Joanne Smith

A nomination for Joanne Smith, the head teacher at the Rudyard Kipling primary school in Brighton. She has banned children from playing ‘rough’ contact games.

Joanne Smith told pupils they had to play with ‘gentle hands’ – banning traditional games like ‘it’ or ‘British Bulldog.’

Instead, children are being encouraged to hold hands or clap with each other while in the playground. Mrs Smith wrote: ”To clarify, ‘Gentle Hands’ does not mean ”no touching.”
‘The children are of course allowed to hold hands or play clapping games with a friend should they wish to. Gentle Hands simply means playing games outside that do not need to be physical.This will ensure the playground is a happy, safe and calm place where everyone can enjoy their lunchtime running around and getting the exercise we know is important to them.’

One parent said ‘I’m going to teach my son about another game instead, that’ll really scare the snowflake headteacher – kiss-chase.’

Knowing that silly cunt head teacher, she’ll probably agree to that, but only same-sex kiss chase.

What a cunt, but are we surprised, given that Brighton is the fruit loop capital of the south? Expect this policy to be adopted by Islington very soon.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

53 thoughts on “Joanne Smith

  1. And after playing their happy clappy games, the kids will go back to class, to be taught that bumming is perfectly normal, by some bearded ‘ freak in a frock ‘.
    Deploy the flamethrower.

  2. British Bulldog? Racist, xenophobic and imperialist surely?
    Shouldn’t it be European Union Poodle?

  3. I’m surprised that the name of the school still exists,since the snowflakes deemed Kipling as a racist.

  4. Fuck me this woman is deluded. Clapping is a no-no so the kids should be doing jazz hands.
    Blacked up singing Mamee.

    • No clapping,just jazz hands is fucking unfair on the blind. Poor Stevie Wonder would be mortified if he sang one of his songs and got no response bar a few Cunts who he couldn’t see waving at him.

  5. She must be a real laugh at parties!

    I hope more parents object to this kind of self-empowered fascism; but of course the problem is that if this nutjob is sacked she’ll probably sue the local education authority and plead the usual cards in return for a big payout!

  6. Any cunt remember making Dutch Arrows as a kid? 5ft bamboo cane, 4″ nail glued/taped in one end, fag packet fletching at the other and launched from a stick and string sling caveman style. Could send them 100+ yards easy: fecking lethal in retrospect.

    • My school was pretentious. It had proper javelins. Much less fun, especially as the sling was not allowed.

      ‘Stalky & Co’ by Kipling should be required reading for all trainee teachers. It’s based on Kipling’s own early education. The unofficial games included stalking each other with .22 pistols.

      • At my school we had to make do with putting pins in the end of straws and throwing them at the balloons.

  7. I can remember kids playing ‘split the kipper’ with a sheath knife, back then we had knives, never even crossed our minds to use them as weapons (occasional foot injury accepted).


    • Mine was pretty severely down on flick knives, but sheath knives were de rigeur, and no-one died.

      • We wore sheath knives everywhere apart from school. No-one gave a fuck. Flick knives were/are illegal in this country, so not surprisingly schools were down on them. I still have a couple obtained whilst holidaying in Spain during the late ’60s. Beautiful mechanisms.

    • Anyone for kiss-chase? Hug the panda? Feed the cripple?
      Fuck sake.
      Generation of little fanny farts being raised!
      Remember gobbin it an a older lad punched me, teacher said “you asked for that!” An i did😀
      Also remember cutting open another lads head by throwing a roofing tile at him, teacher told him to stop crying an grow up! 😀
      Doubt wed of been interested in playing “bum yer boyfriend’ or whatever kids play in Brighton

      • Doubt whether a playground full of Joey Deacon impressions would do down very well nowadays like in my day

  8. Brighton? Well what a fucking surprise there, eh? Haven for all things snowflake, gender (or non-gender) friendly and home to every Grade-A ‘woke’ cunt in the country.

    I seriously despair sometimes. The world we live in now is not better or more in touch. It is so soft, now to the extent that it has interfered with normal childhood and the freedom to play whatever the fuck you want in the playground.

    If cunts like Smith took a time machine back to see me and my fellow pupils at Elmgrove Primary in North London back in the 70s, she would have a fucking shock induced seizure.

    British bulldog and kiss chase a-plenty going on.
    Hanging off and spinning around the metal bars surrounding the playground. I used to spin BACKWARDS off of those babies and the ground beneath was concrete, no bloody soft surface, rubber shit you find these days in parks and playgrounds.

    These things toughen children and make childhood what it is and should be…. something without ludicrously imposed limitations. She isn’t making things ‘safe’, she is running a fascist set-up.

    This country is so depressing……

    • Kiss chase NC? Any lad now would be demonised as a potential sexual predator and a manifestation of toxic masculinity as well as finding himself on some kind of register by the end of the school day. Down the fucking rabbit hole bollocks.

      • Too right, LL. It was all innocent bullshit back in the day, but now it is “unacceptable” and “a threat”.

        Bloody cuntery.

      • I just saw Hugh Grant has been pictured canvassing for the Limp Dumbs in gritty and urban Finchley and Golders Green. The twat who answered the door was some specially selected star-struck, EU fawning arse crawling cunt. Scrapping the barrel of desperation Jo?

      • He was probably looking for a blow job, discretely of course or the tabloids will hound him again the poor fucker.

    • Brighton is definitely the snowflake capital of the UK. Any place that can return that twat Lucas as an MP must be fucking hatstand.
      Kiss chase; those were the days!

      • Ron yer playing out?
        We’re playing “hairdressers an florists”
        Cant have cap guns but can use yer mums hairdryer..

      • Pity I was at an all boys schools so we didn’t play kiss chase. I feel I have missed out on life.

    • Much of this shit is driven by the age of litigation we now live in.
      Many of these heads are scared shitless by their own shadows.
      Their actions are driven.very often not by what’s best for the kids but rather protecting their own backs.
      I worked for a head who used to project the idea that the kid’s needs always come first, whereas it was his needs that he was always considering. If he’d been on the Titanic, he would have trampled over every child and woman there to get in the lifeboats first.

  9. Will we then expect some of the brainwashed little fuckers spat out the other end of this system, to then join the military/emergency services etc.?? Good luck with that one (although to be fair I would imagine the worst a copper in Brighton sees is doing the Macarena with the Extinction Rebellion cunts or attending domestic disputes where Algernon and Tristram have had a flaming row over the price of alfalfa sprouts)

  10. I read about some headteacher a while ago who had decreed that the school only serve a vegetarian menu. Now fine if parents want to raise pasty weedy children but teachers shouldn’t be allowed to impose their “raise a weakling” beliefs onto normal children.
    It’s like the kind of parents who are so terrified of germs that the frumpy Mother douses the house endlessly with disinfectant and Father can’t wait to give the children a good scrubbing down every time that the “wee ones” have ventured out of their shitty little BarrattBox home to go on a push-bike ride with Daddy.

    No wonder the Country is becoming overrun with metrosexual type youths who are too weak and useless to stand up for themselves. Schools and parents are failing them. Children should be allowed,even encouraged, to rough-house,it stops them from growing up thinking that acting like a soft tart will mean that everyone will be “nice” to them. Life is tough…and I can guarantee that the Meek really won’t inherit the Earth…neither will soft nancy-boy children.

  11. Ms. Smith probably also has a ‘conkers for plonkers’ policy where safety glasses are issued before play can take place. Vinegar hardened conkers strictly banned. Vinegar faced Headteachers welcome.

    • The definition of vinegar faced in the Urban Dictionary is . . . .

      The face made in the final seconds before you ejaculate. It looks like someone is holding a cup of vinegar under your nose. The few seconds when you are unable to stop humping your partner even if it means life or death because you are about to bust a nut.

  12. It’s a wonder they don’t ban exams at school now so the thick cunts don’t feel inferior. Someone please make this fucking weak fairy shit stop.

    • They don’t need to, any fucker who turns up to the exams automatically gets an A and a place at an ex-Polytechnic to study the Beano, or Bunty, at £9k per year.

  13. The “Rudyard Kipling Primary School”. That name won’t last. Soon to be renamed the “Greta Thunderburg Snowflake Training Academy”.

    Cunts. Fuck off.

    • Not sure who’s kids these are as brighton is full of arse bandits, carpet munches and degenerate freaks.

  14. I find life a little easier to bear by surrounding myself with bottles of fabric conditioner.
    I dont like being out of my Comfort zone…

  15. This Joanne Smith person head would explode if she saw some of the playground ‘games’ we played in primary school, from re-enacting WW 2 and the Zulu wars with the one solitary black kid being the Zulu nation (this was after the film came out) to British Bulldog, football and various other rough and tumble games.
    Generations now being weakened by liberal leftist agendas.
    As mentioned above, I am surprised the school has not had its name changed.

  16. Is there no end to this cuntery. What’s wrong with making a snowball with a few stones in it to throw at the sissy boys.

  17. The problem society faces is more worrying when you see how mollycoddled children are by parents and school, right at a time when things are starting to get grim, climate change or not. Masss ommigration is causing a demographic upheaval, violent crime rife in the citioes, a parliament uninterested in democracy, a looming cold war between America and China, and the constant threat of nuckear escalation with Russia and Korea or between Pakistan and India.

  18. Two of the greatest games we played in the playground was to get some cunt no-one liked, usually a swot or teachers pet type, and stick them in one of the cage type bins in the playground. Then proceed to lob all sorts of rubbish at them whilst shouting things like “poof”, “wanker”, “gaylord” etc. Another one was to tell the doddery old playground assistant that someone was smoking in the toilets (which were accessed from the playground). Whenever he went in, we would Shove two large wheelie bins at the door so the cunt couldn’t get out. Then we could safely light up. The decrepit old bastard fell for it every time.
    And the hilarity when two dogs would run in and start shagging! Can you imagine these soppy teachers witnessing such horseplay nowadays?

  19. We had bows and arrows, air guns and all sorts of shit. I was also good at chemistry and made rockets and pipe bombs out of old bike frames.
    I was a cunt. Brighton would have saved me.

    • Did you ever try a carbide cannon? Bit of drainpipe, biscuit tin, water, carbide. Back then you could get all sorts of raw materials for terrorism at your friendly chemist, of course. And if they hadn’t got it they’d get it for you, presumably thinking that either you had the makings of a research chemist or Darwin would operate and it was a good idea to find out early before too much time got wasted educating you.

      • We used off the shelf accelerants; matches, gunpowder, petrol. used for Matchbox bombs, bolt bombs, pipe bombs then this Irish cunt showed up with a shot gun made of plumbing pipes. Never set that off although he was mad enough to consider it.
        A Convenient roll behind the football oval hid us from the teachers although form 2 boys told us they saw the occasional jet of flame or column of smoke above the bushes.

  20. This level of naivety is truly mind-bending. Yes lead better behaviour by example, who doesn’t want to live in a friendlier more tolerant society, but for fucks fucking sake what kind of perfumed cotton-wool bubble do these people live in?

    Kids are going to be so fucked up in twenty years, utterly paralysed by fear of everything, everyone and every situation. While all the unscrupulous fuckers which make up vast swathes of the international population ream the fuckers out.

  21. Personally I don’t give a fuck anymore!

    I have no kids and my wife and I are in our 50s and enjoying semi-retirement with a nice nest egg to keep us ticking over for another 20 odd years.

    I really don’t want to live beyond my 70s because I really don’t want any of today’s kids anywhere near me when I can’t doing thing myself anymore.

    The current older generation (Baby Boomers and Gen X) can look forward to a nice peaceful death in the next 10-20 years knowing that they won’t be around to see this country turn from something with a solid backbone back in the mid 20th century, to shite now, to complete and utter diarrhoea come the mid 21st century.

    Kids of today won’t have a fucking clue when they become adults if this softly, softly liberalism continues to eat away at the moral fabric of this country. We’ll end up with a country full of St Greta Thundercunts – full of pompous wishy washy shite and unable to think outside of the box when things go tits up.

    Fuck them and fuck the future!

    • Same for me TC. My mum died of cancer in her 90s a couple of years ago, mother in law went from active old gel last year to her current state of being a drooling dementia-ridden vegetable in a home within six months; let me get to 75 or so and put a bullet in the back of my skull please.

  22. The only ‘moral life lesson’ these kids need is to turn up at the school one morning to be greeted by their Marxist Head’s head on the spikes of one the railings.

  23. Some of my favourite games at school were
    Kick the fat kid until he cries
    Kick the ginger kid in the nuts
    Beat the fuck out of the fat ginger kid
    Hold the parking Stanley down and feed him some dogshit
    Fill the ginger fat cunt’s satchel with dogshit
    Flush some poofter’s head down the bog for being a poofter
    I assume that all of this innocent japery would also be frowned upon….

Comments are closed.