The Apprentice (2)

We have to talk about The Apprentice.

Like a lecherous old uncle at a family gathering, this steaming pile of contrived horse faeces has long, long, long overstayed its welcome. How many years has the UK been running this now, 13 or 14 years?

In that time, it has transmogrified from a semi-interesting adaptation of Trump’s original – a bit of insight into the machination of the business world – to a completely scripted 60 minutes of shameless self-promotion for scrotum-faced egotistical tosspot, Lord Sugar of Cunt.

Flanked by two wankers – weird-looking cunt Karen Brady and Claude Bellendhead – Sugar proceeds to ‘direct’ a bunch of clueless, totally unsuitable fuckers who are either thick with Estuary vowels or thick Northerners. Gone are the days when candidates were selected with any kind of real business nous; instead, for many years, we’ve had precisely the same sort of shouty-cunty tryhards festooning all the other reality TV shows to the point where these cunts are parodies of parodies of business wankers. Insert endless management speak and truly cringeworthy, shameless attempts at being noticed, whatever the cost.

The climax of the show (I say climax, but it is as weak as your 5th ejaculation of the day when you can’t stop fapping to vintage porn) being the boardroom scene, which I understand isn’t actually a boardroom anywhere in Sugar’s estate but actually in some other building entirely, is just farcical. Cuntlord Sir Alan trotting out the same tired one-liners and giving it the whole ‘beligerent mentor’ routine. It’s all utterly predicable, tiresome and worst of all, champions thick cunts masquerading as people in business, not at all interested in their crappy investment plans but rather using the show to springboard themselves into TV presenting etc.

I despise the entire thing. If only one contestant, on the recieving end of yet another of Sugar’s cunt-defining “you’re fired”, would reach across and attempt to throttle the old ballbag beetroot red before the bouncers could prise him off… I could genuinely die a happy man.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

95 thoughts on “The Apprentice (2)

  1. That fucking Morgan things looks like it was tugged out of a tight hole head first with the forceps.

  2. I’ve never watched Geoff Norcott but he’s on my side of the argument. Think I’ll find him funny on principle.

  3. I love the guy on QT trying try to get a dirty socialist to justify why he should keep patibg for every other fucker.

  4. Great cunting mate. The apprentice is indeed utter wank .

    Only ever seen 1 episode and it consisted of a bunch of mediocre office twats running around like headless chickens, trying to get things from around London with no leadership or goal, just all trying to stand out, mouth off, and show how precious they were.

    The kind of cunt that says proudly:
    “I had a business that turned over a million pound a year.”

    Really? How much profit did you make?

    Coz I bet that you’d have been better off working for McDonald’s as (and this is only a guess), you probably made minus profit.

    And you don’t have a company now do you? No. That’s why you’re sucking up to Alan sugar and featuring on “I’m an office twat, get me out of here”.

    In fact in all that time that you had a “million pound a year” company, you’d probably have made more money and helped society more if you’d sat in bed, eating Doritos and wanking 5 times a day.

  5. Have to admit, in its’ early days I saw an opportunity and applied. Got invited to an interview real fast due to my application being a bit mouthy and knowing I could stand a chance outbulling the rest of the cunts. Bottled it. Couldn’t live a life full of redicule and regret just to prove a point. I enjoy watching the rest of the cunts who risked it though. I’m not sure if I shout at the telly more at that or Question Time when some deluded bampot thinks public votes don’t matter.

  6. LIke so many of his ilk, Sugar got rich by selling tut to schmucks*. I reckon in another, less profitable life, he’d be a regular on ISAC, cunting all and sundry with the best of us. I also reckon that when the day is done at the Apprentice, he goes home and spends his evenings roaring with laughter at old videos of the antics of the cunts he has persuaded to display their negative business acumen.

    And he’s still earning from the schmucks who watch it. Cunt? Wouldn’t you?

    *His words rather than mine…

  7. TV loves embarrassment and this pile of shitscrapeings is a unworked mine . It’s not Sugar, they are all just a chance to kick lesser beings into touch . I hate the lot of them because they made it ,probably because luck favoured them at the right time,no complaints at that,it happens for some and mostly not for others but none of them are geniuses by a stretch and the value in the programme is them looking down at some hopefuls and breathing scorn on them.
    To be fair ,some of the hopefuls are smart and will do well but those smug lookatme cunts sitting there destroying hopes and dreams are more than I can bear.
    So I hope that one day they get the whitehot poker in the dirtbox. Tickets sold out in advance .

Comments are closed.