‘Found footage’ horror films

‘Found footage’ horror films, and too much crap in horror.

Back in the day when Blair Witch was made, handheld filming style films were virtually unknown. Now there are lots, like Cloverfield, and some people like them. These films are full off shaky, or out of focus, footage designed to make it seem like the average guy on the street wanted to record what is happening. These films usually come out pretty crap, and in the case of some (Cloverfield included, and Diary Of The Dead) we are meant to believe the action was ‘taped over’ something else, which is NOT done when the camera used is obviously digital. In these movies, as with a lot of other modern horror, there is too much importance placed on jump-scare tactics and overuse of unnecessary gore.

Horror films today just dont have the suspense, or the real ‘fear’ factor, of their older counterparts…especially true in remakes or american versions of foreign horror classics. Hollywood, I think its time you call it a day and let other people have a chance to make films that may be much better, especially in this particular genre! Oh, and *BOO!*

Nominated by DiabloLordOfTerror

106 thoughts on “‘Found footage’ horror films

  1. That picture looks like Dawn Butler getting fucked up the arse by David Lammy – a horror scenario indeed.

      • Really MNC?!
        Are you being saracastic?
        I always thought musicals are preferred by gentlemen who are “good with colours”, shall we say?!

          • They can fuck right off!
            Im keeping it Dick,
            Find it liberating, empowering.

        • Correct! Musicals are for the male of the species, affected by ‘The Gayness!’

        • Musicals are indeed, for the gays.

          However, I have to say that the film version of ‘South Park’ was pretty much a musical and fucking hilarious (Uncle Fucker/Kyle’s Mom’s a bitch particularly memorable). I don’t think some of the gays would’ve approved of the gayness love pairing of Satan and Saddam though.

      • Hate musicals, I’ve never seen a good one! Stupid, pointless, and further removed from reality than any horror film. Any Hammer Horror with Lee and Cushing and full-breasted ladies, EVERY time!

        • You bet Sixdog😀👄
          Heehee!
          “Pleased to see you, I see youve met my faithful handyman”…

  2. Horror films…….a load of obnoxious Yank teenagers getting knocked off , one by one, by a bloke wearing a wanky plastic mask. I wouldn’t mind if any of the birds had a decent pair of tits.
    It’s for kids, strictly for kids.

    • Has to be a group off multicultural teens nowadays, maybe a token gay, mrs Miserable wont go pictures to see a slasher/ horror with me,
      My shouting
      “Kill the black one!”
      Apparently is a social taboo.

    • Jennifer Love-Hewitt in I know what you did (I wanked ) Last Summer.

      I was too distracted by her tits to care about anything else.

  3. Admittedly Blair Witch was a novel idea, especially given that it was filmed on a miniscule budget. It was hokey, but fun to watch and had a good measure of suspense and a decent ending without going too gory and sadistic.

    But nowadays its all about the blood, the violence and the gore – because that’s what we want apparently. But quite frankly they’re about as scary as a soggy packets of cheese and onion crisps.

    The only horror film that stil scares the shite out of me isn’t really a horror at all, but still a classic “jump out of your skin” film in “The Haunting” (1963) But then that didn’t have wankycam or lots of gore, just lots of noise and suggestion – stuff of nightmares!

    • Texas Chainsaw Massacre was good. Especially the bit where the sexy teen bird gets put on the meathook. And the bit where Grandpa tries to hit her head with a hammer.

    • Robert Wise version, strictly the best, the suggested terror was far more effective than the gore fest attention span of a goldfish bollocks for teens that arrived later.
      RTC, yep, the original TCM was outstanding, as was Alien.
      PS: I thought Blair Witch Project was a heap of cobblers,The film that is, not the ex-PM’s wife ‘career’
      Happy Sunday cunters..

  4. I know that it’s straying off-course a bit but I’ve never understood why people hold camera-phones up at sporting events or concerts. Do they really think that anyone will want to watch some shaky footage and poor quality sound recording?.

    I don’t watch horror films since someone told me to try “Hostel”……genuinely revolting filth. I can’t comprehend the mind that wants to watch such stuff.

    • Morning Mr F.
      Hostel is a challenging wank, to be sure!
      I’ll happily admit to loving films like that as I have a terribly sick mind.
      Hostel was quite surprising, in that it actually had a full cinema release. People were unsurprisingly appalled, I recall.
      For degenerates like myself, Hostel is a walk in the park. There are a couple of dozen movies that are significantly more depraved than Hostel…would you like a list?! Ho ho!

      • Hostel was a complete borefest, as was Cannibal Holocaust along with a few other cannibal films from the cheesy 1980s.

        There’s a few decent Japanese horror films that are borderline snuff, which a little troubling. But most of what the US produce is the name of horror is absolute shite.

      • Morning,Mr.Cunt-Engine.
        I don’t think that it’s the blood and gore than I can’t get away with..Fuck knows, I can happily enough butcher, skin and gut any animal known to Man and have absolutely no doubt that I could do the same to a person who had sufficiently offended my sensibilities.
        I think it’s more the “cruelty” that I don’t like….I hate any film with animal cruelty and even wince at the old Westerns when horses are obviously brought down by a tripwire….I know this might all sound odd coming from someone who genuinely enjoys “blood” sports,but I have no trouble “squaring the circle”

        I think what gets me is the thought of someone revelling in blood and gore when you just know that they would shit themselves if any genuine “nastiness” came into their soft lives.

        PS….Speaking of genuine nastiness….how is the delightful Mrs.Cunt-Engine?

        • Other than being fat and horrid, she’s fine I guess Mr F! Thank fuck that estate agents are starting to open up again, and the house can go back on the market. But I’m under no illusions that my house has lost probably twenty grand in 3 months.
          Damn tīddly wınks.
          I can certainly understand your opposition to unnecessary cruelty in movies, but if you swapped in Sückdiq Khân as the victim and had him being pursued by a group of knife-wielding archītects on London sink estate, you’d watch that, surely?!

          • Couldn’t classify old Sadiq getting butchered as “horror”….I’d expect to see that in the “comedy” and “most popular” section.

      • Dnepropetrovsk maniacs AKA 3 guys,1 hammer.
        The real deal.
        I saw it once*, turned it off, they started with animals then ‘progressed’ to humans.
        That’s real horror.
        Eye for an eye has never been more apt for those fuckers.
        * Before anyone asks,I stumbled across it while looking for some fishing site, fuck knows how that happened.

    • It’s to show people on Cuntbook or Twatter that they were at the event.

      ”Look at me!” cunts.

      I’ve seen them on the telly at the Olympic men’s 100 metre final. Imagine being lucky enough to get a ticket for that night at the stadium?

      It takes less than 10 seconds and you still get cunts watching it through their fucking phone. Unbelievable.

  5. Almost all western horror is lame anyway. Trite, corporate and predictable.
    Japan and South Korea are where it’s at. South Korea especially has very impressive, atmospheric, well-made horror with very little gore but intelligently crafted stories by writers and directors who understand the genre and no corporate Hollywood bastards watering everything down.

    • The original Ringu, was very well done, and suitably creepy, especially near the end with the whole girl/well/TV set gig.

      Of course there was a US remake, and although not all that bad, it wasn’t a patch on the original.

    • Yes, I was impressed with The Host.

      Obviously JJ Abrams decided to steal the creature design for his bollocks Cloverfield idea.

      Cunt.

  6. Add Creepypastas to this cunting as well. They’re nothing more than unbelievably cringeworthy crap written in the style of a bad fanfiction. I absolutely hate them.

  7. Good morning, all. I’m not sure that the word ‘horror’ should be applied to movies of today, unless it’s used to describe the shit storyline! I’m working my way through the old Hammer Studios stuff. OK, the sets are a bit wonky, but a fair few have Jenny Hanley in them! Worth watching, just for her!

    • And the otherwise terrible “Captain Cronos, Vampire Hunter”…it has a 20 year old Caroline Munro in it…surely the best looking British woman of the last 100 years?

      • Watched that one a couple of nights ago! Caroline was magnificent!! Nipples like JCB starter buttons!

      • Wasn’t that the bird from The Spy Who Loved Me, flew the helicopter Bond shot down with a missile from his Lotus? If so, phwooaaar!! I still would.

        • Yeah her character was called Naomi. Complete fox. That film also featured Valerie Leon as the hotel receptionist.

          double phwooarr.

    • “The Vampire Lovers” from 1971 I think. Good old Ingrid Pitt going down on some innocent young virgin girl – pure wank material for a spotty herbert such as myself

      • Valerie Leon was an Amazonian goddess and Madeline Smith wasn’t too shabby either!

        • Blood from The Mummy’s Tomb has the lovely Valerie wearing not a lot for most of the time… 😁

        • Valerie Leon circa 1968 is probably my personal choice for the most desirable woman I’ve ever seen.

  8. Imagine lying on bed with a naked & sweaty Flabbott about to sit on your face; and Dawn Butler about to suck you off, with Jo Swinson ready to take up the ‘arris with 12 inch strap-on!

    No wonder Magic Grandpa has a permanent grimace on his boat-race

    Now that’s fucking horror right there!

    • I think the true horror lies in the possibility that the video of it may surface at sometime!

  9. My mate Baz worked for Equity (actors union) and traveled the world. On a trip to Hollywood Baz visits a brothel and asks the madam if the girls belong to a Union. “No” replies the madam. “What cut of the takings do the girls get?” he demanded to know. “20%” replied the madam. Offended by the unfairness, Barry stormed out.

    He visits a second brothel and inquired the same about earnings. The madam told him that the girls were all part of a union and they received 80% of the takings. Baz, delighted on hearing this said “Very good, I like to have an hour with the young red head sat in the corner”.
    “I bet you would!” said the madam beckoning a fat old blonde “But Ethel here has seniority – Enjoy!”………..what was the question again?

  10. I can’t get my head around the ‘splatter film’ genre. Once you have seen one head removed with a cheese grater, it all becomes a bit predictable and samey.

    The winner for me is the Exorcist – the ‘cunting daughter’ bit still makes me howl with laughter.

    • Cheese grater – I sent my blind friend one for Christmas one year – Reckons it was the most violent novel he’d ever read!

      • Ho ho!

        If you ever check out that ‘cunting daughter’ bit in the Exorcist – her voice sounds just like Peter Cook playing King Richard III.

  11. Wonderfully divisive nomination, Sir !

    Blair Witch is excellent, genuinely terrifying at the end, in the house. Simple fear of the unknown, and not spoon-fed to you like all other Hollywood shit (Still haven’t watched the money-grabbing 2nd one or remake and never will) – Owt else in that genre is just a piss-poor copy (Cloverfield etc).

    American Werewolf in London is another in my Top 10 – excellent because of the comedy angle incorporated.

      • In my opinion, The Thing is the best horror movie ever made. Carpenter’s one, not the remake.

  12. When I was a lad (Grandad mode activated) we would sneak off to mate’s house to watch either the Emmanuel blueys or gory horror when the parents had gone out for the day. The blueys were awkward as you couldn’t really get your nob out and bash away in front of your mates. Had to put the images in the ‘wank bank’ for later.

    But the horrors we watched were fucking horrendous lol. One dubbed Italian film we watched called ‘The Beast’ or summat had the ‘Beast’ eat a baby as it came out of the woman giving birth and then get an axe through his/its guts by the dad. The ‘Beast’ (which looked a bit like Brian Blessed, I seem to recall) then ate its own intestines as they poured out. We were almost puking lol. We watched loads of this sort of crap. Zombie Flesheaters, Dawn of the Dead, Cannibal Holocaust/Ferox etc. Fucking gory horrible stuff. None of us became serial killers too.

    Imagine millennials watching shit like that? They’d need therapy for 5 years.

    Good horror is just for kids to laugh and puke to.

    • Ah, Dawn of the Dead! Now we’re talking! The Directors Cut is an absolute classic! There’s just so much suspense in that. Knocks Walking Dead into a cocked hat!

      • American werewolf in London is my favourite horror film.
        Funny too!
        That and Young Frankenstein.

        • Now you’re talking MNC; American Werewolf in London is simply brilliant. A young Jenny Agutter enjoying her blowie was a bit of a scene stealer!

          • Seen ‘Walkabout’? Young Jenny gives a full frontal! Time for a milk over that memory, methinks.

          • I prefer westerns to horror films,
            Broke back mountain being my favourite.

          • Ruff@ YF is in my top 3 films, first time I saw that couldnt breathe for laughing!
            Dont watch films more than once apart from a few, but last night watched ‘once upon a time in Hollywood’ again, brilliant film and based on the Manson Family if youve not seen it give it a go.

          • Not seen it yet Miserable, don’t go to the cinema any more, but Once Upon A Time is definitely on my ‘to watch’ list.

            Just looked: £6.99 on Amazon, will probably order it today, along with Joker maybe.

    • if you want real gore check out Scott Michaels at Dearly Departed – you’ll find vids of the Tate/La Bianca murders and the Wonderland murders in Laurel Canyon all in technicolor with images of the bodies and ransacked rooms – this is real stuff not films – the Tarrantino film ‘Once Upon a time in Hollywood’ is a great watch

  13. I fully admit to being a daft cunt as I had avoided the hype around the original ‘Blair Witch Project’ back in 1999. All I had half arsed heard was that is was a documentary about some kids coming across a ghost in the woods. Sounded like bollocks so I switched off to anything to do with it. Then, my brother managed to get a video (remember those?) of the film just as it was released to cinema. One with a ‘for awards purposes only’ on it. Great pic and sound quality he said. It was. He also said it’s a documentary and fucking terrifying. I had just split up with my ex and was living alone at the time. He said watch it alone late at night for the full effect.

    Despite laughing at him, I did just that. The start and end titles were missing so it really did seem like a documentary/found footage tape to me. I’m not ashamed to admit that I was fucking terrified. So much so I rang in sick the next day (no sleep and guts going mental). I called my brother and said I’d almost shat myself watching that. He went along with it for a bit and then said pissed himself and said it was all fake and they were all just actors (once he’d heard I’d take a fucking day off lol). And yes, some clever cunt (not him) had deleted the credits to add to the effect of it being a ‘found footage’ tape.

    Yes, I’m a stupid cunt for believing it was real, but I hadn’t seen anything like that before. Of course, it would never work again on people despite film makers’ efforts.

    But yeah, it was interesting the first few times. Then…zzzzzz

  14. There is a horror in my collection with shaky camera footage, that terrifies me so much, I can’t bring myself round to watch it…. It’s my wedding Dvd

  15. Found footage films are shite. Even George A Romero couldn’t make a good one. They are, however, cheap and easy to turn out for the straight to DVD market…

  16. John Carpenter’s ‘The Fog’. How horror should be done. Suspense and tension and not a gore-fest for the sake of it. Superb film, and, I commend it to The House. Hostel? I totally agree, Dick. I found it offensive so I fucked off and read a book instead when we watched it on Standby. Genuinely offensive and unnecesssary.

  17. Hot Fuzz is a favourite of mine – not really a straight horror, but setting the hub of evil at a sleepy, west country Somerfield supermarket was a stroke of genius.

  18. I remember as a young cunt I saw that film White Dog, it’s about a dog that is trained to attack the Dark Keys…freaked me aaaaht a bit as I was only around 7 years old.
    Fuck that White dog and his White cunt owner, it was out when the NF cunts were around as well…those were the days. 😁

  19. I’m actually filming a new horror…it’s called ‘Black on White and White on Black anal edition’.
    It stars Lammy on Thornberry and Helseltine on the Flabbot respectively.
    Go fuck yourselves.

  20. The Descent was pretty good, for a low budget offering! Bloody claustrophobic, with some fuck ugly creatures scuttling about!

    • Anyone seen Guys an Dolls?
      Cats is good too.

      Taxis busy today….

    • Dog Soldiers from the same director was good too. Then he made Doomsday which was a kind of Jock knockoff of Escape From New York and Mad Max…

  21. The only effective use of the found footage gimmick ive seen in a horror film was a cheap TV movie called Alien Abduction; Incident in Lake County.
    The use of light is fantastic a nd the story is pretty simple; a thanksgiving get together that is interrupted by a power cut caused by a UFO.
    Decently suspense-filled and all practical effects.
    The Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield are laughable bollocks with annoying and stupid American 20-something twats you hope die within 5 minutes of the film’s beginning.
    To be honest most horror films suffer that problem.

    • ‘Dressed up like a million dollar trooper,
      Try so hard to look like Gary Cooper,
      SUPER DOOPER”..🎵

  22. I never saw Blair Witch. Any film which is described using words like found footage, shaky cam, jump scares puts me right off. And it makes me smile when I read about a horror film that’s been given a 15 rating. Can’t be that horrible then can it?
    I much prefer psychological horror and Eraserhead was one of the best, although if you’re into supernatural stuff or mass murder it won’t do a thing for you.

  23. The original “Saw” was a good laugh: nice concept, not too gory, and that puppet/clown thing was suitably creepy.

    Nice ending too.

    As for the follow-ups- absolutely wank!

  24. “Night of the living dead” (1968 I believe) – best horror film ever made, “The Fog” – superb – “Dead Snow” – quality but they were mean to my Granddad – all he wanted to do is go to the kebab shop in his Panzer!
    “Hostel” – someone needs slapping for that – what utter unmitigated shite!
    On other news MNC looked most fetching when we went to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show recently – but we got thrown out for throwing chips 😢
    I once broke a vase (ahem, I may have kind of hit it with a golf ball!) and it was a chastening experience to see the good lady transform..
    Fuck all scares me after that.
    “Woooo, it’s behind you”
    “What, the monster”?
    “No, your career and any vestige of self respect after making that abomination”!
    “Hmm – best make a wokeflake superhero film then – every fuckwit under 30 will watch that – shifty vaping hipsters”
    “How did the first night of “Effnik hero trans Women against whitey satan go”?
    “Terrible – none of the vegan soyboys had the strength to open the cinema doors and they all retired to a safe space to play fortnite”!
    “Sir Fiddler V the rambler cycling tax inspectors” – now there’s a film we need to make – box office smash Sir! (Gemma Arterton as the love interest, obviously!) 😄

  25. Anyone watch ‘walking Dead’?
    Its my missus favourite programme, an I watch it with her, but proper horror films (daighters mad on em) scare the shit out of her.
    I like the classic ones, universal studios, Hammer etc but the modern ones not so much..

    • I was, but lost interest after season 5! Should have been put to bed, after that! Surely the ‘walkers’ must reach a point if decomposition where they are physically unable to move?

    • Was great until the episode that got so many complaints they went soft. You may not have seen it yet, but ‘Negan’ and ‘bat’ is all I will say. It was fucking great up until then.

      Now? All the men are either wimps, traitors or bad ‘uns. Even the lead ‘baddies’ are females, not just the lead ‘goodies’.

      The wimmins are are hard as nails as are a few enriched type males. The white males are all cunts or wimps as I said.

      The show is an absolute pile of cunt. I watched it after about series number 7 only because the Mrs watched it religiously, Now, even she’s given up.

      It’s a pile of wank after series ‘Negan’. Gone full snowflake/diversity shite.

      • Vernon Fox is our equivalent of Negan.
        Good character!
        Him an Lucille are a good couple😁

  26. Hard to believe they actually did a remake of Blair Witch the original was bad enough not to mention the sequel book of shadows but to think someone came up with the idea to remake it is just baffling

    Major studios always ruin the horror genre and the best horror/ slasher films was done best in the 70’s-80s by independent film studios with a limited budget

  27. Best horror related thing I watched recently was Ash vs Evil dead really great show binge watched all 3 seasons on netflix within a month. I hope they squeeze a 4th series out the arse but with the corona sharona virus in effect I doubt that will ever happen now

    Its a good combination of horror and comedy, Lucy Lawless is bangable as a ever since her Xena princess warrior days, and that jewess with the big nose and knockers isn’t so bad either I hate jump scare horror so cliched and boring but something that doesn’t take itself so seriously or done well I’ll watch

  28. The original Blair Witch Project film, to me, when I first saw it was very scary. The little clues and hints as the film went along got me thinking.
    The fear of the unknown and the power of the mind and imagination. I was more scared of that than a gore slasher fest film.

    Also, the film Alien was very scary as well. Again fear of the unknown and seeing little glimpses.

    Salem’s Lot is scary as well.

    • Salem’s lot is definitely scary, it is quiet build horror and James Mason was superb – but I did the master with a swift roundhouse shouting “I am Negan – where’s my tribute baldy Barlow”? 😄
      On other news a brutal day of gardening graft – by jingo that got some frustration out!

    • Like all 3 of those Spoons.
      The Shining with Jack Nicholson is good too.
      “Heres Johnny!!”

      • The Shining. MNC, I completely forgot about that.
        Fork me that is a scary film.

  29. I wouldn’t mind seeing Poltergeist again. I remember it shitting me right up as a kid.

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