One, two, Freddy’s coming for you. Three, four he’s at the door.

On my morning stroll with the dogs this morning, I noticed that the local park was full of separate groups running, doing squats and other fitness shit. There must have been 30-40 people in several different groups.

I’ve got nowt against fitness, but these cunts have become like cyclists – they think because they are “fit” they take the moral high-ground and fuck everyone else. Got dirty looks because I let my dogs run free, and the fitness cunts were in the way of where they usually sniff.

What’s wrong with people that they need to do this in groups – why not just go for a run yourself, or do some skipping in the garden. Don’t spoil my free day with your fitness shit. The one thing that has been good about the spell of crap weather is that these cunts have had to stay at home.

Mind you, I don’t mind when the birds do yoga next to the caff where I sit and eke my tea out for as long as I can.

Nominated by – Lord Cuntingford