Loot Crate – The home of the geek and the nerd.

A nomination for subscription box companies, mainly the defunct-but-rebranded Loot Crate.(https://www.lootcrate.com/)

Ive heard about this shite through some friends and online associations.

These services cater for hopeless dorks and collectors of tat by getting them to pay a monthly subscription fee for a shoebox full of merch, or goodies, or loot, or if you aren’t an awful American cunt who cries over Star Wars trailers, a box of plastic shit.

This isn’t just the regular level of geek crap, either. It’s not just plush Artoo Deetoos or Bobbleheads of Spock. It’s true miscellany. It’s the bits of plastic flotsam that weren’t bought by the parents of the underclass at the market. It’s the junky old obscure French toy at the carboot the owner thinks was called ‘Monsieur Oiseau’ that has been scraped around the bottom of the stacker box since 1982.

It’s the effluent from a factory in Macau, lodging in pools and inlets for Capuchins to chew on and stick together with sap , until a local toddler picks it up and puts it in his mouldering shoebox of disgusting playthings like the feet and heads of butchered junglefowl and some glass beads from the bracelet of a dead Australian girl.

It’s the dreck, the scrapings from the lowest our planet can offer in manufacturing and cultural quality.

The fact this sort of tat excites a glimmer in the otherwise dead eyes of the wretched recluse beta cunt, and their need to share this nadir of human existence on social media, fills me with a queasy revulsion for the sort of person I used to associate with,
Their grasping desire to acquire, for gratification of the latest wave of collectibles. The product of a kickstarter they’ve invested hundreds of pounds in, despite being semi-employed and needing bail-outs for a sharer box of McNuggets for them and the housebound missus.

The cult of the geek and their clueless embrace of hipsters who only like this muck ‘ironically’, but then find themselves chortling to a repeat of The Big Bang Theory. and buying the latest woke comic book.

The saving grace is that Loot Crate filed for Bankruptcy last year, was bought up and rebranded The Loot Company. It has 1.4 stars on Trust Pilot.

However, there are other box services delivering this childish wank that allow these cunts to ‘get their geek on’.

The whole thing makes me heave.

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime 

56 thoughts on “Loot Crate – The home of the geek and the nerd.

  1. Anyone who actually films themself opening anything and calls it an ‘unoboxing’ and then puts it on Youtube is a bona fide cunt and a 42 karat mong.

    • Not gonna happen Paul. These middle class, spoilt arseholes are trapped in a world of permanent adolescence where life takes place on screens. The only nut emptying will be on each other.

      • Believe it or not but boogie the fat fuck use to be married to quite a attractive woman way past his league but hes divorced now

        • Came to him probably when he was raking in the cash from other losers, left him as soon as the cash dried up. Slut probably looks down on prostitutes, yet does the same thing. At least a prostitute is honest about her intentions.

        • They got divorced, it was amicable but I blame it on the Boogie…

    • Wish there was a monthly subscription service where they send you prostitutes. You could even have an Uber rating system to ensure more quality.

  2. Yet again I am enlightened on shit I had no idea about. Still couldnt give a fuck though.

      • #meetoo.
        I used to think I was quite savvy and worldly wise, it turns out I am indeed an ignorant cunt.

        Hey ho. Whatever….

  3. Ah yes, I remember these cunts – they sponsored pretty much every YouTube video going for about two years. Some morbidly obese Yank neckbeard who goes by Boogie2988 was particularly bad for whoring himself out to them.

    • In fact, the guy I mentioned is actually the self-pitying cunt in the picture above.

      • He is boogie, if you want to watch this fat fuck watch his dorito mountain dew smoothie video if you are in the mood to be disgusted I can’t be arsed to look it up and youtubes new share button is a cunt

  4. I’m surprised guy in the photo boogie2988 hasn’t been cunted here before. This fat americunt is massive fat failure. Hes had lots of surgery and liposuction treatments (mostly paid for by his fans) over the years because of his weight, use to weigh 500 lbs at one point I believe

    People with obesity are at a increased risk of the corona virus I imagine he won’t make it if he ever catches the wuflu

    • I nommed him a while back but it was never published. Kinda for the best actually because the numerous other controversies he has been involved in since would’ve made it woefully out of date.

      • Controversies, Boogie? Drug fuelled Star Wars marathons? Marvel Universe viewings sandwiched in-between cocaine and prostitute augmented orgies? Preferring Star Trek: The Motion Picture over Star Trek: The Wrath Of Khan? Say it isn’t so!

        • He’s gotten a reputation for playing the victim card and baiting his viewers (many of whom have struggled or are struggling) with threats of suicide if they stop watching him. It is also widely suspected and extremely likely that he was emotionally abusive to his ex-wife.

  5. That is how fucked things have become. Cunts can become ‘famous’ for this sort of shite. And grown men?! For fuck’s sake….

    And although I liked the original Star Wars when I was a young ‘un, 99.9% of fans in 2020 are copper bottomed mongs. Any grown adult who calls themself a ‘Jedi’ wears Yoda T-Shirts and actually likes that recent woke Disney bollocks is a steaming cunt.

  6. Fucking hell I nearly choked on my artisanal tramp fried cucumber peelings with a soucon of dead whores fingernails

    • I havent a fuckin clue What this is about but im vehemently against it!!
      It sounds like a updated lucky bag?
      Im opposed to it on principle, and refuse to learn anything about it.

      So there.

        • Hi Ruff, Groucho had it right, if in doubt?..boycott it!!
          Sometimes work for a solicitors and the agent is a big Marx bros fan, and insists on doing Groucho impersonations!
          I find this a tad embarrassing, but hes a nice bloke an I wouldnt want to hurt his feelings,
          So I just stare at him.

          • Yes. You wouldn’t want to encourage the cunt by pretending to laugh.

            Afternoon Miserable.

      • Lucky bags, you old cunt! I was really happy when I got a picture of Connie Francis in mine…

  7. I was a bit of a computer nerd/geek/sad cunt back in the 80s and 90s with all things relating to home PCs. And these days I’m still a bit of a nerdy-twat when it comes to corporate hardware, and I do have some old servers, switches, ports, KVMs etc etc, all stashed in my spare room

    But I’ve never heard of these cunts, and have never associated myself with anything remotely similar! They remind me of those cunts who played Dungeons and Dragons on their Sinclair Spectrums, and bought all the plastic models, weaponry and whatnot!

    Sad individuals, but mostly harmless

    • That’s the question that puzzles me. I wouldn’t know where to start, even if I was interested. What you do, Google ‘knobhead’?

    • I’m of the age bordering gen x and millennial and do know a few younger cunts who give a shit about this American crap.
      I was a bit dismissive when I heard about it,
      Most of this sort of stuff is behind me now.

  8. Apologies Cuntamus for a brief change of subject but I’ve just been reading about a tightening of lockdown in the North of England. On behalf of Whiteys everywhere, I’d just like to apologise for ruining this weekend which as you know is the beginning of the festival of Eid. I’ve emailed my local Imam wishing him a joyous time this Eid and autocorrect changed it to Happy IED.

    It almost blew up in my face

  9. I looked at that website link in the nomination. It’s some sort of overpriced mystery box filled with stuff you’d get free with a magazine, or a Poundland mystery bag for children.

    To each their own and all that, but what a ripoff.

  10. Nonsense for nuggets – “Mum! Mum! Has my parcel awwived yet”?
    “No Timothy, carry on masturbating”.

  11. This fucking company should start sending out parcel bombs.
    Not a great business model but fuck it.
    The shitty cunts.

  12. Sometimes just writing these cuntings about the world of hapless, bloated geeks is enough to leave a nasty taste in the mouth.
    Everyone is free to have a hobby but when you become so lacking in self awareness you post videos of yourself unwrapping toys you’re not really in the realm of manhood.

    Despite my own dweebish teenage years, I’m older now and work with adults. I feel a bit ill when I see men my age more at ease shrieking over rolling dice in a comic shop than chatting over a few drinks in a pub. There’s something deeply wrong with them.

  13. I was given a fucking loot box as a Christmas present. It’s nice when people make an effort isn’t it?

  14. Well chosen pic, I’m sure this creature is fed up of everyone laughing at him. I would love to see this dork as the basis of a modern horror movie.

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