Or more specifically poached eggs on crushed fucking avocado on toast.
About a year ago when this middle class idea came to my attention on one of those cooking programs that seem to be on every fucking channel my missus said “ooh that would be nice for breakfast” and being that sensitive type with a streak of cuntishness I thought as a surprise I would cook said breakfast as a Sunday surprise.
I have tried the dedicated water pan thingy where you butter the receptacles before immersing half way up in water. SHIT.
The microwave method where a medium size egg in a plastic thingy this time cooked on high for 32 seconds (what the fuck 32secs!?!). SHIT.
Putting the fucking egg in some clingfilm ( literally don’t fucking bother with that one I knew that was doomed from the start) it just stuck to the cling film and went from boiling water to bin. SHIT.
And now to the last way for which I have had 3 successful poached eggs. I might it may sound impressive but that’s 3 in about 35 eggs. Boil a big pan of water add salt add wine vinegar strain an egg (FFS!!) make a vortex, drop egg in middle of spinning boiling water, making sure you don’t spin it too much then the water spills over and turns the induction hob off mid way, CUNT, and then after plopping the unfertilised chicken slowly into the swirling vortex of boiling water watch it disintegrate into a hundred bits of white and yellow.
I repeated this one 5 fucking times at which point after running out of Eggs and burning the toast I went and stood in my quiet place for the next move. Either admit defeat or kill every fucking chicken in the world so no cunt ever tries it again.
I’m up to 3.5 million Chickens 🏃🏼♂️🏹🐓
Be warned fellow cunters. The eggs are cunts.
Nominated by: Once a cunt always a cunt