Advertising executives

Advertising executives are long overdue a cunting.

A world inhabited with cunts that sit in endless meetings sporting Hypster beards and who no doubt cover up their lack of intelligence or creativity by saying ‘Like Ya’ and who ultimately came up with the new GoCat advert deserve a truly royal cunting.

Now bear in mind Cats lick their own assholes on a daily basis, lick their own cocks if they have one, kill for fun wildlife and sometimes eat their spoils, mostly they don’t as they just enjoy the torture element, some bunch of cunts as described above have created a new advertising campaign for GoCat Mixer.

Now I know we live in an age where advertisers will try to sell us a utopian dream that’s only a stones throw away, just as long as we eat/apply/subscribe/worship their latest pile of cunt but GoCat have just raised the fooooking bar.

If you thought you’re cat and presumably next will be your dog was immune to this guilt tripping, think again.

GoCat are now marketing their reconstituted shit as having ‘No artificial colourings or additives so your cat can live a healthier life’. This seminal piece of advertising history in the making includes cuddly film of a cuddly kitten/cat with a kiddy voice over that I can only assume is the sort of voice dungeree wearing fat lesbians adopt when talking to their only friends, ie Tiddles….

No doubt the cunts will add a few quid to the asking price, safe in the knowledge that Jenny the fat single lesbian thinks by buying this shite Tiddles May live an extra day or so, meanwhile Tiddles will continue to lick his ass, kill wildlife, shit in your garden and throw up fur balls under your bed.

Anyone for Snake Oil?

Nominated by CuntyMcCuntface

63 thoughts on “Advertising executives

  1. Thankfully I avoid the idiot lantern thus reducing my exposure to such rubbish however, advertising nonsense surrounds us all. Every morning I stare at the Mrs bottles of overpriced shite in wonderment at the crap written on them. Natural charcoal – wtf – does the company scour the forests after a fire on the lookout for what may be charcoal or do they just buy it from someone who makes it?

    Also, what is an ‘artificial colouring’ – something produced at Sellafield?

    Mind you, I do completely understand why the industry treats people like the morons they undoubtedly are.

  2. Oatlands Park Hotel last year , saw a 2 day Company Promotional Launch into the UK of said kitty food etc, Over 200 people attended, and many stayed in the Hotel overnight. Completely fucked up our weekend break and visit to Hampton Court!
    Morning to night we were constantly in the presence of pretentious arseholes babble speaking and wanking themselves silly with over produced enthusiasm.
    Another fucking European Company wanting the UK market of feckless cunts who spend a fucking fortune on cats. The advertising cunts were ( as Cunty says) weird hipster types talking shite.
    Fucked our weekend up, and the free flea collar got tossed in the bin!

    • So you went to Hampton Court? I went there once and wild horses wouldn’t drag me back. I was walking past the front entrance and I looked up at the only open window. I saw a young woman looking straight at me. She was wearing one of those bonnets that Tudor birds used to wear and had a silver necklace with the letter B hanging off it. She looked very sad and stared straight at me with her icy blue eyes, somehow pleading with me about I don’t know what.
      I looked around to see if anybody else had noticed her and when I looked back the window was closed. I suddenly felt very cold and my hands were shaking. I did a bit of research later and saw her face again. I had been looking at Anne Boleyn. I told a couple of people and they just laughed so i’ve never it mentioned again for about 25 years. Trust me, it really happened and it still makes me feel queasy just to think about it.

      And if you swallowed that load of bollocks I should be in the advertising game.
      (Cue Twilight Zone theme tune)
      Fucking mugs!

          • You’d have to dress up as Cardinal Wolsey, Jack. And you’d be welcome to the simpering fucker.
            Good morning to you.

      • Haha it’s a good thing you put that bit at the end because I was about to put ‘what a load of bollocks’.

        People who believe in ghost are fucking retards.

  3. I like cats but I’m with the cunting for the advertisers. Our vet told us to specifically avoid GoCat as, in the trade, it’s known as Can’tGoCat because of the urinary tract problems it allegedly causes.

    • Go Cat is for the cat owner who really couldn’t give two fucks about their pet’s health and wellbeing. Moggie, you are right about the urinary tract problems. I go for Hills k/d prescription diet (kidney care). Yes, a bit more expensive than shitty Go Cat but worth it if you value your pet’s wellbeing.

      Go Cat advertising execs can go and fuck themselves bandy.

      • Go Cat ??

        More like “Gone Cat”

        Sunday papers covered it about 25 years ago… They need shedloads of water with the dried food…

        Ex and I once kept rabbits, and we were advised of a new dry mix – seemed like a good idea at the time, and the buns loved it. Because it was totally homogenised, they couldn’t eat selectively, thus leaving any crap stuff in the bowl.

        Unfortunately, it was so rich in calcium &c., that they ended up with teeth like tusks, which wouldn’t wear down naturally, and had to be filed down by vet.

  4. Imagine a gameshow where these fuckwits have to create an advert that we actually like in order to avoid dismemberment.

  5. I dont know who thought of this one or who is awed by it, but I saw a cooker on an advert that boasted “Direct flame technoligy”.
    It stumped me, I think since the discovery of fire as a cooking medium we had been using “Direct flame technoligy” until ovens and pans were invented.
    Though on closer inspection the claim is false as the medium of a pot or pan is required on this advanced system, perhaps a call to trading standards is required.

    • Gluten free shampoo is my favourite. What the fuck?
      In other news what about salman abedi having been rescued by the royal navy from syria?
      What an ungrateful cunt.

      • Gluten free shampoo? I assume you’re aware that shampoo is racist Cuntflap.

        How so? Halsey. She told us so. (who she? – Ed.)

        For example, every cunt and his offensive wife knows shampoo in hotels ignores black people. Halsey tweets:

        “frustrating that the hotel toiletry industry entirely alienates people of colour… I can’t use this perfumed watered down white people shampoo.”

        I feel her pain.

        But shampoo pales (no pun intended) in significance compared to Halsey’s problems with soap:

        “Soap is a far greater problem than shampoo. I never wanna talk about soap ever again lol.”

        Hopefully gluten free shampoo is a life affirming step in the right direction.

        • Ho ho, yes I read about that chump. Outstanding. I take it the toothpaste was gender fluid though?

  6. on the subject of healthy pet treats, I bulk buy a certain brand on Amazon, some twat did a feed back on my purchase about them being “meal” not “meat” and the potential threat of giving a 5gram treat to my 37kg hound.
    I aknoledged this and pointed out that his favourite natural treat was meat free and called rabit shit, but I prefered to walk round with the nasty manifactured grain compound in my pocket.

    • A former dog of mine just adored long-dead sheep on the hill, and would not be recalled until a full of, and completely coated in, the remains. There’s a marketing opportunity there, I think, if the sales team could just get over the explosive farts and diarrhoea.

  7. I just won’t wash my hair with anything other than gender fluid shampoo by GoCunt

  8. Watch Bill Hicks bit on marketing and advertising. Always a good laugh.

  9. I have the perfect product for tiddles. I need to talk to some quiffed, topknotted cunts about the best way to market 0.22 rifles.
    A fat Welsh cunt singing Happiness is a Warm Gun?
    Some gay, twerking cunts -‘ Your so pussy splatterer’?

        • They can’t help themselves Paul… they’re suffering from chronic Ailurophobia, poor lambs.

          • I’ve learned to concentrate on the human race in general Komodo – they do thousands of times more harm to their fellow creatures and the environment than the rest of the animal kingdom put together!

      • I cant find any without the bittering chemical that puts tiddles off.

  10. Over the past twenty years or so I must have shot well over 5,000 cats. At least one most days, sometimes more. I use to live and work out in the bush in Australia and out west the feral cats run rampant and are the biggest threat to native wildlife since white settlement. Always had a .22 or 12 gauge to hand. Don’t get around the bush so much now. Reckon I have blasted my fair share of pussy!

  11. Advertising executives have now been recently -and ludicrously – ‘glammed up’… For a start there’s all that Dragon’s Den and Apprentice cuntfest we have here in Blighty… Also, an old (American) relative of mine who worked for one of these advertising places in the 60s (in California) told me that all that Mad Men stuff was bollocks… That there were no go-getting suave types like that Don Draper cunt, and that all the blokes and bosses were boring as fuck and were like old men with dyed black hair… Sort of Ronald Reagan meets Ed Sullivan…. And I bet none of them had a red haired secretary with magnificent tits either…

  12. Back on topic for a moment…

    ‘Twas ever thus. Cunts beguiling other cunts into maxing out their credit cards or blowing their payday loans on stuff they don’t need and never knew they wanted till the advertising executives bilked them into believing they had to have it. Or summat.

    Fortunately for these ad execs, the advent of the welfare state has ensured the stupid will forever outbreed the sensible.

    • After many years if observing my colleagues in my current employment I have had to reluctantly cgange my appraisal of the situation to “the greedy will forever outbreed the sensible.”
      I think many people have intelligence, but all of the ones I know are like kids in sweetshops after some cunt un a suit tells them they need something. I’m on the same wage as them, but still have no fucking idea at all how they can justify the financial burden for this ‘stuff’.
      It’s fucking mental, and they can see it, but they still want it…..
      Greedy fat cunts.

      • It’s the way they’ve been programmed Cuntflap, by big business and Government economic policy. SPEND! SPEND! SPEND! BUY! BUY! BUY!

        Not me. I was brought up in the early 1950s at the back end of austerity. My brother on the other hand, whose formative years were the 1960s /70s, was encouraged to go with a far more materialistic set of values.

        As a result, despite a relatively high income he’s rarely been out of debt, whereas I’m quids in having earned far less.

        • I share a wheelie bin with next door (that isn’t me rummaging through it after dark, honest), and have observed that when he is at home alone, we chuck out similar quantities of recyclable waste. His wife isn’t always there, though (she gets bored and pisses off to relatives for weeks on end). When she’s in residence the bin has a tendency to fill up overnight with packaging from the latest shopping binge. I blame the wimminz.

          ‘Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door’ is now completely redundant as a marketing principle. Replaced by: ‘Brand a Cadbury’s Creme Egg as a mousetrap and some suckers are sure to bite’

          The 50’s…when austerity meant austerity, eh? Too right, RTC. And it’s my memory that no-one really gave a fuck. You could get a council house then…

          • Very true Komodo – we had an awful lot less, but enjoyed it a fuck sight more!

  13. Advertisers are like politicians, they’ll lie through their fucking teeth if they think you’re daft enough to believe them. For what it’s worth, my vet asked me what I fed my cat with. I replied “Royal Canin Indoor Cat”. He said “Ah, the best”.

    • Had to look that up, never having fed a cat…hoo, boy, what a load of toss.
      How much time should I spend playing with my cat? Generally several, short 10-15 minute play sessions per day seem to work well,..
      Though perhaps ‘cat’ is a euphemism?

      When I was a kid the old lady bought offal and lamb breast (of which I also partook, being the regrettably humanoid child of a dog trainer) and boiled them up for the Alsatians. Never a bark of complaint from any of us.

    • As a cat owner myself, I also used to think if a vet sold a certain brand of cat food they must think it superior. That is till I discovered that vets are paid by the pet food companies to promote their goods. Much like doctors with the pharmaceutical companies i.e. flu jabs being a case in point.

  14. If adverts are indeed targeted,advertising executives must believe Darkies,Cripples,Coffin-Dodgers and Benders are the only people who ever buy anything….. although looking about when I drive (windows up,doors locked) through Newcastle,they could well be right.

    Fuck them.

  15. Talking of advertising executives, the bunch of cunts at GoCompare who thought up those awful Gio Conpario ads should be put up against a wall and shot.

    • I’d take one of those stadium filling concert speaker systems, put one either side of their head at about 5ft away.. so the view isn’t interrupted.. and blast that cunt with his own advert until his head explodes.

  16. From when I was a young boy have always adored cats. First one I found in my late fathers garage. A big ginger bruiser stray. Nursed him back to health. He was knocked over (by a neighbour my father thought) and I was devastated for many weeks.

    Really cannot understand people who do not like cats, or wish them harm, especially for their own gratification or for fun..

    Apart from keeping the mice population down they can be warm and friendly, playful, loving and comical. Fantastic agile and graceful wild creatures following their natural instincts when out in the wilds of the surrounding neighbourhood.

    Ours is a prolific hunter, and will often kill and eat his prey. Those which are still alive when he brings them back into the house we always try to rescue- some make it, some do not. Probably about 50/50. He enjoys eating mice, but not keen on the back legs and tail- these we often find when cleaning. Largest item was a Magpie (which somehow he managed to drag in through the cat flap). Found it perched on a curtain rail. Opened the front windows and it was immediately gone. Clever bird. He also brought a large toad/frog in which our next door neighbour helped us save. Needless to say we are all dismayed when he catches something.

    Completely understand that affection he shows is be strictly on his terms but as he is a wild creature this is part of our enjoyment.

    Spent a shitload of money (£3k) on our cat having his hind quarters rebuilt after being knocked over by a car four years ago but worth every penny. Came very close to losing him.

    He still goes into the road despite us telling him to keep away, but he is older and wiser and hopefully he is now more aware of the damage cars can do. Also too friendly with strangers but nothing we can really do about this.

    Would not want to be without our cat- apart from the car episode he is no problem at all, spends most of the day out enjoying himself, and comes home in the evening.

    Would not want to be without him, and I think it is good for a child to be brought up to respect animals. When our cat was knocked over we asked our son whether the money should be spent on a family holiday to Japan (which we were planning) or on our cats operation. He said that he would not want to go on holiday and come home to an empty house knowing that we could have saved him. Anyway, my son went to Japan on his own (he was 9 so we sent him over to stay with his grandparents) whilst my wife and I forewent our holiday.

    Probably one of the easier decisions I have had to make in life.

    Love cats. Fantastic creatures. Prefer them to many people I have met.

    • Nice post Willie. While I appreciate that it is everyone to their own, I personally would never spend that kind of money on a pet. Fuck knows I’m fond of my dogs,but I wouldn’t pay £3 k for them.
      Still, good luck to you if that’s your choice.

      • Thanks Dick.

        The fact that our cat was just over a year old made our decision easier as we all felt that as he was so friendly and beautiful he deserved a longer life.

        Hopefully your dogs will live long and healthy.

    • Something similar must have happened to a dachshund in this vicinity. Hind legs gone, replaced by harness and wheels. No kidding. Scoots around like a good’un along with its uninjured mate, completely unbothered. Though taking a leak must be a problem.

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