Man buns

In the words of the Urban Dictionary:

The way of showing the world you are a twat without having to speak. Also known as Douche Donut

The full horror of these has just been demonstrated to me by the twentysomething ‘mate’ of the dismal eighteen year old living with his flaccid parents across the road, stepping out of his badly-parked car, and, with the high probablity of such visitors being a county line operation, presumably bearing a selection of chemicals for distribution by said dismal youth.

Why in the name of fuck does anyone want to look like a carelessly shaven terracotta warrior from the Quin Dynasty? Who or what are they trying to impress, and how? What possible kudos can attach to a cunt who in all other respects resembles a Super Mario addict, who is topped off by a bundle of unwashed hair modelled on an old-fashioned dishmop rendered useless by falling into the chip pan during the lard era? Does this cunt live on quinoa or heroin? Impossible to tell.

A blight on any pleasing prospect, far uglier than an equivalent volume of fresh air, I know this cunt is a cunt without having even to speak to him. Thank god for that, anyway. Supreme hermaphroditic cunt, because simultaneously a massive knob.

Nominated by Komodo

57 thoughts on “Man buns

  1. I actually don’t mind them if they’re done well. Not everyone can one off though.

  2. some fucking wanker has just been kicked out of British Airways for sporting a man bun,
    he was told this was unacceptable but was determined to look like an utter cunt anyway, so sssssaaaaaaaaaaacccccccked you stupid looking cunt, now you can try to sue for wrongfull dismissal and due to the world being run by snowflake cunts you may even win,,,,,,but if you worked for me you would have been up the fucking road in a heartbeat…..

    • I hope he does win and he fucking should. Would a wimminz get sacked for having hair like that? I don’t fucking think so.
      Don’t British Airways have a HR department? Is there nobody in that department who is familiar with the Sex Discrimination Act?
      What a fucking Mickey Mouse outfit.

      • The cunt should’ve had the nouse to self identify as a woman.

        Then again, he could be a woman self identifying as a man…

        This country is finished.

      • I heard a bit of the interview with him on telly this morning. He really was an appalling Cunt. A Gay with a chip on his shoulder. The Cunt even appeared to have glittery bits in his Beard.
        A Nancy-boy muslim,by the look of him.

      • “Nancy-boy muslim with glittery bits in his beard.”

        LOL !!!!


      • Fuck me! If he’s a poof and a peaceful BA have got no chance. Do they like giving away money or something?

      • With a name like Sid Oueird, IIRC.

        A picture can paint a thousand words.
        In his case, cuuuuuunt x 1,000

  3. Isn’t this just what that cunt Bale minces around with? And then compounds his sin by that fucking idiotic “heart” handsign every time he scores?

    What a fucking wally!!

  4. This abomination is the 2018 version of the equally cuntish ponytail, I’ve never had a friend sport either but if they did I would instantly disown the Cunt or at least not be seen in public with them…..
    There’s absolutely no excuse for this fucking hair abuse…….

  5. This abomination is the 2018 version of the equally cuntish ponytail….
    Fortunately I’ve never had a friend sport either but if they did I would either disown the Cunt or simply not be seen in public with them…… 😂
    There’s absolutely no excuse for this kind of hair abuse…..

    • 90’s flashback ponytails and goaties. Get a haircut and grow a proper beard or none at all.

    • The ‘Viking look’ was so last year. They should have their top knot cut off with some scissors whenever spotted and taken as a trophy.

  6. It’s the equivalent of having a tattoo on your forehead saying “I am a fucking pussy whipped wimp”
    Sad thing is that most of them are just so nice and friendly, easy to talk to , helpful . Just like most women are.
    It’s on the fucking battlefield of life where they’ll start crying for Mommy, while the rest of us are trying to save our fates.

    • An old tree-surgeon I knew had one of these Cunts turn up for a job interview. He told the hairy Cunt that it was a health and safety issue and that if he wanted the tree-climber job,he’d have to get a haircut. The dreadlocked idiot did just that and turned up for work clean-shaven and shaven head, turned out he was a useless climber and got finished after two days.

      Fuck him.

  7. Man buns, topknots, ponytails, quiffs, piercings and ridiculous tatoos. All say look at me, I’m a cunt.

  8. Man buns,ear-rings,goatee-beards and my personal favourite,lip-rings are wonderful things to grab a hold of if some Gobshite ever makes the mistake of getting cheeky. I once saw a lad who had a chain going from his ear to a ring in his nose get the whole lot pulled out before he even got the chance to complete whatever load of shite he wanted to moan about. Teach the wanker to have a couple of shandies too many and set himself up.
    Grab a hold of any Gobshite by his hair or any dangelling attachments ,and you’ve got him beat.

    Fuck them.

      • I had no idea that Gays grew beards. It must make putting their lipstick and make-up on rather tricky. Surely The Gays lack the testosterone needed to grow a beard? Getting the dried spunk out must be a nightmare.

        Good Evening, Mr. Cunt-Engine.

      • “A decent beard”….”A DECENT BEARD” !!!! The bugger was growing something,but I don’t think that it was a beard.
        The very fact that you were more concerned with his facial hair than the fact the was waving his cock about truly marks you out as a man with the stiffest of British stiff upper-lips.

      • Whilst on the subject of manly things, I am, alas, unable to grow any thing approaching a full beard although I have a very full and distinguished moustache (think 1980’s Paul Rutherford from Frankie Goes to Hollywood).
        It looks bent as fuck.
        Mrs Cunt Engine hates it, hence the reason for its continued existence.
        My mate calls me “Fagnum B.I”!

      • Do NOT be tempted to visit the site from that link unless your bladder has thermoelectric cooling…if it were allowed to contact ISAC there would be an apocalyptic explosion suffcient to pulverise the planet.

  9. Got proper long hair. Only need to tidy it up once every couple of months by one of the local fitty salon girls – always complimented on how its better quality than all the ladies hair.

    Zero fucks given. I do my own style, clothing and otherwise. Despite not being one I do echo the hippy notion of winding up squares through appearance. We place too much value on conforming to some prescribed image.

    But top knots and man buns are weak effort at attempting long hair for vanity obsessed metrosexuals.

    • Had very long hair up until a few years ago. Got it cut because I became tired of being asked when the next Hobbit/Rings film was coming out.
      Going grey is a bit of a cunt…

      • Fair play. Getting strangled in your sleep and not having instant dry hair post shower are negatives. But if I reach old age with full locks im going to rock it and rub it in to all the combover cunts ahha

  10. Husband shaves his heard but has a man bun. Then i turn around and get a German Au-Pair with a man ban. Beards are trending here in Silicon Valley/the Bay Area. Two men in the house with beards for a while.
    Hubby had long hair when I met him but it it turned into a combo of dreads and started falling out. So I don’t mind if he has the beard to compensate. Have never seen food in it and I love kissing a man with a beard. I must be a sucker for punishment because I like the ticklish sensation elsewhere.

    • Good to have you back with your new monicker Cali and giving us your unique West Coast female perspective. You are lucky to live there as you have probably not yet been overwhelmed by the sheer stupidity evident here of grotesquely fat people with cheap faded tattoos; stupid beards; Burquas (currently in the news via our imbecilic ex Foreign Secretary – who actually has a point on this one).

      The photo is intriguing-it’s familiar but I just can’t quite place it.

    • Baddiel would be crucified by the Twitterati mob for blacking up and culturally appropriating dreadlocks and topping it off with a fucking pineapple. Statto , statto, statto……

    • I used to love Baddiel and Skinner on their wonderful Football Fantasy League.

      With Statto and the late Jeff Astle.

      Saint and Greavsie.

      Brilliant late night TV.

      • Phoenix from the flames…..

        LL’s right though, you’d be crucified for blacking up now.

        Fuck me BoJo makes a statement that’s obvious about letter boxes and the pearl clutching has gone into hyper drive.

      • Thanks Cunty

        Have got many of the programmes recorded on VHS tape cassettes somewhere.

        Phoenix from the fames was great. Le Tissier was a class act.

        Frank Skinner still has the ability to make me laugh even in these depressing times so don’t really mind him.

        One of my underwriting colleagues went to the US on business, and ended up going to a professional golf tournament. Statto was there, a very genuine, friendly and approachable guy by all accounts.

        Statto, Statto, Statto…….

        Apparently liked the betting too much, which was his downfall.

  11. Fuck a duck! It wasn’t that long ago but I can’t believe Baddiel blacked up for that sketch. That would never be shown on TV today, not a fucking chance.
    Just shows you what a grip these libtards have got on this country.

      • Man Buns? One can imagine the SS, the Afrika Korps, and the Panzer Division quaking with fear at the sight of hundreds of ferocious Tommies with man buns… The Krauts would still be pissing themselves laughing… Anyone who has a man bun is a complete cunt and as the great Sgt Major ‘Shut Up’ Williams said: ‘Never in all my life have I seen such a display of blatant poofery!’….

    • Yes, but Russel could shave his head and his beard and he’d still be a top class cunt.
      Has Phoney Tony ever had a beard or a man bun?
      Don’t judge a book by its cover is my motto.

  12. Fuck me

    With everything going on in the world, BBC and Sky still have Boris as the headline.

    Sky at least conducted a poll:

    The majority of Britons (60%) think describing women in burkas as looking like “letter boxes” and “bank robbers” is NOT racist. This compares to 33% who think it is racist.

    As to whether the former foreign secretary should apologise for his remarks – 45% think he should do so, 48% think he should not.

    59% of participants would support enacting such a ban of the burka in the UK, with 26% opposed.

    So there you have it (albeit in perhaps a rather limited poll) those who were asked feel Boris’s comments were legitimate, and that he need not apologise.

    For those who wish to wear burkas, you are of course welcome to do so in any Muslim country, just not in the UK as it is not welcome here.

    Please can this be the end of the matter as I am heartily sick and tired of the FUCKING CUNTS at the BBC making far more out of this than is necessary.

    • Western ladies may wish to experiment with wearing a bikini in Riyadh. They may let you out of jail upon payment of a sufficient bribe, eventually.

    • Of course Sky really need to keep having repeat polls, until they get the correct answers…

    • Come on Willie for fucks sake. If a referendum result doesn’t count what do opinion polls matter?
      You sound like one of those people who still believe in democracy.

      • I totally agree Freddie

        Think however up until very recently the vast majority of people in the UK still believed in democracy in this country, Brexit is showing us that the cunts at the top of the tree simply do not give a damn about the people they are elected by and paid to represent. My feeling is that many of the electorate are genuinely shocked that elected leaders cannot be trusted to carry out the will of the people, and the fact that Theresa May has turned out to be such a spineless unpatriotic treacherous lying fucking bitch.

        Most of those I have seen on TV and have spoken to, do not know how it is going to end but I suspect badly for Leavers, and if so you can be sure that peoples anger will rightfully be shown and the backlash will be bloody and brutal and something that this country has never seen before.

        Now realise why the government has spent an obscene amount of taxpayers money on security and fortification of the houses of parliament.

        Like most generals in the army the cunt politicians who have allowed this to happen will be protected and well clear of any troubles.

    • What’s it got to do with race anyway? If anything it’s a matter of culture /religion, not race. Thick cunts.

    • Try going about your everyday business, maybe go to the bank, take a stroll through your local shopping centre or sit on a park bench while wearing a balaclava.
      You’ll be thrown to the ground and have a copper’s knee in your back before you know it….

    • The only shame about BJ’s comments were that:

      a) Liebore are self-destructing over anti-semitism and
      b) Tories were addressing the more serious matter of kifing The Maybot in the back.

      Now everyone’s fussing about the blonde toddler.

      But could Boris wait just a week or two ? I agree with the content one hundred %, but his timing’s about as good as Dawn French.

      But if he lets rip another scorcher, let’s hope it’s while there’s another bout of Toksvig Towers; I am verily sick to death of the latter.

      I dunno what sort of rating Dr. Liam Fox has, but pictures of him in the press, and his general demeanour, suggest he might be PM material.
      He looks and sounds more or less “normal”, and he hasn’t got up my shonker – yet.
      Others may beg to differ, I haven’t investigated him thoroughly enough yet.

      • Beg to differ at least somewhat. On the plus side he does appear to be working quite hard at attracting non-EU investment. On the minus side was the insertion of his wholly unauthorised ?boyfriend? Adam Werritty into his entourage when discussing state secrets with foreign governments, and subsequently lied about this:

        A partially redeemed cunt. Also had vested interest in destroying the NHS and probably still has.

    • I used to call them ninjas, but that’s rascist towards Japanese. Rent a tent always makes me laugh though.

  13. And round here, Romainian trad hair-do just looks like a bucket of shite poured over.

    As for the smell…

    • Come on, have you never been tempted to ask for a Bucharest Bun, Belinda? Romanian barbers are so cheap. They learned their skills in the best prisons.

      £5 for you. Cash only.

  14. I thought the beard phenomena would be a fad. Its now got to the stage those who can grow them yet not a hair on their napper look – well – just like cunts. Particularly those big bushy looking things like Vikings would sport, pre razors and just general personal tidiness became fashionable. I hear tell there are more faeces and germs in those cunts facial privets than there are on your average students digs lavatories – every time I see a bearded cunt kissing his woman I think of petting dogs lick your face – dirty horrible cunts. I have a dog in the particular fight – as a young sailor I fancied a bit of the old bum fluff – squared and decent like. I asked the Jimmy if I could have 7 days refrain from shaving – after seeing me at this table he told me to get that fucking thing off your face – its like a football match – 11 (hairs) each side. Never could grow a full set so my whinge is a bit biased – still think the big bushy cunts look fucking awful though.

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