The wife’s birthday

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A woman’s birthday is one of the most harrowing days of “can i help you” cunts “no only looking” and the eye contact with a tart with a heart at the scent shop wearing the uniform and are like flies on shit “can i recommend” and “she will like this” 75 euros a bottle of sling your hook CUNTS

Flower shop cunts are greedy bastards tie up a bunch and demand a small fortune for a nip over the fence and take your own

At least in a sex shop you are not pestered by dolly buster or gina wild CUNTS

Nominated by: Brickbat

10 thoughts on “The wife’s birthday

  1. Don’t worry Brickbat. While I was bouncing around th’t00b I ended up in the “How the fuck did I get here” corner and happened upon the best ever missed the wife’s birthday last minute shopping site:

    https://plus.google.com/u/0/+WorldluxurynewsOrg365/posts/J98mfUmJo1N

    Now there’s a huge pile of things and people that want Cunting, but by the fuck this is through the top and into an orbit of its own. Still, I suppose it keeps the plebs employed making playthings for the 1%ers. Special offer this week: Free lion shoot with every luxury yacht. I think I’ll have cake for tea.

       2 likes

    • hamburg and blohm & voss
      Airbus
      And the british arrogant cunts what work for them Two bob millionaires and as thick as shit and with estuary accents
      And the cream of the crop outfit are very down to earth men and are freindly and speak with a british dialect

         1 likes

  2. I forgot the wifes birthday once and had to improvise fast, way back in 1998, I still get fucking reminded about it every time we have an argument.
    I forgot to get milk at the shop, I get reminded about it, I forgot to renew the car insurance, I get reminded about it.
    I forgot to record Eastenders, I get reminded about (even though it’s on fucking iPlayer and repeated on BBC3)

    I ask you, what’s wrong with a bunch of petrol station wilted flowers, a box of Milk Tray and a copy of ‘Readers Wives – Anal Edition’?
    Ungrateful cunt, that lot cost me £15!

       5 likes

  3. Welcome to my world. It’s herself’s birthday this Tuesday.
    No worries – all of tomorrow to think of something, nip down the shops.
    What could possibly go wrong?

    This afternoon she told me that she’s booked the day off from work “so that you can surprise me”
    I’m fucked. And not in that way.

       3 likes

    • The only way I can figure to get you out of this mess is to get her a contract hit man; if you get on the dark net now it should all be in place by morning. Get yourself a Cilla look-e-like and just before the bang: “Surprise, surprise!” Unless you actually like her then you’re on your own.

         0 likes

  4. I have the perfect surprise, tell her to go out for the morning and come back about 2pm so you can arrange her surprise.
    Then have it away on your toes to Spain for 2 weeks on the piss with your mates 🙂

       4 likes

  5. I didnt forget, I bought her oven gloves, fucking expensive ones I might add!
    she picked up the packet gave it a squeeze, looked at me and said “should I open this in front of everyone?”
    I thought WTF, yes of course.
    she opened it, her family said they were realy nice ect, behind closed doors I have never heard the end of it!
    Mind you my brother bought his wife Body mass scales! she burst into teers, initialy belived to be of joy but aparantly not.
    Mum topped that two years later buy offering to pay for a gastric band for her!

       4 likes

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