There was a time, not so long ago, that you’d see them in every high street and outside every supermarket. Decent, honest British pissheads trying to rehabilitate themselves and make a few bob by selling The Big Issue.
Then THEY arrived. Migrating predatory hordes from the former People’s Republic of Commietania, bent on snapping up every vendor’s pitch and driving the native population to the verge of extinction. Yes, they’ve tramped the length of Europe to take advantage of that big, brave new world of opportunity that is flogging The Big Issue.
Anyway, I came out of my local supermarket yesterday evening on the stroke of five, and there she was, resplendent in her national costume of headscarf, sleeveless padded jacket, ankle length skirt and trainers. As people passed she chanted out her litany with shit-eating grin soldered in place; ‘Allo, Beeg Eeshoo plizz, Beeg Eeshoo plizz…’.
Just then a sleek new Volvo came gliding to a stop, with a shifty looking type at the wheel and another couple of identikit women sellers in the back. She promptly grabbed her rucksack and jumped in, and the car sailed off. Mmm. Did I say something about taking advantage of opportunity? Well you can call me suspicious, you can call me cynical, but I spy with my little eye, something beginning with SCAM…
Nominated by Ron Knee