The New European

Hold the front page please for a long overdue cunting of that most risible of newspapers The New European, edited by one Matt Kelly, 49 going on 17, who, with his beard and gaunt expression looks as though he spends his nights sleeping on a park bench, and turns his one pair of keks inside out once a week in the hope that the shit stains will rub off. Although the circulation has dwindled from 40,000 to 20,000 since its inception it is allowed to mither on spewing its pro EU lies and propaganda.

Just look at this dreadful puff-piece:-

No doubt Mangledbum, Grieve, Blair and co enjoy the prospect of wanking over each fresh new issue as it drops through the letterbox with the Guardian, but it seems to be a circle jerk for all pretentious wankers, who according to Kelly, send him photos of their pathetic selves reading his shitrag over a croissant and coffee, just to show “how European” they are.

Editor at large is that former porn writer turned piss artist, Alistair Campbell who “knows everybody from Clinton down” according to trendy Mr. Kelly (shouldn’t that be everyone from Clinton UP?)

This Canute paper is bankrolled by Archant, who own, and have closed, many local newspaper titles (no doubt in part to fund this wretched posers and poofters status symbol).

You usually find a few dog-eared copies in any and every W. H. Smith and Sainsburys every day of the week (Lord Sainsbury is another famous Anthony Blair arsecrawler, as well he might be, as Blair gave him a job as Science Minister, where he was able to put aside his conflict of interests, of course), because the fucking rag just doesn’t sell, except to a few snowflake pansies who like to show off in the coffee shop or the train. Still it must save Smiths and Sainsburys a few quid each week in toilet paper, which is about all it is good for.

I am sure our hardworking backbench MPs look forward to fifteen minutes in the bog with their New European and a jar of handcream to enjoy a good wank – probably the hardest thing they do that day. Motherfuckers!

Nominated by W C Boggs

47 thoughts on “The New European

  1. OK Matt. When I said that should be a colon after the word diagram I didn’t want you to draw one on the wall. Hand over the black felt-tip… Now!

  2. I hate to confirm the stereotype but I have only ever seen one cunt reading this knobrag…..yes, it was on the train, yes, he was a hipster, dolphin tattoo type and yes, he was constantly looking around to see who had noticed how urbane and sophisticated he was.
    I usually read their summary of the question time panel on their shitehole website on a Thursday. Without fail the 2 leavers are slagged to the high heavens while the 3 remoaners are annointed with sainthood.
    I can’t see how these cunts can be making any money with that kind of circulation. Surely they must be bankrolled by some rich fucker(s)?
    What the fuck is an “Editor at Large” anyway? Is it a euphemism for mentally deranged, pisshead wanker?

  3. The title is enough to ignore whatever it contains, I watched a piece last night on the historical expenses rip off at the EU, what a bunch of cunts , they could rival fucking Lammy.

    The seven are now eleven, top shelf remoaners.


    Two complete scumbags (and another cow I’m not sure about) have left the Tory Party to join Chucker Remoana & Co.

    Anna Soubry, Sarah Wollaston and Heidi Allen.

    Good fucking riddance (as my old man quipped when told of Lady Die’s death)

    Dog I despise that Wollaston bitch!

    • Fuck, that means we’ll hear nothing else on East Midlands Today, as if Nottingham isn’t pushed enough already.

  5. Brilliant news Tory quislings Soubry wollaston and Heidi Allen have quit the Conservative party and joined the “ not so independent group”
    Good riddance you utter cunts!!
    Nicky Morgan said it was a shame to see such a principled individual like Soubry leave? So principled that despite her constituents voting overwhelmingly to leave the EU she has championed remain!!! I wonder if her principles will extend to her calling a by election and standing on her (fake)
    independent platform?? Hmm 🤔

    • They should have done the decent thing that men of honour would have done when carrying out an act of treason. Disappear into a room with a bottle of scotch and a revolver – one bang and buried in the family catacomb. Complete and utter traitors. They ALL stood on tickets of an in / out vote in 2016. They all stood on a ticket of honouring the GE promise of extracting us from the sickly EU. To then make it appear that all that went on without their knowledge and against their wishes is at best utter stupidity and worst a heinous act of treason. We really are finding out the mettle (or lack) of these safe seat politicians acting like the landed gentry making out they are falling on their sword on a matter of principle. If any of the cabinet had a pair of balls they would write a suitable obituary befitting these enemies within. Not worth a wank, any of them. The only silver lining is that its 3 split arses. Fucking arsewipe traitors to a cunt.

    • Why are these cunts are always described as “extremely talented” by their former colleagues when they leave, sorry they have left and so on.
      The only talent the 11 cunts have is crying about leaving the EU and Soubry has an extra string to her bow, top notch gurning when someone disagrees with her , ugly fucking slag.

    • Morning Q….!

      I left an almost identical post just previous to yours and it went straight into moderation!!!! 😡

      The Tories can only benefit from these defections. Let’s hope Appeaser May is next to go…

      Prime Ministers Questions should be quite interesting!

    • Sartre would have a new definition of hell: the clashing egos of Superbitch Soubry and Baldy Man Umunna

  6. Looks like they’re forming their own remoaner/ 2nd referendum party. Well, at least the cunts are being honest. Why don’t they just join Cablescum’s mob? They’ve been Eurotrash traitors right from the off.
    What a bunch of lowlife cunts.

    • Strange though, Freddie, the bang on about a second referendum – the fucking People’s Vote, yet not one of the 11 shitstains is willing to have a By Election “people’s vote” – because the fuckers know they would all lose.

    • Its on its way Miles. When Cressida without the Dick estimates it will take a century to reflect the population of Londonistan more closely = by that time the IS flag will be flying over Westminster and a European caliphate with Sharia law firmly established in that shithole that we once called “Our Capital”. Fuck me – I hate this country that bred me. To see it going down the pan like an oiled turd grieves me immensely but I cannot see a way back from this mud coloured future of pubic hair headed, flared nostril, rubber lipped, speech impaired dindoos and their ginger haired fucked up offspring. Its like watching a plane crash moments before impact in slow motion. You know the outcome but you cant do fuck all to stop it.

      • its a pity that the demographic of the capital doent reflect the representation in the police.

        That Would be easier to acheive if all the …………….
        Fuck off.

    • I think I’d only feel marginally less embarrassed to be reading a spank mag about octogenarian readers wives, on public transport…..

      • Well, the octogenarian spank mag would probably be written by Campbellend…

        Featuring Cheroot B Liar, Laydee Thornberry et al.

  7. I briefly worked at a place where a bespectacled berk about thirty read this rag between chewing on his pulled pork and meticulously picking his nose. He was as illiterate as he was arrogant.

  8. The Sourberries bitch knows she’s a goner anyway. She has a majority of 1800 so wouldn’t survive the next election even if she avoided deselection.
    A self serving, sly traitorous cunt just like the rest of them.

  9. At £2.50 a pop I imagine their sales will continue to fall. Strictly for the already conv/perverted.

    Breaking, Soubry, Wollaston and Allen, harpies all, have fled the Tories for the new shiny Remoan Tendency, as rather widely predicted. Hope they like the return to New Labour values.

    Now IG is safely centrist, I think we can expect Jonathan Powell and Simon Franks to ooze their way into its circle. Nothing yet from Tony, who has yet to bring his expertise to bear on the group, but it’s possible that even now he is closeted (Reader: Too right he is.) with David Miliband in New York and organising an orderly transition of power.

    More of that popcorn, please. Mmm. Tasty.

  10. OTOH Heidi Allen, who also jumped onto the sinking ship, represents S. Cambs, which was strongly Remain and safely Tory. However LeaveEU have tried to deselect her. Wollaston, the other one, voted Leave in the referendum, saying, “the balance of our national interest now lies outside the EU” What changed her mind isn’t clear, but the existence of Boris Johnson may have been a factor, but her constituency voted Leave and there was a local move to deselect her as a result. Jumped before pushed.

    • Oops, seems I’m not the only one, eh? The great man is back, btw. I expect the joint is jumping with such dialogue.
      Sorry to rattle your cage, go well.

  11. Can I just give some appreciation to W. C. Boggs for his consistently witty opening lines on his noms?

    • Well it’s very possible that Pep is one of his readers…….rich, foreign, dresses like a poof and in the pay of the peacefuls.

  12. Hmmm. Thanks for the heads up.

    I have never heard of this pile of shite rag, but it is something to consider using if they run out of bog roll at Poundland.

    What a pile of cunt.

    • Sounds a bit expensive though. Cheaper buying the proper stuff, Izal Medicated, and not pre-soiled, by the sounds of it. Never heard of it either, Nurse.

      • True, Caughtspedding, very true.

        Mind you, it would be worth every penny to bring into reality what this newspaper truly is…..a shit rag.

        Not sure about Izal Medicated…..I’m an Andrex gal myself……

        • Indeed Nurse. I’m actually pretty apolitical, and think most newspapers are fit only for occasional use in the outside bog.
          Used to like the 3-ply M&S stuff with a fleur-de-lys pattern, but then realised what a cunt I was. Now it’s Double Velvet / Cushelle, if on offer… or that Nicky stuff with Hello Vera from HomeBargains isn’t bad. Wonder whether you can still get Izal? Probably big in India, Malaysia or other ex-colony, at a guess.

  13. Just checked out the New European on Wiki. The contributor’s list reads like a who’s who of cunts.

    Heidi Allen; not much of a MP. Would give her top marks in some heavy MILF porn and that is about it.

  14. What’s great about all these resignations Lab or Con is that we are starting to see one dividend of Brexit. Basically the Labour Party ( which was Wank par excellence) has become the old Militant tendency mob — fuck even Degsey is back in the fold now! These breakaway Labour turds now represent Old new Labour ( yes I know it’s a bit confusing- a Joke) leaving Catweasle in charge of ‘new’ new Labour. We are beginning to see a clearing of the fogg. The Con defectors might just have well have been Old new Labour people anyway so good riddance to the cunts – indeed Anna Sourface was SDP originally (possibly via Labour?) I believe in her early days. So the Conservatives are starting to look slightly more like a real Conservative party in the Thatcher sense— sure a long way to go and to be frank Old Conservative was not exactly perfect but it was something I could just about tolerate voting for verses any shade of Labour and I would rather stick glass up my fundamentals than ever vote Lib dog shite Dem.

    Anyway point is that Brexit is showing people for what they are — for the Independents it’s people happy to stand on a pledge to deliver Brexit — people also who say we should have another vote becasue we were confused. Well on the first point they clearly show themselves to be huge whopping liars and on the second point duplicitous to the extreme………

    Cunts. Fuck off.

    • Makes you wonder about cunts like Soubry. Conservatives with a small ‘c’. Infiltrate the Conservative Party and use all powers possible to move it left to centre ground to satisfy their own aspirations.

      I suspect the likes of Soubry, Allen, Morgan, Mr Cuckold, etc. are prime examples of these quasi-conservative lefties. Now the heat is too much, the likes of Soubry and Allen have fucked off to join the MAOAM cola pinball-headed cunt’s party.

      I wouldn’t be surprised to see Morgan hand in her resignation next.

      Cunts to all men.

      • So, Morgan in the Not Very Red Pool for you? Ian “Stereo-on-Expenses*” Austin for me. If he hasn’t jumped by the time you read this.


  15. Just heard Sourberries on the radio whining like a bitch: “the Conservative Party is now run by hard line Brexiteers.”
    Do what? Do fucking what? What world is this mad old cow living in ? She needs to have some medical cunt take a look at what’s in her fucked up brain.

    • What a fucking comedy show.
      Fuck me , that Berger thing looks like a wicked witch from some kids film.

  16. Thanks to Merkel, Macron and Soros, the ‘new European’ handbook will soon be the toilet roll otherwise known as the Koran.

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