Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow – she’s selling a £57 candle that supposedly smells like her vagina.

According to the ingredients, Gwyneth’s vulva candle smells like “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed”.

I wonder if anyone has put that to the test vs the real thing.

It’s already sold out on her ‘Goop’ website, but if you want your house smelling like rancid fish, supplies of said item will soon be available again.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

A scented candle cunting for “doing my bit for the environment” glitterati whore – Gwyneth Paltrow – is richly deserved.

I thought it was April 1st but no, Ms Paltrow has released a scented candle called “Smells like my vagina!” from her cosmetics/household range. She does not state if the smell essence is taken before or after bathing for the day but I would imagine:

“Scent of Brad Pitt’s Gentleman’s Relish Remnants!” or “Eau Du Effeminate Chris Martin’s Leg Dribbles!” would be more appropriate.

So modern society now monetises internet skank, dirty bathwater and now le parfum of Iron Man’s squeeze’s snatch!?!

Oh, and apparently she’s sold out too. Go get ’em beta soy neck-beard cunts!

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

100 thoughts on “Gwyneth Paltrow

  1. This is incontrovertible proof that the world is full of fools seeing as a “fool and his money are easily parted”.

    Who the fuck would pay £57 for a candle in the first place, let alone one that supposedly smells of some mentally deficient actress’ minge – Yardley perfume and a Grimsby trawler man’s jockstrap?

    I very much doubt I’ll find someone who would confess to buying or wishing to buy this crap. I am at a loss to understand why. I put it down to a growing insanity within society, generally.

    Great cunting, BTW. I do wish that flakey Paltrow would just disappear up her own goopy arsehole and fuck off. The cunt.

    • Just wait till Fatarse Thornberry loses the Labour leadership election and she starts flogging candles smelling of her minge – probably smell like a fishmongers dustbin in summertime that hasn’t been empted for a week, overlaid with some very pungent odour of rancid piss.

  2. Hmm, I was thinking of something very similar as in ‘This Candle has been up my Arsehole!’ At £5 plus shipping, it’s a sure fire winner, I reckon!!

  3. Flaky, whining, dozy, gawky bitch. I bet it was a laugh a minute for her kids in that household with that pair of cunts. Wheatgerm, chia seeds and soy milk smoothies for breakfast. Didn’t they drink their own piss as well?? Who wants to light a candle that smells like a yeast infected minge with added kipper juice, soppy cunt.

  4. Perchance it’s a big fucking thing that just about fits up her twat while I backscuttle some sense into the demented whore.
    Mental cunt.

  5. Fucking hell, that might just give Flabbott, Swanson and Phillips ideas about selling their own minging cunt wax!

    Not a pleasant thought this side of breakfast! Hope no one is having cheese & yeast filled kippers this morning?

  6. I just took a massive dump. If any fellow cunter of this fine site wishes me to dry it out, stick a wick in it and give me money, feel free to contact me via this post.

  7. Gwyneth Paltrow lost her marbles years ago and is clearly not getting any better. Who the fucks going to buy a candle smelling of her rancid cunt anyway! Certainly not a sane person, which is why it selling well to Remaniacs, Libtards and members of the Labour Party.

    Fuck off.

  8. How fitting, the most cunt cunting. Now She is certainly a cunt but the real cunts must be the cunts buying candles that small like Gwyneth’s cunt. It’s cunt overload.

    I’m off up north for good today and where I’m going the internet is provided by the Post Officer, being cunts the post office block ISAC, my mobile provider also blocks ISAC so I’m a cuntingless cunt for a while.

    Take care cunters and leave no cunt uncunted.

  9. Unfortunately my own version…..”smells like my arsehole after 8 pints of Guinness and a chicken shish” (at less than half the price I might add) has failed to meet its sales target and been discontinued. You cunts.

  10. I notice that the modern soy types seem to love a candle or ten; shops full of rack after rack of this Yankee Candle bollocks, £30 for a lump of wax in a glass jar. I wonder how much overlap there is with the smug vegan/eco/woke prick set? Bleating on the one hand about saving the planet, then on the other shipping this toss halfway round the world to literally go up in smoke? If St Greta releases a candle version of her unpopped wizard’s sleeve it’ll sell like hot tuna

  11. This might give Greta Thundercunt ideas about flogging her cunt wax, although in her case there will be no wick (even though she gets on everyone else’s wick) because she doesn’t want her candles to be set alight in case they destroy the planet!

    “Essence of St Greta” coming to an Aldi near you soon, £1.99

  12. Apparently Prince Andrew was prepared to give The Royal Seal of Approval if she had any Apple-scented candles available..and could she enclose a few photos of her 15 year old daughter Apple while she was about it.

    • Dame Elton was going to sell arse-scented candles but it looked more like a forty-five gallon drum full of vaseline used to drown small rodents after they tried attempted his arse-passage as a mold

  13. I wonder if Gwyneth will let me smell her cunt, so that I can compare it to the candle? Perhaps I will stick my tongue in whilst I’m there.

    The real cunts are the person buying it. Come to think about it anyone buying scented candles at all. What the hell is the point.

  14. Hmm, maybe there’s an opportunity to market a ‘Chinese’ copy, proudly stating “This reeks of Gwyneth Paltrows snatch”
    The combined aromas of parmesan, rancid onion and bloater paste….?
    I’d offer a good price, a goop full for only fifty nicker.

    • £57 for a candle that smells like a priveleged hippies snatch? Bargain!!
      Unfortunately I got the prince Andrews fingers tea light set for Christmas so no need.
      If you beleive in the zodiac and horoscopes (an i know you all do)
      Its the chinese year of the rat,
      Hope this doesn’t emboldened Sheffield universitys ‘race & diversity champions’ the grassing little bastards.

          • Oh yeah forgot about him!! That boisterous, hysterical laugh suddenly took on some sinister undertones…..

          • Like a retired, no make up Joker!
            “Struggling wont save you hahaha
            Keep still hahaha
            Ive got a knive hahaha….”
            Sinister Stuart

          • Ha! I think of yourself and me as the giggling schoolboys of ISaC MNC, flooding the toilets and snapping the girls bras; leave all the high-fallutin’ intellectualism to our betters! 👍

  15. I think an equal 1/3 mix of bovril/marmite/horse piss would probably mimic it perfectly.
    Perhaps a couple of uncured anchovies in the mix for authenticity?

    The mark up is incredible.

  16. Gwynith is indeed a cunt, thats like me marketing a jar of Fugly spunk that s,ells of Patuli oil, Whisky and chicken Tikka Masala and even more stupid would be fuckwits paying me money for this, stupid cunts…

  17. Must be the snappy Nirvanaesque title that made it sell so well, huh? Nah, the entire world has went fargin’ barmy!

    Good thing that she seems like a decent enough lass generally (albeit a tad zany and eccentric at times), otherwise this whole thing would’ve been totally fuckin’ unbearable.

    Good morning, folks! New blood, ‘ere. Nice to join this noble cyber escarpment. Think I’ll have a wander around and see what takes my fancy. Lovely views, so far!

    Ps: no tongue up Gwyneth’s arsehole replies yet? Or a penis candle pitch? 😘😉

  18. Cunt of a actress not even one film of hers in her 50 filmograhpy that interests me, just think for 57 quid your house can smell of her rotten fishy cum stained cunt.

    For the sad sack cunts who actually bought this seriously seek psychiatric help or do the world a favour and kys fucking sad pathetic cunts

      • Was seven really that good? I hate that cunt Morgan freeman and Pitt is a overrated actor fuck was that once upon a time in Hollywood a shit film thankfully that was taratinos last. Seven is always being recommended to me on netflix so perhaps I’ll give it a gander

        Tho if Paltrow gets killed in it I might have to give it a watch… Also to see the famous whats in the box? line

  19. Does anyone remenber Shippams Bloater Paste i would imagine light a jar of that shit on fire and i would imagine you will get a whiff of Gwynith Paltros,s snatch for £1.99, you have to Google that stuff its total gross sandwich spread made from Herring.

  20. Maybe this new chinese corona virus wiping us all out won’t be such a bad thing after all

    We won’t have to tolerate these celebtard cunts like Paltrow anymore. And for those wondering the corona virus is not that shitty mexican lager every dull cunt without taste buds is so fond of

  21. All is explained. She was (further) out of her tree on shroom tea when she got the idea:

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-7919627/Gwyneth-Paltrow-mangles-cruise-ship-collaboration-credit-promoting-Goop-Sea-talk-show.html

    Expert comment from Doctor of Psychotic Enlightenment no doubt to follow.

    (probably doesn’t smell of cunt at all. Excellent marketing ploy to suggest that it does, and should sell millions to spotty nerds.)

  22. Is it ‘I have just had nice long soak’ smells like my vagina, or ‘straight from the gym’ smells like my vagina or ‘I have just shagged Harvey Weinstein’ smells my vagina…..

    These are important questions that need to be answered!!

    • Not that I’m especially attracted to Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina, but if I was in the immediate vicinity I’d want to put my dick in it, not my nose.

  23. Sixdog, I’m not very technically minded but you could try changing your ISP’s DNS servers addresses to Google Public DNS servers. I was having an issue where my own ISP was blocking some content but I switched to the Google servers and I haven’t had any problems since. It’s not as complicated as it sounds (if a thick cunt like me can do it, anyone can!). I can’t post the link as the system thinks it’s spam but try searching for ‘developers.google.com/speed/public-dns/docs/using’.

    • Fucking Hell, this should be in reply to Sixdog’s post about his ISP blocking ISAC. See, I was right, I am a thick cunt!

      He probably has parental lock on his server.

  24. Yes Gwyneth, because your vagina is the only vagina on the planet to smell of ‘geranium, bergamot and damask’ etc. as opposed to the rest of us, whose snatches smell of a hint of yeast, Birds Eye Fish Fingers and rotting skunk (especially when on your monthly)….

    Don’t ask me how I know that. Naturally, mine smells like Chanel No.5, just like this batshit crazy cunt.

    I don’t know what I despise more about this woman. The fact that she is trying to make even more money than she already has by flogging this trash, or that she is clearly laughing at the fact that she can even sell an extortionately priced, vagina-smelling candle and the stupid, gullible peasants will buy it

    She is a greedy, amoral, narcissistic cunt.
    And she is a shite actress.
    The End.

  25. Wonder if the Paltrow Snatch Candle smells of Turkey? Because that’s what she fucking looks like… I bet she also impersonates one well too… Gobble Gobble Fucking Gobble…

  26. I wonder what the Royal Sparkle version will cost when it comes onto the market? Probably make Gwynny’s look like a real bargain.

  27. This cunt is literally minge obsessed.

    She used to advocate the benefits of steaming your minge on her website.

    Utterly batshit crazy

  28. A cunt selling a candle that smells of cunt. WOW don’t put a match to that vegan lentil munching fanny fart you’ll blow your house up.

  29. What happens when the next “peaceful” atrocity is committed and these are the only candles left?

    There’ll definitely be something fishy about that vigil!

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