Oh my God!
There’s another one of those anti-social, badass, mad as a box of frogs space aliens on the rampage again. You know the type. Extremely bad attitude, face like a joiner’s nail bag, meaner than a wasp in a jam jar, list of grievances against mankind as long as a donkey’s dick. He’s out to take over the world, or even blow it to smithereens, depending on just how bad a day he’s having. The earth trembles beneath his giant footsteps. The thunderous clouds boil and roil. Help!! Who can save us from this unhinged craving for domination and destruction? There’s no hope. We’re doomed, doomed I tell you…
Oh. My. Gaaaaahhhdd!!
But wait. Great Caesar’s Ghost, what’s that flashing across the sky? Is it a bird, is it a plane? No, it’s Soup-purr-maan, here to fight for truth, justice, and the American Way, and save New York before tea time. What’s that thunderous roar? Why it’s the Batmobile! And here’s Iron Man, the X-Men, Black Widow, Ant Man, The Wasp, and The Flash. And, er, here comes Green Lantern, The Fantastic Four, Aquaman and Spiderman. Wow, it’s good ol’ boy Captain America. Way to go Cap!
Yes, to paraphrase that classic Monty Python sketch, there are just too many super heroes. They’re crawling out of the woodwork in their ridiculous lycra costumes and plastic helmets to overrun a cinema near you, and there appears to be no stopping them.
If you want to point the finger at those responsible for this infestation, direct it straight at Hollywood Babylon. Yes a huge corporate money tree has sprouted, and is growing wild. The suits and bean counters have hit paydirt in El Dorado, and they’re going to squeeze every buck until it squeaks for mercy. Meanwhile, bring out the girls, the champagne and the devil’s dandruff, light up that see-gar with a $50 bill, and let the good times roll.
This is a conundrum if ever there was one. Thor and co. will save us from the Earth slayers, but who will save us from Thor and co? Clearly it’s a job way beyond the likes of your normal pest control outfit. Rentokil can always cope with wasps, mice and cockroaches, but they don’t have a powder to spray that can take out Spiderman, or a trap any way near big enough to do for The Hulk.
Oh well, if you can’t beat ’em, try avoiding them. I’ll just see what’s on the telly instead. Here we go;
-7pm; ‘Avengers, the Age of ultron
-9 pm; ‘Soup-purr-maan v. Batman
-11 pm; Dr. Strange
Fucking hell, where did I put that Kryptonite?
NB; Specific Exclusion
I wish to state categorically that under no circumstances do I wish to be saved from that Wonder Woman bird. She is what I call fit, her.
Nominated by Ron Knee
There’s a new kid on the block, Black Panther. I don’t know if he flies with that huge chip on his shoulder but will undoubtedly be fighting ‘Whitey’ and his privilege.
8
A brief synopsis of the pile of cunt called Black Panther:
“Five African tribes find a meteorite containing a metal, vibranium.Whoever uses vibranium gains superhuman abilities.”
So far so predictable,Kryptonite and Superman, Captain America’s shield,Spider mans web spinning etc.But now comes the novelty bit
“The tribes unite and form the nation of Wakanda. Over centuries, the Wakandans use the vibranium to develop advanced technology and isolate themselves from the world by posing as a Third World country. ”
Whoa, stop right there bruv.”Posing” as a Third World country.?.Since when has any African country had to “Pose” as a Turd World Shithole? What a pile of wishful thinking,I almost feel sorry for people who have to invent bull crap like this in order to feel better about themselves.Dont they realize that Whitey finds the whole thing hilarious?
11
Fucking hell thanks for the heads up on this one, CRUs. That’s £1.99 I won’t be wasting when this crap ends up in the remainders bin at the supermarket
4
Dont thank me Ron,copied and pasted straight off Cuntepidia.I might just watch it for the comedy,though.
1
What do you call a Millennial Irishman?
I. Findthis-O’Fensive
Boom Boom !!!
8
Two elephants fall off a cliff and land on a snake. Boom Boom Tiss!
Thank you, thank you.
1
Not fussed about the new Wonder Woman, the only Wonder Woman for me is Lynda Carter… Wouldn’t have minded squirting the contents of my ball bag over her bangers…
3
Thinking about it- it does fit in with what’s going on. The desire to ‘transition’. To become something else.
2
I can’t get into superhero films simply because I don’t have the time or patience to spend 10-20 hours watching every other film in the series just to understand what’s going on in the current one. That’s why I hate this whole “extended universe” thing that’s being done with them now.
3
Fuck them.
7
Speaking of kids stuff, the teacher asks each child to stand up and describe what their Dad does for a living. Little Johnny stands up and says,
“My Dad works as a drag act in a gay bar. At the end of the night he goes in the alley round the back and sucks men off for a tenner a go.”
The shocked teacher dismisses the class, keeps Johnny behind and asks him if there is any truth in what he has just said.
“Of course not” he says, “but I was too embarrassed to say he was Michael Gove.”
12
Call me a 60 year old millennial but I’d much rather spend a couple of hours or so watching a superhero film than the dross that they put on BBC, ITV etc.
Mainstream TV is total bollocks, give me a good batman film anyday. Cunt.
8
Strictly speaking Batman isn’t a superhero, he’s a wealthy obsessive with an expensive hobby room…
3
Batman is also a socialist. He plays the politics of envy perfectly. He sees somebody who is naturally better than him (superman) then tries to drag Superman down to the same mediocre level (using kryptonite) then kicks fuck into Superman when he’s lying on the floor defenseless (bit like antifa)
1
Films have never been dumber or blander. Aimed at 12 year olds just like modern music.
Creative writers and musicians are being stifled by the tide of shite issuing from Hollywood and the music business..
When I was a lad there was a Batman series on telly that was clever and funny. We will never again see it’s like
.Stick your superheroes up your arse
9
The ’60s Batman TV series was crazy-pops and very tongue in cheek.
Recent prequel series ‘Gotham’ was pretty good too… at least the first few seasons shown on mainstream free-to-air channels were, before it disappeared…
4
I remember the one where Batman and Robin are hot on the trail of a villain, and they go roaring up the entrance of a nightclub in the Batmobile. Batman gives Robin some instructions about how to act once inside, then turns and says
‘oh and Robin, try not to be too conspicuous!’.
Fucking camp brilliance.
‘Some days you just can’t get rid of a bomb!’
7
I loved Commissioner Gordon and Chief O’hara. Both couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery let alone issue a parking ticket without getting on the Bat Phone. great series from the 60’s
7
And Julie Newmar as the Catwoman… Oh ye-esss!
8
Unfortunately, the last series of Gotham ended with a “Battle of the Sexes” scenario (Yawn!) being set up.
The next series is being produced by those virtue signalling race baiting cunts at Netflix, so another reasonably enjoyable show gets rendered unwatchable by anyone with functioning testicles…
4
Twatakincuntrubber You’re a 60 yr old millennial!!!!!!!
Ad call you a cunt as well but then again you didn’t ask me/ us to !!!!!
Totally agree with tv dross but ffs superhero shite
As DF would say
Fuck Them
2
Call me a cunt cc , I’d take it as a compliment. But I’d rather watch batman than mainstream TV.
Most of my TV time is spent watching documentary channels and sports channels.
Or porn. Cunt
5
My super hero was John Major, the colossus of British politics and a true leader of men. I remember the glory years when he expertly guided this country to unprecedented success on the world’s stage. We won’t see those days again. (sighs)
4
Britain’s very own superhero: Greyman, a unique fusion of the dress sense of Neville Chamberlain, the physique of Charles Hawtrey, the voice of Mr. Bean, the calmness of Lance-Corporal Jones, the leadership skills of Publius Quinctilius Varus, the charisma of Alex Salmond and the intellect of Benny from Crossroads.
Oh, and one hears that he was fond of a curry.
10
And according to Edwina, Greyman also tucked his shirt into his pants, just like Superman
6
It’s funny how snowflakes bang on about the supposed evils of cultural appropriation yet enthuse about the recent crop of superhero films that happily misappropriate Greek and Norse mythology*.
Hypocritical cunts.
* Mind you, as said films are perfectly tailored for those with single-digit IQs they’re perfect for snowflakes.
4
Carney is my superhero. Remoanor. Can turn any set of figures into direst predictions of disaster. Watch as the £ plunges in value. Marvel at the visions of the apocalypse. See your house disintegrate.
On news channels now.
6
I tend to side with the “baddies” in films. Freddie Kruger,Porky,The Sheriff of Nottingham, Hannibal Lecter, I found to be delightful characters with whom I could empathise and cheer on.
Of course my favourite film hero is John Doe in Se7en, however my admiration for him has been tarnished by the discovery that he was played by Kevin Spacey. Since this unwelcome news I have withdrawn my invitation for him to visit and take High Tea. I have no desire to be the latest recruit to the #MeToo campaign.
Fuck them.
7
So often the baddies have so much more charisma and style than the heroes ever do
4
Joanna Lumley should play Coffin-Dodging,sanctimonious,up-her-own-arse Cunt in every programme she does…oh,my mistake,the auld trout already does.
4
Agreed Dick. I cannot stand anything to do with her, especially the voice which really gets on my tits.
My favourite TV programmes are generally travel documentaries, however could not bring myself to watch her series on Japan.
And that bloody Garden Bridge.
2
I cunted Superhero films last year and concur with your feelings, Mr.Knee.
There should be one called DogshitMan. You’d think he would be patrolling the streets and avenues of England admonishing people for letting their hounds foul the pavement, blemishing the towns and making them resemble Paris (dogdirt Capital of the World); but really he’d just throw dogshit at cunts who defy democracy.
🐶💩💃
5
What was the heading, Captain? I’d love to track it down and get your take!
1
Superhero Films, Sir Ron.
1
Cheers Cap’n. Will try to find it now!
0
Hollywood called and said they would like to create a dogshit man extended universe
0
The Joker – The definitive comic book version – is ace… In Batman #427 he beats the living fuck out Robin The Cunt Wonder with a crowbar… He then finishes the job by tying him to some TNT, which then blows the little fucker to smithereens…. Another Joker classic is when he gets some cunt to slip on a banana skin, he then injects them with his infamous ‘laughing gas’ and then buries them alive….
https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/marvel_dc/images/6/66/Joker_0081.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20150319120404
6
Joel Scumacher wanted to do his two Batman films in the “darker” style (he directed Falling Down and the original not-too-bad Flatliners).
The suits in charge ordered him to make films that would “sell lots of plastic action figures”
So we got Arnold spouting crap ice puns, Uma Thurman channeling Mae West (badly) and the cunt of all times George Clooney, resplendant in a costume with plastic nipples.
Hollywood stinks…
3
Isn’t that cunt Clooney completely made of plastic, the smarmy bastard?
4
That’s the same George Clooney that thought it was funny to make jokes about poor old Charlton Heston having cancer.
Clooney isn’t fit to lick dog shit off Heston’s shoes…
3
I find it embarrassing listening to peers and colleagues of my age (44) talking about the latest superhero bollocks they’ve watched.
5
Loved the Batman books when I was a laddie… The Dennis O’ Neil, Neal Adams, Jim Starlin and Jim Aparo stuff… Was also great when 2000 AD/Judge Dredd writers, John Wagner and Alan Grant took on the Caped Crusader, with the superb Norm (no relation) Breyfogle doing the artwork…. But the definitive Bat story is by two Brits… Alan Moore and Brian Bolland’s ‘The Killing Joke’ is the real deal… The books have been shite for ages now though… Convoluted crappy story arc bollocks, killing characters off just to bring them back alive again, sensationalist shit that even Corrie would turn down, and – oh yeah — diversity…
8
I seem to remember reading that Marvel is going to replace Tony Stark as Iron Man with a teenage babe (black, natch) so another white male character is getting fucked off if it’s right.
Let’s have Wonder Woman killed off and reincarnated as Wonder Man; that would go down well with the diversity types I’m sure
5
When Robert Downey Jr quits as Tony Stark the Marvel Cinematic Universe will slop down the toilet.
Aided and abetted by those Disney cunts of course…
3
If ever two words were synonymous, it’s ‘Disney’ and ‘cunts’. The personification of shit faced, hypercynical American money grubbing corporatism of the worst kind. Actually ‘cunts’ flatters these absolute actually I’m lost for words
4
They are busily trashing the Star Trek and Star Wars series as well, all in the name of divershitty.
Always hated their saccharine shite, even as a small child…
4
Trashing Star Wars could only improve the franchise…
2
You can tell that Black Panther is written by a sycophantic leftist cunt. The back story is that fictional African country, Wakanda, is the world’s most technologically advanced nation.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Most of the countries have trouble keeping the lights on for more than 3 days in a row and and every single cunt is on the take.
8
Every superhero needs a sidekick. Lenny Henrys mate M’tebeh is free, it’ll give him a break from having to appear in Comic Relief with the runner-up of 2013 Celebrity Big Brother begging for donations to dig his village a water well.
6
A few years ago I came up with my own superhero named Bowelman. He wore no pants or tights and could fly and squirt any consistency of shit with unerring accuracy at any target. Indeed he invented the McSlurry and the song, Slurry With the Fringe top. With his super control of his bowel he can crap out constipated golf balls and take out any villain. Super diarrhoea squirted over Gina Miller would be a sight to behold. His alter ego is Alan Retention and his sidekick is Gasboy. I’ll leave the rest to your imaginations.
7
He sounds like an absolute gas, Alan.
Anyone familiar with ‘Viz’ will know my own favourite caped crime fighter, the legendary pisshead known as ‘The Brown Bottle’. Now there’s a hero for our times!
6
Hey… y’ knaa what? y’ me b-b-best pal… yee are ya fuckah!
https://goo.gl/images/p8UQFL
4
Ch-cheers P-pal. BLOOOAAARRRGHH!!
M-must’ve been a bad pint…
3
PS. I absolutely fucking loved the Guardians of the Galaxy movies. The third movie has been put on hold because of unearthed politically incorrect tweets by the writer/director. This us due to some cunts in Disney, for whom it doesn’t fit into their nicey/fluffy ideology. One day soon it will be a religion, the cunts
5
They pulled James Gunn up on some shit he posted online years ago.
Then his career ended. That’s “liberals” for you…
2
Completely off topic but I just chanced on Shami Chakrabarti on ‘random cunts’.
Fucking hell, is it just me, but in the photo above the cunting she looks like Nicola Sturgeon’s even uglier sister; it’s mainly that same tight, pursed, mean little gob I think, but the whole sour, viperish expression that goes with it doesn’t help either.
4
Chuck ‘yer’ bahji definitely deserves a place on the Wall of Cunts considering Flabbott is on there having been cunted more times than Kim Jong Il , Kim Jong-Un, Hitler and Hammas combined.
3
The problem with comic books these days, especially the shot show known as Marvel and DC to a somewhat lesser extent is that they decided to forgo actual story telling and when for making liberal, SJW, political statements, they fell off the wagon some years back.
As someone who read a lot of back issue stuff I can safely say that the good years where from about 1973-1991 and then it went downhill from there.
Green Goblin offing Spider-man’s girlfriend? Priceless
Green Arrow-s sidekick being a junkie and then Arrow walloping him for it? Classic.
The aforementioned O’Neal, Aparo, Adams and Starlin Batman stuff, honourable mention to the Marshall Rogers era too – greatness.
X-Men circa 1978-1983? Best era, slowly went off a cliff after that.
Alas, those times are gone and the industry is truthfully of life support – they don’t sell like they used to and I’m not surprised when the stuff they churn out now is the absolute drizzling shits.
4
Marshall Rogers and Steve Engelhart were also excellent, I agree… As were Mike .W. Barr and Alan Davis… However, I actually think that Frank Miller, Grant Morrison, and Neil Gaiman are overrated up their own arses cunts…
2
Never got the hype with Grant Morrison, I didn’t rate his X-men run either.
1