Jet Skiers

Ahhh. Here we are, first day of our holiday in Gran Canaria. We’re on the beach. The sun is blazing down out of a cloudless azure sky, but my lovely lady and I are cool under a huge fuck off umbrella. Kids splash happily as the warm surf sifts through the shingle. All is peaceful, all is calm. Until…

HE comes tearing into the bay like a demented hornet on his waterborne motor bike, shattering the tranquillity. Fucking Jetski Jimmy. Or Juan, or Jurgen, or whatever the bellend’s name is.

Shit. Beside me, the wife senses my agitation and stirs. Stroking my arm, she says drowsily ‘relax sweetie, you’re on the beach. You have to expect this’. Bah. Fucking rats’ cocks. The poseur’s got the entire bastard ocean, from here to Florida, to ponce about on, but what does he do? He races up and down a hundred yards offshore, making a thorough bastard nuisance of himself. Being an absolute cunt, naturally he’s completely sure that his reluctant audience is as pleased with his performance as he is with himself. Take care, Jimmy. See those big rocks over there? Well we’d hate it if you inadvertently slammed into them and deep sixed it straight down to Davy Jones’ locker, you and your infernal contraption both.

A pox on the makers of jet skis, and a full blown plague on the fucking tosspots that arse about on them.

Cunts, the lot of them.

Nominated by Ron Knee

65 thoughts on “Jet Skiers

  1. Is there actually a good use for them? I mean apart from arseing around and looking like a bellend . Do they have a benifical application ?

  2. No lifeboats for these jet ski cunts. Sorry mate we spent all the money on AK 47’s for distressed Somalis.

    • Watersports for the hard of thinking.

      None of the cunts I’ve seen using them have any redeeming characteristics. Their entire aim is to fuck up other people’s day. We often have them screaming through the local moorings with no chance of avoiding someone in a small boat or kayak. Clear signs saying “8 knot speed limit – no wake”, but these fuckers just want to use the infernal things a a means of magnifying their already enormous cuntitude. They’re always utter wankers on the slipway too.

  3. Great cunting, Sir Knee.

    Only arseholes of the epic kind ride those things. You just KNOW that they think they look shit hot and are cool as hell, but in fact to the average beach goer they just look like utter cunts who are showing off and ruining their beach relaxation and getting in the damned way of their swimming.

    Times like that you need a bloody bazooka in your beach bag.

    Flash cunts.

    • Its a surprise we haven’t seen some migrants on jet skis coming over, that must be the Gold Card super deluxe service run by the Kurdish people smugglers.

      • LL, some Albanians were caught last year jetskiing across the English Channel. What next, Rocket packs? How do you say, “Powerful drones” in Dooshka-Dooshka?

        • The Navy should tinker with their radar so those cunts look like incoming missiles and react accordingly.
          Fucking perfect.

  4. Still not as much a cunt as those featured in the latest video to emerge of those heroic warriors of antifa. They are now out battling the latest wave of extremist grannies trying to cross the road.

    I did already mention this in the previous post, but its still in moderation. Take a look at our heroes fighting the good fight here and, see if you can imagine a braver soul.

    • I’m sorry, but if I saw someone punching that screeching antifa bitch in the face, I’d buy them a pint. I fucking despise those losers. It looked like there were a fair few in Manchester yesterday, loads of cunts with placards, usually handed out by the socialist worker party, whose members seem to have no work as such, otherwise they wouldn’t have the time to turn up at all these demos.

      • Fucking hell! How does some old Doris who can hardly walk qualify as “Nazi Scum?” I must say the Waffen SS seem to have lowered their entry standards recently.
        Those cunts need a serious fucking slap.

    • These Antifa cunts, I love it fucking love it when they come up against bike clubs or vets in the Stares. Usually ends up with Antifa blood n snot on the floor. Usually they don’t challenge anyone apart from old ladies or conservative types. If there’s 10 Antifa types to one so called Nazi they are up for a fight but the cunts run like fuck when they face real opposition.

      Fucking soy boy cucks, usually some gobby sow goading them on.

      • Wouldn’t waste the gas, I’d just threaten the cunts with having their degree courses cancelled or cancellation of benefits.

        Fucking rats they are, like rats if they are not dealt with they overrun the place.

        These cunts are also embedded in the climate change movement. Everyday I read or hear someone going on about the rising far right threat, these cunts justify their actions partly by these bullshit reports. They are kicking off weekly, attacking anyone the want and all the media is say protesters battled far right blah blah blah.

        The far left are right in front of everyone’s faces, the far left are using violence all the time but that’s ok, they are fighting the imaginary far right.

        I don’t want to see them gassed, I want them identified, I want them investigated and I want them to be made to obey the rule of law like the rest of us.

        Until that happens I am left to wonder who’s protecting them, because sure as hell the state is turning a blind eye to left wing extremist thugs.

        Imagine if Corbyn is made PM, he has a ready made Brownshirt private thug army.

  5. As always Sir Ron, an excellent and amusing cunting. You really have to be a wanker of gargantuan proportions to want to be seen on one of these totally useless and annoying contraptions.

  6. Never mind the Jet Ski Ron, what about the flight to Gran Canaria, it’s a slap in the face of St Greta.
    You could have been just as miserable sitting on Scarborough beach in the pissing rain!
    You are robbing her of her childhood, she should be in school, you should be ashamed! 😂

  7. Sorry Ron but you’re on holiday in Gran Canaria.

    Last holiday I had was 2016, in Ullapool.

    STFU and enjoy yourself !!!

    • May be out of date, but I bet the pubs are still better in Ullapool. And the scenery. I salute your good taste.

      • Very probably, K – never been to Gran Canaria but The Seaforth in Ullapool is indeed a belting pub (when the midges aren’t biting if you’re sitting outside).

  8. Yeah, but….it’s fucking hilarious when they fall off. This can be accelerated by the wash from a proper speedboat. Memories…

  9. How do Ron, good cunting as always! Relax sweetie, your on a beach!
    Knew youd enjoy being a lucky lucky man.
    If you dont like jetskis have a ride on them big inflatable banana things.
    Oh make sure you wear your panama hat! Know how you burn!

  10. Frustrating when you pay money to get away from cunts and realise the cunts follow you and turn into holiday cunts.

    • Hell is definitely other people, holiday for me is isolation where i dont have to see anyone, hear loud cunts an noisy cunts, just the birdies in the trees!
      And i dont like beaches either!
      Sand all over yer, stuck to yer feet, in your beard, in yer butties etc
      And it cant be hot! Oh no, sweating and feeling drained, like it cold me!
      So to summarise, my perfect holiday?
      Cold, lonely, in woods..bliss!

        • Evening mate, looking forward to my week away, someone posted Macc lads ‘no sheep till Buxton’, thats where im going!😀
          Little stone barn conversion, wallow in self pity, moan a bit, walk in rain, embrace my inner Morrissey!

  11. All day i’ve been hearing all this whining about Johnson touching up this scrubber 20 years ago.
    Guess who her “partner” is?………Robert fucking Peston, massive remoaner and fucking cunt. Do me a favour……who are they going to drag up next?…..Sourberries? Lady Thornpig? The Flabbott?

    • Its bollocks, why wait till now? Well timed isnt it? Dirty cunts trick, no way you can prove it either way!
      People who pull this sort of shite are lowest of the low.

      • What he should say is “yeah did that!
        You didnt object at time, you wanked me off an licked your fingers clean!”
        An now your complaining?

  12. We shouldn’t be surprised. There is no scumbag trick the remoaners won’t pull, no lie they won’t tell. They are getting desperate now.

    • Like the BBC overturning the complaint against Nagging Machete. So Trump told the squad to go back where they came from if they hated the states so much.

      That was racist apparently, more like realism, western nations are bending over to accommodate people and some people arrive, work out how to live in their new country and within a generation are blended in, thank you very much, everyone is happy.

      Some arrive, bitch and moan, want everything changed to suit them and then denigrate the people who have been there for generations.

      I’ll tell you some news Nagging, it ain’t fucking racism, it’s a fact, no one wants the lodgers telling them how to live in their own house.

      As for you BBC, you’re a bunch of wank. Report the news not presenters opinions.

  13. I’ve not driven a jet ski before. I bet I’d feel like James Bond.
    Do they sell ones with rocket launchers, floating mines, and a little table that extends out by the steering wheel with a martini and nibbles?

      • My mum loves Shirley Bassey Spoons,
        Her and Dusty Springfield.
        Yeah saw the spiders nom, ive a couple, never hurt them they have a job to do!
        My favourite is called ‘Evening’ he comes out from 8pm -9pm every night walks through the living room into kitchen and back, hes massive!

        • #Where are you? Why do you hide? Where is that moonlight train that leads to your side?#

  14. ahh, I wondered whet these prats got a cunting here.
    There’s an unwritten rule whereby any boater be him/her leisure or commercial must attend or help a person in distress on the water but I would gladly break it in order to watch a jet skier drown. The trouble is these fucking things are So reliable I’ve never known one break down.
    They come in their droves to my river most weekends to terrorise the harbour. It won’t be long before they kill an innocent child who’s being rowed out to a boat by its grandad.
    Trouble is no one can catch’em
    The Waterborne police amble down on a Wednesday to pose with their Fuck-off Rib and its ginormous twin engines to partake in a cosy cuppa with the harbour staff. They could come on a Saturday and do their jobs.
    And what do they look like? Utter Cunts Fat, bloated, obese, middle aged slags from the smoke Dripping in bling. I reckon Harry Enfield modelled his character Stavros (was it?) Loads of dosh, Loads of money (remember?) Vulgar, ignorant show offs. There was and old guy here who used to fire hard boiled eggs from his catapult at these fuckers but they stopped and filled him in so he doesn’t do it now.
    It’s on my bucket list. I want a head on crash before I give up sailing. Cunts..

    • If I saw one of them in need of assistance I’d really be torn between the unwritten law of which you write. and my utter hatred and contempt of them.

      Crass, stupid, vulgar bastards.

  15. Where the fuck are you kkk?
    Like the idea of the old bloke with catapult firing boiled eggs!
    And then the river rozzers battering him!
    Sounds weird place!

    • Played’ holiday in cambodia’ the Dead Kennedys in van too the daughters boyfriend, cheeky young fucker said its the worst thing hed ever heard!
      Punk is dead.

  16. The Nurse of cuntery says bazookas and that is a beach sport that almost overtakes ladies beach volleyball.
    Recommended for cunts with several San Miguel sank.

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