Birders

Mission, Texas - birdwatching (exposure & crop)_resize

Why do birders have cameras with such massive lenses? Is because they have small dicks? Probably…

Just spent two weeks in the Russian Far East with a group containing several twitchers. Picture it: There we are floating in a little rubber boat of the coast of Kamchatka watching brown bears on the shoreline. Cameras are clicking away furiously. Suddenly the bloke at the front of the boat swings his 500mm penis substitute around nearly knocking me out of the boat. Fuck the bears! He’s spotted a seagull and simply has to have as photo to prove it.

A few days later we are floating around in a little rubber boat with a driver who’s a bird expert. We are admiring sea lions. We’re in the wrong boat. The driver decides to hair off downstream to find some birds. Do we see any? Not really. There’s apparently a reed warbler in the bushes in winter plumage – but you can’t quite see it from here!!!

Don’t get me wrong. I like birds. But some of these guys are just cunts!

Nominated by: Dioclese

13 thoughts on “Birders

  1. Birders? Tossing themselves orf over some mange ridden feathered fucker. In my day they were called Twitchers before the PC squad moved in. That deviant BBC cunt Bill Oddy is one. Name says it all.

  2. I see the Beckhams are at it again…. They’ve got a new TV show to tie in with The World Cup… It’s called “David Beckham – Into The Unknown”

    Into the unknown,eh? Well if it involves those two media whore cunts being jettisoned into outer space, then I will watch it. If not then they can sod off… Bloody hell, it’s been over ten years since he left United (backstabbing little fucker!). Yet he and his horrendous wife still fascinate and infest every corner of the media… Will they ever fuck off and leave us in peace?

      • I forgot about the blowpipes… Also if he’s got his awful missius in tow he won’t be able to do any visits to the Rio knocking shops….

  3. On the topic of Birders – What about their cousins the Ramblers?

    Walking a perfectly normal piece of ground using two ski poles and usually wearing a High Visibility Jacket. Why?

    • Don’t they wear crampons as well?

      I can’t stand cunts who go on walks or climbing in the winter, and some poor sod has to interrupt their Xmas and rescue the thoughtless cunts and put their own life at risk… Some daft twat has down a hole in January and its below freezing… Get a helicopter? Nah! Leave the stupid, inconsiderate cunts to rot…

      • Them and cyclists. Namely the cunts that get themselves run over by a HGV at a crossing and closes every road so you cant go anywhere. Sweep them aside leave the cunts there. They are so smart they can figure it out.

        Not to mention fucking the poor drivers day up answering his or her own mental health for the next 6 months. Which was fine until that cunt came along.

  4. Particularly hate suicide cunts that jump in front of trains and give those health and safety cunts in high viz tabards (what those slip over vest things they wear are called cunts) an excuse to close the line all day and not tell anyone the reason why.
    Why do they always chose the busiest time of day to take a dive? Inconsiderate cunts.

  5. In no particular order, glad to see the beckhams reduced to doing a “documentary” that is one step away from I’m a celebrity” and which is one closer to obscurity. Praise be!

    I do like birds, their diversity and ability to adapt and live alongside us, as well as using rudimentary tools is good. Some of them have even evolved to be sociable (except those asbo fucking pigeons and seagulls) and even develop vocal skills. However, I can’t think of a single reason why I would want to photograph them, and furthermore, I am happy to know no-one I would want to show those photos too.

    On ramblers, Janet straaaiit Poooorterrrr is or was the president of the ramblers association, or whatever they call themselves, so whatever gets her into the countryside, and away from cameras and microphones works for me. Ramble away.

    The official title is a Hi viz vest, but I have submitted a request to the Oxford dictionary for it to be called the Essex tuxedo, possibly

  6. For the essex dictionary definition, I have submitted “not the pyjamas, or string vest on a day off”. And for the leeds dictionary “shiny cloth thing”

Comments are closed.