I’d like to cunt friends. No, not the shitcom american tv show (that’s here http://is-a-cunt.com/2010/04/friends/ but needs much more cunting) – I mean all my friends and the idea of friendship in general.
If you have an affinity for a skill or sport, count on your friends to suck away all your precious time. When your opportunity has gone, so will they.
If your friends have emotional problems, lo and behold, here they fucking come.
If your friends have financial problems, lo and behold, here they fucking come again.
If you’re dumb enough to step in and help with a friends’ life problem, life threatening boredom and thanklessness will ensue.
If your missis is hot all your mates will be disrespectful wankers.
Fucking god help you if one of your mates is getting divorced.
When I was younger I had plenty of friends. Of course, being young means that most of your friends will by default be arseholes anyway what with their fractuous squabbling, need to borrow shit and tendency to let you down all the time.
It has taken me decades to peel these timewasters off. It’s been difficult. It would seem the better you do for yourself and the busier you get the stronger their vampiric grip becomes.
Fortunately having kids helps. I think the first child strips away about 50% of them. Despite diminishing returns, by the third or fourth one you’re well on your way to the utopia of fucking-none-at-all.
I think that people who need friends are obviously unable to cope on their own, and so seek a symbiotic link in order to bypass nature’s survival of the fittest filter.
People also seem to need friends so that they can enrich their lives through them. Just like the fungus ophiocordyceps unilateralis.
The requirement of friends is an outward manifestation of neediness, weakness, and selfishness.
Consider the peculiar phenomenon of people trying relentlessly to be your friend with no stimulus or response from you whatsoever.
Consider the artificial gathering of friends that goes on in soshul meeja.
Consider the inability of the majority to do anything at all by themselves.
Friends and friendship are utter, utter cunts.
Nominated by Cuntflap.