For the first time in decades I looked at the album chart. Here are some highlights. If you are of a delicate disposition or indeed, you have eaten in the last 90 minutes, please refrain from reading further.
3 Little Mix
4 Ed Sheeran
5 Michael Ball Alfie Boe
8 Paloma Faith
10 Pink
12 Taylor Swift
14 Michael Buble
19 Daniel Odonell
21 Anton De Bake
23 Bradley Walsh
26 Alexander Armstrong for fucks sake
31 Kids Bop
36 Frank Turner
38 Ed Sheeran
39 Cliff Richard
40 Phil Collins
43 Tom Chaplin
46 Eminem
50 Bananarama
A bigger pile of dogwank aborted foetus I’ve yet to see. No wonder we are fucked as a nation.
Nominated by Cunts ‘n’ Roses
Any chart with Bananarama (ding-dong as Leslie Philips used to say) can’t be all bad. In fact, that I have heard of a number of the artists albeit in the lower part of the chart is I find somewhat reassuring.
I don’t understand the youth of today. When I was their age all the music that was popular was new and not rehashed from Xmas to next Xmas; moreover we did not go to the cinema to watch (en masse) a repeat of a movie from forty years earlier – in fact no one could even name a movie of that longevity; nor did Royal Mail issue stamps celebrating movies not even made in this country and with no obvious connection to it – sounds like the Royal Mail female chief executive might have been Weinsteined to sink to such depths by allowing postage stamps to be used as a form of advert.
I
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Make no mistake, there has always been (and always will be) shite festooning the UK music charts.
The difference now is that so many ‘popular’ acts have next to no vocal talent or musicianship. Everything is vocodered and auto-tuned to the hilt – back in the 90s such karaoke crap was reserved for manufactured bands or even novelty acts.
Britpop had plenty of turd but you could at least give some credit to fuckers playing their own instruments (yes yes, often a mere three chords), writing their own music and doing the whole shithole pub gig routine before making it into the mainstream. Now you have knifeable cunts like Ed Sheeran who would have been several leagues below even Britpop’s shittest journeymen back then.
Little Mix are essentially ugly strippers who can mime, Paloma Faith is a tombstone-toothed wobbly-voiced shitcunt, Pink is actually a man, Michael Buble is not even Canada’s 16th best Dean Martin tribute act and Taylor Swift is a manufactured slut.
But Jesus on a go-ped, Alexander Armstrong. If, come the Christmas dinner I’m dreading with endless cunting relatives, I should find out that any of them have bought that silver-spooned self-satisfied smug cunt’s album, I’ll frenziedly haul the fucking Buxted out of the oven and drop-goal it 40 yards out of the window, and in its stead will be said relative, fucking head first, until crisp and golden brown.
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Daniel O’Donell for fuck’s sake!
Jesus I had my fill of that cunt in the 80’s when my Mam and Nan would have cunt on while doing the housework. Him and Foster & Allen!
There was some respite with some tolerable Elvis and a bit of Beatles but for the most part it was shite.
I still have nightmares about Lena Martell’s “One Day at a Time” and the ever present “Seven Tears” by the Goombay Dance Band.
I could get them done for child abuse these days!
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Still better than the shitlist above. Especially Shearcunt!
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I hope Daniel O ‘ Dronell has a shit Christmas , the cunt.
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One consolation – these days, you only have to sell 25 copies of an album to get in here at no.50. Back to the day job for Bananarama, methinks.
Also, yoof of today don’t buy albums, at least not for themselves. All the tosh on C&R’s list has almost certainly been bought as Christmas presents for middle-aged women. god help their husbands.
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Excellent CNR. My sentiments exactly. Popular so called music has never been in such a bad fucking state EVER. I was looking at the 1972 charts in an old NME. Yes there was some shite but music was extremely varied . For me the 60’s 70’s and some of the 80’s were the renaissance period for decent music in Britain, since then its been a gradual decline into the dog shit we have to endure now. Oh yes, and what about that snivelling little cunt Sam Smith ? who the fuck told him he could sing ? sounds like a cat being strangled, dirty little cunt !!!
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Splendid summary, Sir.
The only thing I would add is that the quality of contemporary music has been marred further by that greedy anal prolapse, Simon Cowell and his wrinkled old Oxo cube for a head.
For example, Cowell is responsible for Will Young and GGG-Gareth Gates. Both have disappeared after only a handful of shitty ditties between them.
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I thought you meant German Goo Girls.
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Jonathon King – pure jizz essence of British musical taste! Note: special guest Megacunt of Ceremonies…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CsqnG-w3zIk
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Fuck me two kiddie diddlers for the price of one.
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The charts are and have always been full of mostly shit. I agree with the comments regarding re making or remixing old tunes, however remakes and remixes are part and parcel of music evolution.
Most music these days is highly compressed and they squeeze the dynamic range out to achieve a weightier sound. People make loud music these days and until we get a standard format for high quality (high resolution) audio downloads and playback media we will have to have have highly compressed music. Downloads (mp3, aac, etc) is hollowed out compressed (file size) shit. We need 24 bit 96 khz playback media and downloads then artist can release the music as it was mixed and mastered and due to the higher dB capture with 24 bit resolution engineers could keep more of the dynamics.
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I agree with your first sentence but I didn’t understand the rest. The charts appear to be in the state they were in around the mid-seventies before punk became popular. It was described as a backlash so maybe we’re due for another.
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What kind of music do da yoof like?
(a) music their mum and dad like……see above
(b) old stuff used as background on TV adverts
(c) stuff that Simon Cowell says is good
(d) Yank bongo bongo music with lyrics using words such as ‘hos, bitches and mo’fucker
I may have missed some out but i’m not down wid da yoof these days. The
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Work: years of obsessive work, as much for its own sake as anything.
Craftsmanship: methods and techniques painfully learned and refined continuously.
Tradition: taking the best of the past and improving it further
No longer necessary: produce any old wank, make it a brand, tell the world how meaningful it is, turn it over to the professional salesmen, and laugh all the way to the tax haven
Works for ‘music’, works for ‘art’ and works for ‘creative writing’. Whose perpetrators are all cunts..
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I don’t know how they get away with shovelling that SHITE into the public domain these days? They’re obviously desperate to make a few bucks out of anything remotely tuneful!
Unlike years ago when a song told a story, or at least had a decent least melody to it when compared with today’s CRAP!. A lot of them are just a repetition of the same FUCKING verse over and over again! They pray on weak minded CUNTS, like women and romantics who think love exists? What a FUCKING pile of CUNT! Love is just a misused word that some CUNT uses when they like someone.
The wife’s worn the FUCKING word out years ago! Now I’m just funding her existence, CUNT!
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Which wins the Golden Noose of Married Life 2017 ! Quality rant.
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Very cynical Mr. Sole.
Perhaps you should seek some professional help with your mental health as recommended by the Royal Princes.
Made me fucking laugh though.
😁😁😁😁😁😁😁
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I wouldn’t know who to approach for help? Doctors would only prescribe pills, and what diagnosis would the so called academically educated experts give me?
I can only self diagnose, and the outcome ain’t good!
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Just keep posting on ISAC – probably the most therapeutic activity in the world…ever!
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As ole Prince Jug-Ears said in famous tv interview when he married the Queen of t’Hearts
“Love…wotever that’s supposed to mean”
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……and then women wonder why we kill ourselves? It’s never their FUCKING fault!
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Where’s the posse of paparazzi when you need ’em!?
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Girl group Little Mix are to follow in the footsteps of other girlbands and give themselves cheeky names like the Spice Girls did with ginger spice/sporty spice etc. and are welcoming suggestions from the public.
Sadly my suggestion, Bombay Mix, for the Asian looking one, was rejected, as was my proposal for the fat one, Packet Mix….
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Concrete Mix ?
Or mixologist – equally worthy of a cunting…
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How about…
Pick ‘N’ Mix
Curry Mix
No Knicks Mix
Fishy Mix
Chocolate Mix
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Peaceful people have finally come round to are way of thinking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMohK3w9slE
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Sorry Fenton – Chas n’ Dave definitely not my way of thinking. I mean talk about alien cultures – phew…!
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Musicians don’t have to learn their craft anymore. Playing clubs and pubs, writing and performing songs. Becoming musically competent.
Now, stand in front of a mirror, sing karaoke and if you look right then you will be producing cowelised, manufactured shit in no time.
The great bands played together for sometimes 1000s of hours. Grafted and if talented, and lucky, eventually made it. All gone now which is why the chart shown looks like that. Not a single performer of quality or merit. Bland, manufactured shite. And the fucking snowflakes deserve it.
I have 50 years of great stuff on vinyl and CD. My favourite stuff is on a USB which plays in the car or house. I don’t listen to the shit on radio nor do I watch X factorised crap. My daughter grew up on Squeeze, Jam. Madness, Kinks, Who, Beatles. She has always despised shite, from Kylie onwards. We go together to concerts and chart stuff never gets a look in. Snowflakes can access good music, but, by and large are too fucking vacuous to stray away from Little Mix and co.
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Simon Cowell is a high waisted cunt…
https://youtu.be/amYxHjwYCas
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Couldn’t agree more. I love my music but today’s offering takes my loathing for today’s “musicians”/cunts to a new and dangerous level .
However, there is hope. Blown away by these guys and proof that real music lives on in the minorities.
https://youtu.be/3N7rJGLIwrY
Sure there may by some Savillesque undertones to this, but I want to believe he’s one of the good guys that can honestly nuture and showcase young talent.
Fuck, these covers are better than the originals!
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Most of the stuff in the charts seems to be One Note Bollocks. Some scruffy tree dweller reciting utter shit lyrics thankfully un hearable over the pounding wank of the so called rhythm, fit for eardrum demolition in a small shit car.
I void my fecal matter at them all.
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From a classical viewpoint, I is wondering how much more CAMP Nine Lessons and Carols from Kings might sound this year…
Enough to transfer the action to Queens ??
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Only half decent album in the current chart is the Stones On Air, and that’s radio broadcasts Keef, Brian and the boys did in the 60s….
I loathe all these modern music acts, but I especially despise Taylor Swift and The Ginger Gargoyle…. Swift is a processed, pre-programmed daddy’s girl bonebag who got success because of her rich pater.. The fact that cunts actually label this blonde Olive Oyl’s music for kids crap as ‘pop genius’ just shows how low standards and quality have sunk…
And Sheeran? He’s like a very bad James Blunt (and he’s bad enough!)… I had the misfortune to hear the steaming whirl of excrement that is ‘Perfect’ while working today… The Ginger Gremlin rhymes ‘you between my arms’ with ‘lying on the grass’ (pronouncing ‘grass’ as ‘grarse’)… Who the fuck actually likes shit like that?! Who the frig says ‘between my arms’?! That’s even beneath a sixth form student… And rhyming it with an elongated version of the word ‘grass’?!? The cunt is a fucking hack… A talentless twat who makes insipid syrup drenched crap…
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And Little Mix really are ugly tarts, aren’t they?…. They look like clones of that bride from Gremlins 2… I do feel sorry for the teenage laddies of today Little Mix? Rita Oral? Olive Oyl Swift? Dickie Gaga?… At least I had Kate Bush, Olivia Newton John, and Agnetha and Frida to errrr… fall back on…
That said. mind, Kunty Perrry is very doable… Even if she is a cunt…
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Indeed, what has happened to fit pop birds?! Apart from the admittedly screwable Kunty Perry they are all mingers now… Even the 80s had some good ‘uns (Belinda Carlisle, Laura Braningan, Bananarama, Kim Wilde, Clare Grogan, Sabrina Salerno), but now it’s freaks and trollops like Miley Shagbag, Dickie Gaga, Nikki Mingebatter, and Pink… Deary fucking me…
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Oh aye, and Madogga wasn’t mentioned because she was an ugly cunt then and she’s an ugly cunt now…
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The Ginger Gremlin is a mercenary cunt… His ‘First in the race/Top of the class’ megalomania is infamous… The gimp thinks it’s so important to be Number One (He referred to it as ‘being the most popular kid in the school.. Which means the little ginger bollocks wasn’t!)… So he’s took his already
dripping in syrup/shite ‘Perfect’ and added vocals/screeches from erstwhile lardarse coconut, Beyonce… What a load of cynical cunt…
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Sorry cnr can’t cunt Frank Turner. Not perfect but when he does it right he does it very right.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k1K3adhhuAM
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Sadly… the above comments are exactly what my parents generation would have said about the music now regarded as classic. My parents generation were of course wrong.
I saw that Bridget Jones movie where Bridge and her slutty mate go to Glastenbury and ask what I took to be an extra to take their photo. Had no idea the cunt was famous (Sheeran).
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