The Met Office:
This worse-than-fucking-useless shower (haha) of excrement try to cover all the bases.
Monday- “A Spanish plume will send temperatures spiralling upwards, making it fucking redders for the next 3 months. Fire up the barbie, me hearties, and drink your own body weight in Newcy Brown”.
Tuesday- “The jet stream will suddenly move southwards this week, and it’ll be fucking freezing for the next few weeks. Put that barbie away, you silly cunts.”
I really don’t see the need for these (taxpayer-funded) fuckwits anyway- all you’ve got to do is look out of the fucking window to see what the weather’s doing.
They also predict ” a frigid pool of numbing air sinking southwards across the nation”- does this mean that fucking witch Krankie is planning to visit us?
Get fucked.
Nominated by cuntzilla
*** BREAKING MET OFFICE NEWS ***
The sun has got his hat on
hip-hip-hip-hooray
He’s been tanning ñîggĕrs out in Timbuktu
Now he’s coming back to do the same to you.
Well cunted Cuntzilla.
10
This poem has no meter. I think you’ve just chosen a well known song and stuck your own ending on. Plagiarism of the worst kind.
A good meteorogical morning to you RTC.
2
Not so Bsc. All lines are from the original song:
https://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/t/thesunhasgothishaton.html
A very good morning to you too.
3
Naked racism!
0
“All lines are from the original song”
Yeah! Just Mixed up! – akin to Eric Morecambe on the piano saying “I’m playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order.” You conman. 😊
1
Blame the Met Office, it was their report. 🌞
1
Depends where you get your forecasts from. And how they interpret the Met Office’s usually cautious forecasts.
The Met office for 17th – 26th May:
On Friday we will see a change to cloudier conditions, with showers increasingly likely across the UK, along with strengthening winds. the showers are most likely to be across central and eastern areas. The winds will lower daytime temperatures below the seasonal average, particularly in the south and east. The weather for next weekend looks likely to continue to be unsettled, with showers or longer spells of rain for many. Daytime temperatures are expected to stay on the cool side in the south and east though frost is not likely here. The warmest and brightest weather is likely in the northwest and these settled conditions may well become more widespread by the end of this period.
The Daily Express, an hour ago:
UK weather forecast: Britain to BASK in summer heatwave as temperatures soar
Never assume. Check.
4
I also look at long range forecasts which are often hilarious. I was once moved enough to write to the Met. Office and complain how vague and useless their forecasts were. ( God, I’m a sad old cunt). They try to cover all bases by using terms such as uncertainty, however, perhaps, if, likely to etc. I pointed out that had they been a business, their vague forecasts would have meant them going out of business years ago. To be honest, they sent me a reply (see below) but I remained as fuckin confused as ever.
Thank you for your feedback regarding the national 6 – 30 day outlook.
Please note that this outlook is only produced once a day as forecast uncertainty grows rapidly as we try to forecast the weather further ahead. We try our best to never mislead the public so it is often better to refer to likely possibilities in the medium-long-range forecast rather then make a statement which may turn out to not be correct. We do recommend that if you are planning any weather critical events that you check back regularly for any updates to the medium-long range forecast.
We are continually working to improve our forecast capability and future developments are ongoing to harness the latest science for more accurate, detailed and localised forecasts. You can learn more about how we forecast ahead here: http://www.metoffice.gov.uk/guide/weather/about-forecasts and also our “Forecasting” page: http://www.metoffice.gov.uk/news/in-depth/forecasting
2
Mods – what happened to my comments posted in this space? They were quite innocuous.
I’ll have to refer back to my friend RTC – he keeps a log of all these things. I think it goes back to his days working at GCHQ.
2
Adding more than one link automatically sends a post into moderation Bsc…
Guten morgen.
1
Methinks you know too much about the niceties of IsAC. I am learning every day under your tutelage.
Good morning RTC.
1
Fuck it. There goes another one – moderated again. I’m sure the Mods are using me for a bit of sport. 😊
0
“Today’s weather will be pretty much the same as yesterday”….
No training, no satellite imagery….but about right, three days out of four. Pretty similar success rate I’d wager….
….and that naming storms thing…..please stop….
3
Yeah, that’s another load of shit we’ve copied from the Yanks. Naming a hurricane which devastates an area and kills dozens of people is one thing but calling a heavy shower Storm Basil just makes you look like a cunt. ☔️
7
Hurricane Krav – ready to blow you off!
4
I name this storm “A storm”
next week there will be another storm, called “A storm”
easy
3
Theresa May will still be so fucking wet that you want to pick her up and wring her out in seven months’ time…
2
Gayness factor!😅 Cover up and keep out of the bum?
6
They should have a highlighted special forecast for the south east coast to help the camel drivers crossing the channel in rubber boats.
If they are as accurate as their normal predictions, with luck some of the freeloading cunts might drown.
6
In their defence there was a thingy on South Today where this bloke was standing by a forty foot tower and he took the temperature and wind speed and it was 15 degrees and 6 mph wind. Then he went to the top of the tower and the temperature was 9 degrees and wind 15mph. He was illustrating how difficult it is to forecast. Add that to the myriad of micro climates and it’s a complete waste of money and time.
3
Que será, será… Doris Day has bit the dust. Dead Pool anyone?
2
Hell, even Doris Day is dead!
Been waiting to use that Red Dw4rf line for 20 years.
2
Who was that cunt on Breakfast AM (on ITV 15 odd years ago), who used to do the weather forecast standing on a floating model of the UK on a river?
I think most of the viewing public wished he would fall in and drown every time he jumped between Britain and Ireland. Can’t think of his name, and can’t be arsed to Google- but he looked a right creep cunt- probably fiddled with kids.
And then of course there’s the king of all weather forecasting cunts, Mr Michael – “there won’t be a hurricane so fuck off and go back to bed you stupid cunt” – Fish.
Massive £3bn fuck up by him, and yet he kept his job!
These days say something out of turn and you’re arrested, anally probed, thrown down the stairs a few times, put up before the beak and sent down for 20 years for saying something vaguely offensive!
Cunts
2
The floating weatherman was Fred Talbot. Jailed for kiddyfiddling I think, going back to when he was a Grammar school teacher.
3
Fred Talbot….putting p@edos on the map….
4
Educated at Incestrian Grammar School, Manchester apparently.
1
His boyfriend was Dean Sullivan better known as Jimmy Corkhill from Brookside. 😉
2
Don’t know about anyone else but this sunny weather makes me horny.
It must show as even next doors cat has left home.
3
Weather forecasts, in my experience at least, are usually a pile of unmitigated bollocks.
It is always conflicting information like ‘It will be sunny all day and will get abruptly colder and rain becomes heavy’……something along those ludicrous lines.
Does my head in.
This week alone I have seen two totally different predictions for the coming days. Initially it was ‘hot, hot, hot! Hotter than Athens’ shite…..the next it was ‘ an abrupt end to good weather (umm, when did ‘good weather’ start?) as temperatures plummet and downpours arrive’ (umm, when did the ‘downpours’ stop?)
I don’t trust any weather reports these days. Sticking my head out of my Velux roof window and seeing EXACTLY what it is doing is the way I size up the weather.
‘MET’ OFFICE? MORE LIKE ‘SHIT’ OFFICE.
5
I’d slip it up that Lucy Verasami and let Clare Nasir watch…..now that we’ve got that out of the way,The Met Office are a bunch of Guessing Cunts. I could do as well as them without any satellites or computers. My old barometer is the only weather device that I trust.
9
Red sky at night,
Tottenham’s alight.
I thought you used the old twitching horsehair method Mr F?
5
I wouldn’t let the cunts predict their own birthdays!
2
The story is that the Met Office get the forecast correct about 47% of the time, and think this is a good yardstick. Of course, the obverse is also true – they are WRONG 53% of the time. Cunts!
1