As you may have heard, the Royal MInt has just announced that there’s to be yet another change to the coinage. A new 10p piece. Well, to be exact, 26 new 10p pieces. One design for each letter of the alphabet, – I shall return to this baffling requirement – and each expressing a ‘quintessentially British’ thing.
Apparently designed by the artist who did the South Bank Centre, for the benefit of Primary 1’s class piggybank, they are presumably some kind of vanity project, as the question ‘Why?’ remains unanswered, and the question ‘How much did they cost’ remains unasked, except by bitter cunts like me. Though, if it illustrates the insanity of the UK as currently governed, it at least asserts its individuality, until the French come up with 365 variants on the Euro cent, at least, so perhaps a nuclear cunting would be overkill.
That said, obviously the new coinage demands a themed ABC to go with it:
A is for Aliens Arriving in boats
B is for Brussels, which ignores our votes
C is for Cunt, of Course – doesn’t want borders –
D’s for the Dole, and all its Defrauders.
E’s for the EU we’re not going to leave,
or so all the Fuckwit remoaners believe,
G’s for Great Britain, whose Greatness has Gone;
H is for House prices – financial con.
I’s for Illegals, whom no-one has numbered,
J’s for our Jails, with gangstas encumbered,
K’s for the Knighthoods we give party donors
(and L’s ‘Lord’ Adonis, queen of remoaners)
M’s for the Media, evading the blame
for Numerous Nonentities’ five-minute fame.
O..MG! – acronyms, overemployed
by Pissboiling Pundits we can’t avoid.
Q is for Queerness on public display
R is for Rappers, and all that they say,
S is for Snowflake and Selfie and Snood
T is for Trackie and Twats who say ‘dude’
U is for Urine -craft beers – in the bar
V’s Virtue signalling, Vegan, VR,
W? Wankers whose Whining’s PC
X for Xpatriate, happy and free.
Y is for You, you cunt, and so, goodbye
I need some Z’s now, so fuck off and die.
Nominated by Komodo.