New Cars

Regarding Mike’s earlier connection with ‘sleb’ culture and its link with moronic consumerism,

May I please cunt people with absolutely brand new cars, especially German ones.

Keeping up with the Jones’s (or more probably the Patels or the Abdullah’s) usually marks you as a pretentious cunt. Surely you’d be better off getting a 2-year old car?

Probably half the price and with its inevitable factory recalls mostly sorted, you’ve just saved yourself 15 grand you could invest in something more sensible, you daft clot.

I was driving on the hellish M25 yesterday and looking round at all the 67-plate cars and felt a sense of satisfaction that I was in a £250 22-year old Toyota Carina.

My wife asked when I’m going to replace it (as I can afford to do so) and I enquired if she’s emabarrassed to be seen in it (it’s also the wankest car in a middle class street, by a country mile). She admitted that yes, she is not only embarrassed to be seen in it by her cunt friends, also it’s “an eyesore” on our road apparently as our neighbours have almost new cars.

So I’ll be keeping it long after its economical repair life if it offends that fucking witch!

Is there a name for such a thing as an anti-consumer way of thought?

Nominated by Thomas the Cunt Engine.

101 thoughts on “New Cars

  1. I drive a ex-motorbility car on a long term lease. Back windows had been licked clean when it was delievered and it stank of something…..

    • Your ex Motability car would have stunk of piss and biscuits, Kravdarth.

      Did it have windscreen wipers on the inside too?

    • Sounds like a Halshaw special. Check there is a spare wheel with a tyre of the correct size that has tread, contains air and more importantly has the right number of holes for wheel nuts.

      Before breathing that sigh of relief is there even a jack & wheel brace?

      If you find all is well, get down to your local _ _ki (key) store and get a lotto ticket on fast while your luck lasts.

  2. I drive around in a very nice 2006 Rover 75. Picked it up three years ago for £2k with only 60,000 On the clock.

    The car is quick, comfy and economical. Spare parts are plentiful and reasonably priced. I suppose some meatheads will look at me with pity whilst I am driving wondering why I can’t afford the monthly repayments on a new eurobox, but I sit and quietly chuckle to myself that I am saving several hundred a month.

    I have a Q3 Audi company car and it is the most overrated and cramped piece of German autoshite that I have ever piloted. I would be fucked paying 400 sovs a month for that.

  3. Emergency cunting please for all the bints coming out the woodwork saying they were touched up by Harcey Weinstein. Especially Emma Watson. Bandwagoninitis.

    • Agreed. Not saying Weinstein isn’t guilty but these accusers need to put their money where their overpaid and overopinionated gobs are.

      They need to bring criminal proceedings and he needs to be convicted. Until then it will just be trial by media kangaroo court.

      • Agreed Paul! These vacuous cunts are all climbing on the virtue bandwagon despite being some of the biggest slags on the planet. Every day you can read about a sleb fucking this one , fucking that one etc. Now they are all outraged that he fancied a poke as well.

        You are right, the cunt will be crucified ( not in court ) but by the media, and it will all be based on the word of all these outraged slags.

        They have all been associated with Wankstain throughout their careers, and have all used him for their benefit and “career development”. Now at the top, they want to suddenly kick his balls, each following the other with their pathetic ” he touched my tits” crap.

        These slebs need a good fucking from Dick Fiddler to sort them out!

        • With a bit of good fortune the depraved kiddie fiddlers infesting Hollywood and the Democrat party will be uncovered. Won’t hold my breath though. Not while their tame hyenas in the msn control 90% of the media output

      • Some gold digging tart claimed Harvey Weinstein sexually abused her. Apparently he tried to kiss her. Is that it then ??? He tried to fuckin kiss her.

    • What fucks me off is why didn’t these ultra-rich, famous bints not say anything sooner?

      Starting their careers, okay, I can almost understand that, but once you’re in a position to stop it without damaging your £20m a film prospects then that’s just wrong.

      Proverbial blood on the hands for Paltrow and Jolie. Too self-absorbed calling their children Spanner or Wankstain. Utter cunts.

    • The acceptable face of Heterophobia.

      I asked my mate: this Winestain, is he old fat and very ugly – and very rich. He replied that that was exactly the case. Were I Whinestain I would play the J-card. That usually trumps most other sets.

      • Seriously sanctimonious Cunts – love Hillary & her rapist husband – hate Trump cos he isn’t interested in playing along with their luvvy, snowflake, hypocritical games.

    • Interesting that a lot of these claims have been made to – and publicised by – journalist Ronan Farrow who seems to be dedicating his life to exposing celebrity sex-offenders, having comprehensively failed in his bid to have his “father” Woody Allen (though many say his real father is Frank Sinatra) prosecuted for child molestation after the cops, the child protection services and the child psychologists all unanimously agreed that the “abuse” described by Farrow’s step-sister was fabricated, rehearsed and cynically concoted as revenge against Allen.

      Someone should remind this colossal cunt Ronan Farrow that the only celebrity ever to provide recent character references for Roman Polanski (in his latest efforts to have the case in which he sodomised a 13yr old girl dismissed) was a certain Mia Farrow. I don’t see any self-righteous rants against his mother for enabling abusers…

      Fucking hypocritical cunt.

    • Emma Thomson is the latest. Clearly these virtue signalling cunts sense their reputation is at stake if they are not seen to speak out. The paedos who really run Hollywood have obviously given them the green light and assurances to stick the boot into the Cuntstein as they are hoping he can carry the can for all the twisted fuckers in that cesspit. Bad though he is there is worse. I can assure you. Utter cunts.

      • Emma Thompson’s body language tells me she’s a lying cow who, in common with all the other luvvy slags, has known about Cuntstain and every sick fuck in Hollywood for years. Just like Esther Rantzen knew about Jimmy Savile. Cunts!

    • Yeah, crawl out the woodwork now your established and famous with a fat bank account.

      The truth is they clearly would have done anything for their shot at fame and bet many did the deed on more than one occasion.

      He’s a total cunt anyway and if he raped anyone he deserves the worst the justice system can give him.

  4. Nice Cunting Thomas the Cunt Engine.

    My neighbours have a car each, and they are replaced every fucking year!!!! They are loaded, and being a right pair of arseholes they live each day trying to display their wealth by driving these fucking tractors around the town.Their plates are always “this year”

    My 2002 pile of shite, with dents, scratches and corrosion , sits proudly on my drive. It hasn’t been washed for fucking eons! But. It has never broken down, costs me next to nothing to run, and rides like a cover girl on heat.

    New cars? Fuck off.!

    • Yes, but some cunt has to buy the cunts when they’re new and take them back to the factory every 5 minutes for years while they lose half their value so that sensible cunts like us can then pick them up in working order at a reasonable price, don’t they?

      Rather it be the dumb fuckwits with money to burn. Same goes for a whole host of overpriced crap – like DVDs – that you can pick up for a fraction of original price after the fuck who bought them new has maxed out his credit cards on related shit instead of the essentials, choosing instead to spend some quality time with his family down at the local food bank.

    • I remember an interview a few years back with ‘the greatest car salesman in the world’. One of his ‘ploys’ was to say to the swithering buyer out on a test drive….’Are you local ..? Let’s see how it looks on your drive’ … Drive to the potential buyers house and park up the drive … If his luck was in, there would be a neighbour hovering in the vacinity. The buyer then takes on a bit of a swagger as the neighbour sees him in a new car … neighbour shouts across .. ‘New car … ?’
      Deal done … ’cause the buyer can’t be seen to be returning back from the dealership without it. What would the neighbours think, … couldn’t he afford it ..?

  5. A well overdue cunting,
    Only a cunt would buy a brand new car, for the simple fact that depending on the model you’ll lose 30-40% after the first year. So unless you have tonnes of money and not much sense you buy a new car.
    Most brand new cars I guess are company cars or linked with work.

    • …and some Cunt explaining to you that they ‘bought’ the car through a PCP (personal contract purchase) and it’s the obvious way to go …. blah, blah, blah.
      No, you daft Cunt … all you’re doing is paying for the depreciation and you get fuck all back at the end of the term. Don’t go spouting to me some speil that a ‘Jack the Lad’ salesman has just hoodwinked you with. You get fuck all for fuck all from anyone.

  6. I think they’re all on credit. Most cunts with no hobby except tv will inevitably use their time dreaming about newer shinier things until they psychologically pressure themselves into borrowing the money.
    Total cunts.

        • Stupid people wasting good money on customized plates like who’s gonna fucking notice it? They are 4 carrot cunts fred I never bought into vanity plates just seems dumb

          • I have a personalised plate. It’s my Ham Radio Callsign.
            But then it is on a 17 year old car.
            When I sell it in the new year I’ll put the original plate back on and transfer the personalised one.
            If that makes me a cunt, fair enough – I’m a cunt…

          • I shall be looking out for D10 CLS on the road then.

            I once bought a car with a personalised plate, which I considered a bit embarrassing at the time. It came in handy in the end as I sold the plate and kept the car on the road for another year with the proceeds.

            I pride myself on never having spent more that £2500 on a car and usually much less. Current stable is a 2003 X type (£1,200) and 2003 Alfa 147 (£700). Both have leather, climate control, decent sound systems, cruise control, nice petrol engines, Jag even has four wheel drive. I reckon the combined cost is about six months of instalments on a 3 Series or A3.

          • Fair enough Dio I myself am a cunt, so I beg to differ in opinion I guess if I had the extra dosh I would but I’m far from a rich man you see…

            Such a sleepy autumn evening think I’ll make some banana bread and some hot choco

  7. Most bmw/ Merc seem to be driven by what looks like former members of a Warsaw Pact Special forces. And the men are pretty scary too.
    All utterly useless at the most simple driving skills.
    One half witted cunt managed to get his car stuck on a traffic island bollard.
    You have to wonder why their licences are accepted here, then I remember the eu

    • White widow Sally Jones up in Heaven as we speak, getting her distended holes rammed ragged by 72 underage boys. Or one 72 year old virgin Mohammed… As a celeb she might even get a reaming off Allah himself!

    • Having in the past owned two used Audis, I can attest that the “legendary” Kraut build quality is a myth.
      Both dropped apart at a third of the mileage that my 20 year old Volvo has covered.
      Bits of shit for cunts who wish to pretend to be Jason Statham…

  8. Whilst stunningly effective, I can’t help thinking we’d get the job done a bit quicker and a bit more cheaply by just releasing a herd of ebola infected goats.
    That said, we could spend the same money, but spend it on improving the ebola virus itself.
    They’re on a different continent, so no forseeable problems of any consequence……

    • Until Merkel and her idiot supporters in France, UK and most of western Europe invite the cunts here and they start shagging our goats. Good on Poland and Hungary for telling the EU cunts to fuck off with their quota of peaceful migrant cunts. Been on holiday and thought I would get away from cunts for a while. Went to a naturist beach and, would you believe it? Cunts everywhere. I can give you the co-ordinates, Dick Fiddler, if you want.

  9. I have a Ford Fiesta 54 plate Zetec S. It’s a good car I’ve had it for 3 years. It’s fast, easy to repair and pretty good on fuel. I won’t replace it.

  10. What’s The SPivey got to say about the ‘white widow’? I seem to recall him saying she never existed. Oh well add it to the list of things he got hopelessly wrong.
    New cars. I admit it it ! I bought a new car. Love it! Luckily I could pay cash. Of course it’s value will go down rapidly but that only matters if I was planning to sell it which i’ m not. It will probably see me out. Love the sat nav, the DAB radio, being able to use the phone hands free, no MOT for 4 years.its all good.

    • Thought of buying a new car when one of ours failed the MOT but in the end £150 of welding sorted it out.
      One thing that pisses me off is that you can’t get a new car with a CD player in it. They’re all bluetooth.

      Fine if you have bluetooth, but my old iPod classic doesn’t and I’m fucked if I’m going to be forced to upgrade – it as it works perfectly well – just so I can listen to music in the car…

      • yeh thats a bummer about no CD player. didnt realise until i got the car ( it was delivered to my door. first time i clapped eyes on it ). obviously buying new doesnt seem very popular here but if anyone is considering it try Carwow, bloody good idea that is. i got £4500 off my Clio.

      • No CD player? Fucking fucking cunt cunts!!

        Mind you, silence would be infinitely preferable to the fecal matter my family & acquaintances force me to endure whenever I’m trapped in their airless plastic hell-holes.

      • I’m still pissed off that less and less filling stations have done away with the ‘Bargain Basket’ for 8 track tapes. Looks like I’ll need to go over to them casette things.

        • Both described as THE White Widow not A White Widow. Didn’t the Daily Mail print some utter shite about this Lewthwaite being the mastermind of the Nairobi shopping mall attack. They claimed she was actually there inside it shooting the place up at the time. Pure utter dross of the highest order.

          • Taking anything The Daily Mail says at face value can seriously damage your health and cause terminal damage to your internal crap detector.

  11. If you can afford it and want the (temporary) thrill of buying a brand spanking new car, then I say go for it. I’ve only done it 4 times in my life and I’ll admit, there were problems with the vehicle every single time. Of all the used cars I’ve bought, I can only recall there being a problem once. These days I drive a 5 year old boring Honda CR-V EX-L. It’s not fun, but it’s practical and pretty reasonable to run and insure.

    Speaking of driving, a special cunting for the the fucking car I rented during my recent trip to Blighty. From the outside, it looked like a perfectly nice, innocent looking Golf. On the inside it was a bastard who thought it was in charge of my journeys. Leaving the rental place, I needed to stop for traffic. The engine cut out. Stopped at lights, the engine cut out. WTF? A friend pointed out it is a feature as I was convinced there was something wrong with the fucking thing. Then we had the manic beeping whenever I parked. I have eyes. I don’t need some fucking sensor to tell me I’m 3 feet from a wall. Shut the fuck up. On the motorway, I was happily cruising along using cruise control. Another vehicle up ahead would change into my lane and the fucking car would start to slow down. Just piss off doing that you bastard machine! Also on the motorway, I’d been driving for quite a while when the fucking car starting bonging again. This time a message on the dash was telling me to “take a break”. Just fuck off. I’ll decide if I need to take a break. I don’t need some cunt software deciding to annoy me with stupid messages because an arbitrary driving time limit has been reached. Absolute fucking nightmare. Hey Volkswagen – I’m the human – I’m in charge and I don’t need your fucking technology to boss me around. This has gone too fucking far. Cunts!

    • Mrs D and I both bought our cars brand new. Neither of them has ever seen a main dealers workshop. One is 23 years old and the other 17. Neither of them owes us anything and they both start first time every time. Why replace something that works perfectly well?
      It’s just a fucking car!

      • Older the better I say. When the Volvo finally succumbs to advanced old age and an interstellar mileage I intend to replace it with something tidy from the 1950s or 60s.
        It’ll be an excuse to avoid the carriageways and Panzer driving cunts.
        And it will look nicer and last longer…

    • yep my car has that cut out feature. couldnt get used to at it first so i disabled it. i was always thinking is it gonna fuckin start again. but i gave it another go and must say its great, definately saves on fuel and stops engine overheating.

  12. Louise Redknapp is a cunt…
    I am sick of seeing this daft trollop in the papers every morning…. Only got anywhere ever because of her looks (was absolute shite as a singer!) and should be happy that she hooked a rich footballer… But apparently having a rich husband and living in luxury in a mansion ‘is not enough’ for this daft mare… She’s left her old man to ‘follow her dream’… ie: be yet another fame and publicity hungry tart…. Louise has also said she’s jealous of Jamie Redknapp’s success… Never been a fan of the bloke, but at least he could play football a bit…. She can’t sing, can’t act, can’t dance, doesn’t look as good as she did 20 years ago…. Cunt…

    • Norman she has the prerequisite requirements to be a success!!
      Cant sing…. check
      Can’t dance…. ditto
      As far as I know doesn’t have the writing ability of Lennon/ mc cartney??
      Has absolutely no personality!!
      Can’t act ??
      And is past her sell by date on the looks front……..
      Don’t be surprised to see her turn up on Britains got ( absolutely no) talent!! And win it…. 😂

      • As a footnote to her ” following her dream ” I used to want to be an astronaut? When I retired at 50 did I hop on a plane to Washington DC and turn up at NASA?
        Did I boldly tell them that although I had no experience in flying rockets and general space travel I would be an ideal cadet?
        Of course I didn’t!! And if I had I’m sure I would have been told politely to “FUCK OFF” …..
        That’s why they are called dreams ………

      • I wanted to follow my dream when I was a lad… It involved playing for Man United with Hill, Coppell, Greenhoff (J) and Pearson… Then there was joining The Stranglers, being one of CI5 (The Professionals) and shagging Olivia Newton John and/or Kate Bush…. This Louise trollop really needs to get a grip on reality…

          • Do we really need female astronauts…?

            Surely outer space doesn’t need cleaning just yet….

          • Don’t worry JRC there’s no need to reverse park in space so it’s fine for them to fly……😂

          • Selfish, up her own rectum, silly bitch.

            I feel sorry for her young kids whose lives she will summarily fuck up in pursuit of her wet dream.

            Louise NURDing.

            Cuntbag D’or.

          • Also I would have willingly splashed a hot load up and on her 20 years ago. She is well past her prime now, despite what she might think.

            Talking of things space, I suppose I would now need a fucking time machine.

            Ho ho ho!

          • …or as the story goes .. three monkeys and a woman in the spacecraft … Ground control on the intercom says .. Monkey No 1.. press button A and B, monkey No2 .. press buttons C and D … monkey No3 .. press buttons E and F …
            Woman …touch fuck all .. just feed the monkeys !

  13. I am really proud that my car is an embarrassment to the street. It’s totally beat up, the back is caved in and I haven’t cleaned it in years. I could park it in the driveway but I prefer leaving it on the street as a sort of fashion statement.

  14. Excellent Cunting
    Had a mate onto me seeing if he can borrow 8.5k to get him out of his PCP as it’s come to the end….. But oh no his wife won’t settle to own the shitty 3 year old bmw 1 series …… She want to set sail on some new crazy idea of a 22k new nissan that looks like a 4×4. But is only 2 wheel drive or some Bollox
    So I had great pleasure in fucking off the grabbing bitch…. By saying I would happily lend him the money UNTIL he had finance in place to to purchase said BMW…. But no not good enough .. Marmalade Adams must have a new car…… So I told the cunt straight
    You can’t afford to pay for a 3 year old car ..????? So no way would I lend them money to just play on up man ship with the cunts they hang around with….
    And as I drive a 20 year old saab 9000 aero worth a few thousand more than I paid 6 years ago …. Get fucked you stupid cunt
    And that’s why I have the money and you don’t you feckless irresponsible cunt

  15. I’ve had a few new cars in my time and within a couple of weeks the novelty has worn off and it’s just a fucking car. I realised a few years back what an utter utter waste of money they are. My fucking neighbour’s a snobby cunt. She gets a new car every 3 years and although she has a ‘personalised’ plate (a few fucking inititials) she leaves the new plate on for six months so every fucker can see it’s new then changes back to the personalised plate when the next one takes over. How fucking shallow can you get. WHAT A FUCKING CUNT.

    • Where I used to live there was a similar cunt. He had a BMW M5 convertible on lease. Kept in the garage with cover on it. At the weekend – provided the sun was shining – he’d get it out, lower the roof, and park it outside his converted grade II listed barn for people to admire for a couple of hours, then put out back in the garage.
      The fucking thing was so unreliable it spent more time in the dealers garage than his own. He bought a Mini Cooper to drive to work. You could tell what the weather was going to be that day by listening to the exhaust note when he went to work.
      So what did he do when the unreliable piece of shit came to the end of its lease. Silly cunt got another BMW M5 convertible!!!

      Another cunt I came across at work spent £38,000 on a brand new Jag. I’d just bought a three year old one for £11,000. I asked him why he bought a new one? He said he’d been in the Gulf for three years, earnt a lot of money and couldn’t think of anything else to spend it on!!

      A cunt and his money are soon parted…

  16. German cars don’t come with indicators either, I spend the majority of my days driving a 40 ton artic up and down the motorways and at least once a day somebody driving a BMW/Audi/Mercedes/VW cuts me up. I could be an arsehole and use the size of my vehicle to intimidate them but I need my license.

    • Mr CP , I used to do loads of motorway driving too, around 30,000 + miles a year and not only don’t German cars come with indicators they don’t appear to come with drivers who have any spatial awareness!! If I had a fucking pound for every cunt driving 10 feet off my tail at 70 mph I would be a damn sight richer!!
      Especially Rep Cunts in their 318 company cars!! Daft fuckers….

      • You can tell the rep BMW’s, they don’t have leather seats and they have the pathetic 4 cylinder engines that would pull yer skin back.in order to meet the P11D limits for company car tax.

        A 2 litre Mondeo or Vectra would have been a better choice with better refinements and power to overtake.

  17. You have to remember most of these cunts are now driving new cars that they don’t own,they are on PCP deals and these stupid fuckers havnt worked out that by the time you pay the deposit, maintenace, any repairs to be done before you give it back and the final bubble payment you would have been better off buying the fucking thing first place[they are so desperate for the neighbours to see a new car on the drive every 3 years that they are prepared to take in in the arse and they think no one realises….what pathetic cunts they deserve it…

    • PCP is a fucking rip off. They’ll get you on excess mileage or condition when the contract end and you’ll pay through the nose. Only a complete mug would signup for PCP.

      The dealers make a load of commission so they’ll give you a good price in exchange for a finance deal. The trick is to agree, get the car and then revoke the finance contract within the 14 days in which you can legally change your mind. That really pisses them off…

      Just make sure there’s no penalty clauses in the contract. Even if there is you have a legal right to change your mind and they can’t enforce the penalty.

  18. The biggest cunts on the road by far, are salesman that hang their jacket on a coat hanger in the back. In my shit career I’ve never met one of them who does it and isn’t a post graduate cunt.

    • Excellent cunting Thomas the Cunt Engine.

      My stupid cunt of a father ( who is about to turn 85 years old and so shouldn’t be on the road anyway ) has recently bought his sixth new Honda Jazz. His last one was just 3 years old, was immaculate and had about 15000 miles on it for fucks sake.
      I keep fucking telling him that:

      1/ His cars are always in brand new condition when he gets rid of them so why do it?
      2/ Every time he changes it some other cunt wins by buying a used
      car in new condition.
      3/ Every time he is paying 20% of the purchase price in VAT straight to the government.
      4/ He’s a cunt for spending my inheritance.
      5/ He’s too fucking old to be on the road.

  19. Old Cunts shouldn’t be allowed cars…new or old.
    Senile old twats dawdling about in their little motorised pisspots. The amount of times that I’ve had to drive right up the back of them and then blast my horn (it’s the same as the one Porky had in his car in the film).before the sightseeing coffin-dodgers move over and let me through is incredible. If I meet them coming towards me,I just hold my line in the hilux until the old bastards loose their nerve and take to the verge.
    The finest I ever had was an ancient old pair who I met on a single track road as I was shifting a combine. Prehistoric Darby and Joan were in their brand new Mini-Metro. They flashed their lights at me while waving that I should reverse to let them through ! Suprisingly enough,I didn’t. I switched all the lights on (it was used for contracting so was fitted to cut at night) Headlights,spotlights,hazard lights..the whole fucking lot. I also set the reel going on the cutter-head,revved the tits out of it and advanced towards my now early-heart attack prey. The old feller got the wind up and reversed straight into the ditch. I fucking nearly drove of the road myself,I was laughing that hard as their pisspot car sat with its headlight pointing straight towards the Heavens…signalling God that they were about to make a sudden,if overdue, appearance, I guess.

  20. Got to pity the admins of the deadpool.
    Another hoax death, this time Morgan Freeman.

    Maybe there’s some cunter who’s never won the deadpool trying to cheat? 🙂

    • Morgan Freeman…….. fuck I hate that cunt every film I watched him in he just sucks the life out of, I hate his annoying voice too just sounds like a obnoxious bellend

  21. Some one has to say it and everyones too scared to say it, so I’m just gonna say it then. The ladybeetles this year are disgusting I fucking killed close to 10,000 of the them this year. the little nasty cunts that they are flying into my face an shite. I swear this has something to do with the niribu apocalypse.

    The 5 most recent hurricanes, the thousand peaceful jihadi terror attacks in recent year, the weinstein scandal, new vegas massacre, political instability globally, the zionists and jihadi government promoted EU nonsense basically we are all going to die soon so enjoy while it last cunters. All this stuff is probably related niribu will kill us all I don’t mean to fear monger but its true its happening

    You punters remember the ladybug I nursed during last winter? yeah just thought it was weird in contrast to recent events no one here probably remembers it but I kept a bi-weekly diary of it here on IsAC

  22. It’s to be hoped that Petra Ecclestone hasn’t lost all of her money in her divorce. There’s no way that I’m letting her move in with me if she’s skint. She can fuck right off.

    • She seems like hard work DF, could you hack the champagne lifestyle of flitting between South of France and the Caribbean?

      • I’m more frightened that her father wants to come to visit. Dwarfs seem to dislike me for some reason. I like them,I’ve even written to the BBC about there not being enough PORGS in their programmes. I suggested a Dwarf-chucking competition straight after Goal of the Month. That little Cunt Warwick Davis could be the first participant….Might be able to get Ben Stokes to host it,he’s always up for a giggle.

  23. Come to this thread late. As I was on the bastard road for 6hrs!

    To me a car is a tool just like a hammer or screwdriver – it’s serves a purpose to enable me to do my job.

    As someone who has driven one and half times to the moon and back, if I never had to drive again I’d be over the moon!

    As noted above by other cunters I too quite easily have the shittest car in my street and certainly where I park at work.

    The difference is that my car is paid for, costs fuck all in tax, gives me 50mpg combined, has an 18,500 mile service interval (which costs the princely sum of £180 for a full service at a manufacturers garage), can replace all 4 corners for the cost of a single tyre on breemers, etc., and – touch wood – is reliable.

    I maintain that the best car in the world is the one that gets you from A to B and back again in the least amount of hassle.

    I never buy new, I always manage to drop on a really low mileage raspberry mobile (i.e. mobility car, mostly for cunts who aren’t actually raspberries) which is 3yrs old, has a full service history and has between 5 and 12 thou’ on the clock.

    And then I drive the cunt into the dust – purely because I work for myself and I’m on the road more than the tarmac.

    I was asked once asked what car I’d buy if I won the Euro Millions (expecting a Lambo or Veron or some shite like that) my answer was a Mercedes Maybach – not to drive – but so I could pay some cunt to drive me and 4 mates to any fucking golf course of our choosing. Play, get slammed, stay over (maybe), play again, come home. Repeat.

    Which is why, with all his fucking money, Wayne Rooney is a cunt of such idiotic proportions!

    He could afford 3 Parkers to be on standby 24/7 to take him where the fuck he liked, with who the fuck he liked, to get as pissed as much as he liked and with zero consequences (unless Colleen found out, which she has, but even that bit of scouse rough knows which side her bread is buttered).

    PCP is for cunts who want a fancy car on the driveway for show but who don’t dare use it for fear of the draconian penalties imposed on them for even the slightest of agreement infringements.

    You’ll see cunts with BMW 4-5-6 series, Audit A6/A8s, Merc E and S classes. All washed religiously on Sunday afternoon and which do fuck all miles a week, all on PCP.

    You know the cunts with the real money to fork out for cars like that Vs the pretenders because all pretenders all have a Kia Picanto, Suzuki Ignis, or Seat Arosa (or some such cheapo pips-queak shite) parked next to them, and then ask yourself this: whenever you see the cunts out and about, what car are they in? The BMercAudis or the pip-squeak? Then ask yourself when have you *ever* seen them in the BMercAudis? If it’s more than once (when they drove it home) I’d be amazed!

    PCP is the RyanAir of car financing – they give you a tiny face value price and then charge you double for everything, and twice! Fucking cunts!

    But only half the cunt of those who agree to the loaded deal in the first place! Cunts!

  24. Ah – new cars! You see tossers driving round in their 67 plates thinking they look cool. Well you don’t and your ten-a-penny PCPmobile now impresses no-one. Any new-car kudos and prestige has long-since gone – I sneer at them. And just think, with the 18 plate on the horizon your 67 will be so yesterday. You’ve still got another say 30 months of your payment plan to go on a car you’ll never own. But you’re also beginning to realize that your car is a bloated, ugly boring piece of shit that you regret ever laying eyes on. Never mind, it’s full of gadgets and kit that you probably don’t fully understand to help those months fly by. The worst are all those wannabes that have finally got the Audi/BMW/Benz bling machine of their dreams. Yes – the drug dealers’/spivs’/crooks’/thugs’ vehicles of choice. Good luck with those. Notice those women in their Audi Q-somethings? They all look so miserable, the Audi doesn’t make up for whatever else they’re lacking. I’ve got two cars – one a 12 years old MG and the other tiny 7 years old Fiat. People can think whatever they want. I don’t care – because they’re wrong.

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