It’s an odd one but i’d like to nominate Anthropomorphism

It’s projecting human emotions and qualities onto animals, and it can result in death.

Examples. Humans smile when they’re happy. Chimps smile when scared or stressed. Wolves bare their teeth when showing aggression and asserting dominance. They all use analogous muscle groups but mean very different things to each species.

I hate these ‘cute’ videos pretending animals have human emotions and can conceptualise the world the same way as humans .It might get fucktards likes on Faecesbook but I find it fucking pathetic.

Animals aren’t your fucking mates, unless they’ve been domesticated for thousands of years. House cats aren’t fully domesticated yet. Tame, but not domesticated. That’s why they go off for days or weeks at a time. Fuck you and your Felix soup sachets, you sad cunt.

If you think you’re friends with a bear, a tiger or a killer whale, you’re a cunt.

If you think leaving your baby with a Malamute or a Mastiff is safe, you’re a cunt.

If you think your 18ft Rock Python is beautiful and would never try to kill and eat you, you’re a cunt.

If you think your Siamese cat can live on a vegan diet, you’re an animal-abusing, thick cunt.

If you feed pills to a Chimp because you think it’s your teenage son, you’re a cunt. If it rips your friend’s face and hands off, gouges their eyes and injures them so badly the fucking hospital staff need counselling, you’re a cunt who should’ve been shot, not the chimp.

Just because some elephants have been known to mourn their dead, they’ll still up-end your little jeep like a Tonka toy, then turn you into something that belongs in a jar with ‘Shippam’s’.on the side.

99.9% of animals are here because they evolved to survive, and over 99% of species that have ever lived are extinct. They’re not cuddly toys, and certainly not be your fucking ‘buddy’.

Nominated by: Cuntamus Prime 

96 thoughts on “Anthropomorphism

  1. Must agree Cuntamus, these sort of cunts are often vegans, causing harassment to people and often behaving in a threatening manner to anyone who has the temerity to disagree with their cuntish dogma, pigs are evil cunts who’ll eat their own piglets given half a chance, they’re not cute pink things you stupid cunts, badgers kill hedgehogs there not fucking Wind in the Willows country gentlemen, there evil cunts, personally I enjoy watching cunts humanising animals as when they turn and fuck you up, it knocks the cuntishness out of a few, utter cunts

    • Vegans trying to make their pets vegans are the worst. Cats are fully carnivorous and will die if only fed fucking tofu and veg.

  2. I love it, my little ginger puss, he is sweet as pie, tickling him under his chin, purring away and the carries on purring as he savages my hand. 😂😂😂

    On the plus side I understand his language better than I could some feral ‘black’ Yoof from the east end of London, so in my book definitely more human 😂

    • Mine will purr away while she gets her morning brush then suddenly turn, priaow and start dobbing me. If you don’t want anymore brushing, just fuck off, the rest is unnecessary.

      • Fuckin’ hell, these cat lovers seem to have some sort of sexual attachment to their animals. RTC takes his to bed with him.

          • Thought Villa deserved more from the game today Ron. I hope they stay up.

  3. I can’t think of her name but she was some dumb cunt who felt putting a live octopus on her face will be seen as some kind of aquatic bond between cephalopod and stupid cunt.

    However dumb cunt soon discovered that being touchy feely to her 8 limbed friend was not one of her better ideas as it almost bit her face off with its sharp beak!

    Am not even sure if she actually survived, but either way she was a twat talking to the animals.

  4. Nothing better than a Monkey in a hat wearing a waist coat smoking a cigar, drinking PG Tips. ” I say a Lady chimp in a rather fetching dress and lip stick might be more interesting prospect, rather “

    • Some of the photos of Diane Abbott, sorry Flabott, with bobbed hair, it genuinely looks like a chimpanzee with lipstick and a wig.

    • If only those chimps could been united with those capuchins in waistcoats that wander around Japanese bars.

      Actually, given the appetites of chimps, maybe nor.

  5. Now I consider myself a real animal lover, helping lame dogs over styles, giving Tiggywinkle (apologies Cuntamus) a dish of cat food, spending hours and hours making pussy purr😉 etc, etc, etc
    Have literally eaten beans for a month to pay vet bills……

    However, Johnny Morris I ain’t and would happily shoot or by other methods cull pests, take meat for food etc. In fact, I would be surprised if there is any other member on ISAC who has taken as many Peter Rabbits, Sammy Squirrels,Polly Pigeons, Roland Rats, with rifle or shotgun over 5 decades.

    Good cunting.

  6. I love a story where some cunt pisses about with a wild animal and gets completely fucked up the stupid wankers. My favourite is when some flash Aussie surfer dude gets eaten by a shark 🦈. Or better still, the shark swims off with an arm or a leg. 😁

    • When I read flash Aussie I thought it might have been Steve ‘Crikey ‘ Irwin. In a land where the wildlife stabs, stings and bites, it was only a matter of time.

    • Yes I’ve never felt the least sympathy for these smug tousle-haired, namaste-spouting, tribal-tatted surfer cunts, complaining when a Great White gives them a second arsehole in their midriff. Out of all animal attacks, shark ones surely among the easiest to avoid…. stay out of the water you p*nce

  7. There are calls to have Charlton Heston’s classic “Planet of the Apes” to be banned from our TVs

    Can’t imagine why!

  8. If Johnny Morris had never taught Chimpanzees to talk on Zoo Time we would never have been in this pickle were in now… Enoch Powel was a prophet , apparently he begged Johnny morris to abandon his teach a Chimp Program.

  9. I still mourn the most wonderful little bitch who died fourteen years ago.
    She was bright beyond belief, but she ate her new-born pups when something spooked her.

  10. “Oh deeda doda day doda doda . . . Oh deeda doda day do do daday! I say, I say boy, you’re about as sharp as a bowlin’ ball, with more nerve than a bum tooth. And what happened to you, son? You look like two miles of bad road!” 😀😀

    Can’t agree with this nom cos of that big ol’ loveable rooster!

    • Remember the last time we discussed animals and admin put those links on?
      One with live recording of bloke being eaten alive by a grizzly bear?
      And for some reason he screamed to his wife
      ” get a frying pan!!’😁😁😁
      And the one with the woman meeting a bear in a recording studio and it savaged her?
      The handler in a karate suit trying to stop a enraged bear with a karate chop?
      Best links ever, think I woke myself up laughing that night!

    • No you don’t.
      Fancy having to type them on a works sick note. You’d end up needing another sickie for RSI.

  11. Animals belong outdoors in the wild in their countries of origin. Animals living in people’s houses are cunts. People who have animals living in their houses are cunts.
    “Pets”… Fuck off.

  12. You can dress a chimp up like a baby but it will eat your face if it fancies it and there is fuck all you do about it.

    I rather enjoy pets that should never have been pets reverting to feral.

    • I saw a bevy of tall dark chimps at the Hamilton zoo in NZ, never has I seen such a simmering forbidding delinquent group of any species. Powerful, resentful, living like slaves according to iron gates, conditioning and probably cattle prods, utterly alien culture. I bet the zoo wishes they didn’t have them, but where could they send them? Could only sterilize the females and let the mob die out.

  13. I especially love it when performers or circus acts are mauled. My particular favourite were those German nancies Siegfried and Roy, one of which was gruesomely attacked live on stage. Alas, the leathery, teutonic bufty survived.

  14. Tho ONLY thing more annoying is when bitches insist on giving a cutsie pet name to their holiest of holies-and expect you to go along-perhaps many of you have never had to put up with this behaviour, then again many of you have probably never enjoyed the sheer quantity and quality of minge, as yours truly😉😄😄😄

    Listen love, please do feel free to scream things like “your so big “, “oh myyy Ghhhod coming again”, or “please, 14 hours straight, I will be off work for a month” etc but please, do it into a pillow so I can enjoy my film, it’s Schindlers list and this is the best bit, with the showers and ovens! Selfish bloody cow.

  15. I really like this nom. This silliness of giving animals human like status really gets my goat. It irritates me as much as women giving their cars cute names. Arggghhhhh😝 That deserves a cunting all of it’s own I reckon.

    I was walking back from the shops recently with my bag (no, not my wife!) and an elderly woman walked out of her drive with her Jack Russel dog in front of me, and then she began talking long sentences to it and calling it Ralphie. As I walked behind them, Ralphie needed to stop and cock his leg up, so as I overtook, the devil got the better of me and I began singing “What’s it all about….Ralphie” really loudly to Burt Bacharach standard approved quality and to my astonishment the women stopped having a one sided conversation with little Ralphie. I wonder why? Silly moo!

    • Fucking hell, that’s a hell of a story. And a warning. If I get angry I might punch you in the gob and kick you in the bollocks.
      An adult Chimp can rip your fucking head off and there’s no way back from that.

    • Fucking gnarly incident. The wiki doesn’t convey the brutality of the mauling. Eyelids peeled off, lips, nose.

      Why the hell was a chimp allowed to be kept as a pet, and how did not one person pipe up and explain why it was an absolutely dumb cunt idea? Mental.

      They probably watched the Simpsons episode where Homer gets a helper monkey called Mojo, and based their decision off of that.

      • Indeed. There’s plenty of videos of the injuries and the live emergency call on the web if you’re so inclined to seek them out…
        I remember a kid at a zoo getting his arm ripped clean off by a chimp through the bars of his cage in the ’80s; nasty fuckers, strong as buggery

        • A perfect example of anthropomorphism on that Wikipedia page. Travis we are told was an ‘animal actor’ Fuck me was he influenced by the Stanislavsky ‘Method’ I wonder? Did he go to seclusion to find within himself the real character he was to play? Did he like Robert de Niro lose weight to play the part? Maybe he was an actor of the old fashioned sort like Lawrence Olivier. The character only coming alive in when it was time to perform.
          So weak-minded.

  16. Sorry, CP. Hijacking underway.
    Completely off topic but I thought this sad story was too good to miss and might raise a smile.
    The worlds oldest cojoined twins, Ronnie & Donnie Gayyon, have died in the US aged an astonishing 68.
    Having read their Wikipedia page I was amazed to note that they tried to join the US army. I’d have loved to see the recruiting officers face when they walked through the door.
    To be fair, they’d have been great at covering the rear whilst advancing at the same time.
    Shames old Trumpy and his draft dodging heel spurs excuse.

  17. After waiting many years for an operation my dad was finally separated from his conjoined twin, making him my uncle once removed….

  18. Being mauled to death by a wild animal is a fucking terrifying prospect. My biggest fear is either being eaten by great white shark or a Nile crocodile. I can’t think of a worse way to go. Although, having said that, I remember stumbling across some videos on a site called live leaks that were fucking just unimaginably gory and horrible: 1.) A video of some guy with his face skinned off and a huge knife lodged in his throat, while wheezing in gutteral agony during extremely sadistic torture episode at the hands of a Mexican Cartel group (don’t think I’ve seen as much blood in my life . . . highly disturbing content); 2.) Isis capturing and burning a Jordanian pilot alive in a cage (absolutely brutal); 3.) An Indian farmer literally getting his skull and face chewn off by a huge sun bear (they aren’t normally as big as other bear species, but this one was huge . . . and savage!); 4.) A Chinese student who got wedged between a solid exterior wall and an elevator carriage, and suffered a slow agonising death whereby his back and lungs got crushed, resulting in gradual suffocation (as the young guy was boarding the elevator to go up, it malfunctioned so that just as he was boarding, the floor of the elevator carriage started going up unexpectedly and the outside doors didn’t shut, resulting in the poor guy being wedged between the carriage floor and the inside of the solid exterior wall of the elevator shaft; fucking horrible way to go . . . engineering, electronics and computer systems can be fatal cunts, you know!).

    Ps: These videos are probably still out there, if you so wish to see them. I couldn’t watch any of them all the way through the first time!

    • Without thinking on it too much I think being taken by a Sumatran Tiger would be a cool way to die. Chased through the hutan in utter terror with a huge orange striped cat about to sink it’s fangs into your neck.

      Beats rattling to death of dehydration 4 days after they turn off the drip.

  19. I think this counting refers to ignorance in regards to how animals behave. What people need to be aware of is the fact that animals will attack if provoked, and their world is far scarier than ours.

  20. My cat has no human characteristics, but she likes a tickle and sleeps with me every night. It’s the nearest thing to sex that I get these days.

  21. My beloved pet dog died just over 4 weeks ago.
    She was my best friend and I certainly preferred her company to (just about) all the human cunts I’ve ever encountered.
    Therefore, I must be a right cunt.

  22. that’s one helluva long word after a weekend in the pub!
    however, what do you call a cat that appears to behave like a dog – haha??

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