Kids on planes


May I just take this opportunity to say a heartfelt ‘Fuck you’! To the stupid selfish shit-cunt with the obviously sick two year old on the early morning flight to Copenhagen two weeks back.

Not only did your horrible spaz-faced little shit spend the entire journey coughing in my direction and blowing snot bubbles, but you also decided to take it for a walk through the cabin to ensure that everyone else got a dose of particularly virulent flu.

I would love to find out who you are and where you fucking live so that I can send my solicitor around and sue you for the lost earnings while I was shivering, sweating and honking up in bed for two days.

I am sure that everyone else on that flight would also like a bit of that action too.

Seriously, what kind of retarded, selfish fuckwit takes a sick and contagious kid into a confined space where everyone is going to get a dose of whatever the fuck that was.
You madam are a cunt of the highest order.

I hope you go blind and your child is a mongey. You cunt.

Nominated by: Odins Balls

19 thoughts on “Kids on planes

  1. Quite right! The air on planes is toxic: since smoking was stopped the airlines save a shitload of fuel by recirculating the stale air with only a small amount of fresh air added. They had to replace ALL the smoky air: now it’s nearly 90% recirculated because it takes a lot of fuel to heat fresh cold air from -40C. CO2 levels are allowed to rise, which gives you headaches, cause DVTs and suppresses the immune system. The stale recirculated air ensures everyone on board is exposed to cold & flu viruses, plus bacterial infections like TB.
    I would pay extra to avoid (a) snotty little shits as described above & (b) stale infectious air. Perhaps some airline will offer decent child-free flights soon, then I might fly again.

    • I blame the parents…got stuck behind a “mummy” with her two sperm of Satan on a 3 1/2 hour flight back to UK.

      Kid misbehaves…
      Whining, petulant voice, from mummy…”Please don’t do that, Oliver, mummy doesn’t like it” Oddly enough, I don’t either, but other passengers are obv not on this girl’s radar.
      Kid carries on wanking about, its female sibling decides to join in, about 3 octaves higher up…
      “You’re giving me a headache. Daddy won’t be very pleased”

      Nor was I. Had I been able to get their address, they’d have had a long-overdue visit from King Herod’s Child Control & Forced Sterility Operatives.

      Family of cunts.

      • Wish I had known it was fucking half term the other day when we had a quiet weekend away for our wedding anniversary. I don’t know what is more annoying, the bastard kids or their useless parents, continuously and pointlessly trying to reason with the rampant little twats. If your cunts can’t behave, don’t make the rest of the world suffer, stay at home, you thoughtless spunkers.

      • Until you are the poor person that had to endure that cunt Alan Davies. On a qantas plane, FIRST class he let his kids run like mad in the cabin. And told the crew and a passenger to fuck off when they tried to shut the cunts up. Sadly it does not shut off at economy. It may lessen the odds but once you come up trumps there is an even higher cunt factor.

        • Alan davies is a 24 carat “look at my lovely barnet” smug grinning unfunny cunt.Why couldn’t he have been on mh370.Now ive read that I I hate the fucker even more.

  2. What about kids in restaurants?

    Or rather the cuntish parents who take them and spoil everyone else’s lunch…

    • kids in restaurants ? it depends how they are cooked- chinese crispy toddler or Singapore style infant are ok but you don’t see those meals as often any more sadly.
      as for kids on planes-I think that’s a good idea- as if there is ever a piercing of the fuselage skin – the kids being smaller and lighter get sucked up first and block the hole perfectly -so its always a good idea to have a couple of kids on every flight just in case some arab or Russian takes a pot shot at the plane .
      another great use for kids is feeding large pet pythons and boa’s and they also come in handy for cleaning chimneys .

  3. Kids in restaurants are annoying. I worked for years in catering and often had kids just about under my feet while I carried great steaming bowls of soup or other sizzling hot dishes to tables. The absolute worst though were those kids old enough to understand that their parents might tip a waiter or waitress by leaving, for example, a crisp fiver under the sugar bowl. The snotty, little brats would linger back slightly as the family rose to leave and collar the currency. Bloody annoying!

  4. You can take maniac kids on a plane who can make the journey a living hell for everyone on a long distance flight but try and get on with a Stanley knife and you cause a shit storm.

  5. England fans are cunts, don’t want to steal the other fellow cunter’s thunder who mentioned this before but they’ve been bopping about the continent living off the reputation of actual hard-nuts from the 80s and 90s for far too long. Now the ruski’s have had a little pop back, their absolutely bricking it. Bit pathetic singing your songs about “England til you die” when your hurdling over chair rows. Too many plastic hardnuts in England these days, no wonder the immigrants are taking over.

    Obviously the fact the ruski’s were wearing masks and gum shields makes all the difference (yawn). Defend yourselves instead of running away like a bunch of cowardly pussies. Worst part is as soon as the French police came they turned and started opening their arms and singing again. Heard one England fan literally pissed himself when the Russians ran at them. I’d rather have real hooligans than these bunch of spineless pricks, disgrace to the lions.

  6. Cristiano Ronaldo deserves a cunting for this petulant outburst:

    What an arrogant, entitled tosspot; maybe the real story is you and your overrated team failing to beat a bunch of fishermen from a country with a population the size of Coventry.

    Fuck off Ronaldo you narcissistic, micrococked gaylord. I hope Iceland win the Euros.

    PS – anyone know where I can buy an Icelandic goalie’s shirt; best kit of the tournament so far. Reminded me of Melchester Rovers c.1977.

    • all footballers are horrid overpaid arseholes.The reason ive no time for the game now.I was on the m6 in Cheshire and some great fuck off black Bentley was tailgating me with lights flashing bet that was a footballer cunt.If I was world dictator theyed be on £10 per hour tops.Ford Capri and a semi if theyre lucky.Footballers used to be more gentlemanly until that Murdoch cunt rained the entire worlds gdp onto the game.Brian clough would have sorted these farrari crashing rapist arrogant shit bags out.Then you could go watch a premier league for a fiver instead of having to take out a second mortgage.When I was a kid in the sixtys you could watch Burnley play at Turf moor for 5 or ten bob.A working mans weekend,now the twats that go are estate agents and accountants etc for fuck sake.

  7. Having shipped the family pooch round the world a few times, we have a “dog crate” this means he travels in the hold and farts and whines to his hearts content without upsetting other passingers.
    why dont they provide child crates?

    • Precisely right, my Lord. If parents cannot absolutely guarantee the good behaviour of their vermin offspring, then they should not be allowed to board the plane. If their brats act up, then the parents should be fined – heavily – for every incident which causes a disturbance and the proceeds distributed to those affected. The risk of having your savings wiped out and your house repossessed might make ignorant trash parents think twice about inflicting their bastard kids on the rest of us. Cunts!

  8. Oooh my pet hate,came back from Turkey about a month ago and me and the other half contracted a flu from hell,im still struggling to shake the cough off to this day,I detest kids on planes and kids in my vicinity generally tbh,my worst flight was 4 hours returning from Lanzarote,a brat screaming near on the full four hours plus a phantom farter doing eggy ones every 10 minutes,the trolly dolly had to use a can of air freshener so bad was it.
    Me and the girlfriend have recently started camping but we will only consider adult only sites and were mindful when we go for pub meals too,wel avoid the brat factorys,its like eating in a zoo….loved my Turkey holiday but I hate flying now…..

  9. “I’ve had kids, therefore you must put up with them”. Pretty much sums this up. Cunts.

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