Metro Newspaper

I’d like to nominate London based, Libtard Rag ‘Metro’, with inspiring articles such as:

* Indian-Pakistani lesbian couple get married – with one bride wearing a sari and the other a sherwani

* ‘Significant spike’ in anti-Muslim hate crimes after Boris Johnson’s burka comments

* I created a Twitter account just so I could tell misogynist men to shut up

* Oxford Dictionary needs to update its sexist definition of ‘woman’

Just some of the articles not worth reading, and a Rag only fit for lining the bottom of your cat-litter tray.

Nominated by Rev R. Sleeker

62 thoughts on “Metro Newspaper

  1. How ironic that once upon a time, people used to go to London to see freaks in asylums, but now asylum seekers flock to see the freaks in London.

  2. I used to pick this up most mornings but now I dont bother. Somebody had left one on the bus one day this week, and it had a mocking sub-Sun pun headlins referring to how Boris had been set up by that little shit=stain PM of Luxembourg “It All Ends In Jeers” – a sneering headline which suggests they had fallen for the Pro-Remain plot of Luxembourg.

    This free rag can only be recommended to anybody stocking a shithouse on a low budget.

  3. Dungaree brigade! Like that Cuntflap!
    Do like dungarees dont they?
    Anyway, before i drove i used to get this free on the bus,
    Seem to remember it wasnt as lefty 10yrs ago more impartial.
    Anyway yeah only worth eating chips out of now.

  4. I gave up on newspapers when they stopped putting tits on page3. I now rely on this website for unbalanced reporting of the news.

    No reports recently from Bumholia, I hope our correspondent hasn’t fallen down a manhole.

    🙂 .

  5. Good cunting Reverend. Not had any experience of this rag, looking at the examples of the headlines it would appear to be a huge pile of cunt.
    In other news, after Dick Fiddler’s revelation about bidding £ 50 for a prize winning leek, it would seem he’s been at it again as a ‘ mystery ‘ UK telephone bidder has purchased a pair of Eva Braun’s knickers for over £3,000, also a nightdress for another four figure sum. The kinky Cunt.
    He’s a fucking disgrace.
    Good morning.

      • Anyway Jack its my money and ill spend it as i want!
        Evas knickers are bit tight for me but i look lovely in the nightie!
        “Oh Adolf! Take me in your manly arms…”👅😀

        • I bet Eva’s knickers were bought by Gaylord Adonis to jack off into when he imagines all the money and kudos he will get as MP for Vauxhall. All those lovely expenses,,,,,

        • Just starting out really Jack!
          Got my eye on mrs Mussolinis wedding dress 👗
          But she was petite, and at 6ft 7 it might not flow right to my nice figure?
          But mrs Noriega was a fat cunt and that fits!

    • The nightdress was a bargain,it fits like a glove and when I also pull the knickers over my face while listening to The Nuremberg Rally speeches at full volume….well, I just can’t hold back….I’m shooting like a German 88 ack-ack cannon at the bombers over Dresden.

      Kinky,indeed…the nerve of it.

      Morning All.

  6. Yay, my first cunting nomination… Thanks.
    Another thing that really gets on my my tits with this shit stain of a Rag is guest writer Samantha Renke.
    Now she’s there solely to bleat on about ‘disabled rights’. Now there’s nothing wrong with that, except what these demented editors don’t realise is every article is wrist-slashingly depressive, and in my opinion gives the disabled a totally negative view. Check out the list of her articles and find something positive… I challenge you!
    https://metro.co.uk/author/samantha-renke/

    • “My wheelchair enables me to live my life – so why should I have to pay for it?”

      Quite so. I’ve often pondered similar things myself, such as: food enables me to live my life – so why should I have to pay for it?

      • Too true Cuntflap.

        I’m on a constant merry-go-round of not talking to members of my family. I opened up slightly to my sister-in-law the other night – may just as well have put both barrels of a loaded shotgun in my mouth and pulled the trigger.

      • Good morning RTC. I would like to apologise for my comment to you on the Sky Sports nom. Ffs. you don’t even like sport!!
        I wish I could take it back but like an ill thought email I can’t.
        I’m taking a break but I’ll still be following your cunting with interest and hope to read a nom or two of yours. Farewell my friend.

        • Afternoon Bertie.

          As Roger Daltrey sang in ‘A Quick One While He’s Away’: “You are forgiven.”

          Don’t make a stranger of yourself. Always enjoy your contributions. Or nearly always…😀

          PS: That parrot is a fucking menace!

        • Thanks Dick!! That means a lot. I’ll just wait until the wounds heal and then I’ll be back on. I’m still following you, however!

          • Bertie.
            Just do what you do and carry on cunting.
            Your a ISAC mainstay.
            Stiff upper lip pal!👍👍👍

        • Come on Bertie I see you, myself, Miserable with our sophisticated discussions on poetry as representing the cultured side of the North. ‘The Three Graces’ maybe we should be called. Do not forsake us! You have a duty to fulfill.

      • on rule dont cunt a cunter I hope you have not fallen foul.
        No she is not the subject, the subject you are thinking of is deaf, Mrs B has been a Foster carer for some years cleaning up the shit from dis functional family’s, became a special needs care coordinator for the council dealing with kids that daddy or uncle fucked, then became an ofsted inspector with a degree with honors in safe guarding. so what were you saying?

    • Anybody reading this has self identified themselves as not only a cunt of epic proportions but also a fucking MISER to boot ……

    • Fed up with Spacca’s demands. I see them around town in their spastic chariots, always angry rude and an overwhelming sense of self entitlement.

      • Mrs B is a “Spacca” I am not far off, the only demand we have is don’t park in our space unless you have a badge as for self entitlement, Not sure where you are coming from.
        We do get a few pleasant surprises, free parking at the national trust, money off a ticket to the tower of London and I got in free as her carer (although that alternates depending on who has what going wrong with them at any given time).
        I also have a “Chariot” but I don’t use it because whilst I still have them I will use them.

    • A highly appropriate cunting for the Metro. 50 words of biased “news”, the rest is predigested brain fogging shite for the propagandized masses.

      However, I take issue with using it to line the cat’s litter tray. No self respecting feline would contaminate a good healthy shit with the likes of the Metro. The same applies for Osborne’s Andrex substitute, the Evening Standard.

  7. Never read it and thank fuck for that. Its title alone makes me want to puke.

    You clearly live in the London area Reverend-you poor fucker. Many sympathies for this, you’ll probably have to run the gauntlet of screeching schoolchildren, Illiberal ‘Democrats’ and Caroline Lucas staging climate protests today.

    • Hi Isaac, no, don’t live in Londistan and never been stabbed. I actually came across this on the Interweb and often read it in disbelief! Since cunting this I’ve discovered they give it away free there; not surprising really!

  8. Good cunting Rev. I used to often find myself enraged by the contents of this shithouse rag when travelling on pubic transport, now I simply perform self-flagellation which is more entertaining and better to pass the time. Fuckin Londonistab far-left cunts. Would like to know who funds it.

  9. Asked for money by a beggar last night on a petrol stations forecourt.

    With my wife and fourteen year old son in the car I unfortunately did not set the best fatherly example when I simply told the cunt to “fuck off”.

    Reported it to the cashiers inside,who apologised and informed me he was new, and not one of the two regulars, who have on several occasions tried to get into people’s cars.

    Would love for any of them to try that with me and see what happens. Frankly I don’t fancy their chances.

    What is happening to this great country.

  10. Off topic, but BBC Breakfast has my piss steaming already, talking about the rugby world cup, three guests, former rugby players, of course one of them’s fucking female. In the name of all that is fucking holy, what the FUCK does she know about playing at the highest fucking level? (Mens game, not the fucking womans effort).

      • Closely followed by the greta climate strike day!

        I hope everyone here will be joining the protests 😂

        I caught a little on the Victoria Cunt show, they had a couple of kids on vidoe link, neither had a fucking clue what they were doing.

  11. Where’s the balance in the press? Rags like the metro are extremist, they don’t report news they report opinions.

    The Daily ISAC could restore the balance. Certainly we have talented writers, the admin team have editorial experience.

    Tell us about it, in this topic some little twat called me a Jew and to fuck off, seeing as I can pull my foreskin over my thumb to the knuckle they are wrong, they are also banned.

    Freedom of the press can hardly be celebrated if there is no real balance. Extreme progressive views are marketed as mainstream and centerist but conservative views are silenced as extremist. That just isn’t healthy for anyone.

  12. Isn’t this rag owned by some Russian cunt who did a bunk from Russia with a load of its cash, and now won’t go back?

    • I think it’s owned by the Daily Mail (DMGT) your Lordship.
      That probably explains it’s cuntitude.

      • I stand corrected – I was thinking of that other waste of paper, the Standard. Thanks for the info.

  13. Good cunting Rev, and timely – hot on the heels of yesterday’s nom on that other shitrag, The Grauniad.

    Anyone seen stopping to pick up a copy of this shite-infested daily deserves a haughty kneecapping.

  14. I wouldn’t wipe my arse on this rag just incase there was an outside chance that you could catch a nasty dose of libtardism through the back door so to speak.

  15. Thank you your Reverence.

    I would merely add the London Evening Standard to your cunting.. Virtue-signalling liberal dross full of millionaire luvvies cuddling together for comfort and superior starter homes a mere snip at half a million quid upwards.

    It’s such a good read they give it away for nothing.

  16. I take it home for the pets to piss and shit on.
    Perfect.
    The cunts.Metro not the pets.
    Fuck off.

  17. They get really grumpy when you ask them for money them beggars as I point out to them, they are the professionals so they should encourage us amateurs.

  18. It is an unmitigated pile of cow shit, that rag.

    I only ever pick it up and ‘read’ it (I say read, but most of it is pictures and the rest of it are the scrawls and babbles of a four year-old) if I am very desperate, don’t know what to do with myself amongst all of the innumerable, brain dead cunts who are sitting or standing there mesmerized by their fucking mobile phones, or am trying to avoid eye contact with the equally innumerable weirdo, serial killer-looking nut jobs proliferating the trains in Londonistan.

    The part that cracks me up is the section where sad cunts (who I suspect don’t actually exist at all and are the figment of the imagination of the toddlers who ‘write’ this shit) are trying to locate people they fancied, who they came into contact with on the Tube. Stuff like:

    “Stunning blonde wearing Coldplay T-shirt and sipping on a soy latte, who nearly bumped into me at Liverpool Street…..dinner and a movie?”

    It is fucking hilarious. As if any desperado would even bother with that shit when they can do Tinder and suchlike to ‘meet people’ ( or get a shag more like). Who are they bloody fooling, idiot muppets?

    Like everything in Londonistan, Metro is a cunt.

  19. What do you expect from a rag aimed at the residents of the United Libtard Islamic Caliphate of Londonistan. I live in London and never soil my hands with this garbage. I’d rather pick up a dog turd.

  20. I wouldn’t wipe my arse on Metro, even if I’d run out of bog roll….
    I once looked at this libtard tinpot rag when I was on the tram… In it that plug-a-like horse faced talent-free libfuck cunt, Paloma Faith picked her Top 5 all time albums… Guess what? They were all fucking black… The gee gee fizzog cunt rattled on about ‘diversity’ and ’empowerment’ and how the staggeringly pretentious Erykah Badu was the greatest artist ever… I thought ‘fuck this shite’ and I have never read it since… Utter liberal leftist fuckflake crap….

    • Erykah Badu? Proud to say never heard of it, and hope I never will. Sounds like a good contender for a cunting though….

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