Lord Cuntony


What is there to like about these annoying, inane bastards? Absolutely fuck all.

When there’s a massive 360 degree space around one gormless, clipboard-clutching oxygen thief in the centre of town, sporting a raincoat and a cheesy (very punchable) grin, you know there’s it’s a fucking chugging reprobate ready to pounce.
“Hi, how are you? Don’t be shy! Can I talk to you for a moment about the poor children in Somalia?”
“Err, how about you go fuck yourself. You’re not doing it help the little future martyr Malteaser babies, you’re basically a sales person, in it for the money. The virtue signalling perk of (not really) helping the hopeless inhabitants of the third-world that comes with the job is a bonus so you can brag to your mates on Facebook about what a humanitarian you are.”

Fuck off.

Nominated by Lord Cuntony

82 thoughts on “Chuggers.

  1. The one in the photo looks like a white Rasta. There’s diversity for you. I wonder what she’s collecting for?

      • Typical do goody white liberal. Trying to establish her solidarity with ethnic minorities by aping their fashions, a phenomenon that deserves a cunting in its own right.

  2. I know what’ll help Africa. Immediately stop all boats and flights in or out, and tell them they have to start providing for themselves with the immeasurably vast array of resources their continent has at their disposal.

    They’ll all be dead from eating each other’s shit, and then eating each other, within a couple of months.

    Money cannot fix inherently inferior evolution and IQ.

    • Stop corruption in these countries as well. That would help a lot. And it’s all funded by the UK government via the mandatory overseas aid budget. Would a world class cunt our government is.

    • David Lammy has supposedly lost 20 million in charitable contributions with his ‘white saviour’ outburst discouraging people from donating to Africa. 6 million of this was from Comic Relief and 14 million from the Mozambique cyclone appeal. – regarded as a Lammy Double Whammy.

    • Love to fuck with these scavving cunts! Perky girls target men, earnest lad target women, its a sales pitch! Be honest, when they say, millions dying in africa, reply ‘good’ an keep walking! If asking for donation use reply i use, ‘condoms or bullets?’

      • I ask what they’re collecting for. ‘Children’ they say. ‘I hate children’ I reply. Job done.

  3. The chugger receives most from my £1 while starving N’ohgud or the Ethiopian rainforest only benefit from the pennies. I don’t care about “Building homes in The Sudan” or “Land rights for Gay whales” the Devil take these scrofulous cunts clogging up the town centre worse than the Jehovah’s fucking Witnesses.

    • actually it can take up to a year’s donations for your first penny to hit your chosen charity because chuggers are agency staff.
      however they are worth £4 to £1 for the employer.

  4. What happened to standing meekly in a shop doorway and giving your tin the occasional rattle in the hope of a sixpence.

    Now you’re accosted in the pedestrianised section of town as a clipboard is thrust in your face.

    “You want me to sponsor some kid who has to walk forever for a cup of water? No problem. 10p a mile”…..

    Coincidentally next week at work it’s ‘Come dressed as a Rasta Friday’.
    I’m dreading it….

    • like everyone here I work for a living but I also collect for a charity.
      difference between us and the main stream is when I say would you like to adopt a Dog I mean, would you like to take it home and make it part of your family!
      if you are a cunt I am not even going to suggest it, if you can’t then fair play maybe in the future you will get a rescue and not buy from a breeder.

      • My current moggie is a walk-in but previous ones have been adopted from the RSPCA. I wouldn’t dream of going to a breeder.

      • Speak for yourself Lord B. I don’t work for a living. I’m a retired old git.

      • We rescued our 15yr old Terrier cross about 2 1/2 years ago and we love her to bits.
        I can well recommend rescuing a dog.
        When they’ve had fuck all or been treated like shit in the past, the huge amount of appreciation they show from even the smallest of things (a new bed, toy or even a stroke without pain) is priceless.
        You have to watch them, as they can relapse back to being defensive, but well worth a little effort.
        I had a GSD from a Breeder previously. Lovely dog, but it’s rescue dogs only for me now.
        Top work Lord Benny 👍

  5. The cunt in the photo looks like a Booshka Booshka to me, Lithuania would be my guess.
    She’ll get fuck all off him. He’s just got his benefits from the Post Office and is off to get his knock off vodka down the Joe Dakis.
    What a fucking country.

    • Why would a Lithuanian be working for Save the Ethiopian Dolphins when they could be holding up a Post Office somewhere or selling fake drugs down the Hope & Anchor?

  6. Oxfam,Christian aid and all the other Israel bashing charidees get liads of verbal from me. Start questioning their knowledge on Fakestine and they go all “please mice away from me I will call my supervisor”. Then a 12 year old green haired fat dyke comes over and tries to get you to jog on.
    Fuck off. Just like those BDS people I came across outside Marks and Spencer in the Holloway Road once. I caused so much trouble they fucked off.The following week I got there first. They drew up,saw me and turned around.
    I don’t want to silence them.I want to engage them in debate.
    As long as you don’t shout fire in a crowded theatre, say what you like.

    Holocaust deniers,included. I know it happened and have met many,many camp survivors. I also believe the earth is round and that vaccines work.
    However. If anyone,ever dares to criticise the Bieber they can just fuck off and die.

    Good morning,again.

    • well feel good in the knowledge that the above charity receives a massive bung of your (tax payers money) every year so you have already donated.

  7. I cross the road to avoid them if possible. However I recall one day in busy Goodge Street a collector said to me ‘Can I be your friend?’ and then followed me for 50 feet. ‘No I have enough friends’ I replied. It didn’t like that.

    Now there seems to be a trend starting for charity collectors to sit inside shops next to a stand and they ask ‘Can I have a few minutes of your time?’ Damn intrusive.

    Then there’s the Christmas singers inside train stations producing an out of tune din. Sod off Ive just come from work.

    • Can I be your friend? Fucking creepy bastard, when I was a kid that was the opening line of the local kiddy fiddler closely followed by the offer of jelly babies if you replied with the affirmative. How well I remember the screams when a gang of 10 snotty nosed bastards ambushed the filthy cunt behind the bogs in the local rec.
      We had raided the allotments and each possessed a nice long cane say one thing for the perv he could move like a pro sprinter.
      Sorry to ramble on off topic but sometimes you read or hear something and wow transported back to a more simple time.

      • Ah those simple times football in the streets, housewives cleaning the doorstep, paedos on the rec.

  8. Don’t mind putting a bit of change into a bucket or tin but when they want my bank details for a monthly donation they can fuck right off. Cheeky twats! Once had a chap with a clipboard and direct debit forms come up to me in town and say ‘Hi mate. Do you like animals? “Yes” said I, “When they’re inbetween two slices of bread” His face was a picture

  9. I went into this supermarket at Xmas time and there was a bunch of kids by the tills, from a local school, warbling carols and collecting for some 3rd world scroungers. I turned round and walked out.
    Little cunts should be learning how to read and write not how to be virtue signalling libtard wankers.

  10. I don’t piss about.A clearly enunciated ” Fuck Off and get a proper job” is enough to get through to chuggers,carol-singers,buskers,Pikeys, Big Issue Sellers,tin-rattlers,Salvation Army, Kids collecting for their pet project, the “homeless” and PCSOs.
    It works whether they speak English or they don’t.

    Fuck them.

    • well to be truthful (and I will not mention who I collect for) I have a problem with non Dom big issue seller’s so when I do a licenced collection for my chosen charity I tend to wonder into their patch.
      it’s surprising how many “Big issue” homeless people do not like big dog’s and quiet tin carrier’s.

      • Good man. First aboard a tramp steamer heading back to Latvia for those cunts.

  11. Those ‘charidee’ ones are quintessential cunts…. They set up with speakers and a mic and they ‘sing’ songs so badly and at an ear splitting volume… Then they have the nerve to sell crappy rubber wristbands and other suchlike crap… That cheeky as fuck ‘Suggested donation is £2.00’ bollocks…. Their faces when you take one without the ‘donation’ just to fuck them off… You just smile and say ‘It says ‘suggested’… So, thanks for the suggestion’… They look like they’re going to explode… Hilarious and what a bunch of cunts,,,

  12. I’m getting death threats,’ says man who threw milkshake on Tommy Robinson.

    Danyaal Mahmud says he’s worried about his family after protest against far-right.

    Ah, diddums. Perhaps shouldn’t have assaulted him in the first place?

    Apparently the milkshake “accidentally” (on purpose) slipped out of his hand.

    Believe that and you believe Theresa May.

    • This twat deliberately travelled over 30miles to deliberately assault someone, with the pretence of “I was just working in the town”. Was it a coincidence that he just happened to have travelled from Bury where the same thing had happened the previous day? The little shit.

      • Well, there’s enough Parking Stanleys in Bury already… Who the fuck is going to notice one more of the cunts?… I saw the milkshake thing… He looked like the common garden Joe Daki from where I was standing…

    • Probably did it for the Facebook or YouTube big-up!

      “Look at me, guys; look what I did! Ain’t I cool or what? Now gimme a like”

      But being the shithead he clearly is, he hasn’t thought this through clearly enough, because for every upside there’s a downside. And here we are with the downside and his pissy little life is in now in crisis.

      He’ll probably deman 24/7 police protection. and of course not being white or privileged will mean he’ll get just that. Unless some politician wades in like a Lammy or a Flabbott – in it for the soundbite etc.

    • if the “threat from the far right” was as he claims I doubt he would have had time to report it.

  13. These “professional fundraisers” are mildly irksome in the context of the Birmingham shopping precinct in the pic¹, a polite “no, thank you!” usually sufficing in getting them to belay.

    Far more annoying were the invasive ding-dongs and door knocks from cunts doing the rounds where I live. I must admit I’ve not had any recently, see below.

    As with the precinct predators, a simple “no thanks” normally got rid, but at its height these fuckers were becoming a menace. When (infrequently) in the right frame of mind, I enjoyed engaging them. The trick was to waste as much of their time as possible, while keeping them keen.

    I remember one gullible young gent, in particular. I kept him dangling by repeatedly saying I had a phone call, but actually going back to cooking for five minutes. After about half an hour of this, and wearing a bit thin, I let rip. I already knew a lot of detail about the methods of Apollo², the “company” he “worked” for.

    After two or three minutes of concise incisive invective about the true nature of his “job” and Apollo, the wretched little arse was visibly shaken, and he waddled off, disillusioned and crestfallen. My parting shot was advising him to apply for a shelf-stacking rôle at Tesco.

    ¹I notice this pic relates to stories in the Birmingham Mail, c. 2014, about banning chuggers, around the time that….
    ²a friend of a friend, approached me for legal advice. He had worked for Apollo, but had been repeatedly underpaid. In fact, these gullible twats are self-employed, but Apollo (and other similar outfits) arrange everything with BHF, RSPCA, Great Ormond St, Cancer Research, Tenovus etc. They also provide the direct debit forms, tabards, ID cards, and do all the admin and bookkeeping behind the scenes (and often rather creatively, as it seemed)… for which they take an enormous cut.
    The whole setup is an outrageous Ponzi-esque scam, with a handful at the top making fortunes. These fuckers run the operation as if it is entirely legit, and arrange “conferences”, even at an international level. It all seems quite plausible (if you’re a bit green).
    The “ethos” is you can work your way up, but in fact most leave after a few weeks when they realise they’re being had. Some poor bastards were going on week long road trips, all arranged by Apollo et al, and ended up owing them money for the accommodation.
    This was all around four years ago, and these utter cunts (I mean Apollo &c) have now been reigned in somewhat. They deserve all the bad press they get, and more besides.

    Hey ho, off for a nice carvery lunch in Oxshott with some old college chums. I’d almost forgotten about this purest cuntery.

      • No, I meant Apollo. Appco are (or were) a subsidiary of Apollo. There were quite a few spin-offs, but Apollo was the Original (and worst).

        The whole thing stank to fuck, but my friend’s mate got some redress by continuing to work chugging, but keeping very accurate records. When they shorted him again, he threatened to take them to the small claims court based on his extensive documentation. They paid up, but not the full arrears, and he fucked off shortly after.

        There was an Appco in Northern Quarter, Manchester, but he didn’t work for them. As said, Apollo was the umbrella organisation, surprise surprise! established by a Tank years earlier.

        They’re always in the vanguard, those Septics!

        • Come on cs, even In all your eloquence you know it is not a grapheme and should be ‘ether’.

          • Pseudo-pomposity, and apologies. It is, however, correct – if old-fashioned – to use the ligature “æ” here. As still occasionally found in proper nouns, such as: “Æsop’s Fables” it is only comparitively recent that the “æ” was dropped in favour of the simpler gggrapheme “e”.

            Throughout the C19th, before Einstein’s (&al) analysis of space-time, there was a persistent belief in the existence of “The Æther”. (An infinitely stiff medium that was the “necessary” medium of propagation for Clark-Maxwell’s “new” electromagnetic waves.)

            Now-a-days usually written “ether”, but until Poincaré, and later Einstein waded in with an analysis that required no medium for EM wave propogation, due to mainly topological considerations, this hypothetical¹ all-pervading “fluid” was ALWAYS referred to as the “æther”.

            Similarly, fæces is now usually written more simply “feces”. Apologies again for the gratuitous Jacob Rees-Mogg impersonation.

            ¹cf the earlier “phlogistron” theory of burning. Less sophisticated mathematically, but just as fallacious.

          • Lindsay in A Voyage to Arcturus 1920 notes a character Leehallfae; neither man nor woman, but a third sex for which the pronoun is ‘ae’; an idea 99 years old and surely quite useful collectively for the 0.03% who won’t respond to ‘he’ or ‘her’

            And that’s all the concession I’ll give to those confused cnuts

          • I stand corrected cs. You are indeed a fine sesquipedalian. ( Fuckin hell, I could only compose this reply with the help of Google)

    • very good and intelligent reply, I have just finished reading a book about this.
      didn’t make my piss boil just confirming suspicions I dof my hat to you sir.

      • Erratum
        “… implausibly stiff medium…”

        Certainly not infinitely stiff, but many orders of magnitude stiffer than steel, and of indeed infinitely low density, belief in the “æther theory”was in retrospect immensely “dafter” than the mediæval phlogiston notion… but many truly great nineteenth century theoreticians believed in it wholeheartedly.

        “Scientists” certainly have an infinite capacity to be stupid, opinionated and short-sighted cunts, like the rest. Brian Cox, anyone? (cunt)

        • Not an issue, and talking of blunts, B-spkn-cunt, I’m well on my way towards Bank Holiday oblivion, courtesy of the local nurseryman, Somerset apples, and if necessary some benzodiazepines, my gorgeous Jamaican bezzie mate having yet again “blown me out”.

          Ah well, Roger Penrose’s “Road to Reality” it is, and an early bath… though she normally reneges around now, and I have a “broken night’s sleep” and beat her at backgammon.

          We’ll see!

  14. Off topic… just watched the Marr Show:

    Ruth Davidson is a traitorous, fat, rug-munching, Jock CUNT.

  15. The knock on the door, and the dreaded words:

    How are you today sir? Don’t worry, I’m not trying to sell you anything.

    No, you want me to give you, a perfect stranger, my bank details, and to sign a direct debit whereby you can take whatever money you like from me, every fucking month. I just say that I can give them some money and they say they aren’t allowed to take money. End of.

  16. Fuck them and the horse they rode in on. Some Somalian bitch tried to hijack a plane I was on flying from one small town to another.In New Zealand. She was a cunt and so is anyone else advocating for the losers from Cuntsville.

  17. These fuckers really annoy me.

    There I am, beetling around town on my weekly trip to Poundland for some essential cheap shit and I am accosted by numerous muppets chasing me down for ‘a quick word’ about starving Mongolian lepers or an earthquake in Bangladesh or some other sad sack shite.

    What irritates me about these people is that when you say to them ‘So you are asking for money?’ they claim otherwise then rattle on about their agenda before ultimately asking you if you would be interested to set up a direct debit, so what they ACTUALLY mean is that they are not asking for CASH money right there and then, they are asking for cash money via a direct debit…..and a regular one, lying, crafty cunts.

    I go out of my way to avoid the twats now. I keep my head down and leg it as far from them as possible. If they do manage to catch me I politely say ‘Sorry, I’m in a hurry’ or impolitely say ‘I need charity myself actually, so please sod off’.

    They are usually of a type too…some pink haired, lefty student with a nose ring thinking what he or she is doing will change the world.


    • Those ‘radical’ and ‘rebellious’ students who all manage to look the same and are on a mission to change the world by studying International Relations (eh?) or Sociology.

      • Yep, those are the ones, LL.

        I remember being that age myself and STILL thinking at the time those types were annoying fuckers. I went to college/uni to study, not change the world.

        Funnily enough I studied Sociology at College. I failed it of course because I rapidly discovered it is boring as shite and about as useful as a poof in a convent.

  18. Luckily I have been blessed with a right miserable, grumpy visage.
    These cunts don’t even come near me.

  19. All the main stream charities can fuck right off!

    Not just these chugger cunts, but the TV appeals, the website ads … the whole fucking deal. Some of these charities have directors and chairmen on £100,000 salaries. Why? And don’t give me all that shit about “If you want the best you have to pay the best” bollocks.

    These cunts should be earning minimum wage purely out of empathy for the cunts they’re supposed to be representing.

    I’ll just stick to my local charities; people whom I know and genuinely need help; and not the likes of Oxfam, NSPCC and other national and international so-called charities

  20. Salaries of Chief Executive Officers of some well-known Charities and Prime Minister 2018.

    Prime Minister £149,440

    Age UK 190,000
    Amnesty International UK 210,000
    British Heart Foundation 180,000
    British Red Cross 173,000
    Cancer Research 240,000
    Macmillan Cancer Support 170,000
    NSPCC 162,000
    Wellcome Trust 445,220 (yes you are seeing correctly).
    Now fuck off and put your clipboard where the sun doesn’t shine you volunteer fuckwit.

    • Thanks for the empirical data; and even though I loathe and detest May, I have to admit her responsibilities of looking after and representing all British interests (which I know is absolute bollocks these days), suggests she should be earning a shit load more than she does; and certainly more than the cunts on that list.

      I just wonder how much of your £5 donation actually goes to the people that need it most, and what slice (or “admin fee” as these cunts call it), go to these CEO cunts?

      • If it’s Cancer research they get none of your £5. The whole thing is a fraud from start to finish. The proof is available online. The serial charity bitch fronting these cunts is only the tip of the iceberg. There’s a load of the lying cunts on massive salaries. They don’t DO any research. The only thing that the thieving bastards ever discovered is how to keep themselves in a big salary for life. Interesting point when they were exposed for what they are they didn’t prosecute the guy. There wasn’t a peep out of the cunts.

    • Salvation Army – £13,000 I read somewhere. The only one worth supporting.

      I am such a miserable, curmudgeonly cunt I am rarely approached.

      • Evening Cunstable. Agreed. The only one I support financially and with donations of clothes etc. They don’t have a CEO as such. The equivalent is Commissioner Anthony Cotterill salary 15,500 p.a. plus housing. Dog bless him and all the Sally Army.

  21. Yeah, the Sally Army is the only one I give to, but that’s only because they look after homeless drunks so I figure I might need them some day.
    I look on it as a sort of insurance policy.

    • I think Mr Fiddler gives to Retired Witchfinders and Prosecutors of Heresy for the same reasons.

    • I don’t because they are alcohol intolerant and against bum banidry.

  22. Love running in t these cunts in town, my standard reply to them is ‘sorry cock don’t speak English’ (in a broad Lancashire accent)
    Confuses the fuck out of the cadging pricks!

  23. Oh forgot to mention the cheeky gits at Pets At Home. As the checkout girl ran through my items she says “Would you like to make £2 donation for the retired greyhounds?” To which I said a flat no and the look of disgust the checkout moron gave me was quite something. Pets At Home can sod off.

    • I get my stuff direct delivery from Amazon, why does a bag of food for £25 at pets at home drop to £17.99 on amazon (including delivery)?

      • Pets at Home have shops with business rates I guess. Wasn’t the undertaker, Hammond, threatening to make online businesses pay more to help with the decline of the High Street?! I think he finally realised that business rates need to come down.

        I make my own food for the dog now and buy a mineral supplement from Amazon. Am about to buy a dehydrator, also from Amazon, so I can make meat dog treats. No attitude from surly staff when buying online and it is cheaper!

  24. My main reason for hating these cunts is that they insist on calling you buddy. I fucking hate that. Cunts.

  25. Paid for £30 of unleaded at an Esso garage a few days ago. Used my debit card.

    When paying a message came up asking whether I would like to donate 25p to charity. YES or NO.

    Fuck off.

  26. I often offer to donate to various charities, on the condition they rename themselves The Spastic Society.

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