Craft beer


So called craft beer is a cunt. Or specifically American craft brewers are cunts who produce some of the most obnoxious filth I have ever tasted in my extensive beer swigging life. Some of it is just undrinkable, like it has everything turned up to 11.

So what if you know about strike temperatures and grist to liqour ratios and so what if you use only the most obscure 6 row barley specially imported from fuck knows where? It’s all a bit pointless if you can’t drink the fucking stuff. Jalapeno flavour beer? Coffee flavour beer? Pumpkin flavour beer? How about a beer flavour beer you fucking cunt? Or would that be too “traditional” for you, you bushy bearded base ball cap the wrong way round wearing tattooed cunt?

And why make it 7% ABV? For fucks sake, how are you supposed to swig a gallon of 7% beer? And they are not shy with it either, 10 dollars a pint. They even have the same shit in Bangkok only its even more expensive here as its over 8 quid a pint which is more than most Thais see in a week. Cunts.

Nominated by: Fat Rich

47 thoughts on “Craft beer

  1. I have to admit that I am very partial to Bitter, but bitter flavour bitter, we have a fantastic little micro pub in Dorking, no music, no games, no TV just beer! they specialise in micro brewery stuff, nice stuff and some weird shit too, but their own stuff is great and at “affordable” prices, which is handy as the legion is gone.
    I did go through a stage of flavoured beers, letting my wife have a sip and guessing what they were suposed to be, honey, bananna, peach ect, she was stumped on one though. I gave her the hint “choir boys?” she didnt get it but wont touch “Bishops finger” anymore.

    • Bishops finger, I remember that having ran a boozer 20 odd years back, it used to be commonly known as Nuns Delight in the trade.

    • So you have nothing negative to say about alcohol at all? I wish I could say the same my whole male side of the family has been plaqued by alcohol addiction. Some people can drink moderately but most can’t. My dad especially was a heavy drinker and it ruined his life and greatly affected my family’s. This song could have been written about him

      • I’m afraid that your story isn’t unique and as sad as that is that isn’t the alcohol’s fault. I drink too much, way too much at times by that is MY fault, the same as when someone shoots or stabs someone it isn’t the gun or the knife’s fault, you see where i’m going with this.

        In essence the problem is probably far more complicated than my reply, but that is my view on it.

        • I wasn’t saying my dad choices didn’t involve freewill on his part . He didn’t point and blame alcohol how silly would that be. He blamed himself more then the drink but to say alcohol in itself isn’t to blame because it isn’t a like-human thing is silly. Alcohol is more dangerous than heroin but heroin could be arguably be more fatal considering the dose. More social problems happens because of alcohol too examples fights, adultery or infidelity, child abuse, verbal and physical abuse,incest, neglect, car crashes, fatal accidents, breakups, and divorce but half of these social problems could also be attributed to heroin use too but less so. Personally I have never had a alcohol addiction or problem. If I do drink it is usually a glass or two of beer and wine or occasional brandy and mead is another favorite but I like to stay from the stronger spirits. I might drink 10 times in a year if that maybe less. I drank more when I was younger but still pretty tame. I actually enjoy pot or hash more the worse effects from it are munchies and lazyness I’ve never seen that many problems arise from marijuana.

          • Alcohol is a in most cases a legal depressant, it does contribute to social problems, however I can’t blame alcohol for the list of problems you provided but can blame the bad choices and lack of willpower by the people responsible.

            You like hash, no problem, if one day your family say oh well he was a weird cunt when he was smoking weed is that the hash’s fault or yours for choosing to smoke it?

          • Now your assuming my family has a problem with me smoking pot. They don’t you ill informed YOB. You seem to know very little bout the effects of pot it isn’t crack or something extreme like that it’s a very peaceful drug no weirdness I have seen occurs .
            Nobody I have seen smoke hash is ever weird it’s a mellow drug and I haven’t seen two pot smokers fight or break a joint over the others head but I have with alcohol. Just because alcohol is legal means nothing it still causes more problems then most drugs out there that’s a fact.
            I know how pro drinking most britons are (so I’m a minority then) and they use the same silly cunt excuse as you “you wouldn’t get mad at a inanimate object(alcohol) would yous now?”. And the whole willpower thing is shite! when you’re drunk you have little to no willpower.
            Just think if liverpool didn’t have alcohol it wouldn’t be such a utter thieving shithole with drunks and crack heads swarming about stealing left and right.

          • I didn’t think it would take long for you to start making the wrong assumptions about my replies, it’s what you do best and looks like a rhetorical question scenario is wasted on you. Here’s an idea regarding willpower, how about the people that have a problem when they’re drunk use some willpower and don’t drink in the first place, it’s not fucking rocket science.

            You are lecturing the wrong person on what the effects of weed/solid are too. As for ill informed a phrase you are using all to often considering the absurd comparisons you use skunk is causing major and rising mental health issues among users, doesn’t seem less harmful than alcohol to me. What we will end up with in the UK is a swarm of 20s/30s skunked out paranoid zombies

            And as you have run out of pertinent points to reply with you have started repeating yourself. You are out of your depth trying to debate sensibly and are much better spitting your dummy out and hurling insults which i’m guessing isn’t too far away.

            Now i’ll repeat myself one last time which was my point in the first place, alcohol isn’t the problem, it’s the thick as pigshit drinkers of it that can’t behave themselves after one or twenty too many and don’t have enough willpower to stop.

          • I won’t argue the toss about your opinion of liverpool though, it’s the most sensible thing you’ve replied with so far.

          • Regardless your of observation/rhetorical question it still had a assuming tone. As for skunk it is a super strain that I don’t care for. Smells too much and again ignorance on your part about users being zombies is bullshit this isn’t crack pot rarely causes paranoia in users beginner users sure (but rare) but not regular smokers. As for mental issues in skunk users , MSM hyped this claim up.
            “Despite media reports about an increase in psychosis or schizophrenia among users, scientists have found difficulty in proving a clear link between the two. Former government adviser Professor David Nutt wrote in 2009 that despite skunk being around for at least a decade, there had been no obvious rise in schizophrenia. In fact, he said, evidence shows psychosis and schizophrenia have been in decline among the British population, despite cannabis being used by a growing number of people over 30 years.”
            “(skunk) doesn’t seem less harmful than alcohol to me.” What type of old timers facts is this of course alcohol is more dangerous then pot, It’s fact. Moderate drinking could be just as safe but the potential for harm is greater.

          • ‘An assuming tone’, oh dear, it’s not often you’re right and you’re wrong again.

            ‘and again ignorance on your part about users being zombies is bullshit this isn’t crack pot rarely causes paranoia in users’

            This is where I should of stopped reading loooooool, here try this instead…

            ‘The largest study of the effects of the main ingredient of cannabis has shown definitively that it can cause short-term paranoia. The Oxford-led research also, for the first time, identifies psychological factors that can lead to feelings of paranoia in people who take cannabis.’

            Of course why would I listed to what a study by Oxford University has to say about definitive results in the largest study of it’s kind when I can read the desperate ramblings of someone so far out of his depth here he would put wellingtons on to walk across the River Nile.

            Using google to hunt for evidence to back up your claims is fine, but if you are going to quote Professor David Nutt (the clue is in his name) do try harder, he was dismissed and for similar nonsense you count as fact along with his comments about horse riding being more dangerous than ecstasy. Whilst I am of the opinion horse riding is just about as worthless as ecstasy and numerically statistic-wise Nutt may of had a point it was a poorly chosen one.

            I appreciate your effort but it is getting excruciatingly embarrassing, just because you smoke dope occasionally and have had no adverse effects up to now you are in no real position to cite what I reply as ignorance simply because you don’t like it and change the goalposts regarding skunk’s long term effects just because you don’t use it.

      • Have a(it drowned) childless woman and we are drinkey -smokey GOT ANY TIPS for the lost bricklayer a pub slut and the two bob millionaire

        • yup, lay off the sauce and post something readable.

          Here is my TIP section for the hard of thinking….The feel sorry for yourself blame it on alcohol pity party club is the easiest club to join in existence, you just need fuck all will power and a bucket load of excuses, still better than facing up to your real problems.

          If any of the above applies to anyone here feel free to thank me later, you’re welcome 🙂

          • Ah, if that is the case well spotted black and white cunt, trouble is for me the replies don’t always fall under the person they’re meant for so I get confused. So if that is the case I offer an unreserved apology to vermin cunt spotter….if that is the case of course, and I will also apologise to almost anyone else from scotland who was offended 😉

            My lack of willpower is arguing with anyone that is hard of thinking instead of not wasting my time, it is both a blessing and a curse….

        • You really need to go easy on the crack cocaine before you post you fucked up cunt.

          • Derp, sounds like another member full of insults and no will power, next you’ll be telling me you’re from scotland

          • Fuckin ell what is it with Pagliacci and Titslapper? You seem to argue about anything. Funny though. Pagliacci I think Vermin Cunt Spotter was talking to Brickbat. Makes me laugh when Cunters argue with each other.

          • Ah, if that is the case well spotted black and white cunt, trouble is for me the replies don’t always fall under the person they’re meant for so I get confused. So if that is the case I offer an unreserved apology to vermin cunt spotter….if that is the case of course, and I will also apologise to almost anyone else from scotland who was offended 😉

            My lack of willpower is arguing with anyone that is hard of thinking instead of not wasting my time, it is both a blessing and a curse….

        • P’s, I used to have willpower before I was raped by two men who also threatened my family and business. From that moment on life could never and will never be the same again. It took 3 years of extreme anxiety and panic attacks and agoraphobia for someone to decide I had post traumatic stress disorder. I’m not for one moment blaming alcohol for my addiction, it was MY choice, all I’m saying is nobody ever says “tonight Matthew, I want to be an alcoholic” whatever they say, no medication or councilling in the world will ever take away the flashbacks and nightmares. The odd glass of vino at bedtime gave some respite by helping me sleep and thus giving me peace for a few hours. The rest is history. All I’m saying is, don’t be so quick to judge, I also used to but now I know different. Do you really know what you may come up against in your life??????

          • How can I possibly comment on your terrible experience, I can’t.

            What I will say is my first reply included this for your’s and replies of people with reasons of their own,

            ‘In essence the problem is probably far more complicated than my reply, but that is my view on it.’

            I’m not judging, i’m stating my opinion on this subject.

          • That’s really terrible and you’ve got a lot of guts, Lou…

            A friend of mine was sexually abused by her own father (he’s dead now, the dirty bastard!) and she couldn’t get to sleep at night without having a whisky or two before bedtime… She sort of went a bit out there: superstition over numbers and symbols (houses, road signs, you name it) and she thought if she didn’t turn the light on and off a specific number of times somebody might die… It was a great shame, as she was a lovely kid.. There’s no doubt in my mind that her terrible experiences led her to drink and chronic OCD…

  2. I had a Guinness in Florida and it was fucking awful, it tasted like they’d poured a bag of sugar into it. The yanks fuck everything up.

  3. great cunting of the yanks,but I have to say its not just the beer that’s fucked now but also the pubs,now they are all open plan with no internal walls,no quiet corner to sit for 4 hours at a time,the same channel being played on 10 tellys,fucking kids everywhere and steaks that looks like shoe leather or curry that looks better on the way out than in and all this with unheard of beers made by pacifist veggie students the world is completely FUCKED, FUCKED I TELL YOU TRULY FUCKED and all we can look forward to is death by alco poisoning so we can donate our fucked body parts to some muslim illegal imigrent who can the machine gun a load of people,get banged up at our expence and then sue us when some one kicks his fucking teeth in the cunt……..FUUUUUUCKED

    • That doesn’t surprise me I knew this would happen and it’s all thanks to tony (buttboy) blair david (ham sandwich) hameron and barack hussein (muslim nigger clock boy) obama . The americans and it’s allies(uk,israel, germany) haven’t been arming “syrian rebels” they have been arming ISIS all along. Thats hard for some people to understand but the proof of the pudding is in the bloody eating. This whole war on terror has been carefully designed and promoted.

      • It sure has TS, and to what end? …. to retain the dominance of the green-back as reserve currency against both the Euro and strong BRICS.
        The MO has been the same for decades and you only have to listen to John Perkins to see how it all works and relate it to what has been going on in the world;
        I suspect the endgame is to set Europe alight and fight “The Reds” on a field far from the sunny shores of plenty. Sound familiar? … maybe because it was done once before.

  4. Riverhead Brewery, Marsden. Dog’s bollox. Two pints of: Sheepshaggers, and a half of dip and ne’er a yank to be seen; in fact, nothing but Marsdeners so fuck off Cunts. No; there’s always a warm welcome to them as brings their wallets.

    Yanks=Cunts. No subject required.

  5. Joey Holts bitter and Boddies when it was brewed at Strangeways… Lovely…

    I agree about all that flavoured beer crap…What’s all this pumpkin ale, raspberry flavoured lager and peach cider? Poofter drinks…

    The Yanks wouldn’t know a good beer if they drowned it it… They even nicked their most famous lager (Budweiser) off the Czechs (Budvar)….

  6. Samuel Smiths pubs are usually twat free.

    Personally, I like their Alpine lager. It’s only a couple of percent and refreshing, instead of sticky on a hot summer night.
    Cheap too, when is the last time you bought three pints in London and got change from a tenner?

  7. Just making some 20% stout for Xmas (40 pints).

    I’m making it out of cheap but mostly wholesome shit:

    1 economy beer kit (stout – all natural ingredients) £7.50
    1kg bag demerara sugar £1.88
    1 tin black treacle £1.15
    cheap white sugar (to bring it to 21% on hydrometer) (45p per kg) £1.80
    assorted spices (ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon etc.) 50p worth
    1 bottle of alcohol-free mulled wine £1.59 (was on offer)
    5 x 2kg bottles of cheap cola (17p bottle) 85p
    Tap water to bring it to 40 pints (1p worth)
    Vanilla essence 50p worth
    Lemon juice 25p worth
    Lime juice 25p worth
    Turbo yeast (20% in 5 days) £3.15

    £19.43 in total

    It’s already up to 15% after 48 hours (brewing @ 28 degrees C) and smells quite festive. There will be some artificial sweetener from the cola – but I wanted a sweet brew that is not fattening.

    Anything is better than the dirty shit the unholy cunts in supermarkets pass off as beer these days. and the cost of beer these days is ridiculous.

    The evil filthy pedophiles, war criminals, child-killers, rapists, liars, thieves, and all-round corrupt sewage from hell in parliament, thieve 50p a pint from retail beer sales. Then the subhuman Satanic filth cunt MPs in parliament use the money they have thieved off beer drinkers to buy knives to stick up kids arse holes they have just tortured, to kill them when they are sodomizing babies to death.

    • I have a wonderful recipie.
      turbo yeast.
      wait 7 days
      filter and clarifie wash.
      chuck it in a 25l reflux still
      distil, filter through carbon.dilute. raid local hedges for any form of fruit chuck it in a bucket and pour spirit over it, wait, filter, thicken with sugar or glucose.
      drink it and get pissed!

  8. Manchester United FC – The knobheads that run it – are cunts…
    These bastards have put out a letter to longstanding fans like myself which says that any failure to attend Europa League games will result in a failure to get tickets for away fixtures and affect applications for cup finals…

    “Affect applications for Cup finals”? What about “Limit entrance to Narnia” or “Not being allowed to shag Katy Perry” or “Restrict time travel”?

    Get to fuck, you Glazer cocksucking cunts…

  9. I like a Beer now and again but it’s got to be real Beer. More of a Spirits man myself, can’t beat Rum, although I have got into Gin a lot. Only problem with getting pissed is you sometimes end up getting on the white stuff and then you up all night. It’s horrible when you’ve been up all night, heads twisted then you hear people going to work etc. I start thinking ‘I wish I was feeling normal like them cunts’.

  10. Bolton Wanderers are fucking cunts…

    These deluded, self important, pig ignorant cunts are really in the shit…
    It couldn’t happen to a nicer set of fans… Sheepshagging, six fingered, nylon shirt wearing, ‘Is me brother me dad?’ ferret fancying, windowlicking,tripe eating, Munich chanting cunts that they are…

    • Oh well… With Bolton Wanderers down the crapper, that’s Fabrice Muamba’s job for life gone for the toss… Still, never mind… He might get another griefjacking fest… Even though he still isn’t actually dead…

  11. “HOLSTEN EDEL GHET DIREKT IM SCHADEL” after work bottle beer with a glowing tabend and go home and kiss the wife who takes the pay packet .

  12. Anything from America I stay well clear of, especially wheat and grain products.

    Those Monsanto cunts and their frankenfood are fucking everywhere, intent on turning the entire country/world into retarded mutants. Oh wait…..

    Beer does NOT require high fructose corn syrup, you sepo cunts!!!

  13. On a lighter note, and provided it doesn’t give me another facking bout of gout, a pint of good ole craft beer or six is just what a chap/ess needs to wash down some of those rather unusual crisps… “North Patagonian Knob-Cheese and Spring Onions lovingly macerated in Horse-Piss Vinegar” or, perhaps, fancy “Earwax and Crab(s)”, anyone…

    And a jolly rhyme for the up-coming season of cuntwill…

    “A man who drank gallons of port
    got through more pairs of pants than he ought
    Growling “This towelling
    my bowelling keeps fouling
    is useless when I get caught short”

    The old ones are the best!!

  14. Kylie Minogue (I still fucking would!) was apparently on Desert Island Discs, talking about Michael Hutchence…

    With that in mind, I think it is now time to say that Michael Hutchence was a philandering, coked up, obnoxious, tuneless, strangle-wanking cunt…

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