Lock down UK

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So we have been expecting this for some time to curve the spike.

So Cunter’s, what are you up to? what are your secrets to isolation and are you the fabled bog roll hoarders.

Please comment below.

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213 thoughts on “Lock down UK”

  1. It’s pretty much same old same old for me. I’m between jobs right now which is a cunt because thanks to the fucking Chinese, finding a new job just got a lot fucking harder. Fortunately Mrs. Yank is gainfully employed and I have health insurance through her employer, so if I decide to start licking door handles and toilet seats, I should be taken care of. The downside is, Mrs. Yank now works from home. I used to enjoy hearing her car disappear down the road each morning, as I’d have the whole house to myself all day. That’s been knocked on the head, again thanks to the fucking Chinese. Fortunately Mrs Yank is a GOG (Good ol’ Girl), so we’re never at each other’s throats like some couples might be. She does make an awful racket though trying to get out of the locked shed, but that’s another story for another time. 😆

    We have plenty of food and the cops have started to do crowd control at the local supermarkets. Plus the supermarkets themselves have finally figured out mass buying of certain products by one or two people isn’t on, so there’s rationing now for stuff like TP, cleaning products, bread, eggs, milk, etc.

    I have my own Spinning bike so I can workout as usual. I have all the computers I need, including a fuck off server of my own. Plus 400 mbps internet speed. Lovely jubbly. We do hate where we live though and have been working towards moving for a while. That depends on me landing my next job which is now more difficult. So we’re stuck where we are which is a cunt because we’re surrounded by cunts. I have my own semi-auto and fuck would I like to make the street a lot quieter, if you know what I mean.

    Just waiting for this crap to blow over. Saw on the news today that this will be a big week for stats in the US. 40K cases nationwide with over half of that in New York state!! Bloody hell. Oh well. We’re doing OK and I sincerely hope my fellow cunters are too.

  2. The trouble, well at least here in Glasgow, people still don’t give a fuck.
    It’s as if were too stuck in cloud cockoo land and the virus is just a minor setback.
    As if were immune to it all.
    I pray for the next level and that if you can’t prove your out for shopping.
    You will be shot

  3. Where I work there are limits on everything including food items and cleaning stuff and loo roll.
    There is a separate opening time for NHS staff, and one for the elderly. After they have finished and gone, everyone else is let in.

    There is hazard tape on the floor by the tills to keep customers when in queue separate from one another. We’re constantly cleaning the till and around it.

    There are some people that still lick their fingers before taking out money, or bank cards, or vouchers from their purses and wallets. That annoys me.
    There still are some children that sit in the trolley with dirty shoes.
    Fork sake.

    • Ask if you can out a sign up requesting customers don’t lick their fingers before counting money. If you do this and some idiot does it, refuse to serve them. You would be well within your rights to do so.

      • Our local Asda has put up a list of do’s and dont’s at the checkouts and not licking payment cards is one of them. I mean, is that a thing?

      • Indeedly, Moggie.
        I find it’s mainly people of a certain age that do it.

        The shop is a bit more relaxed nowadays. I don’t see lots of people scrabbling for pasta and loo roll.
        I still see some people wearing rubber gloves and a mask, though not so much.
        Keep calm and carry on. 🙂

  5. Personally the only positive thing coming out of the chinky virus so far is I’ve been given an excellent opportunity to avoid some truly tiresome dull cunts,
    Instead of crossing the road or taking an imaginary phone call to avoid some inane banter I’ve got my NEW best friend
    SOCIAL DISTANCING to fall back on , I don’t care when the chinky virus battle is won I’m gonna socially distance these cunts PERMANENTLY ……
    Apparently we’ve got a particularly virulent strain of Coronavirus on the south coast so instead of keeping the required 2 metres away I’m asking a lot of cunts to stay a fucking mile away …..

  6. According to the Times, flights from Chinkyland, Italy and Iran are still merrily landing in the UK. Does Boris’ government really have a grip on this?

    • It’s all just manufactured fear to see how paletable we find martial law. It’s like these 6000 deaths in Italy. Complete bollocks. They all had the virus when they died but the virus was an accelarant rather than the direct cause in all but 12% of cases. Suddenly 600 over 3 weeks seems a lot less and even less when 1600+ die everyday there.

      When an 70 year old today was born they had about a 3% chance of dying before 1, that rises to 7% for an 80 year old. In a quasi sense we’re shutting the whole world down to protect a group of people from something less likely to kill them than their own birth.

      I wouldn’t mind if the locusts weren’t out there clearing the shelves while I’m busy trying to work from home and look after the kids for their protection the selfish cunts.

      • If lockdown “saves” 250,000 people many of whom would likely be dead in 12 months that’s 4 million quid a go in national debt alone never mind the economic impact.

        So the budget for a small school to keep some old dodderer alive for 6 months who’s probably only being kept alive by a cocktail of drugs as it is.

        The fucking virus is still killing less people than heart disease and cancer Daily, even now.

      • You’re a troll aren’t you?
        Each time, you only pop up to be deliberately contentious.The crap you come out with flies against all the evidence you see around you.
        What’s this down you have about elderly people?
        You’re not related to Harold Shipman perchance are you?

        No he is not and your response is similar to people who shout racist, all because you do not agree does not make someone a troll, I have the analytics you do not, so no to troll yes to someone you do not like.

      • Show me the evidence that more people died of coronavirus yesterday than cancer then.

        Or evidence that coronavirus deaths in Italy are being routinely over exaggerated by the media.

        Extending the lives of 250,000 people now to the potential ruination of the other 65 million is utterly insane.

      • Your argument is completely fallacious. We know the figure will grow to outstrip these other numbers. Deaths from cancer and heart disease will not be increasing at this rate. In fact, overall mortality rates for cancer in the UK have been slowly decreasing. Yours is a snapshot of a moment in time. Come back to me in 6 weeks and see if you can still say the same thing.

      • Still waiting for any form of tangible evidence to counter my argument. Guess there isn’t any other than what you’ve read in the daily mail.

      • Come for a ride-a-long with me to a confirmed Coronavirus case. You can even come in with me to deal with it. Fancy sitting in the back with them on the way to hospital? Fuck off and decrease the surplus population you’re harping on about, you fucking troll. I’d rather treat one old dodderer on their last legs thsn a bored, vacuous cunt like you. (Apologies, Admin. Here’s my wrist for you to slap).

      • Is that even possible.,to pick up a confirmed case, seeing as people are currently only being tested in hospitals?

        Or are patients being moved from hospital to hospital? It would seem odd to routinely move patients infected with a deadly airborne pathogen around but you will know better than I if that is happening. And if it is we should probably be asking questions as to why should we not?

      • How the fuck do you think they get to hospital? Not everyone makes their own way in. What if they’ve arrested and we get a ROSC? We still go in even if it’s a confirmed case. Some of my mates have caught this off patients they’ve taken in. Don’t try to argue, you’ll not even come second.

      • I’m not arguing, I’m asking a perfectly reasonable question. I was under the impression testing was only being carried out in hospitals.

        You’re saying you go and pick up confirmed cases.

        So if you’re picking up confirmed cases either certain people are being tested at home and you know they are confirmed, patients who test positive are being sent home and readmitted , or patients are being moved from hospital to hospital who have it.

        Being on the trontline you can enlighten us better than anyone here as to which is the case because all three of the above if this virus is as deadly as you say I find very troubling.

      • And, yes, it is possible to go to a confirmed case. We have PPE. Made by the lowest bidder. After you. Hey, come back….

      • Evening DCI. Can’t you just smell these trolls a mile away? We’ve had a fair few of these recently but this one must be the most odious of all.

        That is where you are wrong, I have let one through for entertainment value and we still our Russian sleeper.
        Accept the following, sometimes people say things you do not like, sometimes you may be wrong, sometimes you may be right.
        As part of the admin team I often see comments that I do not agree with even nominations that I would never put up but I need to be objective and work within the parameters of the job, take the hint and do not bite.

      • Smell ’em like a C-Diff. patient on a summers day.

        Cunts. Sad, lonely cunts. Self isolation is their normal routine.

      • Oh dear. that cunt is back again, A troll if ever I saw one. A cunt who believes that his precious daughter’s life is worth more than anyone over the age of 70. What he suggests is the thinking of Nazi Germany. Let’s cull the useless and over-the-hill of the world in order to cleanse us of excess baggage.

        I was rather hoping you had been in the firing line of a Covid sneeze by now. Sadly not.

        I find your viewpoint repulsive. Life doesn’t have more value because of youth and what you can get out of a human being. Certainly not for people like me whose almost 80 year old parents are still active and of sound mind, work and contribute to society, but more than that, are loved by their family, just like your prodigal child.

      • This is the character that called me a nazi last week. I would find being called a troll mild in comparison.

        Depends, I know a few Nazis and they are decent sorts, if you pop round CEX when they have their sales you will meet your average troll.

        now enough please.

      • You’re very hung up about this. I actually said I would give my life for my daughter. I didn’t bring your parents, who I’m sure are lovely, into this at all you did.

        But yes I do think younger people should be priorised and I expect more doctors and parents would agree.

        Equally I expect if there was one ventilator in a room and you or your mother or father needed it they’d insist you had it as well.

        I could say your equally sick or sicker because you’d watch an innocent child suffer to save yourself. But I don’t believe that to be the case., you just don’t want your parents to die. And that’s perfectly understandable but also, sadly inevitable.

  7. Are we still allowed to have sex? Are we allowed to sleep in the same bed? In the same room?

    Lady Creampuff is strictly adhering to the 2 metre rule. 👍

  8. I’ll be spending lock down preparing detailed plans of how I’ll go about disrupting the trading of every chink restaurant in town. With brief interludes to enjoy the wife’s fine cooking before giving her a good pumping.

  9. I overlook the local large car park at the rear of my house. Doesn’t look any the less empty this morning. Also, the usual suspects have all buggered off to work and are parking outside my house to go to work.

    There’s a Vauxhall dealership just up the road. Their staff park outside my house every bloody morning. They’re here as usual. Since when the fuck is selling shit cars (none of their staff actually drive their own brand) considered an essential service. And who the fuck is buying a car today???

    People are cunts. They deserve to die but not to infect the rest of us in the process

  10. I’m self-employed and work in IT (although I have scaled that back a little since moving up here to the Lake District)

    I told my customers (mostly small businesses, shops, and the general public) that in accordance with Boris’ wishes I won’t be helping them with their IT problems because I’m not absolutely sure whether I’m a “key worker” or not!

    This morning I had a few emails back saying that if you’re not a key worker, then you should be because access to the internet is crucial for most people, and without a working computer/router/whatever they’re being denied access to information.

    So I went on the government’s and discovered that those that work in telecommunications (including IT) are “key workers”. But then it goes onto say

    “If workers think they fall within the critical categories above, they should confirm with their employer that, based on their business continuity arrangements, their specific role is necessary for the continuation of this essential public service.”

    Well I’m self-employed, therefore I am my own “employer”. So I’m still not sure if I should continue with my job and help people with their IT issues or not.

    https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-maintaining-educational-provision/guidance-for-schools-colleges-and-local-authorities-on-maintaining-educational-provision

    • It’s your call. I would but I’d demand payment up front for any services

      • I would think communications is a vital skill at the moment.
        I think working from home with kit provided by employers will be on the increase, so a definite yes. Not to mention that the whole infrastructure will be getting close to overload, surely.
        Whether the gvnmnt have sussed this, am not certain…

  12. I bought seedlings and seeds and am waiting on a delivery of gravel boards to make raised beds seeing as there’s no veg in the shops!

  13. End of month which means many people will get paid this week, as they cannot go to the pub and get hammered I predict a supermarket sweep ravaging of alcohol aisles in supermarkets, if people are losing their marbles about not being able to get beans etc I think going all weekend without some death strength lager might send them into a piss withdrawal frenzy

  14. Well this is fun, I am in lock down at work as we attempt to work out if we should be trading or not and who we should be trading with (sorry Joe public it wont be you by the look of it).
    I am fielding phone calls from the public who want to pop in and buy a bit of wood-stain or a pot of paint and hearing phrases like “I wasn’t expecting this” or “Hindsight is such a marvellous thing” and I find myself thinking, I bet your house is stuffed full of bog roll, pasta and tinned food, but you didn’t think of ways to keep yourself occupied between eating and shitting, tossers.

    I am tempted to go outside with an aerosol can and write “all dead” on one of the posters outside just to add to the effect.

  15. Like many of us I’ve been self-isolating for ages due to not being able to bear the vast majority of people I’ve ever met. Fortunately I moved from vibrant London last year and currently live in rural bliss. Apart from no theatre or cinema life continues as normal, hundreds upon hundreds of books, DVDs, CDs etc to get through. Plus porn.
    When I’ve exhausted all of those I may do some fucking work.

    • Lucky bastard. I’m stuck in Londinistan.

      But look on the bright side you have a decent user name, guest was getting on my tits!

  16. The cozzers or the army should just very publicly whack a couple of disruptive or selfish cunts in a public place or a supermarket and the rest of the fuckers will think twice about it… Something has gone badly wrong since the 1980s… I blame this modern parenting shite and the lack of corporal punishment…. Most of these ‘Me Me Me’ cunts and stockpiling vermin will be twats who have never been said no to, never had a clout round the ear, and are so used to getting their own way… No thought or respect for others, the fucking cunts….

    • The wife and I went for a short walk around our local park earlier. There’s a toddlers play park there, and guess what; a group of seven teenage scratters were hanging out by the bench, smoking, spitting and acting the cunt.
      These fucking zombies should be tazered in the first instance. I’d like to see cunts like this fed to the fish, but of course that would be against their human rights.

    • The ambulance sabotagers – and, let’s get this right, it’s total chavsqhumbehaviour at any time – should be transported to the Tower, and hanged.

      Surely there’s something about “sabotage” under Emergency Powers ?

  17. Here is an interesting article on coronaviruses or kung flu as the don likes to call it. Explains why it is important to contain it.
    It is a positive RNA virus like the common cold (rhinoviruses)
    It can use the hosts cells ribosome directly to replicate very rapidly.
    The nature of RNA replication is sloppy and can lead to many mutations very quickly hence no cure for the common cold.
    If it finds a mutation that favours its survival i.e. highly aggressive and virulent replication combined with airborne infection through simple respiration, then we are completely fucked.
    There will be no vaccine, only those who avoid it or survive it by chance.
    The more people that catch it the more chance there is for this to happen.
    Isolate and stay safe cunters.

    This makes good sense, but you are admin flagged, we have met before, though you have mentioned “Finds a mutation that favors its survival” Viruses do not have brains, it is Darwin’s theory on successful mutation strains, pity that the fatty wall on this cunt dehydrates in hot climes.

  18. BREAKING NEWS: St Greta of Thunberg has announced from her sick bed that she has contracted the Covid-19 virus! She bravely talks of having a headache, fever and loss of all reasoning! Obviously the flat faced little cunt has just crossed the threshold of puberty! However, she is happy to impart more pearls of wisdom as she spirals rapidly to her long awaited demise!

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/breaking_news/article-8147765/Greta-Thunberg-says-coronavirus-isolating-father.html

    Fuck there is a God!

  19. That disgusting old slag Madogga saying the virus is ‘wonderful’ and is a ‘leveller’…
    This stinking gash would say anything to appear ‘controversial’ and get noticed…
    Typical that she makes something like this all about her….

    I can only hope she goes… Slowly and horribly….

    • And all the cock jockeys that call the old slagwagon ‘My Queen’ can fucking perish with her… Cunts…

    • Greetings Norm.

      It’s such a shame she turned out this way. Not bad looking in her day. Sexy, provocative and could certainly pen a decent tune. Trouble is, she was too thick to realise her image and music had a certain shelf life, after which it’s better to bow out and leave an impressive legacy. But no, she continued to make ever worse records, continue touring like she was still a teenager and slowly turn into a haggard and bitter old bitch. She’s no longer relevant, hasn’t been for ages and continues to make desperate outbursts like this to remind the rest of us she’s still alive. Pity.

  20. Joined a gliding club and was gonna start this weekend but 2m separation in a canopy would be fatal to one of us.

    • A gliding club sounds awesomely brill. I’ll bet that’s a blast. Hopefully you’ll get to indulge sooner rather than later, General.

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