The British Summer

The British summer.

May – fucking gorgeous

June – a washout apart from three days of rioting.

July – more fucking rainy bollocks. Well at least the riots stopped.

Sunny days matter.

Nominated by: Dark key cunt

73 thoughts on “The British Summer

  1. I read the message from admin just now and then the username (he or she might actually be ‘dark’ though) of the very next nom and had to chuckle to myself, sorry admin.

    I await the next nom from ‘The bumbandit cunt’.

    Please note I’m only joking and get your point admin 😉

    On to the nom. Weather in blighty has always been a cunt. All part of being an island in a temperate zone.

      • If you don’t like the weather Dark Key, then you can jolly well return home!
        It ain’t half hot there.
        PS. I don’t mean that as I think you chaps are jolly well under represented.

      • Morning Dark Key. This site without you and Black and White(wherever he is) would be poorer. Whenever I see your posts, I always have an image of Romesh Ranganathan in mind. I know he’s Sri Lankan but close, added to the fact he was a teacher.
        I don’t get much chance to practise my racism as my daughter in law is of Ghanaian extraction but more worryingly is a solicitor!

      • Afternoon Bertie. I thought it was your son-in-law that was black!

        Number Two needs to update his file on you. 😀

      • Afternoon Ruff. No, he’s most definitely white. At least he is before he goes out on the raz on a Saturday night!

      • Being compared to Romesh! Not sure how to take that! At least you don’t compare me to that Nish Kuntmar!

      • It’s definitely a compliment DK. I quite like Ramesh even though he’s come in for some stick on this site. Kumar? I think it’s all been said on here about that low life. Besides, he’s of a much lower caste than you!

      • Ive heard a comedian on the Comedy Unleashed youtube channel say that Romesh knows the BBC operates a quota system and half-jokingly said so in a comedy set

  2. The New Zealand (Auckland) summer….170 days of unbroken sunshine, now we’re in a near catastrophic drought.

    Somewhere between yours and ours is a very pleasant season.

    • I would eat my own balls for an NZ resident visa. Getting what they deem is too old now (points wise I just about pass but I’m at the lower end and have been told my chances are virtually zero as they get so many applications) . Wasn’t something I thought about when younger.

      What a cunt (the situation, not you).

      You’re lucky I’m not PM, I’d be building hundreds of gunboats and be reclaiming Oz and NZ. We colonised the cunts and then ban ourselves in favour of others with questionable qualifications and experience. What a fucking joke.

      Yes, I’m just jealous that my country has been destroyed while yours is heaven on earth by comparison, you lucky cunt.

      • What category have you looked at when thinking of emigrating here? Skilled migrant does lose you points after a certain age, but you gain them back on experience. We’re crying out for skilled people.

        Family category is biased as fuck towards the Chinese (their single child policy). Business category speaks for itself…setup and run a business and Investment category also is self explanatory; bribe the government.

      • I’ll look into it again, it has been a couple of years. A quick Google revealed things may have changed. So I’ll look into it, thanks.

        If not, I’m afraid I’ll be taking up politics with an aim to reclaiming your islands. But with a nation of old cunts, peacefuls, stabby stabbies and snowflakes to stand against, I wouldn’t worry too much.

      • I’ve got relatives out in NZ…dreadful Cunts who I haven’t spoken to in 25 years. A while ago a young couple turned up on my doorstep and the young man introduced himself as the son of my relative from NZ…luckily he pronounced the surname slightly differently to the way that I pronounce it and so I was able to truthfully tell the Cunt that I”d never heard of such a family and shut the door in his face….him and his girlfriend were obviously trying to inveigle their way in.
        Looking back,this probably wasn’t my wisest move…I might have been able to claim asylum in your Country citing “family-ties” if I hadn’t chased the Cunts away….Just think KiwiCunt,you could have had me as a neighbour.

      • A touch of nobility might just up our social standing in the world order. You’re most welcome to visit and/or stay in our little piece of paradise (not with me personally, I’m antisocial in the extreme).

      • Oh invited or not, I’m always dressed for dinner…I’ll just go door to door demanding to know if the occupant is a “KiwiCunt”…shouldn’t be too hard to track you down considering the population of N.Z. is only about 34 people and 10 million sheep.

      • 34 people? That’s optimistic and we definitely wouldn’t share sheep on such a high ratio.

  3. I don’t think that it has been a bad summer really….The Wuhan Flu has prevented the usual influx of ramblers/pushbikers/caravaners/Sundaydriving Old Farts and assorted Arseholes who order “scrummy” meals in Pubs….I consider the Pandemic a small price to pay as long as it keeps those Cunts away from me.

    • It has been a decent one for a change so far Fiddler, the exception not the rule though. With Wimbledon being cancelled at least we were spared the summertime tradition of Sue Barker pissing her granny pants over that miserable twat Murray and C-list no-marks scrounging a Royal Box freebie.

      Morning all.

      • BBC cunts saying they’ve no money for sport (proper cricket in particular – test cricket/one day cricket) but they spunk almost their entire budget on Wimbledon every year. That and free jollies to the Olympics and World Cup (when for some reason hundreds of the cunts are needed when a dozen or so would do).

        Tennis is for the (ahem) anyway.

  4. I wish it would rain during my commute to and from work to keep the nouveau cycling cunts off the roads.

    • Jesus Dark Key Cunt just how hot do you want it to be?
      Hottest day ever recorded, temperatures touching 30, tarmac melting, threats of hosepipe bans, etc.
      We never really had a winter it was mild.
      This lockdown summer was one of the best, empty roads!!😁
      Soon be Christmas.

      • Fair point MNC. I’d rather that May was a bit miserable and June was 30 days of sun. That said, I can’t enjoy any of it here in Leicester’s Zone of Death.

      • DKC,
        We should choose where we are for summer!
        The hottest places in UK are Cambridgeshire and Fathersham in kent apparently?
        For me its a scottish holiday with a nice recorded temperture of minus 27 at its best!😁

      • Morning Miserable, you sound like you would be happiest as a woodsman with the dog in a misty Scottish pine forest, with a small stove for hearty stews and patchy internet for IsAC and PornHub. Along with occasional raids across the boarder poaching game on the Fiddler Estate and trying to glimpse Fanny at her bedroom window from the east tower turret.

      • MNC, I went to Belfast last summer for just under a week. Had a great time but it just wouldn’t stop pissing down. I have relatives in Devon and Cornwall so would like to go there for a week but at the mo, I can’t go anywhere, being in Leicester!

      • Oh yeah still on lockdown right? 😢
        Chin up DKC youll get there, still August and September is sometimes hotter than Spain.

      • Had an idea you were a Leicester cunt. DKC; I’m betting Belgrave Rd., not Highfieds. I’m a Woolly-back, too, a Tin-Hatter from Hinckley. Up the Tigers!

  5. There is a 50 mile wide swarm of flying ants that can be seen from space heading towards the south coast.

    Thats how you know its summer.

    That and the hosepipe bans.

  6. The British Summer last year stuffed into a train with thousands of commuters with temperatures hotter than the surface of the sun. This year empty trains and a rather pleasant temperature. However pulling out a ice cold beer in front of hot thirsty commuters and seeing their faces as I enjoy my rather tasty after work drink is one of my secret pleasures.

  7. In the words of Billy Connolly “there’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong type of clothing when your in it”. I don’t mind it pissing down in summer as long as it proper pisses down. I hate sun in the morning and then clouds and rain as the day goes on, and then back to sunshine. Make your fucking mind up!

    • Only thing I like about summer is moaning about it.
      Sweaty bollocks, flies, salads, all evil stuff is for summer.
      I like crisp fresh air, ground frost and a impending storm.
      Death to summer!!👎👎

  8. Where i I live in the Lake District, summer has been a complete fucking wash-out thus far!

    According to the locals its due to the Fells and how the weather gets all messed up over there, as well as coping with fronts coming in from the nearby coast. Therefore we end up with wet summers, wetter autumns, mild but wet winters, and perhaps 2 weeks of decent sunshine during a mild spring!

    No doubt the Extinction Rebellion mob will find some very selective evidence, fiddle about with it, and suggest the next Ice Age is due next Tuesday, just after Eastenders. And that its all our fault!

    • You can spot the non Cumbrians living in the Lake District-they Dre the ones moshing about the precipitation 😂

      North or South Lakes?🙂

  9. West of Scotland weather is shite !
    Never mind chaps wee Nicola Sturgeon’s impending downfall is eventually going to start soon
    She’s due to give evidence regards her and her private secretary and Top civil servants completely fucked up judicial review of Fat Alex Salmond – the one where he won and cost us tax payers £500,000
    Before his trial which he also won
    He is a cunt – no doubt
    But nowhere near wee jimmy krankie she is the worst ever – ubercunt

    • Hasn’t the fat jowly bastard got some dirt on Wee Jimmy that he’s promising to spill at “the appropriate time”?
      Any chance of an accident in a Paris underpass involving a tartan Fiat Uno?

  10. Mid to high 30s here for the last few weeks, not much change til end of August. You do get used to it, life just slows down a little but the wearing of masks in public is a fucking pain especially in a village of fuck all people. Plenty of time for beers on bar terrace. Only downside is everyone seems to want welding work at the mo, new fences, gates etc. Now that does get fucking hot!

    • Dont you ever miss throwing on a jumper and shivering over a cup of Bovril next to the fire to dry off Sir Mali?

      • Plenty of time for that in December and January. House has two log burners as it does get a bit chilly in these parts. Mrs always has a pot of homemade soup on the go in the winter.

  11. You don’t need a weather forecast for any of our British cities any more. They are all exactly the same – occasionally Sunni but mainly Shiite.

  12. I don’t mind the rain. Beats having it be 25+ degrees for weeks on end like last year.

  13. Fuck the weather, I got my hair cut.

    I blame that Swedish tart, ever since she has been on the scene the weather has been shit.

  14. The fine weather during the lockdown more than makes up for a grey june and july. It was uninterrupted sunshine for weeks, we never ever have that in this country. Plus no car noise, pollution, beautiful blue skies.. fucking bliss.

  15. The one downside to this wet summer is lack of totty!

    When we had some decent sunshine in April there was young wenches all over the shop, strutting their stuff in short skirts, tight jeans and skimpy tops!


    • Agree technocunt , nothing like a hot day for a bit of minge sniffing.

  16. You need to head south for really hot weather. I was in Rio once and it was 43 degrees Centigrade. Too hot to do anything except lie down on the bed with my friendly native mulata. Sweat doesn’t come close to describing the encounter. A
    relative regularly travels to Abu Dhabi and says it is even hotter. This weather lasts for months. You end up praying for rain and a cool breeze.

  17. It’s a fact that we have far too much weather in this country, maybe that’s why B&W has pissed off somewhere else. I’ve been wondering about him. Either he’s dead or he’s been banned and no-one’s told us. Another uncomfortable thought crossed my mind as he seemed to disappear around the same time as Krav. It’s a possibility that our Jewish friend is taking advantage of B&W’s legendary rimming skills. No that can’t be right.

    • B&WC is teaching Nurse Cunty how to drift in his beemer – laarvly! 😄👍

    • Krav was given his marching orders about 3 months ago.

      As far as I know, B&WC has simply gone awol. Hopefully he’ll be back telling us to “go fuck yourselves” again soon.

  18. I hate the hot weather, it brings out all the scum from the woodwork. Only have to think of the 500,000 cunts who invaded Bournemouth last month and left 50 tons of rubbish on the beach, plus their bodily waste. Dirty selfish cunts.

    • Too true, MM.
      The rain stops to vermin from breaking lockdown and annoying every person in the street. Last time we had some ongoing hot weather, the cunts next door had scores of loud relatives, screaming kids, beer and barbecues and this was when the lockdown was at its height and a lady across the road died only days before. Not to mention the sunburnt fat slags sat on both the pavements and the grass verges as I attempted to do a bit of shopping for the mrs. I had to walk on the fucking road.

      No sun, no chavs, no cunts. Suits me.

  19. Quit your whining. It’s close to 40 degrees with 60+% humidity in the Gulf states, including Texas. But then we do have 2 things which are hard to find in Blighty. First, a decent frozen margarita. Second, air conditioning. Luvely Jubly.

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