Royal Arse-Lickers

Of course we all know petulant Reg Dwight loves to prostrate himself before whichever royal parasites are available, (‘use my jet, I’ll plant a tree’) however, there are many more who know their place and tug the forelock:

Rod Stewart: Why for fuck’s sake?
Michelle Obama: Inferiority built in, I suppose.
David and Victoria Beckham: Personality vacuums to match any royal halfwit.
Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman: Compensates for him being a dwarf, I suppose.
Cara Delevingne: Dont really know who, or what this cunt is, but no doubt fits in well.

Add in the silly cunts who work for a living, but still worship, and of course pay for, a bunch of inbred, foreign, workshy, over-privileged buffoons and you get the set.

And lest we forget – Savile was a dear friend of Died and Jug Ears.

Cunts, one and all. But why?

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

41 thoughts on “Royal Arse-Lickers

  1. Dont get ‘arse lickers’ is it low self esteem?
    What do they get from ingratiating themselves?
    Treat everyone the same, with suspicion and barely veiled hostility cant go wrong!👍
    Wonder what the person getting their arse licked thinks of the arselicker?
    Must despise them?

    • I think Prince Philip would probably tell them to their faces. I remember he had to make a great effort when Trevor McDonald was interviewing him once with overdone reverence – I suspect a few fucks and buggers got lost in the editing process.

    • Seem to recall Royal Fuckwit Charlie verbally abusing uber arse licker Nicholas Witchell when aforesaid prince forgot he hadn’t turned his mike off during the aftermath of some mind-numbing interview.

  2. Pure ingratiation while also telling the world “look at me, I am so important that I rub shoulders with the royal knobs!”

  3. The royals are so used to getting the arses licked it’s the equivalent of people like us using toilet paper
    For hundreds of years the royals have been surrounded by sycophantic toadies
    Grovelling around their feet like pigs looking for truffles , they actively encourage it by handing out gongs to the greatest grovellers , lifetime awards for the biggest brown nosers , some cunts get a collection of gongs in recognition Of a lifetime of arse kissing reverence….
    personally I don’t give a fuck , if some cunt wants to spend a lifetime arse kissing that’s their fucking problem…..

  4. Thats why Victoria Beckham always has a look on her face like she has just licked a dirty arsehole then is it?

  5. There are arse lickers everywhere not just up the royal rear ends. Think of how many brown tongues you have worked with over the years. How many times have you been grassed up by creepy little arse lickers and then had to deny it all? How do you think a massive dullard and incompetent like Cressida Strapon got where she is? It wouldn’t surprise me if she is not really a rugmuncher but just pretending to tick the boxes to get her up the greasy pole.

  6. I keep hearing that Andrew was apparently the Queen’s favourite son.
    If true, what the fuck were the others getting up to..?

    • It is alleged that Andrew’s father is the Late Lord Porchester. Another Harry Hewitt in the family! Certainly a CUNTY lineage.

  7. There is some ghastly little creep called Dickie Arbiter who many moons ago “presented” on the old LBC. He later became a “Royal Correspondent” and damn me this past weekend when Wireless 4 were debating “The Hewitt Crisis” (at great length) a royal watcher turned up, female also named Arbiter.

    It is not a common name and assuming 80 year old Dickie has not become dickless I can only assume it is his daughter or some other member of his family – so you have the arsehole crawlers arsehole crawler.

      • Thanks moggie 63 – Victoria, yes. Fancy having arselicking running in the family though. If I had been Dickie I would have told her I ran a whorehouse.

  8. No objection to the monarchy but their hangers on have always been a problem and a drag on worthless lesser Royals who hanker for more limelight – Randy Andy, Harry the Half- Wit Prince, etc. Anyone that rubs shoulders with Elton the John must be in need of a lobotomy.

    The Queen seems able to ignore them, though.

  9. Had to laugh when John Travolta got all protective and wanted to play dad to Wills and Henry after their mum got killed. So bloody embarrasing. As if that was going to happen? No chance. Just because he got to have a fling on the dance floor with Princess Di it made him part of the family as far as he was concerned. Twat. I also remember when Liz and Phil were doing a walkabout soon after the crash in Paris a female member of the public shouted out words to the effect “Make sure you look after the boys” or something similar to which Phil in his usual arrogant shitcroak voice replied “Well thet is phwat we are earlreddeh doeing”. Served her right. Not so much arselicking but the sad little ‘subject’ getting carried away and trying to bring attention to herself. The last thing anyone needs to do is give old lizard breath an opportunity to dish out a put down. On that occasion he was right. Silly Cow.

      • She could share a cell with Miserable, he was talking about rebellion last night and taking back the north.

        • Morning LL.

          I was actually referring to the silly cow’s comment, “make sure you look after the boys.”

  10. Nicholas Witchell is the slimiest cunt, I can’t listen to the BBC’s royal commentator, the sound of his sickly voice makes me feel like throwing up!

    • Wasn’t he the ginger cunt Prince Charles referrer to as “ that bloody awful man “. That was years ago and he’s still doing the job. Must be a huge demotion for any serious journalist to be told they’re going to be the royal correspondent.

      • WTF? Professional Scouser Tarby is still alive???

        The only reason I haven’t Deadpooled him before now is that I thought he’d already carked it!!

    • Indeed he is.
      Brian Big Ears rumbled him memorably though by carelessly getting caught mumbling under his breath on a skiing trip about what a cunt that emaciated carrot top is.
      I’d mention Bradby in here but I see another wise cunter has beaten me to it elsewhere today.

    • Not only is Nicholas Witchell a Royal brown nose, he’s also a Royal fart sucker. I used to try and brown nose footballers of my team when I was young and foolish but one day I realised what a class A Cunt I was becoming.

  11. One of the most odious bits of crawling I’ve ever seen was that Scouse cunt Jimmy Tarbuck when he was host at the Royal Variety Performance years ago. I can still see the little cunt looking up at the Royal box with a shit-eating grin and snivelling ‘this is the fifth time I have been commanded to appear before you…’.
    Commanded to appear before you. What an obsequious little shit. If I remember correctly, the toady used to let it drop that he played golf with Prince Andrew. Bet he doesn’t make so much of that nowadays.

    • I thought he was dead the obsequious cunt. Can’t stand him. He told two or three jokes in the 70’s and has spent the rest of the time playing golf and ass licking. Fuck off. His daughters a slag as well.

      • Always disliked that cunt Tarby and his bitch, Kenny Lynch…. 70s showbiz bollocks in a nutshell, those two… I remember they both sang Billy Joel’s ‘Just The Way You Are’ about each other in a duet on TV… Made me want to chuck up… Tarby singing lines like ‘I always hoped that you would always be, the same old Lynchy that I knew’ was fingers down the throat time… Even Cannon and Ball weren’t that cringeworthy… Mind you, Tarby’s daughter was strangely saucy when she was in Saxondale…

    • In the words of Bernard Manning “I need Jimmy Tarbucks joke like a reindeer needs a hat rack. He charges 50p in the door to keep out any riff raff”. I miss old Bernard.

      • My dad was mates with Manning… We were regulars at the Embassy in the good old days… He was a good old boy, Bernard…

  12. Who..? Me..?
    The Fourteenth Duke of York, with a teenage girl, at three o’clock in the morning, in the house of a convicted sex offender.

  13. Rodders was a top lad in the 70s with Faces (no ‘The’) and his early solo career and Britt fucking days… But why he loves the royals, I shall never know… Maybe the old boy tubbed Lady Di like so many others, eh?…

    Cruise is a fucking bake… A demented raisin eyed stark raving monster get the elephant tranquliser 100% certifiably looney hubbarder cult of a cunt… Kidman is also a cunt… I know a lad who works at both Manchester and Heathrow, and he said that Kidman was one of the most obnoxious cunts he had ever dealt with at the airport… His Top 3 airline cunts are actually Madogga, Cilla Black and Nicole Kidman… Kidman’s recent largesse regarding the Aussie fires is also sickening… She ‘donated’ 500 thousand bucks? Big fucking hook… That is fuck all to her, the bitch has got fucking millions… Just like the loathsome Phoebe Whata Cunt, Kidman is using a disaster for her own publicity, the twat…

    Michelle Obama? When did she give up shouting ‘Ahhh! Thomas! Thar-mass!’? Was it when they made Tom and Jerry woke and all that crap?…

    Delegvigne? A nepotistic silver spoon parasite with no talent and who is about as attractive as a bad egg… Modern famous for fuck all shite personified…

    Beckhams? Well, what else needs to be said? Apart from he is a pussywhipped cabbage with the IQ of a dung beetle… While Posh Skeletor Yoko Fucking Spice is the most rich and famous dog since Lassie…

  14. Despite having served in the military, I have always been a staunch Republican. If I was, for example a tennis player, I’d bowl straight past them onto Centre Court for the final without even glancing in their direction whilst Federer bows and scrapes.

    They can fuck.right off.

  15. One of the worst offenders of late are Robbie ‘Mr Entertainment’ Williams and his Tupperware wife, Ayda Field. They are apparently so far up Sarah Ferguson’s arsehole that they became ‘best friends’ with Princess Eugenie, to the point that their sprog was one of her bridesmaids.

    Their hypocrisy is also ludicrous, Williams stating that they are ‘very careful to protect their children and not show their faces’ in photos……

    Yet there was their child all over the fucking papers, face and all, when she was Eugenie’s bridesmaid. That kid had more press coverage than the fucking wedding itself.

    Williams is so far removed from his Stoke roots now, it is laughable. All Hollywood, sequinned jackets and botox. He is actually morphing into Dame Elton John and (I suspect) just waiting for the old poof to pop his clogs so he can take his place.


    • Eloquently put Nurse C.

      I’ve fucking despised Williams since 1995 when he started trying to be “credible” by hanging around with the Gallaghers and dying his hair blonde. The fucking PG tips chimp faced, gurning, smarmy, bastard.

      All that shit where his wife was in labour and he was using it as an opportunity to promote his album on Twatter.

      I’d love some MMA fighter to spinning kick the wanker in his chops on a daily basis.

      I suppose I should be grateful to him in a strange way. Typing “Robbie Williams is a cunt” into google is how I discovered ISAC

      • And he is as bent as a fucking boomerang and all… Ever heard the one about Williams and the ex-England goalkeeper? I fucking have….

  16. None of the current crop can match Lord Cringe-On-All-Foursley (aka st John Stevas of Fawsley) Now there was a creeping-feeding crawler with a shitstained snout.

    But I am very proud that my lizard heritage is shared with our noblest family, all the same. I believe Anne even has poison glands…I’m still a little in love with her.

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