Tasteless advertising

I was in the middle of watching Deadliest Catch (crab fishing in the Bering Sea) when the ads. came on. Imagine my genuine horror and disgust when Jenny Eclair appeared up to explain how uncomfortable it was to have a dry and itchy vagina. The shameless harridan then had the gall to recommend Vagiel to ease the symptoms. Fuck me,a picture of Jenny Eclair,ankles round the back of her head,rubbing cream into her (undoubtedly) foul sugar-walls popped into my head…..I’m genuinely traumatised,as are the poor dogs who fled as my roar of pain and anger rattled every window in Fiddler Towers. Spilled my Bushmills and tipped the fucking ashtray in a desperate grab for the fucking remote.

Why put an ad for diseased fannies on during a programme which I can’t imagine appeals to many women? Why have that revolting old hag advertising the muck?…..Gemma Arterton I could have lived with…even enjoyed,but Jenny fucking Eclair?

It’s a bloody disgrace and I plan to complain, in the strongest possible terms,to the Advert Watchdog just as soon as this stomach-churning image has faded from my mind and allowed me to convey to the bastards just how strong my feelings are about this obnoxious episode.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

37 thoughts on “Tasteless advertising

  1. Couldn’t think of a more appropriate person to advertise this stuff, considering she’s spent the last thirty years talking about her minge in public.
    Crude, repulsive woman, probably responsible for a significant percentage of the poofs mincing around today.

  2. I haven’t seen the ad, and based on your vivid description I don’t think I will ever want to. I also find it ironic they’re showing these ad in a program about crabs!

    You can complain to those cunts at the ASA, but it will probably get ignored because you’ll be taking a pop at “feminine empowerment” and all that PC bollocks.

    Perhaps there should be an ad for middle aged blokes, demonstrating how to check for testicular cancer. I wonder how many wimminz would complain at the sight of a bloke poking & prodding his balls in the middle of Corrie or X Factor!

    Golly gosh – the mental image of Eclair sponging her pustulating vag legs akimbo has really put me off my brekkie (bacon sarnie and tomato sauce)

    • To be honest, a bloke poking & prodding his balls in the middle of X Factor would probably be one of the more entertaining acts in the show….

  3. You’ll never unsee it mr Fiddler.
    All you can do is take it one day at a time…
    You will require much more whiskey from now on sir.
    This sort of crass assault on decency is exactly why I do not watch TV. The adverts are just waiting for you, like a snare in the grass.
    Sly, conniving cunts.

  4. Perhaps they thought that vaginal dryness was linked with catching crabs. If any old fishy trout would give you crabs it would be Jenny (Talia) Éclair, the crabby, gobby CUNT!

    • One literary image that has stuck with me for years is that of a horse’s head used as eel-bait: when pulled out of the river it was absolutely writhing (one of Gunter Grass’, I think…)…

      I often suspect that some of these twats are similarly adorned.

  5. Dry and itchy fanny?

    Sounds more like a personal hygiene issue than one of lubrication.

    They might have well as said: “Don’t like to wash your smelly bits on a daily basis? No problem! With new and improved Cunt Swarfega you don’t have to!”

    They could get Barry Scott to do it with all his usual vim and vigor. Still a cunt but without the flaking Eclair lady-bits imagery.

    • “Dry and itchy fanny” – sounds like Japanese sisters!

      I bet Maybot suffers from vaginal dryness, but I suspect most of her front bench go down on her every morning just so she can put up with being constantly fucked over by every man and his dog over Brexit!

      Might also explain why she’s a bit of a hunchback having to continually bend down and inspect who is licking her flaky, cavernous minge!

    • Hi, I’m Barry Scott, Do you have a filthy stench trench? Use new Clit Bang Cheese & Sulphuric Acid, BANG and the minge is gone.

  6. I’ve just been thinking of other ads which could employ unsuitable personalities….The Pope could perhaps do one for Kinder Surprise, an obvious rip-off of a Love-Egg designed to appeal to the “younger” market. They are advertised “as coming with a surprise”…I just bet they do when the Pope is involved.

    • I found this ad equally distasteful, the first time I saw it Dick Fiddler. And unnecessary too. There is enough information out there in the public domain already on this very subject, without us being force fed it on the box. But I guess the advertising companies have succeeded in their aims. It’s so awful, it sticks in the mind.

  7. The filthy old Su Pollard wannabee,she seems to have spent her whole career appearing on other peoples shows imparting her pointless wimminz bullshit,had she advertised laxatives then would that make her a chocolate Eclair?💩💩💩

  8. Imagine how many 1L tubs of Vagisil her disgusting old crinkly fanny could absorb?

  9. I’m working in council transfer station, bins,rats,odours you wouldn’t appreciate, nappies and plenty more shite.
    But Jenny Eclairs dry cunt has made me feel rather queasy.🤮

  10. Hey Krav and mincepieguy…any thoughts on middle-aged ladies wrinkly, dusty old fannies?!

      • I don’t even think Indiana Jones would want to dig very deep in her Temple of Fucking Doom!

    • I find her quite attractive for an older woman,
      It’s just when she opens her mouth I find her off putting.
      Nevertheless, I have been known to dabble with the fairer sex .
      If Jenny turned up at one of my parties, she would be welcome to join in, I have plenty of strap ons for the young lady to bugger me up my number two.

  11. There’s nothing new under the sun. I remember Mrs. Boggs, as was her want, was watching Crossroads one evening, more than 30 years ago when during the advert break (about 6.45) this posh girl comes on the telly to stop her mother taking a spray can from her room. “Oooh, nooo, mummy. That’s my INTIMATE deoderant – not for underarm….”. Yes it was fanny freshner, and I nearly bought my Fray Bentos steak and kidney pie straight up again. I think after complaints from more refined ladies they made the company concerned advertise this product later at night. I am waiting to see if Superdrug or Boots, two companies that are entirely wimmin fixated will be advertising a special dildo for Xmas with a deoderant spray in it.

    Why don’t they bring back the Little X adverts and bra adverts with a woman with a decent pair of knockers modelling it?. Or the girl who used to walk through a field giving a flake a blow job.

  12. Come come Fiddler, I had you down as being made of sterner stuff than this. A dry, itchy fanny shouldn’t be causing such distress. Perhaps you’ve been working too hard ? Admittedly it’s an unsavoury subject and I agree that fine, hardworking and upstanding male members of this land shouldn’t have to be exposed to this filth, but it’s not the worst thing in the world.
    I think you need to take yourself in hand, I would suggest lighting a fine cigar and cracking open a bottle of Warres Warrior, once you’ve had a good quaff, jump in the Hilux and drive down to the village, kick in the doors of the Women’s Institute and shout something appropriate, ” Strumpets ! Harlots ! All will be cleansed ! ” or something similar. Then call in at the local boozer for some in flight refuelling, before returning to Fiddler Towers in triumph
    You know it makes sense.
    Good morning.

  13. Ray Galton’s passing. My favourite line; (from Hancock the Twelve Angry Men episode) ‘Magna Carta did she die for nothing!’

  14. I remember a bird from my teen days who instead of washing the toilet area she would spray it with Fano – Fresh . The smell was ok while she had her knickers on but the stench gave the game away when she spread her legs. Fuckin hell , I distinctly remember seeing steam rising from the gash🤮

  15. As a way to make wimmin feel sick (and to increase David Beckham’s dwindling bank balance), perhaps we should see the tattooed arsehole advertising his new product *David Beckham’s Foreskin Anti-Wrinkle Cream* to keep the money in the family Mrs B and the kids could be seen massaging it into the pricks prick.

    • Or, when the SNP implodes, “Alex Salmond’s Ringpiece Anti-Wrinkle Grease.”

      With Turdgun doing the massaging.

  16. All this talk of prutitis of the bearded clam rang a bell. Do any of you esteemed contributors remember the very old adverts for Smirnoff vodka. They basically went “He/she thought something was an very innocent thing, until he/she discovered Smirnoff….”

    There were many more ribald versions bandied around, including “He thought an Itchifanny was a Japanese motorbike, until he discovered Smirnoff….” and “Snow White thought 7 Up was a fizzy drink until she discovered Smirnoff….”

    Any others and aren’t these Democrats cunts?

  17. I’ve been reading up about this. “Yeast is a naturally occurring fungus that’s normally present in the vagina. An overgrowth of yeast can cause itching, burning and lumpy discharge.”
    Think about that the next time she’s got her legs wide apart and you’re about to put your head between them. Would you prefer it wet or dry? A lumpy discharge or spitting the flakes out? Krav and the mincer don’t have to worry about these things.

  18. Speaking of tasteless adverts, that one for Boots, featuring shots of what look like womens legs, then the camera pans upwards and one of them is a black trans something.
    Also thoroughly fed up of that bloody toothpaste advert featuring that self obsessed cunt who wants whiter teeth, even though she already looks like she brushes them with dulux best white gloss – so fuck off and take your vacuous smile with you.

  19. She’s a cruel, cruel woman. Not content with changing her name from Hargreaves to Eclair, she inflicted the cakename on her spawn. Who is now Phoebe Eclair-Powell, and as feminist a squelchy blob of hormones as Ma could presumably wish.

    Still, it’s a promising start for the ‘comedienne’ in the intimate-care field. Pile cream cannot be far behind (geddit?)

  20. See also; Vagisil, tampons nd piss pants during car or war-related programming.
    My immediate response is to bellow ‘JAM RAGS!’
    I have selective Tourettes.

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