Bitcoin is an annoying pile of cuntery, isn’t it.

I’m tired of reading about this flash-in-the-pan tedium. Rapacious nerds salivating over endless growth, constantly talking up this ‘phenomenon’ whilst normal people continue their life using money they’ve actually earnt. What in fuckery is wrong with people and their imaginary money? I’m tired of reading about this bollocks as if it’s doing something important or saving humanity.

Oh, Bitcoin gave you 1000% interest this year, did it? I don’t care. I don’t give a fuck about your untrustworthy scam or imaginary millions. Go away.

No, I don’t want to buy an overpriced rice crispies & Kale burger with Bitcoin. You’re a cunt.

No, I don’t want to have my beard trimmed and oiled and pay with Bitcoin at your pop-up Moustache-waxing hairdresser. You’re a cunt.

I neither wish to participate in this trendy fraud nor listen to wealthy, sanctimonious, ecology hipsters boring me to death about it. Just Shit Off!

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

81 thoughts on “Bitcoin

  1. Wonderful cunting Captain! Unfortunately I am too thick to comment on the technicalities, but sure know the stench of putrid cuntery when I smell it. A bit like Juncker and Barnier’s breath.

  2. Bitcoin is soooooo last year dude. The new thing is Cryptos…..really trending ok ya. Off to Starbucks to meet Daddy’s broker. Catch you later ya?

    • So that’s what all those cunts in coffee shops on there laptops are up to, buying Bitcoin whilst updating their status on Cuntbook and joining the latest Twatter protest. The cunts.

  3. Now. Let me get this right. Bitcoin does not exist. It is a number on a computer. It has no specified value. You purchase using real money and get a number. It goes up in value to amazing levels but you cannot spend it. You can cash it in at anytime, but there are no guarantees.

    Is it Ladbrookes?

    • ‘Real money’ is also not real money in a proper sense – it is little bits of paper backed by a tiny amount of gold.

      Anyway, in reality, it is numbers on a fucking computer being managed by a bunch of proper cunts in government and banking.

      Having said that, Bitcoin marks out the proper cunts in society – holding my sides laughing as it crashes – look forward to never having to read stories about ‘How I gave up working and became a Bitcoin investor’ by Smug Gormless Cunt.

  4. Want to know about BITCOIN ?????
    This explanation is “right on the money” with so many schemes with the same results at the end.

    A lot of monkeys lived near a village.

    One day a merchant came to the village to buy these monkeys!

    He announced that he will buy the monkeys @ $100 each.

    The villagers thought that this man is mad.

    They thought how can somebody buy stray monkeys at $100 each?

    Still, some people caught some monkeys and gave it to this merchant and he gave $100 for each monkey.

    This news spread like wildfire and people caught monkeys and sold it to the merchant.

    After a few days, the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @ $200 each.

    The lazy villagers also ran around to catch the remaining monkeys!

    They sold the remaining monkeys @ $200 each.

    Then the merchant announced that he will buy monkeys @ $500 each!

    The villagers start to lose sleep! … They caught six or seven monkeys, which was all that was left and got $500 each.

    The villagers were waiting anxiously for the next announcement.

    Then the merchant announced that he is going home for a week. And when he returns, he will buy monkeys @ $1000 each

    He asked his employee to take care of the monkeys he bought. He was alone taking care of all the monkeys in a cage.

    The merchant went home.

    The villagers were very sad as there were no more monkeys left for them to sell it at $1000 each.

    Then the employee told them that he will sell some monkeys @ $700 each secretly.

    This news spread like fire. Since the merchant buys monkey @ $1000 each, there is a $300 profit for each monkey.

    The next day, villagers made a queue near the monkey cage.

    The employee sold all the monkeys at $700 each. The rich bought monkeys in big lots. The poor borrowed money from money lenders and also bought monkeys!

    The villagers took care of their monkeys & waited for the merchant to return.

    But nobody came! …

    Then they ran to the employee…

    But he has already left too !

    The villagers then realised that they have bought the useless stray monkeys @ $700 each and unable to sell them!

    The Bitcoin will be the next monkey business

    It will make a lot of people bankrupt and a few people filthy rich in this monkey business.

    That’s how it will work…………………………!!!

    • Genius.

      I’m not thick but I just don’t understand it at all. My daughter’s boyfriend has an IQ of a billion says it’s no more than gambling. He explained it to me and I still didn’t get it!

      • The cunts are hoping it’ll become commonplace so they can use it and not pay tax on it basically.

  5. Bitcoin from what I understand is an extreme form of the money system we have today.
    Money is a cunt (although I like it having it), when you think about it a £20 note say ‘I promise to pay the bearer…’ its all bollocks because if I went to the Bank of England and demanded to be paid £20 and handed them a £20 note they’d probably exchange it for another one. My point is a money note is nothing more than a piece of paper with the Queen promising you to the ‘Value’ quoted on the paper (or plastic nowadays). Let’s not also forget that banks can lend (and make money) on non existent money up to 5 times their actual worth so if a bank is worth £1 billion they can actually lend/trade or whatever on £6 billion so they are making money on money on money that does not exist. Then cunts like lloyds offer me a ‘Savings Account’ with 0.05% interest. What a pile of cunt.

    • Oh please don’t get me questioning the existence of ‘real’ money any more than I do already. Do my savings actually exist?

      The Government is up to its neck with £2trillion worth of debt, so I’ve entrusted a fair chunk of my money to NS&I, an organ of the same Government that owes £2trillion to fuck knows who, and pours £48billion down the drain every year in debt interest payments alone! My brain hurts.

      And now there’s all this bollocks:

      Fuck me.

    • If I had a pound for every email I’ve received trying to interest me in Bitcoin, I’d have enough to open another ISA account.

    • I only heard about Ray Thomas yesterday. I loved the Moody Blues but only the first 7 albums with Mike Pinder on Mellotron.

      • Yeah they definitely didn’t produce as good albums after Mike Left. Patrick Moraz was a fine replacement, keyboard wise I mean but he wasn’t a songwriter so he never bought anything unique to the Moodies like Pinder did with his mellotron device.

        I still thought Long distance voyager and The Present were good albums despite Pinders absence but The Other Side of Life album was rather lacking tho and Sur la Mer was absolute shite

  6. Even after Hollywood has been outed as the pit of degenerate sex obsessed drug and booze addled vermin we always knew they were ( and that’s just the wiminz ) they have still managed to pull off their nauseating display of gold standard virtue signalling at the Golden Globes last night. Predictably Streep was front and centre, with stella support from shortarsed brain donor Witherspoon, lanky Auzy bint Kidman and fat black cunt Winfrey. These witches “bravely” took a stand against sexual harassment in the movie industry by “bravely” wearing black dresses and “bravely” making conscience soothing token payments to some scheme or other. They were “bravely” silent on the issue until the exact moment when “bravely” speaking out would afford them maximum public exposure. If you thought Hollywood couldn’t stoop lower than a serpent’s belly you were wrong. My only hope is the pits they dig will one day fall in on themselves.

    • No no no. I will not have Nicole and Reese cunted. They are number 2 and 3 on the list of women I’ve shagged.

      And Nicole was born in Hawaii.

      • Sorry C’n’R but Nicole Kidman is a dreadful human beng. I don’t care if you shagged her, she is a pitifully icy creature with partial talent.

        I hope you wiped your knob on her curtains.

        • I’d like to hump Scarlett Jolibtard and Kunty Perry, but I still think they are brainless snowflakes and total cunts…

        • Hi Guys
          Its good to be back. I have been travelling in Asia for 6 months. Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam (shit), Indonesia and Malaysia. I had a good time.

          There was this one girl in Bangkok. I told her to come to my room at 7pm but she didn’t show up until 9pm. She loved me wrong time.

          Am I still allowed to say that, is it likely to cause racial hatred?

    • Concorde Conk Streep and other self serving celebrislags have been deservedly savaged: when Streep was very recently cunted, Skiddy…

      And Evan Rachel Wood (who she?) is a demented virtue signalling cunt… The talentless tramp has encouraged women to form ‘circles’ around alleged ‘predators’… Basically meaning stand in a circle around a man in public, even if there is no actual evidence he has done wrong… Talk about encouraging a lynch mob mentality, acting above the law, and interfering with police work… And fucking circles around people?! To me, that has the faintest smell of witchcraft about it… Well, there’s enough witches in Hollywood to carry it out… Misandrist cunts…

  7. Anything that loosens the grip of central banks and their debt ridden monetary systems is fine by me. I don’t want to sound like a tin hat paranoid but the truth about central banks, fractional reserve banking and how openly rigged it actually is, is readily available and quite galling. Bitcoin may or may not be the answer but an alternative monetary system that isn’t inherently loaded with debt surely can’t be a bad thing. May be worth doing a bit of research before you all cunt it to death.

    • Bin the money system fuck to bartering. Work for free everything is free no debts no greed. And if no one wants to make or do anything we all go back to self sufficiency.
      Never happen but it’s the only way. Oh and ban fucking religions

    • I’ve long advocated the standard egg as the base currency unit. Edible in an emergency – has actual value – devalues in storage so banks can’t take their percentage. Also cannot be called into magical existence by a bank but requires a chicken.

    • I have a problem with the barter system.

      If an item costs three sprouts and I only have a cabbage do I get the change in carrots and if so how many sprouts are there to a carrot?

      Oh sod it! I’ll pay in parsnips…

      • In the land of cocks the chicken eyed cunt is King or something like that… Right?

        Egg based value? sure whynot its still better then baldricks turnip based value system definitely not a cunning plan

  8. Where were all these daft cunts when I tried to sell London bridge …. Again….?

  9. Lily Allen: “The Rochdale victims would have been raped at some point anyway.”

    This comment is made with the implication being that if a certain demographic of Asian male had not been the core offenders in the grooming gangs, then someone else would have molested them anyway.

    Ergo, an incredibly ham-fisted attempt at excusing these pieces of filth. Even by Lily Axewounds stratospheric standards, that’s concentrated cunt oozing from her shitty little mouth.

    It’s a pity that ISAC has toughened up its rules on what can be posted here. Because I would dearly love to express in venomous gratuity just what I want to happen to this utter fucking shitcunt cuntfuck.

    • It is a shame about the rules, but we can only do what we are allowed. It dampens when you want to be really venomous.

    • Am I allowed to say “I would not be upset if she met with a fatal accident”?

      • According to her own words, it would have happened to her without any utterances on the subject.

      • I believe (Yes, I believe, with my 1/2 BA in Linguistics & Phonetics), that Duke of Cuntshire’s form is a legally acceptable one.

        Regarding setting fire to people or buildings, or causing physical harm to them, if one is suitably vague about the MO, it is usually possible to get away with it.

        If there are no bodies left over, that can make things a wee bit tricky for the legals, too…

        If in any doubt, contact Carter-Fuck. Or not.

        • Of course, I meant “threatening to set fire &c.”

          Otherwise, just make sure you don’t get caught…

    • Whilst I’d like to see her meet with a particularly painful end I’m quite glad she’s made the comment.

      In yet another poorly judged missive this time she’s shone a light directly upon herself and what she really is.

      A snearing, over privileged lefty who’s so fucking utterly removed from the plight and real lives of those who really suffer in this country that she genuinely believes that if you’re a white working class teenager living in a northern town it’s not a case of if but when.

      It’s a truely astounding remark.

      Cunts like her are the reason I’m not on Twatter as I know I could easily fill my day with bombarding the cunt with vitriol that at times I shock myself with.

    • In true Lily Allen style I would like to apologise on behalf of my country and say to the rest of the world how sorry we are for producing this retard cunt…

    • Lily is one of those enduring cunts that you hate all the time in the background even when you’re cunting someone else. That is the mark of the Eternally Cuntables.
      I wouldn’t wish her ill of course and should she ever be tied down and rogered senseless by ten prize bulls followed by another ten ,I would compose an email to the police immediately asking for assistance.

      • I hope Lily the Mong dyes….
        I hope she dyes her hair another ludicrous and skanky colour…

    • You can still cunt Judaism, but not in a way that incites racial/religious hatred – in other words, don’t break the law. That’s the way I read it anyway…

    • Of course, the BBPC will conveniently ignore the Spazmotron’s callous and very sick and nasty remarks about the Rochdale victims… Naturally…

    • Lily Allen again. I hear that her IQ is so low it’s officially recorded as “fuck me, you thick twat”. It’s pretty clear that Allen is one of those people who doesn’t think before she acts, clearly because she’s incapable. It’s a common problem with so called liberals. Their brains are so filled with crap such as political correctness, virtue signalling, immigrant/refugee supporting, gender issues, white guilt, anti-Semitism, Islamophilia and, since June 2016, butt hurt over our leaving the EU, that the ability to think in a logical, rational manner has been completely squeezed out.

  10. Bitcoin (and other variants) exists for one reason alone: money laundering.

    It’s that simple.

    Hipster flakes think it’s sooooo coooool but don’t see that it’s a mechanism for corrupt governments (China – where it all sparked off – for instance) and organisations (the mob) to convert ill gotten gains into untraceable “ether” money and then back out again clean as a whistle.

    Year’s ago – 2003 I think it was – there was a game called Eve Online. For any “old school” gamers out there it was a bit like Elite with a massive universe of cunts, a trading element, a smuggling element, etc.

    Eve had its own version of a non-tangible currency for players to buy/sell ships, equipment, etc.

    In order to earn money you had to mine ore or run the gauntlet of ferrying high value stuff from A to B for a price.

    Eve also had the brainwave of allowing its players to transfer funds between one another. So if you were in a mining crew but your drill (or whatever) was bust and you didn’t have enough Eve credit to fix it then a friend could gift you some Eve credit in order for you to fix it.

    Now mining/transporting/stealing goods is a laborious process and so – in true impatient cunt manner – people started to offer real money for “not real” Eve credit.

    Once the Chinese and Indian sweatshop merchants got wind that soft flake cunts would pay real money for fake money they basically put together outfits that would mine shit in Eve 24/7 amassing billions of “not real” Eve credit and them posting on eBay shit like: “100,000 Eve Credits for £50.”

    As most modern gamers have the patience of Malcom Tucker, wanting the latest Phantasm Gamma Ray 7000, etc., it was far easier to buy “virtual wealth” that it was to earn it through gameplay.

    There was also a healthy “one upmanship” ethos nurtured within the “Eve Community” (yes that is a real thing) with “gamers” creaming themselves for the latest and greatest “not real” toys in their “not real” world with a lot of vacuous cunts bypassing effort in order to have these “not real” items via cold hard cash.

    By the end of 2004 there was a healthy exchange of “not real” Eve credit for real money facilitated by selling sites such as (but not only) eBay and payment services such as (but not only) PayPal.

    It didn’t take long for criminal gangs/mobs to realise that they could purchase “not real” money – using various credit cards, etc. – and paying off the sums low enough not to register with fraud squads (and the like) across those cards, reselling it back on insert sales site here except this time using real accounts associated with insert payment service here and the money is now as clean as a whistle.

    O’course government agencies, etc., realised (about 10yrs too late) that this was happening but the explosion in Bitcoin (and variants) now guarantees that the money launderers will always be one step ahead of these agencies.

    Hipster flake cunts merely facilitate it by thinking it’s sooooo coooool that they can have “The Flaming Sword of Dragdarth” in 2 minutes rather than the 2 months it would take them to earn one!

    Virtual reality imitating reality because those same hipster flakes will neither work nor want in the real word and expect shit to be gifted to them on a plate without any effort there as well!

    Because they’re all cunts!

  11. Poor Lily, she’s a little bit out of her depth isn’t she?The world of modern liberalism is full of contradictions and can be a very confusing place. It doesn’t help when you are as thick as a plank.

    • Born with soft, smooth peanut butter filling her skull cavity instead of a brain, Lily Allen Tweeted of the victims “Actually there’s a strong possibility that they would have been raped by someone else at some point”.

      Actually, you fucking mong, you have no evidence whatsoever to support this bullshit. I wish this maggot would lose her voice permanently. A most offensive, talentless, thoughtless piece of excretia and a solid gold cunt to boot. I wish the media would stop giving this retard a platform.

    • What’s next from the mong we love to hate, I wonder?
      ‘The victims on Saddleworth Moor would have been murdered anyway if Brady and Hindley hadn’t come along!’? How about ‘ Scotch Jean and those other poor girls would have copped it without Sutcliffe anyway!’? Or how about ‘If Ian Huntley hadn’t done it, then somebody else would have!’?

      I fucking despise this diseased demented bitch!

  12. Anyone see the shit storm over the ‘racist’ advert at H&M? Little black boy wearing a jumper saying ‘coolest monkey in the jungle’, I had to laugh at the faux outrage by Twatter cunts and talk of boycotts. Of course it was withdrawn faster than Flabbott at a Nando’s free-for-all.

    • My moderated explanation is better.

      (He says with a wink to the mods). 😉

      • Seem to be a lot of people saying their moderated comments aren’t getting released. With FOUR admins on the job frankly I’m disappointed this is happening.

        Never mind a wink, that’s a cattle prod. Come on guys. I’m sure you can do better…

        • It wasn’t even inflammatory it merely stated fact.

          No ‘N’s or ‘P’s or ‘J’s anywhere.

          I basically stated that bit coin is used a vehicle for money laundering and has been for years using many of the peer-to-peer “selling” and “payment” sites we all use today.

          I didn’t even intimate that such organisations were complicit more that they had been used in this way (i.e. victims of their own success).

          Never mind…

          • I’m getting a bit pissed off to be honest. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds to scan the moderation queue as I know only too well, so I can only assume that no bugger is looking at it.

            I despair to see all the work I put into getting this site running as it was only to watch it going down the shitter when there are no less than four admins replacing me. Surely at least one of them could spare a few minutes?..

  13. Oprah Windbag is being spoken of as a contender for the 2020 US presidential election. Windbag V Trump – the perfect storm. I can t wait!

    • Please Please Please, let this happen. Big Don versus a Jabbaesque, mentally ill, garrulous tv hussy who gives away cars to bribe her audiences and changes her head every Christmas.

      It could go either way.

      • I wonder how many different ways she’ll be able to say: “UMMMMM HUUUUMMM!”

        Maybe they’ll put an interpreter of Oprah speak into Siri, Cuntana or Echo Cunt to work out affirmatives and negatives.

        Can you imagine her “geddin’ dawwnn” with Diane Abbott! Jesus the Weather Girls would have nowt on the cunts!

    • Oprah for President, eh?
      Wonder if it’ll start a new craze? People standing on chairs and screaming in a high pitched ‘mama’ voice: ‘Thomas! Thar-mas!’

      • Just imagining that with each person, with only their shoes visible, armed with a broom to wallop the opposition – “Taaasmaaassss!”

  14. I ain’t the brightest bulb in the tool box, so I’m glad that I’m not the only one that doesn’t understand bitcoin.

    The first time I heard of it was when the Russell Brand and his mate who I think runs this scam were first trying to sell it.

    I switched off certain that if the Russell Brand was involved, then I ain’t gonna be.

    It would take for xhamster to change from free to payment by bitcoin for me to get involved with this nonsense.

  15. Lily Allen. The Happy shopper of the sleb industry
    ( I’m sure it was Viz that described her as that)

  16. Bit coins are a cunt because they are difficult to understand. Coming from a financial background I will explain it to the uninitiated.

    Bit coins don’t actually exist.
    You can buy them on a Chicago exchange even though they don’t exist.
    They cost a lot of money but you can buy a piece of a Bitcoin that doesn’t exist.
    You can make a Bitcoin even though you can’t because they don’t exist.
    It takes a lot of electricity to make a non-existant Bitcoin.
    You can make a lot of money but you won’t because you will lose.

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