Scratters On Bikes
I think the consensus on IsAC would have it that while not all cyclists are cunts, there are an awful lot of cunts going around on bikes.
We’re all familiar with that ludicrous, self-satisfied sub category of cycle cunt known as the ‘lycra loony’. I’d like to cunt another sub category, namely, scratters on bikes. Going along a main road in my car earlier, I was suddenly mortified by the sight of a scratter on a bike hurting straight towards me, on MY side of the road. You’ll know the type. Hoody, scarf across face, scruffy trainers, shitty ‘shell’ bottoms; his best outfit in fact. As if this behaviour wasn’t execrable enough, the bag o’ shite was actually freewheeling, as he was using both hands to text on his mobile!! Naturally I gave this fucker a wide berth, and of course he was supreme in his arrogance that everyone would do just that.
Scratters are lowlife cunts period, but scratters on bikes are a repugnant antisocial disease. They weave recklessly through traffic. They race along pavements doing wheelies, they ignore red lights and belt through pedestrian crossings when the green man (sorry, ethnic minority pedestrian crossing facilitator) is on. Remonstrate with a scruff on a bike and you’ll get a ‘fuck off’ for your trouble. The Highway Code is something for everyone else to adhere to, and for them to disregard with impunity. They invariably dress in hard to see clothes without benefit of high visibility strips or lights when it’s dark, and they invariably don’t wear helmets. They behave this way because they can. They’re very hard to identify, can disappear quickly, and no doubt are very hard to catch, even if the scuffers actually gave a fuck.
These arseholes are about as welcome as a dose of the clap. They’re like flies in summer, and they’re everywhere. I swear that if I witnessed an incident between one of these ratbags and a vehicle, I’d take the vehicle driver’s part, wherever responsibility actually lay. That’s how much I hate these fuckers. Scratters on bikes should fuck off and die, as of yesterday. Cunts every one.
Nominated by Ron Knee