The British army

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Yes. The British army … well, the top brass anyway, the soldiers are heroes as far as I’m concerned.

The best army in the world. The best trained and bravest troops there are, are now going to become care in the community counsellors for emotionally retarded snowflakes that feel like they don’t belong anywhere.

It’s not actually the army that’s to blame, it’s the retards at the top that employed a marketing company to help them recruit the extra soldiers that are needed.

Did this bunch of twats advise the army to focus on the excitement, travel opportunities, self discipline, toughness, resilience or comradery that comes with being in the army? Nope.
Did they advise the army that if they treat their soldiers better when they’d finished with them they’d see recruitment going up? Nope.
Did they advise that patriotism needs to be instilled in people by the education system and media instead of trying to make people feel guilty for being British? Did they fuck.

No they advised the army to make a marketing campaign based on diversity and CRYING.

Yes CRYING.

…. ? !

Not being fit. Not being ready to kill the enemy.
Being in touch with your emotions and basically being soft are apparrently the required qualities these days.
In other words, the last kind of cunt that anyone wants in the army.

Some of the toughest people imaginable go into this job and come out with ptsd. Emotionally and physically strong men go in and come out fucked up.
Who’s fucking bright idea is it to send the emotionally weak into these kind of situations? How do they think they’re going to come out?
I wouldn’t last 5 minutes in the army and I’m double ‘ard.
…ok that was a lie, I’m really a pussy but that’s why I never joined the army.
You need a certain degree of emotional resilience to go to another country and risk your life trying to kill enemies of this country. Especially these days when the enemy have no respect whatsoever for any of the “rules” of war. No pow camp if you surrender to the muzzies.

This is stupidity at its most negligent and if top brass think that this is the future of the army then we’re fucked.

Next they’ll be advising our troops to run, hide, tell.

I’ve been saying for ages that the lefties have purged politics, the media, the education system and the police.
I never thought they’d get the army.

If the army are desperate to recruit may I suggest that they provide better support for veterans and market that. A lot of people are put off the forces because they serve, risk their lives and then the government (and in some cases also the army) treat them like shit.
They should also tell the government to promote pride in this country instead of always talking us down and telling us we’re cunts for being patriotic.
Oh, and if someone wants to instigate a fraudulent court case against our troops tell em to fuck right off.

The latest adverts for the army are a fucking bad joke and I hope the army tell whoever commissioned them to fuck off to some African shithole and fucking dig latrines for the remainder of their careers.

They even have one about a Muslim that wants to stop to pray (surprise, surprise … can’t be British if you don’t mention a fucking muslim). “You can always find time to stop and pray in the army.”
I’d say that the army is actually the one job where stopping to pray is the worst idea that you could have, and will get your troop killed while you rub your nose on the floor and wiggle your arse in the air, chanting.
How many times per day do they need to pray?
5 was it?
Sure that’ll be practical when on excersises or operations.

Oh and is the scoff halal?

Lefty cunts.

Nominated by Deploy the Sausage

73 thoughts on “The British army”

  2. Anyone remember the fucking treasonous Muslime arrogant fuckwit in the RAF, who refused to fight his “brothers” in Iraq.? Remember his puke inducing Court Marshall? Remember the legions of people queing to praise this peaceful cunt?

    The Army of today has hordes of these carpet kissing scrotes, quietly receiving training which they will apply in their Fatwah against us in the very near future. And we are currently actively recruiting puffs, fanny fumblers, trannies, fluids, and all other fucking dross to the services.

    Go onto the recruitment websites and see how queer couples can live together in quarters,. How your “sexual expression” is no obstacle to your career.

    The fucking NAZI left wing whining whingers have fucked up our finest services in their desire to destroy any capability of defense.

    Im with Trump on this one, kick all the bastards out

    • Good to see civvies finally getting angry about the shit state of the armed forces. Unless you are looking for elite regiments – paras and Royals the dross being sucked into the forces these days is fucking vomit inducing.
      I pulled 18 out starting in the 70’s and my eldest Brother is a 4 ringer in the mob. He has a year left to do and cant wait to get the fuck out of it. in a few short years the mob has had to be seen recruiting some who wouldn’t have made it through the gates of HMS Ganges a while back. They are the playstation generation – more bothered about getting a wifi signal on deployment than preparing for eventualities like combat or human tragedy relief. I could just imagine telling my Joss man through floods of tears to stop shouting at me – I would still be wearing the imprint of a size 10 steaming bat on my ring piece.
      I am sure if we introduced a 2 year National service type commission for all the new peaceful bearded gimmegrants that was compulsory the country would empty like Flabbotts bowels. To think at one time we ruled half the fucking world – we don’t even own our own towns now.

      • I recall a time in Fitzroy as Sir Galahad burned. The courage and the selfless acts of rescuers. The tenacity and stoicism of the many. None flinched. And while she burned , the Argies returned coming low over Bluff cove. Every weapon pointed skywards and fired in complete and utter fucking defiance! We were DOWN but NOT OUT!

        Now tell me the cunts of today would fight and fall like those heroes.

  3. At this point, the liberal left must be considered a recalcitrant, inoperable cancer within our society. A cancer that has repeatedly metastasised across every facet of UK living – from schools, to police, to entertainment and now to the armed forces – and is absolutely fucking killing off anything that makes one proud of their British heritage or said British institutions.

    Part of me thought that Brexit and the election of Trump would make the cuntish cuntingent on the left realise that they needed to change. One hoped that their suffocation of the British Public with endless, increasingly tenuous rules on pigeon-holing every possible demographic and attempting to equate all people on the basis of the smallest fucking minorities imaginable would come to an end.

    But no. The efforts have redoubled and the latest in their crimes against humanity is this fucking appalling desecration of what the Army stands for. The cunts responsible for this marketing strategy truly deserve to be lined up against the wall.

    I wish I knew how these lily-livered utter cuntfucks keep managing to lobby EVERYTHING for their fucking agenda. Are we really that fucking afraid of ‘causing offence’? Fuck right off!!!

    • I agree ecb.
      I heard yesterday that as it was the anniversary of Rourkes drift so some info was put on a board at willsden tube station.

      Nothing political just “did you know on this day in 1879 (or whenever it was) the battle of Rourkes drift …. ”

      Some lefty twat complained on .. yes … Twitter. Lilly cunt face Allen retweeted and instead of ignoring her or, even better, calling her a cunt, they apologised and replaced it with a quote from martin luther king.

      It’s fucking ridiculous that every time some total nobody moans on twatter, the weak and pathetic cunts of this country are falling over themselves to appease the minority out of nothing but fear.

      Our troops have the right to be respected and the men that sacrificed their lives at Rourkes drift should be remembered with pride.

      Let’s dress all the lefties up in Zulu costumes and have a re – run.

      • Lily fucking Allen. Of course, who the fuck else.

        I swear to fucking God that mongoloid estuary shitcunt is going to lead me to a permanent ban from this site.

      • I will apologise for Rourke’s Drift when the blacks apologize for Isandlwana.

        I will hand Gibraltar back to Spain when the Spanish hand back Ceuta.

        Until then they can fuck right off…

  4. I watched this advert last night. Jesus fucking wept. There’s…I dunno…a platoon? or a small group of soldiers in the middle of a fucking war zone with rounds flying everywhere presumably and they all stand round reverentially while the company snackbar has one of his five prays a day. Plus, apparently, the frontline of the British military are now mostly black or Asian. The scary thing is, idiots are probably lapping this shite up.

  5. I wouldn’t worry too much. Basic training will sort out their emotional needs and they’ll get counselling from their sensitive drill sergeant in the pissing rain on the parade square. Anyone who believes an Army recruitment ad has just the right IQ for cannon fodder. BTW, Sikhs make damn fine soldiers and we need to encourage them any way we can.

    • Agreed.The Sikhs were never a problem. The Ghurka were never a problem. The Malay and Indo Chinese, espescially those of the RFA, were no problem, and they all served us well in the Falklands and elsewhere. The Muslim however is another matter as are the feckless, the disturbed, the deranged, the sexually deviant and so on. And it is the targetting to recruit these “undesireables ” that gets my goat!

      • The most undesirable Muslims will be self-selecting – no need for ads, as the prospect of fucking up the Army will motivate them and their imams. But although many here believe otherwise, Muslims are not all cut from the same cloth, and broadly rejecting them would be a bad move on several levels. Probably many of the RFA Malaysians were Muslims, for instance. I don’t know the answer, except to say I certainly wouldn’t send Sunni or Shi’a to the Middle East conflicts.

      • Very good point Komodo, many shades of Islam and luckily for us they spend much time and effort fighting each other. If one includes the differing interpretations of the “laws” even more confusing.

  6. Agreed Cuntflap. If my first post gets through moderation you will see that we are on the same wavelength here.

  7. Last night on The One Show that I only watch so I can ogle Alex Jones’ tits there was some cunt who could well have been called Major Light Foot Mincing was on to discuss these wonderful new ads for the army.

    I started to get lightheaded apx 5 secs in as I heard the words ‘diversity’, ‘accepting’, ‘gender’, etc……

    I once heard a story, I don’t care if it’s true ‘cus I like it, that in the last couple of years of Elvis’s life, when he became addicted to burgers and cocaine, sounds terrible, he’d sit watching the TV and if something was on that he didn’t like he’d pull out his Colt 45 and shoot the fucker.

    If that were me I think most programs and TV’s for that matter would last about 5 seconds.

    • The One Show deserves a quite the cunting in its own right.

      Hosted by Matt Baker, and absolute fucking weapon of the highest cunt calibre.

      • In fact Matt Baker deserves a cunting.

        Why o why o why Does he sport a permanent smirk?

        What a cunt.

  8. Fifty Taliban surround a compound after getting reports that there’s a British soldier inside.
    The Taliban commander sends down ten ragheads to flush him out.
    A fire fight ensues…then silence.
    He sends in twenty more, again, another fire fight….followed by another period of silence untill suddenly the Commanders radio crackles and a dying Taliban voice says,

    “Don’t send anymore of Allah’s warriors”…

    “Why not…?”

    “Don’t send anymore of Allah’s warriors, it’s a trap”…

    “What do you mean it’s a trap.?”

    “There’s two of them”….

  9. The Army will end up like everything the Left touch/taint… The feral Left and libfucks do not want to debate… They want to close down debate, strangle opinion and discussion, and mute anyone that dares to differ from them… They are the new fascists, and question or find fault in them at your peril… They are cunts…

  10. News headline: Palestinian Group Pulls From Women’s March Because of Scarlett Johansson…. The Palestinian American Women’s Association cited Johansson’s ‘unapologetic support of illegal settlements in the West Bank’….

    And on this week’s Top Of The Cunts we have a climber… She’s gone like a rocket into the Top 5 (and James Franco is a new entry with ‘(Now I’ve Got Some) Satisfaction’)…

  12. Being a former soldier myself that praying muslim advert sickens me. They are the same fuckers that killed my mates and alot of other brave men and women. Whoever did that advert should be dumped in afganistan and left to fend for themselves

    • Sad indictment of the military top brass that the sensitivities of shouty-cunty minorities are put before those of serving/former soldiers.

      I can only imagine how you and others are appalled by this.

      • Speaking of military top brass, saw a photo of one of ours in the papers a day or so ago.

        He looked like some latin-american dictator out of an opera.

  14. I would never pass the physical element of training for any of the armed forces unless there was a requirement for skinny weaklings, but I did some work for Central Intelligence that was quite fun, as controller for a group of ex SAS operating in the arsehole of the world, Islamabad.

  15. Scandalous that the latest Army Touchy Feely Ad (ATFA) has left out the latest initiatives to make a man’s life in the army (remember that campaign?) that little bit safer and compliant eg high viz safety tabards and reflecting helmets to be worn at all times. All weaponry to be held in locked gun cabinets and only to be issued by a licensed conflict interlocutor (LCI) after a mandatory health and safety workshop. Also a full risk assessment must be undertaken and signed orf by a nominated LCI prior to the commencement orf hostilities.

    • After cessation orf hostilities a KAMUP (Kiss and make up plan) should be implemented and maintained in the hostile theatre until a further casualty rate of 20% of HM Forces has been achieved.
      Please note, no compo to be paid in any circumstances to serving forces (they are only doing what they signed up for).

  17. I served for over twenty years in the British Army, starting at 16 in 1989. Over the years I saw a lot of changes to the way the Army was run, some of it for the better, a lot of it for the worse. If recruits today were put through the same basic training that I and all the other recruits back then went through, the instructors would all be court martialled, and there would be lawsuits all round.

    We spent years telling the MOD that the L85A1(SA80), was a rotting pile of dog shit, only to be told that the problem was with the rifle, it was with us not cleaning them enough. Those rifles were as clean as they could be. The problem lay in the parts having been manufactured as cheaply possible. And the design. The A2, made by Heckler and Koch, is a big improvement, but it should have been in service years before it actually did reach us.

    For years, squaddies and their wives have been complaining about the dire state of married accommodation, something that STILL hasn’t been addressed today, yet the priority of today’s brass, and the gene pool shallow ender’s of the Royal Chair Force at the MOD, is diversity, inclusion, gender equality and pandering to snowflakes who wake up one morning and suddenly decide they’d prefer to ‘identify’ as a kangaroo. I can’t wait for one of those tossers to announce that they ‘identify’ as the Queen of England. It’ll cause chaos.

    That advert with the Muslim taking off his helmet and praying while out on patrol during an exercise is bullshit. They’re in the field for fuck’s sake, it’s just not practical. If that happened on op’s he’d take a bullet to the head from an enemy sniper. Of course, then he wouldn’t need to pray, he’d be able to speak directly with his boss. Or rather, he wouldn’t, since there is no God. It will slow down the patrol and potentially increase the chances of enemy contact. What would he do if they enemy did attack? Would he hold up his hand and shout, “hold up guys, I just need to pray. I’ll be about five or ten minutes”. And the enemy would reply, “Yeah, ok, no worries bruv. You pray away, we’ll wait”. Course they wouldn’t..

    They still need to sort out the issue of the shite food SODEXO are serving. We used to joke about the standard of the Catering Corp’s food, well they’re not fucking joking now. My godson regularly emails me photo’s of the food they get served with ‘guess what this is’ attached to them. I still haven’t guessed right. And that’s with the food SODEXO staff have managed to cook. And they actually have to pay for that crap.

    For the most part, I loved my time in the Army. I’d even go through the same basic training that went through 29 years ago if I had to. What I would NOT do though, is enlist in today’s British Army. It’s still the case that the majority of recruits are fantastic young men and women, but an increasing number are of Generation Snowflake. One of the most ridiculous things I’ve read in recent weeks is the idea of merging the Parachute Regiment with the Royal Marines. That is the most bat shit insane idea I’ve heard in a long time. Their two different branches of service. Para’s are Army, Royal Marines are part of the Royal Navy. Suggesting the merger of two elite fighting units, for the sake of saving money, can only have come from some snuff snorting desk jockey who has never served in the British Armed Forces, and has no clue about them.

      • They should have been around in the sixties. They started experimenting with the bullpup design in the early fifties. Then came the switch to the standard NATO round it was put on the backburner.

      • The yanks did not like the idea of the smaller calibre round that the EM2 would use. They wanted to stick with a full size round 7.62 x 51 (NATO) In fairness we tried v hard to uprate the performance of the EM2 ie bigger round but that defeated the whole purpose of the weapon. The Germans had proved the viability of the smaller round with the range of automatic assault rifles they produced in the latter years of the war. What really sucks is after all the mucking around the yanks went to 5.56, and we ended up with the FN rifle 7.62. From my own experience I was very happy with the SLR big bullet, much damage and very dependable thou a trifle long, a 3 round burst option would have been most fun

      • I loved the SLR. It never let me down. Beading some cunt was such a joy. Wasting the cunt was even better.

    • Fascinating (and depressing) read. I remember watching a news segment some years ago from a well-informed widow who put together a list of legitimate deficiencies her husband had to face while serving in Afghanistan, damned if I can fucking remember where I saw it.

      Also, I went to school with someone who used to be a loadmaster on cargo planes in the RAF. I heard some real fucking horror stories of the lads that used to be flown to and from service. Far worse than anything depicted on the news.

      • During our first deployment to Afghan in late 2001, US forces came to call us “The Borrowers”, because we were so poorly equipped we had to ask to use their stuff. It wasn’t until a few years later that things improved. As for the RAF transports we had to use, the tri-star fleet they had back then we already ancient, and some of them were downright dangerous.

    • Firstly can I just say hats off to you mate. That’s some service. You have my respect.

      My best mate did 12 years in Army Air Corps joining in 86 and served in Northern Ireland, Gulf War 1 and later Bosnia.

      By the mid 90’s he was getting seriously pissed off with the cuts that he said were putting lives at risk. He’d often work double shifts to fill the gaps that were caused through massive recruitment issues. I recall vividly him saying for 2 years 3 Reg Army Air Corp didn’t get a single new apprentice.

      In addition they were instructed to delay changing parts that were time tested by a few months, now if that’s on a car then fine but when you’re talking about Lynx and Gazelle helicopters it’s beyond reckless.

      My mate is the most level headed bloke I’ve ever known and he just sucks it up but in ’98 he was being encouraged to sign for another 10 and go ‘tiffy’ but he simply couldn’t bring himself to do it.

      So in 1998 the British Army lost a fine soldier and a very highly skilled Class 1 Aircraft technician. And around the same time most of the blokes he’d enlisted with and that had stayed together during that same time also left.

      You simply can’t replace all that talent or experience, it takes years, if at all but do the politicians care, do they fuck as like.

      And from reading your post it’s clear the situation has got much worse. What is it with these cunts, don’t they understand that without National Security we have nothing. Utter cunts the lot of ’em.

  18. Unrelated matter but human sack of faeces Oprah Cuntfrey has publicly ‘declared’ no interest in a presidential bid.

    What a fucking self-important cunt. I’m not sure which is worse – her or the hysterical lib-nazis all clamouring for another celebrity prez on the back of one cringeworthy goatfuck speech.

    I fucking despise that woman. I remember watching the interview she did with Lance Armstrong. Not that I have any love for that cunt who lied barefaced to loads of cancer survivors, I was nevertheless rooting for him to leap on the fucking couch and strangle the ego out of the cunt when she kept asking him cunt question after cunt question.

    Oprah the cunt has more cards to play than a fucking croupier.

    • Just in relation to your Java prob Empire I just tried posting a nomination and got the Java warning. What I did was copy the text then switch to the mobile version of this site and paste it there. That’s worked a couple of times now. Maybe worth a try.

      • Noted, many thanks.

        Turns out one issue was me trying to nom Serena Williams – CWCC advised this was a troll keyword and rectified accordingly – but the Java warning remains. I’ll do the old mobile switcharoo if it happens again.

  19. Basic Training for the modern army

    Safe spaces
    Gay pride marching with a non-judgemental drill instructor.
    Formation mincing
    Praying under fire with arse up in air.
    Twitter storming.
    Route march up mountains of Norfolk (weather permitting)
    Vegan field cookery.
    Living off the land – how to find gluten free delis in unfamiliar territory. (excluding Scunthorpe as a basket case)
    Identifying Improvised Genders and using correct terminology.
    Pass out parade

    • Ha ha ha ha. Loved that post cuntstable.

      …formation mincing … Twitter storming … pass out parade.

      Awesome.

  20. How long can it be before some cock loving wanker makes a film about some tranny in the army and his brave struggle against the brutal butch Brexit loving transphobes. Obviously it ends up having the Queen (the real one not some faggot General) pinning a VC on its proud, if rather weedy, chest. I thought i’d seen it all with that Bumback Mountain shit but I fear there is worse to come. Fuck knows what John Wayne would have made of all this , pilgrim.

    • The libtards would probably try to convince themselves he was an early pioneer for transbender rights because his Christian name was Marion.

    • John Wayne would be spinning in his grave faster than the chamber of his old .44.

    • Yea won’t be long before they start handing medals out on the basis of diversity and tolerance rather that bravery in the face of enemy fire.

      I hope it’s not a lost cause. …surely reason and common sense will prevail eventually.

  21. Wasn’t the Duke in a film called “ The Man Who Shot Liberty Vallance”?
    Now there’s a tranny name if ever I heard one.

  22. What happens when one of these snowflakes is KIA?
    Do the rest of his squad light a load of candles and sit around holding hands while the enemy blows the shit out of them?

    • Ha ha yea good point Freddie.

      I’m not sure if candlelit vigils have been incorporated into modern military tactics but it won’t be long at this rate.

  24. Well I think it’s a fine idea trying to get a load of LGHYTRQ’s in the army. They would serve two purposes for me. 1. When engaging with the enemy in say a built up environment they would be deployed to chase the bandits around the block shouting such tactical parlance as ‘give us a cuddle or I love you big boy’ thus tiring the fuckers out and making them easy pickings for the regular boys. 2. On the battlefield they could be used as fodder until all enemy ammo is used up. I don’t think even the most hardened of Johnny foreigner would take any chances in case just 1 got through. Again a walk over for the boys. It’s called ‘progess’ dear cunters.

  25. Or tell the Chinese that Muslims taste like chicken, problem solved in a heartbeat and far less hassle.

  26. The Army hierarchy have turned into a bunch of soft cunts, with a recruitment campaign designed to recruit snowflakes from the LGBT and BAME community.

    The architect of this campaign and all those who lacked the spine to say it is shit and destroying the fabric of our Armed Forces – all deserve a royal cunting, a cunting that Her Majesty would be proud off.

    1. BAME Cunts. No one gives a cunting fuck about the colour of your skin. If you want to be a soldier and fight for your country, then stop being a cunt and making an issue out of a non-issue and join the Army.

    2. LGBT Cunts. If you like the sausage when you have a sausage, or don’t like the sausage when you don’t have a sausage – no one cares. If you have a sausage and wish you didn’t, or don’t have a sausage and wish you did – No one cares. If you want to be a soldier and fight for your country, then stop being a cunt and making an issue out of a non-issue and join the Army.

    3. Snowflake Cunts. If you want to join the Army join the Army. Stop cunting complaining about what people say, do, think. Stop getting offended on other peoples behalf and stop being a cunt.

    All in all, we have the best Army and soldiers in the world who are not cunts. But, those cunts who run the Army like a bunch of cunting cunts – need to be royally cunted, ,not knighted.

    Over to you Your Majesty – i am sure you are reading.

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