Commercial Radio & TV Adverts

A Very High Frequency cunting for Commercial Radio Adverts please.

During these ‘strange times and new normal’ whatever the fuck that means, I find myself working from home and increasingly listening to the commercial wireless radiogram, a choice of channels from Planet Rock to Classic FM. Now a lot of these stations are part of the Global Group, an organisation almost as bad as our friends the BBC, but they are commercially funded, unlike the teletax funded robbing Beeb and so this means adverts. Three in particular that get played over and over again boil my piss. Usually every 20mins and syncrhronised across the network.

HSBC, ‘We are not an Island’ this pile of fuckwittery is voiced by Sandy Tokscunt, the horrid Scandinavian dyke Harradin. To me, its an advert that tries to gee us (the listener) up post the chinese bat flu and the dark times, but is actually a pointed dig at little England post Brexit. Go to fuck HSBC and Tokscunt, last time I did geography, England was a big part of a great island.

McDonald’s adverts. Who eats that’s pile of steaming scrapes from the abattoir floor anyway? And with that fella who does the advert with his false matey mate voice coming over the airwaves every 20minutes, it boils my piss. No I don’t want a Maccy Dees fucking eggs mcflurry double cheese milk shake, you cunt. Nor I am I waiting in a drive through for the ‘privelage’

Finally, the O2 ‘Pay as you Glow’ advert, voiced by one of the dark keys or Jigaboos who can’t pronounce his words correctly and keep droppin tha last letta from most of wat he is sayin. That’s of course when you can hear anything from the vocal above the din of the jungle jive being played in the background. Not sure who this piece of radio airwaves generated excrement is aimed at, but it sure ain’t a white male who is middle aged working class and tax paying.

I’m gonna build myself a personal faraday cage to insulate me from the rape of my eardrums.

Marconi must be spinning in his grave, the cunt.

Nominated by: LeonardoDiCunty 

.. and on a very slightly different tangent, but covering the same kind of area

I want to nominate TV channel hopping, because no matter what time I do it, I always land on a commercial break, usually right at the start of the break and it goes on for a good five minutes. Then the next channel has exactly the same adverts in the same order. The exception of course being Auntie Beeb, but who wants to watch that?

Nominated by: Mystic Maven 

…. and another take from Lord Helpuss…

Daytime Digital TV ads are due for a nomination.

There are some cracking retro TV channels like Talking Pictures which shows a lot of classic films and series. Even in monochrome they are miles better than most of the modern shite we have to endure on the BBC/ITV axis. Proper scripts and stories, real stars.

One thing spoils them. The bloody adverts in between. Naturally aimed at the older viewer they consist of funeral plans, motorised buggies, bladder-leak pants,  travel insurance for fogies. Invariably, the actors depict the target audience as one step away from entering second childhood or dementia. They witter on excitedly about payouts and comparisons in a way that indicates how much they are looking forward to their own demise. They talk to each other like they have swallowed the brochures (old folk still love brochures) and are spewing out the words therein. Natural conversations they are not.

Then there are the endless charidee ads which are even more depressing. Little kids of colour drinking filthy water, tigers being shot, donkies being abused. It’s all guilt guilt how dare you sit there in your armchair with all this suffering going on? You selfish old sod. OK you’ve worked all your life, paid lots of tax but you can’t keep all your money to yourself. OK you help your kids and grandkids out but even so… give us your cash grandad.

If you are stupid enough to give in and buy an exit plan they will pester you with letters suggesting you up your premiums. Or if you give to a charidee they are such caring people that they will pass your details on to all the other begging bowl hyenas to hound you just like they did to that poor old woman who ended up giving away everything and dying in a ditch.

Yes I can mute the sound until my programme returns. I’m probably the faster muter in the east, pardner.
But I like to keep track on how truly awful these ads are. And they are BAD.

89 thoughts on “Commercial Radio & TV Adverts

  1. Meerkats…fucking meerkats.
    Rather than going wild-oar shooting next year I’m investigating the ins and outs of going on a meerkat safari….I’ll strychnine the Gay little Cunts…until then I’ll have to make do with going to a zoo and lobbing bricks at the Fuckers.

    Tarry-toots,old Cunts,hipsters,Fruity-Gentlemen,children,cute “ickle” fluffy animals and ugly bags (especially ones with “dry,itchy” fannies) can Fuck Off too….The Cunts.

      • Fucking belter, Dick!! Remember the ‘Clunk Click’ seat belt ads fronted by Uncle Jimmy?

        • He was indeed a popular figure,DCI. I wonder if the “clunk click” that Sir Jimmy meant was the “clunk” of the “CBBC broom-cupboard” door being firmly slammed shut and the “click” from his Polaroid camera taking pictures ?

          Esther Rantzen is a coffin-dodging, hypocritical Cunt.

          • I think I might have her then. She’s not a bad old bint turns up for lots of charity and services functions without making the usual celebrity ‘look at me ‘ fuss about it.

    • One bag of high quality bricks winging their way to Sir Fiddlers vast estate as we speak! 😄👍
      I despise adverts – I am a reasonably intelligent Man, do not need telling what to buy and TBH could not give a flying fuck if half the Third World died tomorrow – and I ain’t buying guns and bullets for dictators and mudslime vermin, or paying the massive wages and bonuses handed out by greedy corporations masquerading as charities for tax dodging purposes.

      • Those charity ads can Fuck Off….wanting money for some lazy dark-keys who can’t be that hungry judging by the pot-bellies on them. Too fucking lazy to even brush the flies off their own faces…probably expect me to pay for a handmaid to stand wafting a fly-swatter for them.

        Bob Geldof is responsible for more deaths than any famine…if he hadn’t organised Aid money they wouldn’t be bred and so couldn’t die of hunger….He should be charged with Crimes against Humanity.

        • The money never gets to them DF – straight into the pockets of corporations, arms dealers and corrupt maniacs.
          Fifty Years and Trillions of Pounds – and nothing changes, ever.
          If I was in a bad situation I would get myself out of it – it’s called “taking responsibility for your own life” – this is why racist whitey lives in the advanced first World (except for the peaceful and Guy Gibsons dogs areas of course) and the ethnics don’t – lazy self pitying whining savages.
          Put that in a fucking advert.
          Poor sports! 😄

        • If they can see the sign saying Specsavers they clearly don’t need their services!
          And it seems every parasite, p*edophile and t*rrorist can see the sign that says “England – piss wet mugs”!

    • ‘Tarry Toots’??

      I’ve just seen that, (read it earlier so how I miseed it is beyond me), and absolutely pissed myself🤣🤣🤣 Fair play, Dick.

  2. That picture is me every time I see a Tiktok advert on YouTube. I’m dangerously close to putting my phone through a wall thanks to those.

  3. Can’t stomach repeared adverts. Nor can i stomach the woke lefty beeb.
    Result, off switch, which is a shame as i used to like radio.
    I had a horrible experience when i last turned the radio on about 3 years ago. James O’Wokehead was taking the piss out of us for voting brexit and my boiled piss is only just cooling.

    • “Unkle Terrys Cuntry ovens” – Hard wearing, good quality and industrial size to fit even the fattest Politician!
      Now there’s an advert I would like to see!

  4. This is a bang on cunting.
    I don’t understand the need to use black blokes in what seems to be the majority of radio adverts. I know next to nothing about the cars but I can guess that yer average dark key doesn’t drive or want to drive a Seat so why the fuck is one used to advertise this brand. That’s another company on the list of cunts who won’t be getting my wedge.

  5. That nifty fifty betting ad is played everywhere. TV and radio ads can fuck off not one of of them are funny and not one of them makes me want to buy their product.
    I’m quickly running out of places to buy anything now.

  6. I fucking LOATHE adverts. Mixed-race couples everyfuckingwhere, woke cuntishness. The one that is sending me into stroke territory is the Very radio ad where some smug trollop is cheering about sending her kids back to school. Not only is her voice annoying but, if people are that bastard desperate to palm your fucking kids off, don’t fucking well have them, you utter cunts.

  7. Come to the conclusion they make the ads so fucking annoying you wont buy the product. Cunts.

    • He’s actually a very pleasant, witty entertaining person when he is not in the persona of the advertisement. A CUNT as “Gio Compario” but not as a person.

      • Cuntalot i will take your word for that.can you take him out for drink, and ask to him to stop singing.

        • I would like to Tono, he would be great company. Has a good voice too, but found it easier to make money by “Prostituting” himself (his own description) by making the adverts, after which he will return to being a professional opera singer. When is a CUNT not a CUNT?

  8. Yes, channel hopping. We do it to escape the ads but whatever station we switch to there they are again. It’s like watching your life flash past in a blur of fecking stupid adverts. One after the other again and again.
    A vision of hell.

    Weedy versions of classic songs. Words changed to suit the product. Smiling drivers in their new cars – when did you ever see that in real life? Perfect woke families. Daft dads doing everything wrong. Dogs on skateboards. Banks being helpful and caring. None of this stuff is real.

    I’m going mad.


  9. I don’t watch mutch telly but I do like the adverts from time to time.
    They all seem to have grinning Dark Keys living in mansions.
    I wonder if that’s true?
    Perhaps that’s why The Channel Dinghy Lifeboat Appeal of the Sahara is so popular?
    Anyway fuck them all to Hell.
    Gas the cunts.
    Oven Priti.
    Fuck Off.

      • Adverts used to be ace,
        Hovis-kid pushing his bike up a fuck off steep hill
        And catchy jingles
        “A finger of fudge is just enough to give yer kids a treat!”
        “Im a secret lemonade drinker! R Whites,R Whites!”

        Full of catchphrases,gags, fit birds eating Cadburys flakes like theyre sucking dick!
        Nowadays its all scaving cunts, on the tap, or some dark key.
        Bring back the 70s
        Start with Slade

        • Count me RIGHT in, MNC.

          Played this full bore going past ED with our blue lights flashing on our way to another job, punters outside having a fag staring in disbelief! The humourless cunts. Humourless fat cunts, the majority of them.

          • Hehee!!☺
            Morning lads!!
            Wonder why adverts are shite now?
            I liked the old spice one, surfer to ‘carmina Burana’!!
            Great stuff
            And the Frys Turkish Delight one!👍

        • I watched the wife eat a flake the other night. Just bit it straight away. Certainly put me off asking for a BJ later.

          Some great adverts in 70’s and 80’s. Some sexual innuendo and scantily clad women.

          (The Flake adverts of the 70s were the best – full of tasteful sexual innuendo. Would never happen now of course, or if it did it would probably feature a non-binary or a Flabbott – Day Admin)

          • The fact you can remember those old Flake adverts, along with many other ads from the 70s and 80s, suggest they fundamentally work – which is the beauty of good advertising.

            But these days ads are so bland, so safe, so unimaginative, so “let’s not upset anyone!” that they all just blur into a forgettable fetid dish of “who gives a fuck?”

        • And T.Rex.

          Exciting times.

          Fun. Remember that?

          The economy was tanking. The world was falling apart (always is/has/will).

          But we partied and got on with our lives. Only 10% went to (proper) ‘uni’ the rest of us got proper jobs.
          Pubs on every corner with three pints for a pound. Less red tape. More freedom. No fecking sochul meeja. Fabulous music. (Read the book 1971: Never a dull moment)

          Yes? The 70s were terrible weren’t they?

        • Random one MNC – the old Hovis ad music is New World order by Antonin Dvorak – an incredibly beautiful piece of music.
          I think my new pink jeans are having a strange effect on me..

          • Vernon, just to show what a smart arse I am, it’s from the second movement of Symphony 9 in E Minor ‘From the New World’ Opus 95.

        • Ah MNC, i loved the R whites adverts. I think most blokes in the middle of the night have sneaked down stairs for a wee dram. ( when the wife is not awake). So can relate to that humour.

          • They dont make them like that any more Norman. I had no idea that was the father of costello, you have educated me there. Concerning Rigsby, what can i say, the man was a legend.

          • Norman@
            Do you know Ive never seen that before!!
            Nice one!👍👍👍

          • There is a famous story perhaps apocryphal about the fourex beer advertising campaign for the French market. The story is that in France xxxx was a brand of condom, and the beer admen were having difficulty with the old fourex beer jingle “I can feel a fourex coming on”

        • I vaguely remember the Wagon Wheel advert – “It’s so big you’ve gotta grin to get it in” – even though it’s something I cannot relate to.

  10. I’ve been playing a word game on a app. As it’s free you had to put with adverts for other apps every 3-4 levels. One of these is for a game called scrabble go.

    It’s black female v white male. You won’t have to guess who win. It’s that with advertising that pisses me off, the same woke agenda being fed all the time. Couldn’t have male honky winning.

    Always record programmes on tv and forward through the adverts. I’m not being brainwashed.

    • I’ve been doing that ever since I got Sky some 15 years ago. Even when I’m ‘just watching’ some TV I never even notice the adverts, they simply wash over me.

  11. Adverts used to be better than the programmes back in the 70s/80s. Used to love the Hamlet ads, particularly Rab C Nesbitt in the photo booth. Carling piss water ads used to be good too, loved the Dambusters one.

    • I used to like the Carling add that took the piss out of the Aussies, with the bloke going to the Dunny and bringing the red back spider back into the bar in a matchbox.
      Didn’t a lot of the Carling adds take the piss out of foreigners? Certainly remember the Dambusters towel one.
      Christ imagine the complaints if they were played now. That and the PG Tips Chimps.
      Never encouraged me to drink their pissy lager though.

      • The Dambusters one is classic FM – laughed my bits off at that one!
        Need that Jerry in goal for England! 😄

  12. Car adverts piss me off!

    Always the same happy-clappy couple/family, with their smug smiles and overt cheeriness as they drive the latest car through empty streets, traffic lights always at green, no roadworks, no cunting cyclists or dopey smartphone fuckwits stepping into the street!.

    It’s all so nicey-nicey compared to the real world of cunts, cunts and more cunts pissing off your day as you try and commute to work!

    • This one was banned for gender stereotyping 😂 cunted the ASA a while back.
      It was a shit advert anyway and extremely offensive 😂

      I have put in a nom for Audi, hopefully will come through soon

      (Yes, your Audi nom has been processed and scheduled. Although its a few days down the road – Day Admin)

  13. Ads for these great big gas guzzling SUVs particularly piss me off. “Is your brat’s primary school half way up a fucking mountain? Then you need the Daishitsu Land Ranger. Comes with complimentary ‘lifestyle’ CD” Fuck Off!!

  14. There used to be a bird that advertised Hai Karate aftershave. She was all tits and thighs, and very good at shifting product in bulk.
    I’m still fucking using it, forty odd years later.
    Gertcha !

  15. The length of ad breaks really fuck me off. Thanks to Gordon ‘light touch of regulation ‘ Brown were extended from, I stand to be corrected, 3 minutes to 8 minutes, in 2008 because after the banking crisis he was persuaded that it would help consumer spending.
    They are still preferable to paying the BBCunts licence fee.

  16. When Talking Pictures is not persuading our greedy grasping daughter-in-laws to plan how ro spend our money once we’ve gone, , they are advertising those ghastly “mobility” scooters which are so angular and upright they look like Regency commodes. Worse still are the old dames in their baggy trousers (to hide the colostomy bag) and ill-fitting dentures as they drone on tn their American accents about how independent it makes them. They can’t wait for us to go, but they want us to waste money in the meantime. I might buy a Philip Hammond truss, as endorsed by Dominic Grieve. Phil and Dom need your support, now they are not important any more.

  17. I hardly ever see TV adverts. I record what I want to watch and spin through the shite. I have noticed though that mixed race is the norm now. With the black father actually present. Things must have changed. We must be oddities where I live as there dont seem to be any mixed parnerships.
    Dont listen to commercial radio.

  18. Who do we have to compare with Valery Leon and Caroline Munro in ads now?

    Kelly Brook gets my vote. A real woman with a full figure.

    Not that crazy looking trio of skinny birds in the Wowcher! ad. The ginger one looks demented.

    • They could film it in London – a BLM peaceful demo, but smoking not allowed.

  19. Global and their shite adverts every 5 minutes made me quit listening to radio. Plus they host James O’Brien, Sheeeelah, and got rid of Farage.

    🎵..Ocean credit card..🎵

    • If all adverts were like that I’d probably watch them. Still wouldn’t buy their shit, mind.

    • Was a court case over the word Bollocks being offensive,
      Richard Bransons Virgin records released the Sex Pistols ‘Never mind the Bollocks’ and had to fight (and won) to show its a very old english word and not really swearing.
      The Bollock knife was reserved for kings and nobles dying on the battlefield as a quick release, whereas ordinary infantry had to die screaming in the mud.
      Called a bollock knife because the hilt is shaped into 2 wooden balls.

  20. I used to watch some cricket on the hotstar website via a VPN set to India.

    The commentary was always in English and games involving India were unwatchable. They had ad breaks after every over (and wicket and drinks break). And it would be the same 2 ads. They also tend to use spin more in India so those overs took about 2-3 minutes each.

    So you got an ad break about every two minutes and it would be the same fucking two ads. For ten hours. They literally make you hate the product they’re trying to flog.

    I have no idea how anyone can put up with that (I switched off after a few overs once I realised).

    What annoys me most about our own ads, is the odd ad that has its own volume setting. As in much higher than you set your TV

    Cheeky fucking cunts. You’re watching something and an ad comes on which bursts your fucking eardrums.

    Get to fuck and shove your shampoo up your arse.

    • I got confused in New York because the TV would go from a programme straight into an advert without any sort of break. If you weren’t paying attention and/or didn’t know what you were watching you had no idea what was going on.

  21. Ah, Caroline Munro, what a girl, refused to do nuddy scenes though so I had to use my imagination.
    I still do come to that.
    Anyway, Hamlet cigars, every one a classic, my favourite.

    The quiet grin from the pianist.
    Now then.

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