Benjamin Zephania

Modern poetry as exemplified by Benjamin Zephania is a cunt. I was never into poetry much, mostly a lah-di-dah bunch of daffodils, but every now and again a poem could grab me as being very good, moving even.
The same cannot be said for the putrid stream of steaming shit (see what I just did?) which is now lauded as poetry. Zephania is even being touted as the next Poet Laureate. The following is a sample of his ‘work’.

‘Be nice to yu turkeys dis christmas
Cos’ turkeys just wanna hav fun Turkeys are cool, turkeys are wicked
An every turkey has a Mum.’

From ‘Talking Turkeys’.

Fucking God in Heaven. I was probably five or six when I came out with something similar. And I was able to put an e on have. What next? Astronomer Royal announces ‘big shiny yellow ting up in sky’?
Is this what we have come to? I would love to say cunt but I’m beyond swearing with this, I’m just sad.

Nominated by Zippy

57 thoughts on “Benjamin Zephania

  1. Is that his brain in that picture or a lump of suet pudding, if a white man put forth such childish work he would be thought of as simple, I can’t wait for his interpretation of A ring a ring of roses, get a proper job.!

  2. But clearly his poem has an underlying subliminal message which basically suggests suppression, oppression, exploitation, degradation etc etc of the not-white race during the Nazi-like days of Colonialism by the Big White Man and the boom boom stick!

    He will no doubt become the next poet laureate purely because of this devastating poem that will shake the world to its foundations, innit!

  3. “Us Dar Keys we like da stabbin’
    We also like white women grabbin’
    Swimmin’ pools make us frantic
    Cuz we sink like da Titanic

    Us Dar Keys like de rice’ n’ peas,
    A job? Fuck Off,please,
    Whitey’s racism,it never stops,
    Us go burn down his shops

    Da Cummmoooidddeee is da ting.
    Me stolen mobile,it go “ring”
    Me no answer unless it da DHSS
    Wid free cash for me bling.

    Fuck Off.

    • We see the poet here addressing his usual themes. His concerns we all know now. But in this piece he introduces the idea that dark people cannot float. When we all know they can. A poet’s foible? We must just put it down to poetic license.

  4. This grandson of a cotton picker is obsessed with Fakestinians. Mr Um Bongo also refused a gong due to it’s colonial reference.

    Fuck off.

    Morning counters.

    • Precisely iH
      I saw some cunt blathering on about him once, apparently he’s really original? So is every turd I flush down my fucking toilet ….

  5. The old saying about an infinite amount of monkeys with typewriters and an infinite amount of time applies here.
    Obviously, given that an infinite amount of monkeys has not been applied to the task, the output is utter garbage. Innit.

    Get fucked.

    • Revolutionary! Whos he wrote that for Bernard Matthews? The daft cunts in his mid-late 50s and still dreaming of revolution, well revolutions are blood drenched messy ‘tings’ where people starve, go without medicines and all the things these lefties are meant to oppose, get a haircut, get a proper job and fuck off Benjamin

      • No “diss” to you Zippy, but I couldn’t believe the turkey poem…until I looked it up !!

        What a complete arsewipe Zephania is. The verse from Shirley Valentine (Don’t rob cars, it’s mad, it’s bad etc.) is streets ahead, but probably waaaycist – the wiggers would be offended, methinks.

        I haven’t looked TOO closely at the pic, but I wonder if he shares a dentist with that cuuuuunt Verminhofstadt ?

  6. Presumably this retard had a ‘mum’ too. Clearly didn’t do a very good job. I share your pain Zippy.

  7. His brain is exposed in the picture for measurement.
    Here we can see it’s substantially smaller size, as compared to the european, white brain.

    • Looking at his ‘brain’, it would strike you as being one which would most certainly be turned down for medical science.

      • But it said on the jar it belonged to abbey someone….abbey normal?

    • Humans are really thick compared to whales. They have much smaller brains than sperm whales whose average brain weight is about 8 kg.

      Human brains average about 1.3 kg, similar in weight to that of a dolphin.

      Btw, wimmin’s brains are smaller and weigh less than men’s. Dawn Lardbutt has a brain approximately the size and weight of one peanut, possibly.

      Science has yet to discover a brain in the Flabbottamus.

  8. I wrote a poem once. It’s called ‘Untitled’.

    Jesus up-pup-oh-gôlly-gosh blew out his candles
    It had been two years since he’d worn sandals.
    Ten to be precise, fifty to be sure
    A big piece of nutmeg lying by the door.

    The chiselling of elbows
    The crushing of hips
    The hammering of toes
    The tearing of lips.

    Everything is perfect
    Everything is perfect
    Everything is perfect
    And the same age.

    • Good morning RTCp, well no idea what its about but it looks like a poem.

      Well done, now can you remeber where you left your coat.

      • Morning Mr Sick. Got my coat on, taxi’s imminent, flight’s been booked.

        Fuck knows what it’s about. I wrote it over 40 years ago.

        Imho, poetry doesn’t have to be about anything specific, it’s often more about conveying a feeling, the kind of written equivalent to music or abstract art. I was brought up on a diet of Edward Lear, Lewis Carrol, Beano, Dandy etc.

        That said, I’ve never been a fan of poetry in general.

        • Morning Mr Ruff

          Reluctant to ask, but can you remember if you were you under the influence of any particular substance at the time?

          In any case, far superior to the Levi Roots bollocks.

          Good morning.

          • Morning Willie.

            I was sober as the day is long. Occasionally wrote poems and short stories to wile away the tedious hours working in a secondhand record shop in the mid ’70s…

        • I am sure some literary academic would be able to put a spin on the deeper meaning, probably, maybe.


          • Jesus you mention, sandals, candles, the idea of ‘perfection’. Maybe an inchoate expression of a religious yearning RT?

        • John Betjeman is pretty good.

          I feel that “Senex” is probably my poem…

  9. He is not as angry as he used to be, but still a twat and luckily didnt get the top poet job, its gone to a Yorkshire Lad, cant remeber his name because I dont give a fuck!

  10. Forgot to mention, and I really should get it in, that poetry is a transmission vector for the gayness and the medical condition known as being “simple”.
    It also encourages the wearing of dungarees, crocs, and flowers in the hair, encourages skipping in adults and creates a hunger for tofu and an aversion to meat.
    Fuck poetry.

  11. “Diversity”, “multiculturalism”

    Just words for enforced degeneration and decay.

    So some uppity, semi literate jam jar decoration is being spoken of as a future poet laureate? Not in the least surprised.

    Not surprised that skin whitening is becoming popular among the genetically swarthy either. Fuck me, if even some of them are getting embarrassed by these cunts!!

    A fucking dyslexic speak your weight machine that had spent years being marinaded in wino piss could write better “poetry” than this cunt.

  12. SKY NEWS. Thomas Cook slumps to £1.46bn half-year loss as Brexit hits holiday demand.

    There you have it Theresa May and your fucking shit incompetent government, Brexit is good for Global Warming.

  13. This mornings themed news on BBC, Breakfast TV “”Waking up to menopause week”.

    Fuck off.

    • ‘Waking up to menopause week?’

      At my age, I’ll shortly be doing that every fuckin’ day! Cant one even enjoy their Weetabix without ‘wimmin’s issues’ shoved in your mush?

      Breakfast TV? What a bag o’shite.

        • Morning Fim!

          Have they got nowt better to talk about on breakfast TV these days than hot flushes and vaginal dryness?

          For the sake of fuck, sigh.

        • My late father (a good and kind man) was a Mason.

          Asked me several times whether I would like to join and become a fellow brother, and despite there being plenty of Masons in the London insurance market (of which I was part of for nearly 30 years), politely declined the offer.

          He refused to tell me about what went on at the meetings or what the point of the Masons was, all he would say is that they do good work, and knowing my father that was good enough for me.

          Your post reminds me of the time he said was once at a funeral, where yet another one of his elderly Masonic friends had died that and at the eulogy the oldest Mason lightened proceedings by saying that as there had been several deaths of fellow brothers in relatively quick succession) that it was hardly worth his while going home before he would be back there again. Rather suspect he was referring to his own pending demise, which was soon after.

          Also remember this great clip from (the very nearly late) Mike Wood MP.

          A Tory MP who continues to vote for Brexit so glad he survived.

    • There are of course select moments in life when I am truly interested in the topic of women’s fuck holes.

      But not during my consumption of croissants and a fine cup of English Breakfast, for fucks sake.

  14. Some cunt has just walked past me with a hooded top emblazoned
    “Illegal business controls America”.

    What a total scumcunt.

    And Maddogga deserves a partial uncunting for standing up to the BDS cunts.

  15. Royal Team Talk, Tackling Mental Health. With Prince William.

    And Thierry Henry, Rio Ferdinand and other footballing cunts.

    A real fucking treat coming soon on BBC.

    What the fuck is the matter with the BBC.

    Not prepared for our hard earned money to be wasted on this and other BBC shite and won’t be renewing our TV licence.

    • I neither love nor loathe the Royals.

      But IMHO they should be stoic, and not moan about how fucking difficult life is. We all have difficulties, we all suffer loss, but that doesn’t make us all fucking experts on mental health.

      Stroker – cancelling the TV license is virtually a required action for the non-left these days.

    • What’s Wobbly Gobbed Tosser Rio going to talk about?
      Let me guess… The ‘anguish’ of losing his deceased wife, while he had every slag in Manchester on a plate while the poor woman was still alive…
      He’s a cunt…

    • I think its funny. They prattle on about mental health issues rising but fail to mention any of the issues leading to this rise.

      Crowded country, immigrants and eastern Europeans taking all the jobs and housing, woman given priority in the workplace, and then wonder why the indigenous mostly white males are a bit fucked off with life.


  16. dis Benjamin he de man
    makin de words rhyme
    know wha’ I mean
    he de poet
    jus don’ know it
    but he got de hair
    he got de eyes
    he got de problem too
    im lookin’ for de word
    dat rhymin’ with hunt
    an’ lookin in de mirror
    he findin’ it
    yes, he’s a complete and utter illiterate ganja-addled cunt.

  17. Zephania Is not a poet – he’s a versifier who has a certain skill putting pidgeon English words together so that they sound clever. He’s no better than a rapper, a third rate con-artist not worthy of the designation “poet”. In short, he’s a cunt.

    That this twat could even be considered as a poet laureate shows the depths to which the literary establishment has sunk. What counts now is not whether or not a writer is aesthetically brilliant or profound but whether or not they represent some “ oppressed” minority whose “voice” has been “ brutally oppressed” by appreciation of dead white male poets.

    Thank god Simon Armitage got the job. Armitage is over rated but he’s a decent poet and leagues ahead of this cunt. Zephania has not even reached the level of Pam Ayers.

    Anyway, being poet laureate is the kiss of death for any decent poet. Wordsworth went from the sublime to the turgid when he got the gig and Ted Hughes became a boring cunt turning out poems about royal births.

    As an example of how shite the modern literary scene is becoming I saw a book of piety proudly displayed in Foyles the other day called “ Queer Poets of Colour”. I kid you not, this steaming pile of crap exists. You can find it on Amazon. I had to resist the urge to piss on the books there and then. Maybe Zephania is in it?


  18. A timely Nom with the announcement Simon Armitage is to take over from Carol Anne Duffy as the new Poet Laureate. (After it was offered to some Aisan woman poet who declined it.)
    Armitage said that the Queen is only his ‘line manager’ (clever cunt) and has no responsibility to write about The Royal Family.
    Clever as I say but no ‘inspiration’, no ‘lifting of the spirits’ and of course no beauty.
    Pope’s ‘The Rape of the Lock’ comes to mind. About the surreptitious snipping of a lock of hair from a Beloved. The ‘mock heroic, style. Anyway, Simon’s whole output is not worth a paragraph of Pope’s poetic verse.

  19. “What next? Astronomer Royal announces ‘big shiny yellow ting up in sky’?”

    …..I just nearly pissed myself.

  20. Here ah stand , all broken hearted,
    Paid me penny but only farted.

    Do I get a Laureate for that ?

    • Maybe Pam “Fucking” Ayres will appear, as if by magic, and hand you a clean pair of underpants !

  21. A young woman was crap at tennis
    But at swimming was really a menace
    When asked why
    She gave the reply
    “I was a streetwalker in Venice”

  22. I was brought up on Zephania’s idea of poetry through the PC comprehensive education of the late eighties and early nineties. I prefer his turkey verse to Carol Ann Duffy. If it’s the job of the laureate to mark occassions of state and the royals then why appoint such surly SJW types?

  23. Zephania is guilty of cultural appropriation – he’s from the west midlands but looks and talks like a Jamaican rasta.

    • He was the vicar in Peaky Blinders. Given the series’ unwavering committment to historical authenticity I’ve no doubt whatsoever that you couldn’t move for Rastafarian clergymen in 1920s Brum.

  24. There once was a girl from the Azores
    Who’s fanny was covered in sores
    All the dogs in the street
    Came to eat the green meat
    Which hung in festoons from her drawers

    I’ll get me coat….

  25. Give me Rudyard Kipling and his exceedingly good poems. His cakes are not so bad either.

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