Baby shower cakes

Now, I know a lot of wimmin are fucking stupid, but this is taking the absolute piss…

Baby showers themselves are typical wimmin’s crap, but making a cake for the occasion?! In the shape of your baby?! What sort of warped and satanic shit is that?! People who make, eat, and enjoy cakes that are based on their own babies and real human beings should be fucking locked up.

Sick cunts…

Nominated by Norman

61 thoughts on “Baby shower cakes

  1. Why isn’t the lower half of the mother involved too?
    I say it’s discriminatory.

  2. Jesus christ that is sick. Baby showers are pathetic anyway, so are people that insist thatvtheir birthday has to be special. Me me me

  3. The whole concept of ‘baby showers’ is another imported Americuntism.

    A selfish, greedy couple effectively ask you to buy them loads of fucking gifts just because they have successfully fucked. That is what a baby shower is celebrating at root; the Herculean achievement of a man blowing his beans into the oversized quim of his partner.

    Perhaps I should turn up at the local nightclub and hand out congratulatory certificates and trophies. Christ sakes.

    Time was people wouldn’t be so brazen and would gratefully accept gifts after the birth. Now it’s all implied upfront. Fucking cunts. I’ve been plagued with these fucking things for the last 5 years; mostly with freeloaders at work. The whole sickly/smiley twee celebration aspect of the fucking things are the shit-cherry on the cunt cake.

    So talking of cakes, anyone of these baby shower celebrating cunts even considering one of those abomination cakes as depicted above posesses cuntitude of Novichok toxicity.

  4. Asides from the clear cuntitude of the concept, which has been superbly covered above by my fellow cunters, the wisdom of celebrating a successful birth before it actually happens is tempting fate?

    The riskiest stage of producing a child, where things could go seriously wrong, is labour.

    Having a baby shower and receiving bundles of baby gifts, only to then go on to have a stillbirth would be a tad unfortunate, eh?

    • This happened to a work colleague about 10 years ago.

      Healthy full term pregnancy, no issues during labour, still born.

      That must be one of the most cruel things that could happen to anyone.

      The US “baby shower” thing was in its infancy back then but they had one. Everyone knew the sex of the kid and bought appropriately.

      The nursery was adorned with all the shite taken to the shower. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them having to return to that mausoleum. It must have been like a dagger through the heart each time they walked past it.

      They ended up giving the accumulated stuff to an orphanage (or similar charity).

      Tempting fate indeed.

    • The cake in the picture has the unappetising appearance of a stillborn. Wouldn’t stop Flabbottomus scoffing the lot though.

  5. Afterbirths have rights too !! Why no cake for them ? One with lots of raspberry sauce.
    Baby showers are another shite American import.
    Good morning.

    • Remember those doss cunts who used to take their placentas home to chef up as it’s supposed to replenish some shite in the woman’s body – just because they saw a gorilla eat their afterbirth on an Attenborough film?

      Dirty fuckers! Usually named Jemimah or Cordilia or some other plummy cunt name.

      • There’s probably a cook book ‘ 100 ways to cook your placenta ‘ written by Georgina somebody or other ( Georgina’s are always filthy ).
        Rumour has it that the Flabbapottamous had hers diced and rolled in a spicy crispy coating, great with fries and a barbecue dippin’ sauce. It was so large she’s still got some left in the freezer. Unfortunately I cannot corroborate this highly believable bit of news.

        • I told my dad if we had a daughter we’d be naming her Placenta. He thought that was a beautiful name. True story.

      • I think Hugo Fartleigh-Whippingpost did a pate out of human placenta. Maybe they are short of maternity units “down by the riverside”

        Another piece of cuntitude, baby related – Tom Cruise had his baby’s first turd silver-plated, I believe (or copied in silver).
        What a ridiculous cunt.

  6. Is the cake above representative of what is actually consumed?

    If it is then that’s very disturbing. It looks like a late term abortion!

    “Ooh, you must try the umbilical, it’s pure marzipan!”

    The only thing creepier would be a photo Xmas card off Kate & Gerry with Chucky taking Maddie’s place!

    It’s the image of it which is off-putting isn’t it.

    I mean Raymond Blanc could produce the most gorgeous chocolate fancies but make them look just like freshly evacuated dog sausages – same thing IMO.

  7. The cunts who have these made are:
    1. Liberal, lefty, green party voters.
    2. Have husbands/partners who attend the antenatal clinics.
    3. Voted to remain.
    4. Husbands/partners take 6 months maternity leave.
    5. Go to pilates classes.
    6. Have read Harry Potter books.
    7. Blend breakfast smoothies.
    8. Don’t like football and most other sports.
    9. Hate The Donald.
    10. Are cunts.

    • 10/10 KN……….. 👍
      I tend to avoid those kind of Cunts like the plague……

          • Between you and me Kendo… I reluctantly… voted… Remain! There… it’s been said. My heart was with Leave, but my head had zero confidence in our political masters to make anything but a pigfucker’s ear out of Independence. However, since the result was announced I have been 100% behind the implementation of a GENUINE BREXIT, in line with the democratic will of people – something the electorate are obviously being cheated out of with BRINO: the worst of all possible worlds.

  8. Load of American shit. Stick it up your arse, along with “trick or treat”, school proms and Black Friday. Don’t fucking need it.
    Oh and chips are chips not “fries” and films are called films they’re not fucking “movies” ok?

  9. Same sort of silly cunt that breastfeeds until the kid goes to school. Then puts them on youtube which then recommends them for me, as the network is aware of my keen interest in the female form. I don’t want to see your saggy veins Titus you cunts.

  10. I wonder if that little poof Tom Daley had a baby shower?
    Did the cake have a big cock on it with spunky icing sugar?
    Did his gay mates get pissed on Babycham?
    Unnatural fucking bastards.

    • If we’re going for accuracy I think a good old arse shaped sponge cake will do, with a fist sized hole in the centre so you can see the jam and cream in there. Perhaps a dollop of chocolate icing dribbling out of the battered hole too?

        • One can only aspire to work at such a fine establishment. Alas I didn’t have the required level of hair colouring, facial piercings, visible tattoos, and total lack of hygiene necessary to qualify.

      • Not me, RTC…Dick Fiddler got an invite though and at the party, all his secret dreams came true as he was spit roasted by Tom and his creepy “husband” as all three of them watched Brokeback Mountain (for the 23rd time).

        • My mistake TtCE, please put it down to late stage neurosyphilis.

          Good to hear Mr Fiddler got his rocks off so comprehensively, his emergence from the dark closet he’s long occupied must surely only be a matter of time now.

          Happy days.

          • I’d imagine that when Mr Fiddler finally comes out, it’ll be with all the explosive force and sparkly colour of a gigantic firework…

          • Actually, he’s been rather quiet for the past few days…hopefully he’s not the meat in a manwich during a session at the Blue Oyster…

          • Dick’s coming out could be bigger than Brexit and Trump combined!

      • Bundle of joy? Bag of shit more like. It irritates the fuck out of me that people with babies have to tell the whole world about it. It’s been done before, you wankers.

        • For the proud new parents, etiquette demands that one sends them a card with the traditional greeting:
          ‘Congratulations on making a baby with your genitals.’

  11. I demand equality.

    I want a full chocolate log each morning to commemorate every fudge dragon I birth.

    Think the ladies should probably get a jam tart, maybe lumpy blackcurrant, at the end of the month too.

    • Lovely.
      I wonder when some “designer” will start doing shirts with “Grandma collars”

      I look forward to a slice of Frumpenfuhrer-torte, after she’s been hanged with piano wire from a meat-hook. I bet that will be the world’s biggest ever cake.

  12. Hope those cake-babies are non-gender-specific, otherwise some cunt will be offended and will be on Twatter whinging on about it.

  13. Anyone notice when you go to buy a fuckin coffee now it’s all that Americunt stuff ?
    I stood and asked for a small black coffee 3 times before the Mongo realised I wasn’t answering to “ an Americano right”
    The snowflake Cunt

    • This has been standard practice in Ingerland for years, sadly. You will also be served, not by a spotty youth from Jobcentre Minus, but a ‘barista’. You will be able to have flavourings added to your coffee to stop it tasting of coffee, and don’t, as you value your self-respect, order a ‘latte’. As you value your wallet, boycott the place completely. Or set fire to it, if you wish.

      • Being such a bad tempered intolerant pig of a patriot i have NEVER been in one of they fecking coffee outlets, bad enough with these stupid cunts who cant wander the shop without their COFFEE!. someone should market a cup holder for trolleys

        • I go to an excellent place in Cardiff, started by Viennese Jews in the 1920s, who were smart enough to read the writing on the wall.
          Proper Viennese coffee shop, with lovely young waitresses, lots of whipped cream on top…

          • Does one apply the cream to the waitress before or after the whipping? Is this a Viennese thing? Enquiring minds would welcome illumination.

        • K, if you look at the lengthy choice of available coffees on a Viennese cafe list, you’d find something for all tastes… !!

  14. “Warped and satanic” covers it nicely. As it does a substantial proportion of wimmin. So in our warped and satanic economy of innesentials sold by mass- hypnosis of target groups, it makes perfect sense.

    Is this shit made in China? The design suggests it.

  15. Yet another imported load of cuntishness to make people feel better about themselves. A realistic looking cake with the uncanny resemblance to a couple’s said sprog is unnerving and fucking weird. What’s the next craze going to be? Abortion parties sponsored by jelly babies?

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