Slugs and snails

Slugs

Slugs…and snails too… are right proper cunts.

Fuckers chomped their way through two of my courgette plants last night.

Donโ€™t even get me started on ants.

Nominated by: Fleaboy

Slugs and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That’s what little boys are made of !
“Sugar and spice and all things nice
That’s what little girls are made of!”

Corbyn and Harman come to mind. One right out of two ain’t bad…

Nominated by: Dioclese

14 thoughts on “Slugs and snails

  1. How many years has that fucking Twix advert been on the telly? It’s driving me nuts.

  2. To be perfectly honest, growing courgettes makes you a bit of a cunt old man.

    • There is nothing wrong with growing your own buttplugs ๐Ÿ˜€
      I heard a rumour that Graham Norton is green-fingered and his marrows have to be seen to be believed, but for some reason they all appear to be covered in a brown residue which smells incredibly like shit

  3. Squirty bottle full of salty water or a bug-a-salt.

    You can hear their screams while they writhe in their own slime.

    Thats slugs by the way. Not Twix or Paul Boateng.

    • I had hoped Corbyn and Harman

      A bit of salt on Harman , I bet she would leave a “snail trail”

  4. Alexei Sorokin is a cunt… He told the media that Sepp Blatts was “a very brave person”…
    Sorokin said, “Unfortunately he (Blatter) decided to take up responsibility himself for certain things which are not within his responsibility….” So the President of FIFA has suddenly never been in charge? Bollocks…

    “He has always been a friend of our country,” said Sorokin….
    Well he would say that… The corrupt Ivan cunt…
    Well, he would say that

  5. perfect discription! pull a snail of anything and watch as it retracts into its abode and you get a rough idea what mo molans girly bits look like.
    Your right they are little cunts.

  6. After reading the above comment I would like to nominate:

    People who fail to comprehend the correct use of contractions

    YOU’RE & THEY’RE being the most common, but also the misuse of THEIR, THERE & THEY’RE and of course the incorrect use of YOUR & YOU’RE

    You would think in 2015 when 99% of Internet enabled devices contain a spell checker this would no longer be an issue, But everyday on a forum/website or blog you see posted in the comments:

    “Your a fucking idiot”

    To which I usually reply:

    “THEY’RE a fucking idiot, but YOU’RE a fucking imbecile!”

    • CORRECTION

      “THEYโ€™RE fucking idiots” not “THEYโ€™RE a fucking idiot”

      Imbecile!

  7. You’re a fucking imbecile, how can they be “idiots” when I am replying and referring to a single comment?

    I rest my case!

    • I know what you mean. Don’t get your knickers in a twist! – It was merely a wisecrack about the grammer used.

      “They” is used to refer to people in general. i.e. “They’re” blogger idiots (PLURAL)

      “You” is used to refer to a specified person. i.e. “You’re a blogger idiot. (SINGULAR)

  8. I hardly have my knickers in a twist, I rarely wear them anymore as they spend so much time around my ankles it seems going ‘commando’ is a better option, my feet do get cold now though when I am being buggered by the wheelie-bins out the back of Ritzys every weekend ๐Ÿ™‚

    But to get back to the point:

    I was referring to the comment with my reply.

    The comment I made-up was about a blog post where someone is trolling saying

    “your a fucking idiot”

    I replied to this imaginary post by using the correct grammar, I was citing the original comment that inspired the “your a fucking idiot” reply, in this case I am correct to say

    “they’re a fucking idiot” – citing the person which inspired the “your a fucking idiot” comment
    “but you’re a fucking imbecile” – citing the person who made the “your a fucking idiot” comment

    Grammatically correct, and you know that ๐Ÿ˜€

    Now fuck off you cunt, I have cocks to suck and bills to pay! ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

  9. I know other types of slugs… those type that chomp away at our wage packets, also known as “tax”.

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