Token Strong Female ✔
Token Black actor ✔
Token Asian character ✔
Deficiency of creativity ✔
White Male baddie ✔
Toxic masculinity exposed ✔
Sensitive heroes ✔
Lack of humour ✔
Rehashing previous Star Wars ✔
Tepid, weak, average tat ✔
Less entertaining than its porn parodies ✔
All-inclusive cast ✔
Ultimately unsatisfying ✔
May The Cunt Be With You.
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
The power to cunt something is insignificant compared to the power of the force……
You are clearly a Sith Lord.
7
Only a Sith deals in absolutes!
5
A bit like the rest of the Star Wars stuff. Utter fucking shite.
16
Star Wars…
The Michael McIntyre of Sci-Fi
10
Did you see Bladerunner 2049? Fuck me, what a snooze fest! I actually lost conciousness several times and I’m sure some parts of my brain are yet to wake up after the 2 hours and 44 minutes of my life I wasted on that steaming pile of cunt.
9
150 minutes of trying to work out who was a replicant but wondering whether it mattered because I hadn’t understood why they were a threat and constantly trying to stay awake while wondering what’s wrong with the sound equaliser.
Bereft of Imagination, they used similar imagery, similar lines and a significant chunk of original storyline.
7
“Did you see Bladerunner 2049? Fuck me, what a snooze fest!”
Skidmark Eggfart@ Oh Come on it wasn’t that bad the pacing could of been better but it wasn’t terrible, I’ve seen far far worse I thought Ryan Gosling did a good job actually
Truthfully tho I was disgusted by Fords attitude in the film and considered his arrival in the film to be badly executed and written. Ford did his character in the film like a cheap whore they should of written him out of the story the money they would of saved on it would be enormous too… he probably got like 3 million or something for his 20 minutes of screen time
4
Blade Runner should have been left alone – the original was very near perfect. Rutger Hauer’s ‘tears in the rain’ monologue and Sean Young .
Never could understand why Sean Young has a blokes name!
11
It’s her middle name, her first name is Mary but for some reason she goes by her middle name.
0
Rutger Hauer was fantastic on Blade Runner.
Apparently he improvised on set adding some of his own lines.
A remarkable film. I often wonder when watching it the vision required by the director to produce such a masterpiece.
5
“the pacing could of been better”???!!! That’s like saying Hitl@r could have been nicer to the 4x2s.
Take for example the scene where the hologram chick thingy overlaps the prozzy. OK, interesting special effect, interesting concept, valid plot element, good character development. But it went on for 5 minutes when 2 minute would have been ample. For those who haven’t got a clue to what the fuck we are talking about follow this link;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7iID1xkgkM
Apply the same ratio of 2 to 5 to the whole film you would have a run time of 66 minutes, which seems about right as it only has 66 minutes worth of plot.
3
Bit like the original watched it again after 36 years and apart from Sean Young being incredibly sexy and the film having amazing imagery especially for its time it really did seem much style over minimum substance.
1
Spot on Shitcake.
Only ever watched one Star Wars film. At the cinema with my young son.
Tedious with little or no obvious plot. Really could not see what all the fuss was about.
Boring.
4
I won’t even do them the honour of downloading a pirated version. I don’t want to pollute my computer with this filth.
4
The fact that you even considered downloading it at all is disturbing.
(only kidding!)
4
I know, I’m ashamed of myself.
4
If youve heard Mark Hammill’s comments on the new star wars film are very interesting to say the least…
Well basically hes not happy bout the direction at all and in more ways then one encouraged fans not to see it or to at least be expected to be disappointed This clip says it all really https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROoWg3-F9Hc
5
Interesting. If he disliked the character changes so much why the fuck did he take the part? Was he “forced”? ( fuck me, I’m so sharp I almost cut a finger off typing that bit ) No, Hammill did it for the money because he is a fucking whore!
5
The $$$ is strong in this one.
6
I read somewhere recently that for the 5 or so seconds that he was in The Force Awakens, Hammil was paid a sum in the ‘low seven figures……
4
I don’t think Hammill is a cheap whore and at least hes being vocal about it I’m not Biased personally I hated the direction the franchise took with Return of the Jedi and since then. It was originally titled Revenge of the Jedi it should of been darker not fucking cute little retarded ewoks! the characters were originally creepy lizards not fluffy dwarf teddy bears.
Also the prequels were very disappointing with its huge shitmess of very long political scenes, pidgin talking Jar Jar Dickhead and the boring convaluted army battles, even the lightsaber fights were stupid but the disney era stuff is even worse
5
I never said he was cheap….
2
I’m the one who said cheap whore actually it seems to be the word of the day, because I’m seeing it in alot of things I read an write… I dunno weird
1
Proof once again that when one follows the path of pc no good will come from embracing the shite side. To think I waited 2 hours to get in and see the first one and enjoyed the film very much.
Would also like to point out that Win 10 keeps trying to update itself on my pc, fails every time can it not “stop” and leave my pc alone? I really do not care if the later version allows me to swop mumbets on arsebook whilst computing the plasma density of a… fucking give up.
5
You can stop windows 10 from updating by setting your internet connection to metered. It’s not simple to do as they obviously want to have access to your computer to sell you more stuff but here is how to do it;
click on the little windows icon in the bottom left of the screen, then settings, then Network and internet, select your network and click advanced options. There you can set metered connection to on and jobs a good un. No more automatic updates. However, remember every time you log onto a new network you must repeat the process otherwise the sneaky cunts will download more shite onto your computer against your wishers.
5
Thank you kind Sir. The jobs a good un!!
1
Pig faced ex merchant banker Nicola Horlick on Sky “news” at the moment talking about Brexit. According to the old trout it is up to business to say “stop”. Is it really, Nicola? How interesting. So, Nicola, you think it is up to big business to overturn a democratic vote? Maybe you would prefer to appoint MPs yourself. In fact why stop there? Perhaps business executives should just take over and run the country for the benefit of bankers and big business. Oh, they already do, don’t they? It is called the EU. It is specifically that line of thinking that people voted against you cunt.
21
Is this the same millionaire banker who is feted by the media as some kind of ‘superwoman’ because she can hold down a high flying job, bring up kids and find time to whinge about Brexit?.
9
Mrs Fistula wanted me to take her to the new Star Wars film. The main objective was to stay awake, she nudged me numerous times because I was snoring loudly. It was a kids film with a huge snowflake agenda to it. I wouldn’t of been surprised if Darth Vader was played by Donald Trump.
7
Did you know there is a “Victims Commissioner” ? Well, there is such a thing and she is Baroness Newlove. She even has her own website where it states one of her roles is to ensure “Transparency in the way that decisions are made, business is conducted and the office operates” However I can’t find anywhere how much she is paid for her vital contribution.
10
Yea I think she’s the one that saw her husband beaten to death by yobs a few years ago.
It’s a token job …. like the British justice system will ever give two shits about victims!
2
Bread and Circus’s, a winning formula.
7
Anyone see the article in saturdays Mail about the number of Lords fiddling their expenses? Absolutely fuckin disgusting,. A number of them had to pay back large sums they received for accommodation while they Were actually staying in their own homes !! Why the fuck were they not prosecuted for fraud?
16
And the cunts get £300 a day and don’t have to speak or ask questions in the chambers. One fucker, I forget who, kept a taxi waiting while he signed in and then pissed off for the day.
9
And that £300 is not even taxable…!
1
Injustices in our legal system are everywhere. How many bankers are in prison? How many directors of Carillion are going to jail? How many people responsible for Grenfell cunts going to jail?
But we can rest easy knowing the bloke down the road who has a couple of marijuana plants in his bedroom will have his house surrounded by a SWAT team. Cunts.
16
I watched a film last night called ‘The Big Short’, a humorous but effective take on the sub prime mortgage scam that caused the banking crisis of 2008. Once the juggernaut of greed gets rolling, there is nothing to stop it but a massive crash. And who ends up paying the price? Not the cunts who cause it, that’s for sure.
11
I think “Inside job” explains it better and also points out the cunts to blame got away with it not only scot free but also loaded and are still running things today. But it’s a documentary so not as funny.
4
By just giving it back make it ok does it? Just like the MP’s expenses scandle! How many of the cunts actually got locked up? If that had been you or I we’d have been fined or given a custodial sentence. I really boils my piss these cunts get away with it when they’re meant to be setting an example to us plebs? Yeah right! Cunts one and all!
12
The cunts always look after their own, e.g. Lord Janner, Cyril Smith, et al.
And they’ve never worked harder than when it came to covering up their expenses scam, using every trick in the Parliamentary book to prevent their paymasters finding out about their criminal wrongdoings.
£millions of pounds defrauded from the taxpayer, resulting in a few token slaps on the wrist – and even then they whinged!
9
Not to mention Bliar (& his Cabinet co-conspirators) Iraq, David Kelly, and the Chilcot whitewash…
6
I’m so glad you didn’t mention Blair. Who will be at Davos in his capacity as long-ex-and-utterly- discredited-prime minister this week, as usual.
So will ‘Princess’ Beatrice ‘of York’, the horsefaced nomark slapper cunt. Why?
1
All Star Wars are shit lets get this right, cool when you were a kid but as an adult you realise how ridiculous they are, it didn’t break new ground like people said it did Lucas just got an old swashbuckling sword film mixed it with some wizardry, robbed the bombing run sequence from the Dambusters and set it all in space. Nothing new there.
I used to love the original trilogy as a kid but I caught Return of the Jedi a few months ago and remembered how monumentally stupid the Ewoks were.
12
Hardly anything is truly original. Essentially all stories revolve around a few basic themes and archetypes. The archetypes include heroes, villains, mentors, innocents and every day people while basic themes are good and evil, love, survival and heroism. Take any story from the first cave painting to the last cunting jedi and the same themes and archetypes will be found.
7
Star Wars is fuckin ace if you still ride a bike with stabilisers!!
Any adult attending without children under the age of 10 should be sectioned …..
And why exactly is Harrison Ford still wearing a fuckin earring at 70 years old??
princess leiya son looks more Gaylord than Sith Lord or whatever the Cunts supposed to be…….
It’s an absolute barrel of bollocks and can quite frankly cock off!!
3
I’d like to cunt books by ex-soldiers, now admittedly I’ve only read about a dozen of these but only a couple of them were good. I’ll start with the most famous one Bravo Two Zero, now we all know the story of 8 men going behind Iraqi lines without checking their radios, getting split up 3 men dying(2 from the elements, one from gunshots) 4 being captured and one getting away right, but if Andy McNab want us to believe that an 8 man team armed with light arms and a few anti-tank rockets took out 250 men then he can fuck off, this is real life not The Delta Force.
The second one is The One That Got Away by Chris Ryan who as you might imagine was the only member of the B20 patrol that didn’t get caught or dead, now by rights it should be a magnificent story escaping 100’s of kilometres on foot in enemy territory but he goes over the top with him single handedly taking out a truck full of soldiers and slitting throats(which apparently he never mentioned in his debrief) but the cardinal sin for me is blaming several of their problems on one man, specifically a man who couldn’t defend himself from these accusations because he was dead.
The third one also covers this same topic but was written by a non-member of the crew but a former paratrooper and SAS member himself who went out to Iraq to get the “true story” as he calls it but he was shadowed the entire time by Saddams police and the people he met and got the stories from a Bedouin tribes “who don’t lie” and he decided that they never killed a single person and the one member of the team who was killed by enemy fire was actually shot by a goat farmer, the one thing I will praise about the book is how it goes on to praise the dead man who Ryan ripped to shreds.
The next book is a different war, The Falklands and it by a Harrier pilot called Sharkey who basically spends most of the book slagging off the RAF and several people high up in command and the rest of the book goes into the details of how he basically won the war all by himself and not people like my dad who were trudging through marshland while engaging in which still to this day is the most ferocious firefight the British Army has been in since Korea while trying to retake the heavily guarded Mount Longdon from the Argies, 23 Paras died that night yet flyboy won the war.
There’s a few more but I don’t have all day, it just makes me laugh all the macho bullshit that comes out in these books like it’s a fucking war comic, some of these stories are brilliant without the exaggeration of taking out armoured brigades and slagging off of other individuals.
6
Like gangster memoirs, bios by Soldiers have to be taken with a large pinch of salt, they always try to cast themselves in the best light irrespective of what actually happened. Bits and pieces I’ve read over the years indicate that neither Ryan or McNab are at all popular with their former comrades or current serving members of the Super Army Soldiers.
Quite a good one about the Falklands from a Naval perspective is One Hundred Days by Sandy Woodward. Largely factual and mostly machismo free.
4
I might look that one up, I’ve read one called Excursion to Hell written by a guy from my dads battalion about the battle for Longden and that was a good read.
I’ve heard that about Ryan and McNab not being popular, apparently their names are now in the public domain so I don’t know why they still go by those fake names.
1
Excursion to hell was a really good book, I read it back in the nineties. The author didn’t big himself up, and even documented his decline after leaving the paras. I stopped reading about the SAS after reading Ryan’s book, as I couldn’t work out who was lying, or if both of them were full of shit. Probably the latter. I prefer the soldiers stories from WW2, the guys are far more modest. Try Pegasus bridge by Stephen Ambrose, the guy who wrote Band of Brothers. And, you can never go wrong with Spike Milligan’s war memoirs.
3
That’s what I liked about it, my dad never spoke about about the Falklands, so i sought out anything I could and found that book and soon figured why he never spoke about it, like the author my dad spent years getting jumpy if he heard a loud bang or a fast jet, never came with us to airshows in case he panicked.
1
Even further down the literary food chain are tall tales spun by ex football hooligans. In fairness most can’t actually write but have TV “documentaries” made about them by cockney geezer cant Danny facking Dyer.
But the absolute lowest of the low are cunts you meet in the pub who claim to have known some local gangster cunt, as if knowing a fucking sociopath cunt gives them some sort of kudos.
5
Try reading
Insanity: My Mad Life by Charles Bronson.
I did, and lost the will to live after 10 pages.
4
I saw the movie with that Tom Hardy. It was pretty good.
3
So I’ve heard.
But the movie wasn’t scripted and directed by an illiterate narcissistic bonehead.
At least I assume it wasn’t…
5
First light by Geoffrey wellum was quite good. About his time as a spitfire pilot in the battle of Britain. It took fuckin ages to get going but I enjoyed it.
I also enjoyed Apache Dawn: Always outnumbered, never outgunned. Awesome book about the apache pilots in Helmand.
Can’t say I’ve ever read the army books but there’s no way to know what’s true and what’s “embelished” so I haven’t bothered.
2
The Last Jedi…I know naffink abaaaaaaht it.
Haven’t seen Rogue One yet, I need a couple of days to watch all the Star Wars films in order, tnere are also some cunts who suggest a different order to watch the films in. What a pile of cunt.
2
Only ace bit in Rogue One is when Darth Vader kills about 50 rebels in about one minute flat…
2
We went to see ‘Eric Clapton – A Life In 12 Bars’ at the cinema, so the mrs insisted on seeing The Last Jedi… And what a load of fucking drivel it is….
The stupidly named Kylo Ren is about as scary as a runny boiled egg, and is like an intergalactic Rick off The Young Ones (tantrums are his speciality)… A spotty gimp as the successor to Darth Vader?! Knob off!
Rey is a Mary Sue type character… Serves no purpose other than being a box ticking ‘herowoman’… Because Disney have banned male heroes now, especially white ones (I’d still tonk Ms. Ridley, mind you),,,,
The black bloke (you know him? That gobshite who is in Star Wars, yet moans there are not enough black people in films? Yeah, that cunt)… Anyway, he has nothing of significance to do, and is also there for box ticking purposes (see also his ‘diverse’ sidekick in the film)…
Snoke (another crappy name) was another pointless and convenient character… Only put in to turn Kylo RIck bad and give Rick a sob story to fall back on… He is then killed by Kylo Rick (not unlike how Rick brained Neil the hippy with a shovel)…
Luke Skywalker – hero of the original stories – is turned into a grumbling mardarse… He does fuck all, has no lightsaber duels, and is actually scared of Kylo Rick… Luke then gives up and dies without a fight… Do fuck off…
This film is utter shite of the highest order….
7
Lightsaber duels. What’s the fucking point of all that?
Don’t they have any proper weapons in space, like…phasers set on kill…or even a good old fashioned Magnum 44, ffs?!
4
Daleks are the best… Their death ray disintegrates the internal organs and the sucker thing can crush a skull… Well, they were ace until that Moffatt cunt showed up… Pubeheaded PC cunt…
14
Adam Driver(the fella who plays Kylo Ren) despite his drippy looks is probably the toughest actor in the movie, he was a US Marine for 3 years before he was forced to leave due to injury.
5
Guess it depends how he injured himself.
Did he drop his make up box on his toe?
4
I am fucking flabbergasted that so many cunters have seen this shite and are admitting to it. Fuck me we will be having a discussion about the ‘best’ Harry fucking Potter film next.
I may have to cancel my subscription.
6
If you’d been forced to watch the trailers in the cinema or on TV throughout the last 30 years, you wouldn’t need to see the films to know they’re 100% shite.
3
Didn’t the pope call the author of those Harry Potter books a devil worshipping whore or some such rhetoric? Must admit I would let her sit on my broomstick though.
4
She’s a cunt.
http://is-a-cunt.com/category/j-k-rowling/
SIX times.
3
I still would though. But it would be a total hate fuck.
See also, Kate McCann.
4
If only Darth Vader was more like this…
https://youtu.be/vskHXtPuvBk
3
Ha ha … fuckin AWESOME!
The trump one was good too.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KU_Jdts5rL0
2
Great stuff… And if only Capaldi’s Doctor had been like Malcolm Tucker…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Blf073f2Lc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0t7ODPDVkU
4
I was watching the BBC news last night and they were doing a piece in America, a year after Trumps inauguration.
Pittsburgh, hasn’t been republican since the 80’s. Part of the rust belt that Trump was aiming to help and they came across one man who was loving life as he had been building hundreds of new homes. A republican voter so obviously a happy chappy. Next, a barber, a democrat supporter but a man who was happy and even he said he wouldn’t be surprised if Trump would or could be the best President that the USA have had. The reporter, possibly pissed off by now asked about Trumps tweets, the barber replied yes he acknowledged that he should cool down on them but that was basically what Trump is all about. However, the BBC unhappy that not everyone hated Trump found a Killary supporter who went off on one, not surprising. Even though this was a good news story the BBC wanted to rubbish Donald Trump. From the first moment Trump won the Presidency there has been whinging going on from all quarters, instead of backing Trump and his ideas of putting his country first. Trump isn’t perfect by any means, but surely when some good news comes out you would think it’s citizens would support the President regardless of whichever party you belonged to.
8
Yea the cunts are the same with brexit.
Good news is all in spite of brexit.
Everything bad is a sign that brexit is starting to take effect and we’ll all change our minds once we realise what we’ve done.
From what I hear most Americans are actually quite happy with trumps presidency so far. Certainally more than were happy with o’bummer.
Cunts.
6
They had that report on R4 too. From the POV of someone who detests Trump, I thought they were pretty fair on the obese, orange, infantile cunt. Maybe we’re being nudged into liking him in time for when he does condescend to visit (subject to assurances that the peasantry will line the streets chanting ‘MAGA’ and the pols and royalty will bow in his presence)
More disturbing, I thought, was the Clegg cunt being permitted several minutes of uninterrupted Remoan propaganda on R4 last night. The interview-dolly did very little but offer helpful prompts to the next point in his script. Just a minute. The cunt is no longer leader of anything, and was up the Tory arse for most of his ministerial career. Why should his opinion be courted on anything?
1
I wouldn’t watch a Star Wars film if you paid me. Sci-fi should be the most interesting film category – I hate the word genre – but most are made for kids and the rest are of questionable quality. Blade Runner and Dark City are good films but I wouldn’t have had them in my collection at one time. Now I realize they’re the best of a bad bunch. The biggest disappointment for me was Truffaut’s Fahrenheit 451 which was an insult to Ray Bradbury’s book. There’s a remake being released this year, hopefully it’ll be good enough to help us forget the first version.
2
The craze about “herowomen” never ceases to amaze me, like it’s a new fucking thing. Women have been playing hero’s and anti-heros for years, Foxy Brown, Princess Leia, that chick Bridget Fonda played in The Assassin, Ripley from Aliens, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Sarah Connor, Barb Wire with Pammy Anderson amongst many others and all these were from the pre-PC days when women were kicking arse, in fact those characters were way cooler than the super women we have now, though that Jessica Jones is pretty cool just because she’s an absolute arsehole with a bad attitude, a drink problem and a leather motorcycle jacket rather than your typical “save the world” lady hero who’s all prissy and full of morals.
5
Yea Ripley (get away from her you BITCH) and Sarah Conner (you’re terminated fucker) were fuckin bad ass. And no lefty bollocks just good enjoyable films.
7
Not forgetting Kathy Gale, Emma Peel, Tara King, Jaime Sommers, Dr Helena Russell, Contessa Caroline di Contini, and Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman…
5
I think the film industry as a whole are now just terrified of taking any risks.
They just stick with the same formula every time coz that’s what is safe.
Apparrently the film industry as a whole are losing money hand over fist for just this reason. No one can be fucked to go to watch the same old regurgitated shit time after time.
Star wars is the worst example of this. Utter unimaginative steaming pile of wank. To then use the film for political indoctrination of kids just coz they know it’ll be popular but can’t think of a story is just fuckin cuntish.
I haven’t seen it but if even the lefties are saying it’s too political then it’s gotta be bad.
1
And Dana Scully is still at it… And, yes, I still fucking would, like a shithouse door in a gale….
And Doctor Who has always had strong female characters… Sarah Jane Smith, Leela, Tegan Jovanka and Liz Shaw spring to mind… But these libflake mongs act like Bill the Black Lezza Wonder Horse is the only female companion that has ever been in the show ever… Clueless cunt trumpets…
10
Never seen a Star Wars film.
I was a kid when the first one came out…wasn’t interested then and still don’t give a fuck now.
Hate the cinema. Haven’t been for years. Paying shitloads of money to watch shite and being forced to do it in the company of other people. Yuck, no thanks.
2
I can’t watch Star Wars , I prefer something more eclectic.
3