jobsworth security guards

I’d like to cunt jobsworth security guards, now being a lorry driver who has spent the last month working nights, I’ve started coming across these wastes of skin more often recently. Think they can treat you like a cunt because they have the power to open the gate, even though you have to go in because well it’s the job, I can’t deliver if he doesn’t let me in, wanker!

Security guards and traffic wardens have a chip on their shoulder because they were too stupid to join the police

Nominated by Mr Cuntypants

100 thoughts on “jobsworth security guards

  1. Don’t get me started on security stewards at football matches….
    Fucking thick as pigshit jobsworth minimum wage Little Hitler cunts…
    They look like gorillas in hi-vis waistcoats and they sound like an English speaking pig (words mixed with grunts and snorts)… Yet they don’t like swearing, singing, ‘offensive’ humour, standing up, or anything else a normal (ie: not a daytripper chinky or Post-Premiership cunt) football fan is supposed to do… Some of these Nazi cunts even attempt their routine on players…. I remember the great Ruud Van Nistelrooy (Rooney my arse!) rushing to the Stretford End to celebrate yet another spectacular winner with his own fans… A jobsworth Rent-A-Thug steward actually grabbed Ruud, and RVN quite rightly gave the cunt a shove and said ‘Who fucking pays your wages, you cunt?’

  2. Traffic wardens are definately cunts. I have approached them amd asked if they wouldn’t mind dealing with the psychotic fucks that keep off roading in their attempt to park on the fucking big yellow lines outside my child’s school during school start and finish times.
    Said school is one street away.
    Will they do it? Will they fuck.

    • I’ll second that one….

      If the government hadn’t scrapped road tax in favour of the rip off 2nd fuel tax VED, a few problems could have been solved / avoided at the one time.

      Firstly a fair structure of fees based on the ratio of your vehicle weight and width of your tyres would ascertain who is actually fucking the roads up in addition to the wear & tear.

      This would fund the much needed repair or in many cases, the replacement of the worn out roads not fit for purpose anymore.

      These applicable fees would have the “4×4 school run brigade” running back to the smaller / lighter cars used years ago.

      This would reduce emissions as these things normally have big polluting engines, especially when left running at drop off / collection time. Their size and amount of materials used in their manufacture must have a huge impact on their carbon foot print too.

      I’m sure accidents would be reduced as the roads would be easier to cross at schools, not having to see past the sea of their high roof lines. These cars aren’t exactly pedestrian friendly in the event you are knocked down by one either.

      The school run drivers would save a fortune not only in fuel but in the increased costs saved to replace the suspension parts etc. These parts still wear out the same as they do in small cars despite people claiming they buy these big “indestructible” cars because of the potholes in the first place.

      This would also reverse the role / use of cars where people are going to work in the Fiat 500’s etc then parked up all day meanwhile, the larger gas guzzler car is used by their partner all day for school runs and all the “hoeing” around town daily that one does, costing more again on fuel, higher emissions and yet more road damage.

      Phew, rant over…

    • Agree! A bunch of cowardly shithouses. A friend has the misfortune to live opposite a local amenity patrolled by these wankers. On the spot fines are dished out to anyone who’s ticket might of expired within the previous 30 seconds…that is unless you are part of the extended “oirish” traveller family that lives a few doors down. Bizarrely, they are left alone?

  3. United fans with long memories will look wistfully at the appointment of the swivel eyed one at West Ham, and may think ‘That makes up for them giving us Frank O’ Farrell’ ….

    Seriously though, does any club (apart from the monstrosity that is Manchester Citeh) deserve a cunt like Moyes?…

    • All the off-shore owned, greedy cunts deserve a cunt like Moyes. No premiership team has any connection with the city it is based in. Fuck the lot of them and I hope bankruptcy beckons for the fuckers when the bubble bursts and they have to ship their mercenaries back to whatever shithole they crawled out of.

      • True enough… Matt Busby and Joe Mercer would be turning in their graves if they could see what United and City are now…

        • Likewise Fagin, Shankly. Cloughie, Greenwood etc etc etc.
          Great clubs used to be British. The odd Dane or whatever but basically hard grafting English, Scots, Irish and Welsh. I suppose it was Sky putting silly money in that corrupted the game. Fuck Sky, fuck football and fuck the tax dodging crooks who own the clubs.

    • The magoos have a cunt already in that swivel mouthed Pep. Add to that a squad who play for money alone, owned by a sandwog so bent he screws his socks on, a stadium they cant fill save for the odd coldplay concert rented from the council and a bunch of cuntish fans wearing Bell better than Best t-shirts and there you have it. Citeh – big in Tameside, Stockport and the UAE. even Gallagher wont go in the peasants enclosure. When asked why he chooses the directors box the talentless unfunny cunt declared “sick to death of being asked for autographs and talking about Oasis and my cunt of a brother, in the directors box the seats are heated and recline, the grub is top class, blankets brought by skivvies if your knees get a bit chilly and the champagne is top notch” – following on the heels of that ginger Belgian bellend De Bruyne who disappointed half a dozen fans in the car park at Manchester airport who had waited 4 hours for the wogs private jet to bring them home from Barcelona telling the young lads he was “too tired” to sign their autograph books. Tired? Tired? 90 minutes of footy, a 60 minute flight back in a private jet in utter luxury and you are fucking tired???? Too tired to make some bertie fans happy for the rest of their miserable lives? The contempt and utter cuntery of todays footballers is fucking staggering – I could cunt virtually every player in the Prem, apart from my glorious United – they are all angels, playing in football heaven, guarded by the Munich clock, Sir matt and the Holy Trinity. 😉

      • Bertie Magoo The Bitter Blue… Red Issue cartoon character, archetypal bluenose cunt and Mancunian legend… Red Issue is much missed and I loved Bertie, Sticky Fingers, and Jimmy Reeves (he supports Leeds)…

      • They Waited 4 hours? That’s fucking ridiculous……..
        I used to love football but over the years I’ve lost any real interest in it, the clubs treat the fans like Cunts , the players treat not only the clubs like Cunts but the fans too…. On the pitch it doesn’t get any better, diving, shirt pulling, play acting and wilfully trying to mislead the ref, every decision contested , Every cunt talking to the ref….
        Leicester winning the title was the only highlight…….

  4. I know we’re meant to be cunting them but I’ve just remembered a security guard at an A&E department being goaded by a tracksuit wearing dole claimant in a baseball cap.
    At the time the security guard had the little car thief by his jacket and dangling in mid air with one had pulled back ready to save us all from his bullshit.
    I really felt for the guy, you could see the indecision of whether or not his job was worth it.
    I would have given him an alibi if he had beaten him senseless. I would have considered it a payment for the entertainment.
    Still a cunt though. Wanting to kill another cunt. Cool.

  5. Many years ago I did a stint as a motorcycle courier. The barrier to this particular business was up so I rode through, dropped off and went to leave. The minimum-wage security ape gloated as he dropped the barrier and refused to let me leave and shouted and ranted some shit. Then I noticed how high the barrier was so I simply ducked and rode gently underneath it. The guy actually jumped up and down with apoplectic fury just like Rumplestiltskin and I rode off giving him the swivels. Genuinely hope the cunt died of a rage-fuelled aneurysm.

  6. A common thread with Little Hitlers is that they are a a thick cunts whose position embodies them with a little bit of power to make their stupor of an existence bearable.

    The cunt on the gate, I bet if someone had asked him what he wanted to do when he grows up, he wouldn’t have said “I would like to work night shifts opening and shutting a gate”. I have a great deal of respect for lorry drivers who maintain the supply chain and deserve some human decency.

    And who on earth even wants to be a traffic warden? The most despised people on earth behind Tottenham supporters.

    • We don’t half have to deal with some shit us wagon drivers, other road users seem to think we’re invisible and are constantly weaving in and out cutting us up, seriously I don’t think people realise how fucking dangerous that is because if we have to slam the brakes on that 30 ton load we’re carrying wants to keep going forward which results in jacknifing or even the load coming lose and smashing the cab and driver to bits.

      Impatient cunts are another annoyance, I got caught up in traffic which lead me to being two hours late for a delivery, I rang the place I was delivering to and told the girl on the phone, everything is ok. However once I get there the boss is right in my face giving it the big I am until I remind him that 1. I have no control over the traffic and 2. I have to take a 45 minute break after 4.5 hours of driving otherwise I risk losing my licence. Then the cunt shuts up.

  7. As far as traffic wardens go, I find the worst ones are the imported African bastards who prowl the streets of London. They are completely immune to logic and rational argument. They have a have a job to do, and they stick rigidly to the rules no matter what. I’ve had a couple of run ins with those pricks whilst visiting a mate in London. Both times, it was because of those fucking ridiculous parking meters where you can only pay by phone, something I hate doing. I’m normally a calm and rational man, but those cunts had me on the verge of going Jack the Ripper on them. They have no capacity for reason.

    • Bloody hell!
      Now when the Americans meddle with history (think hollywoods pearl harbour for example) everyone gets upset.
      The beeb meddle with history, and despite them being a PUBLIC BROADCAST SERVICE, no one bats an eyelid.
      Fucking hippy cunts.

    • Fuck me. That is disgusting in the extreme. Someone gets paid for coming up with that idea.

      • Payment not necessary – it’s their default position. But they’d pay someone anyway.

    • It would be bad enough if this person (Sophie something or other) was a decent actor. She is the same moody cunt whatever she’s in. So, you cant have white actors ‘appropriating’ ethnic parts, but it is ok to completely deny history by being so fucking right-on.

      • Fucking hell, are you telling me that is a FEMALE ??

        Christ on a bloody tandem (with a coked-up nun in a flat cap behind…)

    • No, no, fucking no! Utter cunts, was a chick with a dick not available then?

      I’m off to look into methods of retaining my licence fee from these thieving cunts.

    • I cant find a period depiction of Margaret of Anjou with anything other than fair skin, and most have fair hair.
      The BBCs idiotic approach to equality has reached a level now bordering on treason. I would say that embezzling public funds to rewrite British history just to promote a fuckwitted ideology is treason. Decimate the bastards by hanging every tenth cunt there.
      The Blue Planet 2 is fucking good though.

  8. If you think they’re bad here, you should see those fuckers in the States. Parking attendants, wardens, the cunts that check your passport at airports, anyone given any authority at all, the term ‘little Hitlers’ doesn’t describe them. A Mirror journalist wrote that they’re famous for ‘bovine officiousness’. They’re desperate to prove they’re in control. to justify their existence.

  9. I’d like to be a traffic warden. I’d be a right Cunt. I’d ticket all those malingering bastards in Mobility cars with blue badges. Bet the bastards would stage a recovery even more miraculous than Lazarus rising from the dead when they saw me bearing down on their cripple-chariots with my ticket-book and malevolent smirk.
    Fuck them.

    • Fucking right. Either that or working for the DWP and declaring a bunch of bone-idle fat spastics are fit for work. It’s a shame that some sort of modern equivalent of a debtors prison doesn’t exist for the white indigenous cunts who refuse to work full stop.

      • I like this idea. If people like us changed our careers strategically, we could do a lot of good.
        I’d like to be a judge, lol, they couldn’t build jails fast enough. Judging people on looks alone would be far more efficient.
        Baseball cap? Jail.
        Shell suit? Jail.
        Hippy? Jail.
        Labour voter? Jail.
        Mp? Jail.
        Liberal? Jail.
        Peaceful? Jail.
        Lazy? Jail.
        Simply look guilty?
        Jail you cunt! Jail!

        • You’d be wasting your time cuntflap, judges don’t have the power to build prisons. You’d have to become…argh…a POLITICIAN instead!!!!

          Modern Judges? Jail!

          • Why not put the cunts to work and make them build their own future homes? Chain gang style?

            Mixing cement etc and all labouring done manual. No machinery on site.

          • Prisons full already cuntflap – the crims can’t get into them fast enough!

            And who can blame them?

            Free board & lodging, drugs on tap, gourmet din-dins, cells to smear your shit all over, TV, computers, wi-fi, soap, nonce bungholes to buttfuck, peaceful preachers – everything a cunt could ask for!

            Instead of wasting £billions on HS2 we should be spending the money digging trenches and and putting bullets in the back of their suet pudding filled heads.

          • Ha ha, I hadn’t heard the cunts had glory holes too. Getting banging up while your banged up. Scumny Cunts.

        • You forgot to include whinging Remoaners. Should all be jailed, at least until we leave the EU (assuming the government will ever get round to it). Those who voted to remain and have accepted the result of the referendum result should be spared.

          And the most annoyingly pointless talentless twat on the planet currently- Rylan Clark-Neal.

          All cunts in my opinion who should be locked up.

          • Mix the cunts in with the next pour of foundations and so the cycle continues. Might just have to dig the footings out a few metres deeper.

          • Loads of disused mines in Wales waiting to be filled in.
            Suitably plumbed up, the energy from decomposing corpses would warm the cockholes of the green party…

  10. “Gay father who murdered his ‘vulnerable and defenceless’ baby daughter just two weeks after formally adopting her shows no emotion as he is jailed for 18 years”

    Whichever moron thought that a “gay” household was a suitable home for a child,never mind a baby,is criminally fucking insane.

      • Hopefully his cell door will be accidentally left unlocked one night but I suspect the nonce cunt will get nice safe solitary confinement with other cunts just like him.

        Will no doubt make some new friends from Bradistan & Rochdehli to pray with.

        So wrong.

    • Absolutely no mention in todays BBC’s article post sentencing either that the murderer was gay, or that the defenceless baby was fostered to a gay couple.

      Unfortunately par for the course by the BBC.

      • Dead right WS. We are just left to assume he was hetero. Had no idea it was a gay couple. What cunt thought it a good idea fostering a toddler to gays. Makes my blood boil. And 18 years seems a tad low.

        • The fact he is a poof is not the issue. What is important is :Why do we not have the death penalty in the U.K?

          • Death penalty not in situ cos justice system too incompetent to tell difference between guilty & innocent.

          • The fact they he was a poof wasn’t the issue. The issue is that a baby was entrusted to these poofs who clearly were not suitable parents.

            Who in the social care system was responsible for entrusting this child and in turn, failed the child by failing to home the child with loving parents in a stable loving home and provide follow up support & checks of the child’s welfare.

            Poofs and rug munchers can do what they like but screwing around with other peoples kids isn’t on.

            These kids have usually come from a screwed up home. Dropping them back into another shitzone has got to spell trouble and it will be the child that suffers for it.

            So many failings here that need addressed so that this never happens to any child ever again.

        • Bullet in the back of the head too good for the cunt. Let the Grenfell Tower peacefuls deal with him instead.

    • I am no gay rights activist but Victoria Climbie’s adoptive parents were straight. Daniel Pelka’s family also. So was baby P’s. His sexuality is not the issue just that he is a murdering psychopathic CUNT.

          • Sadly, all too many wimmin are NOT mother material, and are just as murderous and psychotic as any bloke.
            Not having any kids myself, I am obviously an objective expert…
            It just beats me how people can be so unremittingly cruel to kids, epecially ones that have started life with one dealt from the bottom of the pack.
            I used to say that I was anti-death-penalty, because if the judiciary fuck up, you cannot raise mistakes from the dead.
            But now I begin to wonder…possibly we should reconsider.
            So often, though, it’s the people with the best lawyers and counsel that get off free…
            If you’re so poor you haven’t got a pot to piss in. you would be assigned some trainee muppet straight out of law school.

      • None of the cases that you mention involved official adoptions. None of those children were placed within a thoroughly unnatural “family” unit in order to satisfy some Gay Rights fascism directive. How anyone can think that placing a young female child with two gay men is desirable is incredible to me. I’m afraid that I believe that young children need a Mother…maternal instinct and all that. Not some “right-on” gay man.

          • With you on that one KD, the culprit without any doubt pc bullshit. Anyone, gay, les or transgender whatever can be a child murdering cunt. Life minimum 18 years not enough. Life no parole or rope would be better.

  11. A quick request to the admins, how do I go about changing my name from Lenny Long-Legg III?

  12. Security cunts at airports are employed solely to put as much of a fucking dampener on your holiday as they fucking can.

    Yes, I know we can thank our towel-headed friends for airports upping the securicunt remit, but that aside, these fuckers are almost always impossible to fucking deal with.

    • Give anyone a hi-viz jacket, a little notebook and plastic name badge and its a one way ticket to cuntdom.

    • Air travel has been totally screwed up by the peaceful cunts.

      For many people, air travel was already quite nerve racking and they have made it worse. I used to fly quite often through my work and it was second nature for me, just like people getting on & off a bus.

      Now its a military operation just to pack bags for air travel and I am restricted to what I can and cant carry on board to make my flight more enjoyable because these cunts want to kill themselves. Why should I suffer due to these clowns?

      Firstly, we really need to have a proper system where these cunts are put on “no fly” lists. Airlines should reserve the right to refuse these peaceful passengers in providing a safe service for us all.

      Aviation law should not be bound by any of this racist / islamaphobic crap as when things go wrong, they’re catastrophic. Its not like refusing them entry to a pub etc.

      I would happily welcome white only airlines and would use if available. Yes I know that a white person could do something crazy, however its all about main minimizing risks.

      Finally, there are no virgins waiting for these wannabe martyr’s who clearly can’t get their hole in life on earth without either abusing kids or settling for one pig ugly fucker.

      In fact, I would choose a pig over these women. Another bonus being the pig doesn’t have a blue bottle / fly Grand Prix going on a circuit around its ankles as they aren’t smelly enough.

      • EL AL lead the way on airline security. Take as many liquids as you like. Take a laptop or even your pet goat! They are more concernred about who you are and why are you travelling on EL AL?

    • Too true. I find airport security guards either over the top officious and fucking rude, or they just don’t seem to give two tosses.

      Go abroad and security seems much more chilled out.

  13. IS arselicker par excellence, Sadiq Khunt, has announced that U2 are doing a free concert in Trafalgar Square this Saturday night….Wonder if this act of getting down with the riff-raff was thought of before or after Bonio’s tax allegations hit the news?… Before? Yeah right….

    • He ‘Still hasn’t found what I’m looking for’….yes you have, its a Lithuanian shopping centre. Nice and obscure for a bit of ‘creative accounting’.

    • Is this to raise more funds and give the Grenfell scammers a free night out? Streets shut off to every other cunt?

      Just like at the Notting hill carnival they will forget their stresses and traumas that stop them accepting accommodation, getting out those hotel rooms and partying on down with their hands in the air forgetting the alleged disabilities that got them rent free housingin Grenfell in the first place.

      Maybe Jamie cuntin’ Oliver will do the catering for them for free.

      Jez & Flabbot & Co will no doubt be there, singing along to their favourites with their IRA loving, tax avoiding chums.

  14. Firstly being a Security guard must be boring as fuck, secondly I thought to be a security guard you had to be a big, slightly menacing looking cunt (like me) but you go to some places and you find some lame looking cunt who looks like they would get beaten up by a pensioner if it all kicked off.
    These cunts are stealing money.

    • A friend of the family, in his 20s. I’ll be generous and say he has issues. There is some roadworks near where he lives, and it was a Sunday and no-one was around. So he gets his hi viz yellow jacket, and a clip board, goes to the roadworks and starts directing traffic, but fucking it all up so there was three way gridlock. Eventually the police came and took him home. He is an OK guy, just has no boundaries.

      • I think that the same Cunt was at work last time I was at Sedgefield races. The fucking Monga kept trying to direct me to park miles away from the entrance. Virtually had to run the Cunt over to get the 4×4 parked where I wanted it. Just shouted at him that I was deaf when he kept trying to tell me that I was in a “Reserved” parking place….Fucking pest.

  15. Viz security guards and the like, worth remembering what they are worth because that is what the thick cunts get paid ie fuck all. To begin with the wheels orn me old motor where too big to be clamped then a new type orf “Denver Boot” came in so had to acquire a set orf keys orf the internet. When I can always pop the bastard back orn the parking company’s vehicle with a spot orf super glue orn the threads.

    • To be fair, they enforce more authority so may as well give them a baton, some mace, notebook and cuffs.

      I’ve also seen them giving the peaceful ones an ear full where the cops turn a blind eye. Less afraid of the PC shit so maybe Cops & G4S should swap uniforms.

  16. see also building managers who make the simplest of deliveries a fucking nightmare you dont actually own the fucking building you cunt

  17. I had to go to an emergency job last weekend. Parking is impossible so I parked outside on the yellows. The job was literally 10 mins. Went out to the car after 5 to get some gear to find black african type standing there. I explained 5 mins max and I’d be away. Cunt looks at his machine and sez ‘you have 1 min 30 secs then you’re getting a ticket. Had to park qtr mile away to finish last few minutes of job. Small minded cunt.

  18. Bouncers are the same. Spend all week trying to read The Sun on Sunday, then come Saturday they put on their monkey suit in the hope they can beat up some drunk 18 year old, or try and hit on my missus.

    Fucking caveman throwback cunts.

    • good call
      these cunts deserve a cunting all on their own
      we have these special rsa ones out here which is basically 22 stone islander cunts wandering around the pub staring cunts down who even look remotely tipsy and dont let the cunts see you having a good time cos your out on your ear and its not even fucking dark
      bully boy cunts pick on someone your own size

  19. Sunderland professor says”Paddington Bear was an illegal immigrant who was welcomed into Britain.”

    How true,but Paddington wasn’t a disease ridden,backward,benefit-fiddling,child-molesting,terrorist parasite…..I’d still deport the Cunt,though.

    • I thought PB was a furry fictional character. I’m obviously a fackin’ cant.

      Meanwhile, up at Sunderland University…??!
      Is it a nightclub; is it Professor Green, by any chance?

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