The Apprentice (2)

We have to talk about The Apprentice.

Like a lecherous old uncle at a family gathering, this steaming pile of contrived horse faeces has long, long, long overstayed its welcome. How many years has the UK been running this now, 13 or 14 years?

In that time, it has transmogrified from a semi-interesting adaptation of Trump’s original – a bit of insight into the machination of the business world – to a completely scripted 60 minutes of shameless self-promotion for scrotum-faced egotistical tosspot, Lord Sugar of Cunt.

Flanked by two wankers – weird-looking cunt Karen Brady and Claude Bellendhead – Sugar proceeds to ‘direct’ a bunch of clueless, totally unsuitable fuckers who are either thick with Estuary vowels or thick Northerners. Gone are the days when candidates were selected with any kind of real business nous; instead, for many years, we’ve had precisely the same sort of shouty-cunty tryhards festooning all the other reality TV shows to the point where these cunts are parodies of parodies of business wankers. Insert endless management speak and truly cringeworthy, shameless attempts at being noticed, whatever the cost.

The climax of the show (I say climax, but it is as weak as your 5th ejaculation of the day when you can’t stop fapping to vintage porn) being the boardroom scene, which I understand isn’t actually a boardroom anywhere in Sugar’s estate but actually in some other building entirely, is just farcical. Cuntlord Sir Alan trotting out the same tired one-liners and giving it the whole ‘beligerent mentor’ routine. It’s all utterly predicable, tiresome and worst of all, champions thick cunts masquerading as people in business, not at all interested in their crappy investment plans but rather using the show to springboard themselves into TV presenting etc.

I despise the entire thing. If only one contestant, on the recieving end of yet another of Sugar’s cunt-defining “you’re fired”, would reach across and attempt to throttle the old ballbag beetroot red before the bouncers could prise him off… I could genuinely die a happy man.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

95 thoughts on “The Apprentice (2)

  1. Great cunting.
    The Apprentice and in particular Alan Sugar are cunts
    You’re especially right about the 5th ejaculation & vintage porn too.

    • Definately Fred.
      Can’t beat a bit of 1970’s porn.
      You can beat it repeatedly and with vigour while you’re watching it though!

      • The only problem with 70’s porn and the wenches of that era was the amount of pubic hair, vast swathes of the stuff , stretching far off into the distance like some human Amazonia.
        The only bald cunts I got to see back then were Yul Brynner and Telly Savalas , what a cunt.

      • The appeal of 70’s porn for me is that it doesn’t look so fake, Lots of bush on show to.

        • Yea not sure about 70’s porn but I hate all the new, fake tits, bald fanny shit.

          Much prefer a couple of saggy’s and big hairy growler.

        • Pre-1980, a couple of highly memorable Playboy covers for me…
          Pamela Sue Martin (then known for her appearances in a USA series, The Hardy Boys). nude under a grey trench coat, and also Barbara Carrera, starkers under a Burberry trench.
          Total fap-fest for years.

    • Fuck that old 70s shite, Picture isn’t clear enough,and even if it was all you can see is ropey old slappers who look like they’ve got Leo Sayer’s head hanging out of their fannies. I like pink curtains,not something that looks like a stained Afgan coat.

      • Agreed there dick, prefer to be able to see the pound of chopped liver rather than something from the Don King appreciation society.

      • Shot in extra low definition!!
        And a shaky camera, probably as the horny Cunt was having a cheeky wank!!
        Agreed.. not for me either…..

          • No, ’70’s stuff is great to me. I guess it may be it’s because I was a kid/teenager then and it was the first porn I experienced.
            When I was about 13/14 there was a second hand shop where me and me mates were able to buy porn mags like Knave, Men Only, Hustler and the like for about 25p each. The owner of the shop was a revolting old cunt and the fact that the mags were …er, well used didn’t even occur to us.
            That old fucker even sold me a second hand 2.2 air rifle when I was 14. What a cunt.

          • Hey Ian did you not check out some of the Danish mags like Color Climax and New Cunts ? Very appealing for me .

          • Knave, Men Only, Hustler not proper porn! Fenton’s right: Colour Climax, etc – the dog’s bollocks in ’70s/80s…

  2. I remember watching the State Opening of Parliament on the idiot box and seeing Sugar, Kinnock and Prescott all sitting together preening themselves in their Ermine robes.
    What a 🤮 puke inducing trio of top class fucking cunts. That Guy Fawkes bloke had the right idea. Bring that cunt back l say.

  3. There is always some fucking tart sitting in the foyer with a clean desk, and a screen which isn’t even switched on, who answers a false ringtone and then says ” “Lord Sugar will see you now”
    Lazy fucking twat

  4. I simply cannot stomach the fuzzy-faced, pube-headed, shouty old cuntlord kike. I would rather scrape shite off some underground karzy for a living than be expected to bow and scrape as some servile employee of this nasty thimble-full of chimp ejaculate.

    Sugar is nothing more than a shouty bully who seems to think his 5’6″ menacing stature makes him some kind of hardman. I would just love to see him piss off the wrong sort who would rip him an apprentice arsehole, at the drop of a hat.

  5. I never liked that Karen Brady,she looks like she could play at the back of the scrum scrum for Wigan Warriors. I don’t like that covetous, geriatric ball-bag Sugar,he looks like the kind of person who would steal coins from a wishing-well and then use them to commit usury on innocents. Anyhow,I’ll never forgive “The Apprentice” for introducing Katie Hopkins to an unsuspecting public. What’s happened to that rancid bitch? Hopefully she choked to death on her own bile. Fucking disgusting Cunt. (apologies to Birdman who previously confessed to lusting over Hopkins,indeed I think he said that he fancied riding her in public while Sugar showered them with ten pound notes in some confused version of the “money shot.”…A strange,disturbing

    • Steal coins from a wishing well
      Classic!! 😂
      The only coins in there would be the ones I threw” I just wished him and his wankathon of a show would fuck off!” ….
      I fired the Cunt after series 2 or 3 ……

    • No apologies required Dick Fiddler. A seedy cunt I be.

      When Evil Kneesall (sic) pulled off a death defying stunt, he was lauded. Sometimes I’d like a bit of recognition for the holes I’d put my wee man into.
      The Flabbot and the Toksvig are a no no, but I can’t think of many others tho.

  6. Indeed, in a programme full of cunts Sugar outcunts the lot of them. No wonder supercunt Blair gave him a peerage.

  7. Emergency cunting for Adele Arbuckle, Hairy Mulligan and her punchbag, Master Mumford.

    All three of these griefjackers have appeared at the Grenfell tower memorial today. Adele was reported to be in tears. Have these virtue signalling fucktards nothing better to concern themselves with (e.g. their own families) than what has recently become the most grotesque and self-indulgent political posturing event I can recall in recent times?

    What is seriously curdling my chugnuts about Grenfell is the race for who can be the most ‘caring’ and the conspicuous voice for the victims against those seeking the most political capital. I have every sympathy for the genuine victims of the tragedy, but by Christ the lefties know how to make a four course meal with appetisers out of this. My only surprise is that Lilymong wasn’t there.

    Adele is a shouty old walrus whose singing voice is what I would imagine Brian Blessed to sound like had his flailing kanackers got wrapped around the whisk of a Kenwood Chef. Most of her songs are about her stalking boyfriends who dumped her because of her Pukka Pie addiction.

    Anyway, who the fuck is Hairy Carey Mulligan? Sounds like some kind of cheap, tinned soup.

    • The whole fucking thing was a disgusting display of virtue signalling, especially when the “Dukes of Hazard” started licking the cracks of all in sundry. I can see why you were pissed off Paul Maskinback. That Adele surely is one awful fucktard.

      And ( as you rightly say ) Where in fuck was Lily the Minger ? …Oh I forgey, she’s moving into her flat today.

    • Top cunting Paul. Adele is an extra-large cunt and no mistake.

      Warbling grief-thief Adele attending because ‘it’s her manor’. Fuck off you shameless cunt. You must have a spare bedroom or mansion wing to house some of the homeless; saving them from the ‘hotel hell’ they are now moaning about.

      Yep, LilyMong Axewound was conspicuous by her absence.

    • I’m finding it difficult to erase the image of Brian Blessed’s knackers from my brain.

  8. Never watched it, never will.

    Ghastly over confident irritating thick loud mouthed wannabe’s and other arseholes.

  9. ‘Fapping to Vintage porn’.

    Excellent I fucking love that reference.

    Had to laugh today when in some fucking news bulletin they said that one of the most common google searches was Megan, I thought not in my fucking house it isn’t, more like Xhamster/vintage porn/ffm.

    Anyway who are we cunting…..

  10. After making a cunt of yourself for months on national TV your prize is to get hitched to this dead eyed shouting Jewish megalomaniac!

    Some fuckin prize!!

    Surly winning should guarantee that you would never have to see or hear from this Cunt for the rest of your days !!
    SUGAR FREE to the day you die.

  11. A load of nobody cunts sucking up to a pointless cunt watched by mindless cunts. Am I close? I’ve never watched it, but I stand by my analysis. Can you imagine addressing that piece of shit as sir? Not even if my life depended on it, let alone for a job with the cunt.

    • Best of all would be if someone cocked up, pouring forth a stream of profanities in Roger Mellie fashion…

      “Oh shit,….oh sugar, Lord Shit…”

  12. I wonder if Lord Sugar fancies investing in my business idea. I plan to illegally enter a country,claim benefits for an imaginary family of 12,sublet a flat, ignore any insurance and then let my indoor barbie burn it out. Time I’ve been paid for the trauma,missing family members and been assured of a house and benefits for the rest of my natural on top of any compo. that I can sponge I’ll be fucking minted.

    Fuck them.

    • Try Dragon’s Den Dick, they’d bite your hand off and swallow your proposition whole – hook line & sinker!

      Looking forward to seeing you on the footsie 100…

    • And with the added bonus of cunts like Lammy, Lineker and Mongy Allen on speed dial for any spare bedrooms for wives No 2 and 3.

  13. If that Brady cunt is so clever she wants to take some of her own advice and use it at West Ham
    With those other 2 old pervs who own it…….
    Not sure if they spit roast her over the board room table…?

    • They’d need a fucking H-beam reinforcing the poor table if they do. Brady knows her way around an all-you -can-eat buffet-table. Slack-lipped at both ends. Fat cow.

      • She has certainly ‘pulled the ripcord’ in recent years. Not entirely unshaggable 20 years ago, these days not so sure.

        Now, if it were just for the money and lifestyle to maintain my borderline obesity and alcoholism I’d happily shack up with it.

    • It was Cameron and Johnson who spit roasted the old scrubber. In return the dildo brothers got a free taxpayer funded stadium and she became Baroness Knightsbridge no less. A massive fucking scam which even Suckdick can’t ignore.

  14. Wife went into Manchester today with her sister and niece to have a wander round the Christmas market. I couldn’t join them as I had to watch some paint dry , anyway they’re strolling along and there’s some kind of commotion, a peaceful jumps out of a taxi and drops his kecks , plod are all over him like a rash and cuff the cunt then get the sniffer dog on the car. Isn’t diversity wonderful ?

    • Sometimes on my long journeys in the darkness of night nature can sometimes call and you’ll find my lorry parked at the side of the road with me shitting under the trailer or in some nearby foliage like Bear Grylls if available.

      I bet anyone who discovers it thinks a panther is on the loose or something.

  15. Can someone explain to me please why exactly the Tories are being made pariahs for the Grenfell fire?

    I didn’t actually realise that Tory councillors were explictly told to ‘stay’ away from today’s grief fest. Did they install the knock-off fridge and fit the dodgy wiring?

    • Bored beyond fuck by this Grenfell virtue signalling. How did London survive the blitz? Most occupants wee illegally subletting so most displaced persons are not entitled to help. Cunt Corbyn was at the service: cunt.

      • Corbyn & Libtards politicising/weaponising Grenfell, especially when cladding of tower blocks began under Bliar. In fact the problem goes as far back as Thatcher, with Tory cuts, Labour privatisation, and council parsimony of all stripes subsequently playing their role.

        2005 regulatory reform (fire safety) order introduced under Bliar’s government shifted responsibility for fire inspection from the fire brigade to the local council and ended the practice of routine fire inspections.

        They’re all cunts (including the peacefuls who couldn’t even wire a 3 pin plug safely) and they’re all in it together.

  16. Apparently a lot of Scousers were praying in the days that followed the Grenfell fire.

    Praying the death toll wasn’t more than 96….

  17. I’ve just climbed out of a YouTube worm hole thank fuck but whilst in there came across a clip of Frank Lampard phoning into the Cunt O’Brien show.

    If I had the skills I’d post the link but I’m a cunt so would probably end up posting my finest porn moments…

    Anyway it’s class and very easy to find by just typing the 2 names.

    I used to listen occasionally to this cunt when working Darn Sarff but genuinely can’t listen to him now.

    All cunters who have experience of this nuclear cunt will know he always goes on about checking his facts with 2 sources and in this clip he utterly contradicts himself time and time again by stating one source.

    Lampard gave a great account of himself and put the cunt in his place.

    Once you’ve enjoyed that search Kay Burley v James O’Brien and watch the fucker squirm like a slug having salt poured on it.

    Now there’s a thought.

    • Thanks for the tip Cunty. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed watching that oily little wanker squirm and backtrack like the pathetic piece of shit that he is. At one point I thought he was going to burst into tears.
      I loved it when he said “ I don’t tell my listeners what to think.” No, not much you lying bastard.
      Well done Frank Lampard….a pity he didn’t go round there and beat seven shades of shit out of the cunt.

  18. Hmmm, a memorial service at St Paul’s?….

    Even our war heroes don’t get that…..

    The Grenfell dead are being made martyrs to the cause of unfettered, unchallenged illegal immigration…. What a complete crock of cunt….

    • I caught a bit on the news, not a church service mind you, an interfaith service, schoolkids in hijabs scattering heart shaped petals with Corbyn and Suckdick looking suitably anguished when the camera was pointed at them.

    • Robert Winston is an A.C.Grayling clone wearing joke shop moustache & glasses. Patronising Labour cunt.

  19. QT what an odious bunch of cunts!

    And the comedian is about as funny as Sophie’s Choice and as relevant as a ten bob note.

    Dr Robert Winston also cheering the interference of Brexit.

    I don’t dislike doctor Bob, he’s a class act, but if could just keep to his expertise of fertility and concentrating on the world’s first sex change birth.

    And that Rebecca Long-Bailey, what a thin-lipped, poe-faced cunt she is. You can tell she’s an MP from a “peaceful” area, not being able to speak her mind must be like having piles.

    Easy movement! Hah! Easy fucking bowel-movement for them, the cunts!

  20. Morgan going on about delaying the deadline.Reminds me of the homework extensions at school were you just kick it into the long grass hoping the teacher will forget about it in the end.

  21. That fucking Morgan things looks like it was tugged out of a tight hole head first with the forceps.

  22. I’ve never watched Geoff Norcott but he’s on my side of the argument. Think I’ll find him funny on principle.

  23. I love the guy on QT trying try to get a dirty socialist to justify why he should keep patibg for every other fucker.

  24. Great cunting mate. The apprentice is indeed utter wank .

    Only ever seen 1 episode and it consisted of a bunch of mediocre office twats running around like headless chickens, trying to get things from around London with no leadership or goal, just all trying to stand out, mouth off, and show how precious they were.

    The kind of cunt that says proudly:
    “I had a business that turned over a million pound a year.”

    Really? How much profit did you make?

    Coz I bet that you’d have been better off working for McDonald’s as (and this is only a guess), you probably made minus profit.

    And you don’t have a company now do you? No. That’s why you’re sucking up to Alan sugar and featuring on “I’m an office twat, get me out of here”.

    In fact in all that time that you had a “million pound a year” company, you’d probably have made more money and helped society more if you’d sat in bed, eating Doritos and wanking 5 times a day.

  25. Have to admit, in its’ early days I saw an opportunity and applied. Got invited to an interview real fast due to my application being a bit mouthy and knowing I could stand a chance outbulling the rest of the cunts. Bottled it. Couldn’t live a life full of redicule and regret just to prove a point. I enjoy watching the rest of the cunts who risked it though. I’m not sure if I shout at the telly more at that or Question Time when some deluded bampot thinks public votes don’t matter.

  26. LIke so many of his ilk, Sugar got rich by selling tut to schmucks*. I reckon in another, less profitable life, he’d be a regular on ISAC, cunting all and sundry with the best of us. I also reckon that when the day is done at the Apprentice, he goes home and spends his evenings roaring with laughter at old videos of the antics of the cunts he has persuaded to display their negative business acumen.

    And he’s still earning from the schmucks who watch it. Cunt? Wouldn’t you?

    *His words rather than mine…

  27. TV loves embarrassment and this pile of shitscrapeings is a unworked mine . It’s not Sugar, they are all just a chance to kick lesser beings into touch . I hate the lot of them because they made it ,probably because luck favoured them at the right time,no complaints at that,it happens for some and mostly not for others but none of them are geniuses by a stretch and the value in the programme is them looking down at some hopefuls and breathing scorn on them.
    To be fair ,some of the hopefuls are smart and will do well but those smug lookatme cunts sitting there destroying hopes and dreams are more than I can bear.
    So I hope that one day they get the whitehot poker in the dirtbox. Tickets sold out in advance .

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