Hand car wash

Hand Car Washers are cunts, aren’t they.

Is there anybody in society (other than the police) who ISN’T aware that 100% of these dingy havens are drug dealerships? How do these cockroach-infested hovels not get raided every hour of every day?

They are choc-a-fucking-bloc full of scuzzy, tax-dodging Iron Curtains. Barely Entry 1 Level English, probably claiming housing and unemployment benefits, all topped-up with a nightime smack-selling bonus. Either that or they’ve been smuggled in via a lorry earning decent moolah and devoid of any legal status; free to rape or burgle and totally off the grid.

These pop-up scams are bursting with rapey, scrofulous peasants from Romania, Poland, Bulgaria, Hungary, Ukraine, Macafuckingdonia, Albania and every other former communist shitehole. We’ve been well and truly invaded.

Coming to a neighbourhood (after dark) near you, soon.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous


31 thoughts on “Hand car wash

  1. If only we could leave the EU without a deal and send em all back.
    Can’t see it happening though. They’ll have everything in this country including the shirts off our backs by the time our pussy government have capitulated enough to be allowed to leave the table.
    And the borders will be kept well and truly open.

  2. Indeed. There’s a fucking proliferation of these bastards near me. Except it’s even worse: they’re bloody peacefuls! Mind you, that’s about the closest the smelly brown cunts get to soapy water.
    Here’s a much more agreeable car wash…enjoy!

  3. I’m struggling with comprehending the intellect that hides a nationwide drug operation as…..
    ….a fucking carwash!
    And employs salesmen who can’t verbally communicate with the punters…
    I’m also struggling with the millions of people (whose brains make chickens look like intellectual giants of physics) who make that decision to get their cars washed by criminals.
    What the fuck is going on here? Is there something in the water? Obviously not cos all the cars roll away filthier than when they arrived.
    Shit on a stick…!
    Doesn’t anyone have ANYTHING better to be doing?

  4. Must confess I didn’t know they were drug dens. The hand car wash places near me are mostly staffed by Mexican peasants, with a smattering of large breasted, jean short and tight t-shirt wearing blonde lovelies. I really hate going there. Not.

    • Most are fronts for drugs or laundering of stolen goods money. It’s far cheaper than setting up a takeaway or polish delicatessen. There used to be a curry house round the corner from here that looked like Steptoes yard, never seen anyone use it but the owner used to occasionally pull up in an Audi r8… Do well at school they told us… be a good citizen they told us… don’t break the law they told us… and you will do well in life… utter shite.
      I’ve none left, my piss has boiled away into the ether, never to return.

  5. I was in one a while back and noticed there was someone in there serving up. Naffink to do with though so I went abaaaaht my business and got me car washed. In some sense I admire the entrepreneurial spirit in the people realising they can wash cars and serve a bit of… up and make more money, on the other hand though they are cunts. They can fuck off, useful for when you cant be bothered to wash the car though.

  6. Imagine doing Car washing all day…fuck that. What a pile of cunt that must be, I am amazed at how many foreign workers there are now. They are everywhere Hotels, Bars, Gyms, even doing special delivery Coke deliveries (I know naffink abaaaaaht it). They are multi talented lot these Eastern Europeans I wonder though if there is such a jobs shortage could it be that these cunts have taken them all?
    Even the Escorts are Eastern European (I know Naffink abaaaaht it).

    • do you guys get the ne’er-do-well types “cleaning” your windscreen at traffic lit junctions? the cunts doing that here are rumoured to earn over $1000nz a day, tax free obviously, yet plod turn a blind eye to it.

      So, a squeejie mop, a bottle of piss mixed with fairy liquid, and away you go.


  7. Do not know about drug dealing and laundering etc. The car wash near me does a good job. Always busy at weekends car after car sunup to sundown. Same group of people all day, never seem to take a piss let alone a meal break. I doubt if slaves work harder. Some cunt is making a fortune out of these setups sure it’s not the poor fuckers working there. Please do not get me wrong I am no fan of cheap illegal labour but my inbuilt sense of decency requires me to have some pity for the poor bastards slaving with the micro fibre mitt

    • Well said BB,
      Whether here illegally or not some of these cunts know how to graft. I would’nt be doing that work in the sun all day and they likely earn about 60-70 pound a day. No wonder the cunts sell drugs.

      • Illegals will gravitate to their chosen professions, the Eurotrash to the car washes, Vietnamese to the nail bars, Africunts ringing cunts up telling them they have won the Nigerian Lottery and peacefuls pimping out northern underage working class white girls.

        • Apparently one of our local oriental nail bars has a room out the back where you can have some extra buffing!!!

      • B & W, they’re grafting hard because they know they’re making money whilst paying zero tax whilst claiming a free how and benefits.

        Only fools and horses work; we’re all mugs.

  8. What’s happened to The Empire Cunts Back? Perhaps the Ewoks have kidnapped him.

    • Was thinking the same, Capt. I know I go AWOL from time to time, but we’ve not seen Empire for quite a while now. Maybe the dark side got him.

    • Several esteemed regulars appear to have gone awol recently… suggest you not answer your front door unless the secret password c**t is given…

      • Are you suggesting we’re being picked off? The liberals have rumbled us? Perhaps there’s a clockwork orange situation where we are forced to watch made in chelsea….

        • They forced me to watch Britain’s Got Talent!

          Cunts n Roses currently enduring back-to-back Bake Offs (Nadiya season) – fuck knows what they’ve done with Basement Bob, let alone Birdman…

          This most assuredly is not the Summer of Love.

          • I do miss Basement Bobs contributions.

            Know he has had a difficult time recently and that this site helps him greatly.

            Hoping he will return in due course.

        • Didn’t the Clockwork Orange brainwashing brigade use Beethoven’s “Ode To Joy” as part of the treatment?
          Now adopted as the EU anthem, purely coincidentally I’m sure…

          • Interesting… we joined EEC within a year of Clockwork Orange being shown in U.K…

          • There is indeed a ramped-up version of it played as soundtrack to a load of stormtroopers, IIRR.

            Alastair Campbellend is a monumental cuuuuuuunt for playing it on the bagpipes at the Brighton (where else ??) conference.

    • I’ve been having trouble cunting lately. This seems to be less of a problem if I check the ‘save name, email…’ box before posting. Otherwise tend to get a ‘fuck off, spammer’-type message, which varies with the box I’m using.

  9. Yes the centrepiece was Beethoven’s 9th but most of the soundtrack was Bach, another fucking Kraut.
    Coincidence? Probably.
    Prophetic? Definitely.

    • I love a bit of Krautrock me: Amon Duul, Can, Popol Vuh, Faust, Stockhausen… We wrote better books though.

  10. Wash yer own cars,you lazy buggers. I wouldn’t want some thieving Pikey pawing through my small change ashtray.
    I never wash my pickup,there’s no point,it would just get hacky again.

    • My sons friends father pays £30 to have his car cleaned.

      Takes three of our foreign friends about 15 minutes tops. Equates to £120 an hour ffs.

      Takes me about 30 minutes to do ours inside and out, and to be honest being the sad cunt I am quite enjoy it.

      • If you do it yourself, there’s no chance of these scrofulous benefit fraudsters making a note of your Reg.plate either.

  11. The guys who have washed all of my cars for the last 12 years are spot on.

    They do wash, vac and wax for £10 and even keep an eye on my car for me while I’m away.

    We exchange Christmas cards too. Really nice guys. Can’t fault them. They work bloody hard in all weathers.

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