Wine bores


Wine bores. They should clone Vlad the Impaler just for wine bores. One of my mates encountered a wine bore at a posh party a couple of years back. Apparently, even the host hated the twat, but apparently the host wanted to build an extension to their house, and the wine bore was on the planning committee.

He did the all the wine tasting shit that you see the likes of real experts like Jilly Goolden and Oz Clarke doing. And he was all;

‘yeeeessss….I’m getting hints of oak, cloaked in elderberry, with a hint of cinnamon”.

He then turned to my mate, who was always a straight talking bloke, and asked;

“What are you getting”?

My mate smiled at him and replied;


Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

15 thoughts on “Wine bores

  1. Talking of getting pissed, I hope all you kind people will support my new charity GAMP, get a muslim pissed, £5 would pay for enough cheap booze to get a muslim pissed, £150 could keep a muslim pissed for a week, he wouldn’t be able to pronounce jihad or be capable of raping a young white girl. Please give generously just text GAMP and get a muslim pissed. Thank you.

  2. I’ve never got wine tasting, just neck the fucking stuff. We are, or should be, a nation of ale drinkers but even that has been hijacked by the bearded sandal (and socks) wearing Camra bores who give out tasting notes to session drinkers. It gets worse now with beer recommendations to go with food – that’s old hat ‘reimagined’ as a lot of us discovered decades ago that the perfect accompaniment to a madras is a firkin of best bitter and a bathtub full of lager.
    I’m all for craft breweries but I wish they’d shut the fuck up and just make it.

  3. This reminds me of wine cunt extraordinaire Olly-something-or-other (Smith I think), regular contributor to some shite BBC weekend cooking programme. Poncy, pretentious irritating twat, swirling the stuff round in his glass then an exaggerated sniff! Eventually the cunt sips the stuff… It’s just fucking wine, you cunt! It’s the same sort of thing as those people who have a hundred different kinds of knife and fork on the table, pointless “etiquette” designed to make the plebs feel inferior. I like wine, but I either like it or don’t like it, I’ve never got a note of fucking bramble or leather, blah blah blah etc.

    • Olly fucktwat is a complete twat. If it’s not him it’s an emaciated turkey-necked bint annoying everyone in their local Waitrose. I wonder if they brown-envelope the Beeb in turns to get a plug.
      I notice the latest wheezes include, shock-horror, drinking white with red meat and having your reds slightly chilled. Golly gosh, what a bloody revelation. Most of shit they cook would be fine with any decent British sherry, anyone for an Emva Cream?

  4. I’m sure there are many people who drink wine simply because they imagine it makes them better than ale drinkers. Pathetic pretentious cunts.

    • I drink wine because it contains alcohol. And it’s made from grapes. Which, technically, is one of my five a day.

  5. Now, apparently, there are right and wrong glasses to server different wines in as I found out when I ‘got down’ the burgundy glasses and he was serving a hock?; as a seasoned CUNT I explained to mine host how “My fave is a Dandelion and burgundyhock with a scoop of Iceland’s budget vanilla ice cream float.


  6. I’ve written this just to show that Rickie the Troll really doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

    FYI, Rickie, these are the two ‘fictitious’ plugs ins you reckon I’ve not used and you reckon I’m bluffing you with :

    Like I said, you really are full of shit Mr Doubleday. What a pathetic little saddo you are.
    Does Barbara know what you get up to? Poor woman. Perhaps we should tell her?

    • I’m sure you have your reasons Dio but I don’t know why you’re giving the boring cunt the time of day forum-wise….BUT as you’re on the subject, in a list of dissolved companies Ms Barbara Helen Doubleday of the same address as Dick was born in 1944….which means the boring cunt either lives with his much older sister or still lives with his mother…either way as they’re from Norfolk…well you can probably guess the rest.

      I know you’ll be spitting feathers Dick…especially as i’ll never see your angry reply but as you chose to impersonate people here this is your reward 🙂

      • Oh and kudos on the new ‘How we do stuff’ feature, would of helped me out when I first joined but better late than never 😉

        Ps, couple of typos in it and a left out ‘cunt’ ‘ol boy.

  7. Why hasn’t Oz Clarke got his own page?! Surely he’s a big enough cunthole.
    Anyway Oz (Robin) Clarke is so hateable he’s been banned from the area of Champage!
    Watch the drink progs with James May or Hugh Dennis and you can tell they’re only doing it for the money and not the company of shit for brains Clarke.

    His only redeeming feature is he’s a real pisshead if his pisspool eyes and slurring is anthing to go by.

    A cunt I’d fuck right up with a punch in his wrinkled mush.

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