Marcus Brigstocke [4]

This cunt. This fucking cunt has been on my hate list since the early 2000s when he wound up on the bill at a stand-up night in Cardiff.

I’m not sure if my hatred for the cunt stemmed from his then aggressively Liberal Thatcher-hating schtick (most comedians left that routine behind in the 80s), or the now archetypal ‘street life according to a privately educated cunt’ blather, or just for plain, simple fact that he is a parallelogram-headed cunt.

Now, as one of many risible cunts on the BBC gravy train for publicly anti-Brexit ‘comedians’, this totally unfunny cuntlord has wormed his way back into the public consciousness; both for his EU preachings and, more heinously, for a truly bladder-liquifying piss-boiler of an advert for a credit agency or something, where said advert features not one but TWO fucking Brigstockes simultaneously on screen, literally trying to out-cunt each other for ‘laffs’.

I suppose the one and only possible benefit to having two Marcus Brisgstockes in this world is the satisfaction of knowing that when one has been hung from the highest lamp-post and burned alive with flamethrowers, you still have the joy and anticipation of getting to do it for a second time. Kind of like finishing one giant tin of Quality Street at Christmas and suddenly remembering there is another unopened one in the cupboard under the stairs.

A man with a head so angular and mathematically correct that Pythagoras himself would frantically wank his Ionic Column dry over the endless geometric theorem possibilites, I give you the hypotenuse of cuntitude, Marcus fucking Brigstocke.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

32 thoughts on “Marcus Brigstocke [4]

  1. Another slab-headed tool from the never ending conveyor belt of London-centric wank turds.

  2. I remember Mark – sorry, Marcus, whinging when the BBC axed him from their Friday night radio comedy *The Now Show* about five years ago, they got rid of him and a bloke called Jon Holmes to give “new talent” an opportunity”. The new talent was mainly Australian wimmin fishwives. Little Marcus, like the motherfuckers who are on there now are a talent free bunch of festering shit. Trump and Brexit, Trump and Brexit and Brexit and Trump. That is all the wankers can do and there are about 4 series each year to alternate with the equally boring shitfest *The News Quiz*.

  3. I wasn’t aware this cunt was a comic. He hides it well, just like Nish Kumar and a myriad of similar cunts. I assumed he was the cunt who does documentaries asking naïve questions but that must a look-alike cunt.

    • Always wondered if Bridgestock and Louis Theroux were the same (annoyingly cuntish) person…

  4. Funny how all these supposedly “Left Leaning” comedians end up trousering fat wads of cash for corporate adverts.
    Robert Lindsay and that nauseating Sky TV ad springs to mind, along with Milton Jones’ Sky ad and, from way back, lifelong communist Warren Mitchell advertising Walls Sausages using his Alf Garnett persona.
    (To his credit, at least Mitchell had some talent).

  5. I don’t think middle class people can be funny. Michael McIntyre is zero funny as well. The price they have to pay for privilege.

  6. This breeze block headed cunt has always boiled my piss too, another unfunny posh boy, radio four libtart,part of the “the click” of left leaning supposed comics that plague our tv and radio via the cancerous anal tumour that is the BBC,I literally can not stand more than five seconds of him,im sure he got heckled off stage for relentless anti Brexit gags too…the cunt!!

  7. All them so called middle class comedians who are on TV make my shit turn blue.
    Every show is the same, left wing tripe which is so , same old, same old boring bollocks.
    I fucking dislike the smug bastard’s with a vengeance.
    I feel better now I’ve got that off my chest.

  8. My favourite comedian is Dianne Abbot.
    I love how she keeps a straight face when she’s talking.

    • Only cause she is having flashbacks of monkey face Corbyn in the nuddies. She doesn’t want to give the game away.

  9. Fuck me sideways how I hate this perpetual cunt machine.

    I have to confess that I have never actually watched this wankstain. I shudder to think what would happen if I did.

    I did look at his site (excuse me while I shower in liquid nitrogen). Apparently he has a radio 4 “comedy” show – the wilsons save the world.

    “The Wilson family have resolved to live a cleaner, greener, serener life. Unashamedly “the good life” for the new millennium.

    How is it possible to be such a titanically smug cunt of cunts!

    To paraphrase Winston. If Hitler invaded hell he would be doing so to get away from this megacunt.

  10. Almost identical to smug-fuck Hugh Dennis. Terminally unfunny, square-headed, self-satisfied wank-bucket. So far up it’s own arse it lives on a houseboat on it’s own alimentary canal.

    Speaks very highly of me, though….

  11. I’ve always hated this cunt, but like a repressed childhood memory I had forgotten about him until two of the cunts appeared on that sodding advert. I still don’t remember why I hate him so, but I’ve come to the conclusion it must just have been his appearance: smug blockhead cunt

  12. Too many words said about this cunt. All you need to know is that the smug, aren’t I funny, fucker is that he needs gassing because he’s a CUNT!

  13. Typical public school, posh, smug, condescending wanker who make up today’s so called comedians.
    This is the cunt who whinged like a girl because, outside his London bubble, audience members were booing and walking out on him because of his relentless anti Brexit bollocks. Apparently it came as something of a surprise to him and his middle class, privileged BBC wanker friends that not everyone wants to be ruled by unelected foreigners.
    Brigstocke, you’re a cunt! Fuck off and write some new material or stay with your tongue up the BBC bumholes you useless posh tosspot.

  14. Does his surname have one of those suitably poncey pronunciations ?

    Such as Bugshite, perhaps ?

  15. I’ll say this: the cunt’s a good actor. After all, it can’t be easy for a comedian to play the part of a dismally unfunny prick with such aplomb…

  16. Memorable only for a failed analogy of China’s hunger for coal power being like a naughty kid in class; just because China is burning coal for fun doesnt mean i should drive anything about 1.2 litres or some eco watermelon shit.

  17. The mathematical precision of Brigstocke’s head deems that the sides are congruous and the consecutive angles are supplementary, summing to 180 degrees. The mathematical/geometric possibilities for this cunt’s fat head are endless.

    I would love to see a tessellation of Brigstocke’s head, all interlocking perfectly to provide a collage of multiple Brigstockes. You could then gain an enormous sense of satisfaction in destroying said tessellated Brigstockes by mechanical means (jackhammer) following by burning and finally reducing the cremains down to dust with a trusty garden rake.

    I’m not feeling well today. I didn’t take my pills the nice doctor prescribed me.

  18. This Lego headed twat should be sued for misrepresentation by anyone who has seen him.

    Avoid him. He is not funny. He is a total fuck wit….and a cunt.

  19. Cunted with top precision, Empire.
    There are too many of these smug Metrocentric cunts spieling to pseud intellectual audiences for my liking. Mark Steel’s the worst, a right pleased with himself arsehole.
    Come back Hill and Manning. We could do with a bit of fuck off irreverence at the mo.

  20. This square headed prick is about as funny as going to see your doctor with what appears to be a cold and being informed your terminally ill and will be deceased by the weekend…..
    I saw him a few years ago at jongleurs comedy club, did he make me forget all my problems for a sprightly 1/2 hour of comedy? Oh make me want to charge the stage and nut the Cunt?
    Definitely one to be avoided…….

  21. Robert Pestilential made a feeble apology for Londoncentric Beebistan having misunderstood what unbiased journalism is supposed to mean.

    If Pestilential had stood up on his hind legs and said “I am a snotty, smug, superior, know-it-all, holier-than-thou, ivory-tower dwelling libtard prick” I might have been distracted from my goblet of warm milk…

    Did I say ‘ee’s a cuuuuunt ?

  22. Anyone remember those massive headed cunts who used to advertise Tefal toasters, kettles, and the like?…

    This Brigstocke cunt is obviously one of the Tefal Men’s bastard offspring… Cunt….

    • Those fuckers certainly had some noggin! They actually made me smile more than this wank puffin ever did , if a square headed leftie Cunt dressed as a supply teacher tickles your funny bone Brigstockes ya man…

  23. Some context here folks. Brigstocke is another benificiary of BBC nepotism. So it now becomes clear how this unfunny cunt can have a career as a comedian.

  24. Another one from the inner circle of the BBC comedians that are just not funny Privileged rich public schoolboy anti Brexit wanker that the BBC love to punt by any means that they can totally out of touch with reality Go North of the Watford gap and preach your anti Brexit crap and see how long you survive you cunt.

  25. I would like to cunt the state of “comedy” now. I remember Frankie Boyle calling it a long time ago, about how comedians are largely middle class now, and not the tragic clowns who defined comedy in the first place. Comedians now are smug, condescending and unfunny. Whats more disturbing is the fact they seem to be less interested in comedy, and more interested in making money. Another factor is subconcious propaganda (or deliberate), which shows they have not only sold out commercially, but mentally as well, like a totalitarian version of Faust. I have scoured the internet trying to find funny stand up or comedy chat to listen to whilst working, but all it amounts to is background noise.

    Im now asking YOU if you can recommend some genuinely funny comedians that worth listening to, preferably from the present day.

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