Minister For Suicide Prevention

In January Mavis appointed a Minister for Loneliness. Now she has appointed a Minister for Suicide. Are these rich cunts and their political puppets trying to tell us something?

Oh you are so angry and depressed. Of course i’m angry and depressed you cunt, my country is being stolen away from right under my fucking nose. Oh, but you have to accept times change.
That’s right , we had a vote on changing times, my side won and now you are stealing that change away from us you cunts!

Er…..yeah but not all change is good….. why don’t you take these pills….you’ll feel much better. Stick your happy pills up your arse bitch!

That’s it innit? They want to convince us that our anger stems from some personal issue, that there’s something wrong with us rather than them. Hello boys, you are all mental don’t you know?

It’s an old trick used in Nazi Germany, the USSR and many other totalitarian regimes. Once they have labelled you then they can lock you away somewhere, for your own good of course.
There are dark times coming ladies and gentlemen and we are the only ones who can see it. But then we are all fucking crazy of course.

Nominated by Freddie the Frog

67 thoughts on “Minister For Suicide Prevention

  1. Just make sure your little black book is up to date so you can get a uniform.
    Better to be swinging the baton than shattering beneath it.

    • You’d need a giant plumbers plunger to retrieve the corpses from that particular black hole, or possibly some nylon cord that you could get round a big toe and pull the deceased out.
      The James Herriot Cadaver Retrieval method . Starting to ramble, better fuck off.
      Good afternoon.

    • Fuck that. It probably leads to the Dianne Abbott version of Narnia of oz or something….

      One minute you’re putting your head into a nice fish supper and the next you’re surrounded by jeremy corbyn umpa loompas….

    • I once had a cunt round my head Dick, head, legs and arms too plus both feet. Don’t remember much about it but my chronically religiously infected mother never let me forget it.

  2. Good and sinister cunting, FtF. Funny how these cunts are viscerally opposed to state intervention in making essential infrastructure work properly but can’t wait to appoint a (nother) Minister for Keeping An Eye On You…

    BTW, The usual suspect is now bawling for the formation of a Ministry for Digital Technology. To be staffed, I extrapolate, by chums of his with Oxford arts degrees whose grasp of binary logic matches that of the common fruitfly.

    https://government.diginomica.com/2018/10/09/tony-blair-criticises-theresa-mays-government-for-not-prioritising-digital-agenda/

    But he won’t be paying for it, I guess.

  3. Let’s hope the follow up headline to this story reads as…
    ‘Husband to the recently appointed Minister For Suicide Prevention tops himself’….

  4. Is this new minister supposed to encourage or discourage suicide?

    Hard to imagine they wouldn’t want to see the back of cunts like us.

  5. Probably bollocks but today I saw on the front of some tabloid that mental health assessments are to be given to every pupil in the UK.

    I was half expecting Jeremy Beadle’s cadaver to spring out from behind the newspaper rack and shove a microphone in my face. Maybot is the first one who needs a fucking psychiatric assessment. Cuntoid.

    • That’s very worrying PM, if it is true. I may be spouting hot air, but is this an underhanded way of persuading more parents, that their children need to be taking anti depressants, or some other anti phsyco drug, in order to control them! Adding to the already hundreds of thousands children, presently taking them. A minister appointed to investigate why this is already happening, despite the horrific side effects, would hold at least some merit. Rather than A Minister for Suicide pen pusher. I’m sure her own personal insight, & knowledge input, will only make the weather forecast look better.

  6. Just as billions are cut from care and mental health services we get this shit.
    A “Gonny no hang yourself ” minister…..unreal.
    We had some cunt come talk to our workforce about handling aggressive situatuons and violence during your job…. what the fuck do these cunts know that we don’t? Society breaking down but the elitist cunts don’t give a fuck.
    What is the current state of gated communities in this country? Are they on the rise? Im really not sure but it seems to be whats happening in society…Because the States have a plenty!

  7. In America there was a programme called “Doomsday Preppers” about people preparing for some sort of natural disaster or social breakdown, stocking up on food and guns etc, having learned the lesson from Hurricane Katrina when people were basically abandoned by the State. These were just ordinary people who were portrayed as panicky nutters for our entertainment.
    However, I read an interesting article about mega rich cunts in the West, having recognised the growing gap between themselves and the herd, have become Doomsday Preppers themselves. For example one cunt bought up an ex missile silo, divided into highly secure living pods and flogged them to rich cunts at $5 million a pop. Apparently they are terrified of growing social unrest, particularly after Brexit and Trump, which they take as a portent of doom. These cunts are buying up land and property, even remote airstrips , in New Zealand , which they see as the remotest but civilised place on the planet. Does this remind you of a certain mega rich beardy Taxdodger of our acquaintance? Of course these cunts aren’t mental, they can’t be because they’re rich! That stigma is reserved for poor people who won’t think or act the way they are told to think or act. Welcome to the madhouse!

    • Hopefully when the icecaps melt and sea levels rise, the bearded one will be found floating on a lilo in the Caribbean after Necker Island goes under.

    • The Hamptons are not a defensible position.

      I used to think that the prepper types that started to get coverage a decade ago were indeed nutters, however now I think they were right all along with the thing out there to be most scared of is your own Government.

  8. All just an extension of the field of modern psychology. It doesn’t actually give a fuck about you, just like the government doesn’t really care how disgustingly obese you are, all it cares about is your cost and getting you back to paying taxes using whatever means necessary.. whether that be pharma pills or some form of buggery.

    Frankly I see suicide as quite a legitimate choice. Society is garbage and I respect those who had the balls to refuse all further participation.

    I wonder if they’ll cover topics that contribute, such as divorce rape and cunt laws that enable it. Probably not.

  9. Being a mentalist my self I find the attention grabbing PR appointment as a load of bollocks. Fuck you may and your purple fucking rabbits and if in some paranoid state I had to insert parts of my body into the Abbott it would be feet first.

    • Makes you at a loss for words…! If she wants to try for real, I’ll give her a hand. The street habitants of card board boxes, could benefit from the saved wages.

    • Could I be the minister for the miserable cunts who need to fall into a safe space off whatever height is required to end their flakey lives (new ISAC gov I’ve been waiting for – I’m a long time lurker)?
      Halfway down, they won’t be able to hear anymore offensive words to their poor, burning lug-holes..
      I’m sure that if there’s still no medication yet, the libfuck communidee will be there to help their fellow flakey’s on their way to a floaty splat on the rocks below.
      Fucking cunts.

  10. Anyone remember a couple of months ago when those .2 mental health experts Prince Baldybollocks and his half wit half brother were all over the telly telling us it’s ok to show emotion, to be soft as shit.
    No, it’s not ok cunts! When you are soft as shit cunts walk all over you, which is exactly what they want.
    Go and tell the peacefuls and the pikeys to be as soft as shit, see what happens you wankers.

    • Easy for some cunts isn’t it? Unfortunately I don’t have a disposal crew or ex-SAS/MI5 types to do my dirty work should someone try to fuck me over..

      I’ll stick to being a confrontational angry cynical cunt thank you very much.

  11. blimey! never thought i’d say this but well done Peter Tatchell. he’s just been on the BBC news channel saying he agree’s with the decision of our Supreme Court that the bakery in Northern Ireland did not break the law when they refused to make a cake with a pro Gay message on it. he’s normally a bit of a cunt but he’s got this right.. well done sir!

    • He’ll get serious stick from the twitterati for that. That’s breaking the snowflake rules.
      I’ve just given him a round of jazz hands if that’s any help.

  12. To commit suicide is not a criminal offence. To attempt suicide is not a criminal sentence. In a lot of cases ( not all ) suicide is a positive outcome. So. Why the fuck do we need yet another politician snouting the trough, with a job of “Suicide Minister”
    I would however approve , should this post be an aide to Members of the House who would seek self suicide successfully.

  13. 4 British soldiers , English, Irish, Scots and Welsh are captured by ISIS. They say, “right , we’re going to shoot you Infidels but you have one last request.”

    The Jock says I want to see a video of a pipe band playing Scotland the Brave.
    Ok we can do that.
    The Paddy says I want to see a video of traditional Irish dancing.
    Ok we can do that.
    The Taff says I want to see a video of a male voice choir singing Land of Our Fathers.
    Ok we can do that.
    The Englishman says “fucking shoot me first.”

  14. HM Govt is not too bothered about “peaceful” suicides of the bomb-jackety type are they?

    Ah, I forgot, that’s just “cultural” and part and parcel of living in a big city these days, in’it!

    Today’s “Waldorf and Stadler” show (PMQs in Cuntminster) was enough to make me suicidal.

    Comrade Steptoe calling out Appeaser May’s “end of austerity” ramblings and wanting more and more money to be pissed away on the undeserving.

    May saying she’s committed to pissing more and more money away on the undeserving and neither of them going anywhere the real issue – over demand of everything!

    10 million imports since 1997 courtesy of Uber Cunt B.Liar (and that’s just the cunts we know about) will do that to a country’s services and infrastructure you know.

    Yet they bury their heads in the sand thinking that chucking the odd million here and there (to a billions issue) will appease the voting masses.

    Stop pissing money away on the SUPPLY end you CUNTS and start dealing with the DEMAND end! In the long run you’ll SAVE billions!

    And the final straw to my sanity was hearing that one of the squddies caught up in the “Tommy Gate” selfy picture nothing-burger has been discharged for uploading it to his Instagram account.

    Why? Cos the “peaceful” cunts who love our armed forces so dearly (just ask the family of Lee Rigsby) have moaned to the weak, on-message military top brass via their “peaceful” liaison!

    It’s disgusting and stinks to PC high heaven! What has he done wrong? Nothing!

    I bet not an eye would be batted if he took a selfy with a real hate preacher like Amjam Chowdry and uploaded that to his Instagram account!

    No cos that wouldn’t offend their beloved “peaceful” cunts would it! It would offend the hell out of me but alas I am from the wrong demographic and therefore I need to just shut the fuck up, keep paying the eye-watering taxes to pay for Mr “peacefuls” nine strong brood, and have no say in my country anymore!

    Last one out turn off the hookah pipe!

    Cunts!

    • On the very same day, a peaceful immigrant in Germany, is charged with the very brutal Rape & Murder of the young Bulgarian Journalist. BBC removed the article from its news page almost as soon as they had aired it. But not before stating, ” Her murder had nothing to with her work as a Journalist!!! A wonderful example of unintended Irony that last comment was, courtesy of BBC.

  15. I hope the medication prescribed is fucking cyanide. These flakey cunt don’t have depression. I know what that is and what it does. I know what PTSD is, from watching my mate come back from Bosnia. The cunts should make cyanide a prescription drug..

    • Agree with you on that one, Viking. I had a mate (colleague) who was fucked up by serving in Bosnia – our toothless UN mission. He had seen stuff and was probably entitled to mental health issues. He wasn’t some teenage flake who burst into tears because he was unfriended on Facefuck. The creation of this ministry is the result of millennials being unable to cope with ordinary life. Cunts.

  16. Minister for Suicide Prevention,indeed. How about a Minister for Shitting Oneself After A Surfeit Of Guinness And Vindaloo Curry Prevention,or a Minister for not taking a Bath While Making Toast With The Machine Balanced On The Side Of The Bath?…..Both unpleasant experiences, I’m sure you agree.

    They just love thinking up some new ridiculous post and title to award each other. I suppose the Minister will be due a healthy pay-rise and pension boost for making a few patronising speeches aimed at teaching us, again,that we really can’t function without “Nanny” looking over our shoulders and poking her nose into the very minutiae of our lives.
    The whole episode seems like a case of rearranging the deckchairs on The Titanic. The country is facing,arguably, the greatest dangers since The Second World War,and our Glorious Leaders are more busy faffing around with highly specific micro-subjects which they hope will allow them to interfere,just that little bit more,in peoples’ lives and gain a few compassion points for “The Nasty Party’

    If people are suicidal,and actually want help,I’d suggest that they would still know to consult medical help,without the need for a Minister involving their interferring selves in the problem….Fuck me,they might not have been serious before,but let the Government and it’s acolytes get involved and they certainly will after.

    Rome burned while Nero fiddled….The U.K sank without trace while May (oh so amusingly) danced.

    Fuck them.

  17. Suicide is perfectly acceptable. Moreover, it’s admirably noble. You can infer its beauty by noticing how furious it makes religious types – throwing God’s wonderful gift of life back into his/her face. All stigma of this courageous act should be lifted. When I perform suicide (“commit” is such a vulgar, accusatory word), I plan to take as many cunts with me as possible. I shan’t taste the revenge but I bet it’ll be delicious.

    • Minister for suicide prevention? They should be looking into providing ways of dying which are easy, pain free and affordable. Have you any idea what it costs to have Dignitas put your lights out?

  18. A friend of mine has always maintained he would like to finish his living experience off by fighting a tiger.
    I can see the viking esque attraction.
    And it’s a far better idea than melting some poor train driver’s sanity by bursting the contents of your body all over his windscreen in the time it takes to blink.
    Some suicide is quite selfish. Like coming home from holiday all full of joy to find a loved one slowly rotating beneath the living room light fitting.

    • I’ve always liked the cold, and fancy the idea of visiting Canada…

      So if I ever feel desperate, I’ll go and get myself eaten by polars.

      (blimey !! no pun intended with last two words, honestly…)

  19. Emergency cunting for the British army.

    4 coachloads of sqauddies had a group photo with tommy Robinson a couple of days ago. Pics have now made it into the media. All involved are now under ‘investigation’ and have had their phones confiscated.

    And who, you’re wondering, created all this brouhaha?

    The ‘Muslim council of Britain’.

    Who had this to say:-

    “Robinson does not represent our armed forces, however much he tries to claim otherwise” and welcomed the “swift statement by the Army in disassociating itself from the far right”.

    So you’ve now got the Muslim council of Britain speaking in behalf of the army.

    Not only that, though…

    Imam Asim Hafiz, Islamic religious adviser to the armed forces, said “any form of racism, discrimination or extremism is taken extremely seriously and will be dealt with accordingly”.

    Our armed forces now have an Islamic religious advisor.

    This is all getting a bit fucking scary.

    • Fucking typical, the Army is running about 8000 personnel short, the Navy has a leaky aircraft carrier with no fighter jets for the next few years but shell out fuck knows how much to pay some cunt on how not to step on some towelheads toes and hurt their feelings.

    • I cunted them earlier for exactly the same thing.
      Cunts cunts cunts cunts cunts …..

      You know the county’s in trouble when the British army start taking orders from the Muslime council..

    • Absolutely ridiculous, perhaps all our native non muslime soldiers should walk away when it comes to reenlistment. That’ll make the top brass shite themselves and stop bending over backwards for the peacefuls.

      On the matter of those delightful people and the eastern eurotrash, perhaps if Mavis et al won’t make them leave, we can persuade them with other methods….

  20. The Muslim cuntcil have millions of votes at their disposal. Millions of cunts who will vote the way they are told to.
    That , my friends , is political power.

      • A bit more than 4 I think. Have you been to Luton, Bradford, Leeds, Brick fucking Lane? I could go on. Even Belfast has it’s own Little Islamabad so I am told. As if those religious nutters didn’t have enough problems of their own.

  21. The Russians are cunts… Not for Big Bad Vlad, not for poisoning people, not for cheating at the Olympics, and not even for Old Joe Stalin…They are cunts because, apparently, this young lady is the star of prime time weekend Russkie TV… No Me Too and diversity shite in Russia… We get Strictly Cunt Dancing and the Cunt Factor, and the Ivans get this bit of crackling?! Bastard! Cunt! Bollocks!

    Mind you, watching her every night would certainly wear my errr eyes out…

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Azip62JWcJM&list=PLjL4evNWQGX7D51vTFywybBDFEtCbOR1g&index=14

  22. Anybody else sick to the back teeth hearing about some nobody comedian snogging some slag while they are “starring” in that shit dance show on al beeb? Fuck off, the lot of them.

  23. Wish this cunt would top himself, and that I could watch and offer advice –

    https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2018/oct/11/brexit-tony-blair-warns-of-long-term-damage-to-uk-services-sector

    The prioritisation of the service sector by Thatcher and Blair is precisely the reason for our lack of productive industry with which to meet the challenge of leaving Europe. Fuck the service sector. Round up all the baristas* and nail technicians and retrain them to harvest cabbages.

    Why anyone gives the unflushable shit Blair the oxygen of publicity is beyond me. Opinions on everything, and yet that much touted thirteen years in power ended in a crash beside which the theoretical effects of leaving Europe look trivial. Didn’t hear the cunt mouthing off about the unsustainability of the financial market, did we?

    Deluded, self-obsessed, shallow, vain, lickspittle, psychotic, swivel-eyed CUNT.

    *And barristers.

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