex terrorist and Lime quarry Worker Nelson Mandela will be the next cunt to cop his fucking wack, the fucker has been living on borrowed time for a while now; here’s hoping for 2 in a row!

  6. In another thread I nominated Clive “the Bald Cunt” James – the smug, sneering, very-pleased-with-himself cunt of truly epic proportions, and pointed out the fact that being Australian only amplifies his cuntitude a hundredfold. Well, apparently the fucker has been ill lately, so I’m also nominating him here to wish the squinty cunt a speedy departure.

  7. Damn, Mandela’s looking good now.

    When Mandela croaks it’ll make Diana’s death look like The Man Who Never Was. There’ll be at least a month of enforced national mourning, including the public stoning of anybody wearing a tie that isn’t black. A one-off tax to pay for the erection of gilded statues of the great man in every London Borough.

    The BBC will disappear up their own arses. It’s going to be fucking terrible, Mandela is lucky he’s going to miss it.

  8. Well it puts the old cunt under starters orders for the Grim Reapers visit; howay Nelson kick the fucking bucket sharpish.
    I bet good old Winnie is fucking shitting it; as soon as the Nelson has boarded the one way crematorium special she will be off to the fucking pokey for a stretch.

  12. Fuck,I wanted to nominate that terrorist cunt Nelson Mandella. Anyway, I’m going for that fat ugly North Korean leader- Kim Cunt. I’ve got an inkling he might fall down a disused mine shaft, or somethink.

    • Yeah, can I pre-emptively nominate Thatcher’s funeral as a cunt? A complete cuntish waste of public money, when one massive street party in Liverpool is all the send-off the cuntish old hag deserves. We are never gona hear the end of this fucking funeral, folks. At Christmas, I bet they’ll do it again – on ice.

  14. Prince Phillip
    Now this cunt is well preserved – but wifey will probably be keen to up his dose when hes fucked again just for some space before she signs off. Long shot but a good win if it comes in. The Greek Cunt.

  15. Prince Phillip is at least funny, though he is an old Greek cunt who could well pop his cloggs.

    How’s this for a real long shot. Phillip Schofield, he might have a heart attack if he ‘accidently’ walks in on holly willowbooby in the changing room and get’s a load of those tits. That cunts nothing without Gordon the gofer.

  16. Well now that Nelson M has had so many exploratory ops he only counts as a half Nelson and despite the joyous news that the vultures are once again gathering at his bedside concerned at his ‘grave’ (ain’t the English language wonderful) condition he may indeed be next bugger it.

    So I remind you cunts that I consider the greek kraut Prince Philip well and truly bagged by my goodself ever since his waterworks started playing up and he lost the essential Royal art of being able to piss in his pants during long drafty state functions. Whiffy lot those Windsors…

    • He’s a fucking terrorist anyway. Someone should shoot the cunt in the face then burn him.

  18. Got fed up waiting for the old cunts to pop it so I am going for old Lord Luvvie Richard Attenborough the filum fellow currently on a feeding tube in an old luvvies retirement home. It’s your cue Dickie darling.

    • I reckon a Raptor will get him in the end. Come on Raptors, you have opposable thumbs. Removing a feeding tube should be a snip.

  19. Missed that Dark Horse James Gandolfini. Not a cunt in my opinion, but a great long shot all the same. Richard Att, good call. May have a winner.

  20. What about Arthur Askey? Some say he’s already dead, but I saw him in Dudley town centre on Saturday being pulled along on a skateboard. He can’t have much time left- he must be at least 110!

  21. Which of you cunts has got the South Africans to put that cunt Mandela on a bastard life support machine!
    Cheating fucking bastards.
    I bet that fucking Zuma bloke has a wedge on Prince Phillip, bunch of cunts

    • Need to get one of them ‘Mombasa Mommas’ to sit on his face. If the old cunt can continue to breath through that, then hats off to him, he deserves to live.

  22. Looks like critical is normal for that bastard Mandela. My pet vulture has got very interested in boxing lately and has tipped me the wink about Muhammed Ali. So I am going for the Greatest as the next contender for the title.

  25. What arses one orf rather is that there is a whole branch of the medical profession dedicated to keeping these cunts alive. Do hope it is not out of turn to nominate them for a cunting.

    Clinical Gerontologists.

    Voodoo quacks that keep old cunts like Mandela and Prince Philip ticking over on life support longer than an old style Russian leader are truely sinister cunts. So denying the pleasure of their demise to the humble sportsman. Only insert the tubes if there is a large wodge of dosh in it for them naturally. For lesser mortals it’s straight onto the Liverpool Care Pathway and Good Night Vienna. Resurrectionist Cunts.

  26. I have a sneaky feeling Fred West is right about Clive James, Mandela will outlive all of us cunts by the look of it, though god knows how! Parky with his fucking free pen is in with a shout. Odds: Mandela 1/2, Clive James 2/1, Parky 5/1, Brucie 13/2, John Prescott 9/1, Cliff 12/1…………. Oh I forgot the out and out cunt Mccririck himself a decent 9/2….. Will you bet early? Either way with that fucking shower of shite we are all on a winner.

  27. Fuck Fuck and Bugger me Butler. Mandela survives to 95 (as sung by Frank Sinatra) and is looking forward to going home. Clearly determined to stop the delightful family getting their mits on his money. The pet vulture Gristle has whispered in me ear that we should encourage the cheating commie cunt to come to dear old Blighty to be looked after in one of our wonderful NHS hospitals. 24 hours on a trolley in a corridor should do the trick. Finally!

  28. Fuck, I am most disappointed that this ‘soap dodger’ has lingered so long. I’ve just had 2000 T shirts printed with: ‘We will never see your like again, you black cunt’. Not a dry eye at the printers.

  29. Should have mentioned that the cunt’s face is emblazoned on the front. The T shirts are white so it shows him off rather well. I’ve used an old pic, pre his sojourn at Robyn Island holiday camp. Looks a lot fuller in the face and tends to fill the whole T shirt. Not for me to call this esteemed statesman fat, perhaps he’s big boned. Has nice teeth though, but don’t they all.

      • Oh sweet irony. Griff Rhys Jones is such a humourless manic depressive that he is one of the few cunts in the frame that would actually enjoy dying. Go on Griff, have a laugh, make my day.

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