The Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly

I’d like to nominate the old lady who swallowed a fly.
The song or nursery rhyme.

She swallows a fly. Instead of letting nature take its course and passing it out the other end, she then swallows a spider to catch fly, then a bird to catch the spider. It goes on and on.

*Spoiler alert!*

Then she dies.

For fork sake! In the words of Alf Garnett, “Silly moo!”

Nominated by: Spoonington

(Hope the Animal Rebellion mob don’t read this! – admin)

34 thoughts on “The Old Lady who Swallowed a Fly

  1. I thought we had a winner in the ” What the actual Fuck” nomination competition with Sir.Limpley’s “Spontaneous Human Combustion” piece, but this one has swept Spoonington into a commanding lead.

    Bravo,Spoony..it’ll take something really special to beat this one..it truly is a nom. to be reckoned with.

    🙂 .

  2. I recall Jon Pertwee doing a funny version of this song on telly when I was a kid. He was in his Doctor Who gear, but he had a voice like Worzel.

  3. Merkel and H Clinton swallow Adrenochrome like there’s no tomorrow, and as soon as they don’t have it they start malfunctioning. Maybe they should switch to swallowing flies, as their master Beelzebub would approve of.

  4. Outstanding nom Spoons. 👍

    For me it’s the 2 little piggies who built their gaffs of straw and sticks that regularly brings my piss to the boil!

    How the fuck was that ever going to keep the big bad wolf out? No sympathy, they deserved everything they got, the CUNTS.

    • …and what about that thieving bitch, Goldilocks ? Breaking into a house,stealing the food from the table and then climbing into their beds ?…..The Cunt was probably really called “Afrolocks”, broke in looking for drugs,ate their fried-chiggun and then hid in the bed waiting to rape the Daddy-Bear.

      Probably a good friend of that Cunt,David Lammy.

      Afternoon,RTC.

      (Goldilocks was probably on the lookout for Humpty Dumpty to bang, but he was in the small-claims court suing some “Traveller” for building an iffy wall – admin)

      • @Admin….Fuck only knows what “The Grand Old Duke of York” was up to marching his men up and down hills….perhaps the Ghislane Maxwell trial might throw some light on his bizarre behaviour.

        (The Duke was probably in hot pursuit of those youngsters, Jack & Jill running up the same hill – admin)

  5. Not as daft as ‘the 2700 tonnes of Ammonium Nitrate has been stored unsafely for 6 years’
    Bunch of thick towel head cunts!

    • PS, the cure for swallowing a fly, a cocktail of 1 part bleach, I part Jeyes fluid and 1 part hydroxychloroquine….

      I got it from Tangoman 👍

  6. That header pic reminds me of Chucky from the Child’s Play slasher films!
    Either that or a very young Amber Heard in the making!

    If the senile old bag did indeed swallow a fly, then she should’ve contacted her local “no win: no fee” lawyer, and sued the arse of whatever supermarket was selling its own-brand steak & kidney pie with bluebottle topping.

    Daft old bat!

  7. Good nom Spoons!👍
    This old pensioner adhered to a normalchinese diet and passed away.
    The toxicologists report stated it was the Greggs vegan pastie that actually killed her.
    Fuck her anyway!
    Pay your tv license you old twat!

    • Testing.

      All my posts are in moderation.

      (Have only seen two of yours go into the queue, although fuck knows why! Can you try again on this thread, and I’ll see what’s what – admin)

  8. I feel quite nom after reading that Spoons. I thought you might have provided a moral to the tale. I suppose the best would be “ keep your mouth closed when there’s flies abaaaht.”
    You must be gormless to swallow a fly. Still, I suppose it goes a long way to explaining why Phil Neville is like he is.

  9. That girl in the photo looks like a Gyppo kid. She looks like she’s in a car park so they’ve just set up camp and she is thinking about the mayhem she is going to cause and the filth and trash they are going to leave behind.
    Burn the witch!

    • I’ve got a feeling it’s a photo of a very young Greta Thunderbirds.
      Even at that age she was plotting world domination.

  10. Just had a massive shit….it was so heavy it sank without a trace…didn’t even flush….if kate and Gerry mccann ran public toilets…

  11. It’ll be “Does your chewing gum lose it’s flavour on the bedpost overnight” next – s nothing sacred anymore???

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