I’ve long been fascinated by the weird and wonderful vagaries that we humans can display when it comes to sexual activity and the pursuit of bodily pleasure. It’s led me to put the occasional posting on here under the heading ‘Bizarre Sex’.

Long time cunters may possibly recall the case of the Aussie couple who were found guilty in court for indulging in acts of bestiality with erm, a trout. Then there was the cunt from oop north who was done for trapping a seagull and then shoving his dick down its throat in a grotesque attempt at oral satisfaction. Or how about the ‘gentleman’ of a certain persuasion jailed for fucking his chickens, and the French ancient who was taken to hospital with an unexploded WWI shell stuck up his ringpiece?

Here’s another good ‘Bizarre Sex’ entry, from Russia this time. A young woman went to hospital complaining vaguely of anal pain and spasms. The onset of some rare and nasty disease, perhaps? Well no, not exactly; the cause, in fact, was easily found and remedied, it being a fucking monster of a cucumber which her boyfriend explained had got stuck up her jacksy during a bout of ‘extreme lovemaking’. As these things do. It could happen to anybody.

The one part of this mystery which remained unexplained to the doctors was why the end of the cucumber had been eaten, the couple having subsequently quit the hospital fast without providing any enlightenment on the matter. Let’s think now; how and why might this possibly have happened…?

Personally I remain puzzled as to what drives people to such extremes when it comes to pushing objects up their arses. A nice chunky butt plug I can definitely relate to, as this can really increase gratification. But huge things which could inflict some severe damage on the organ in question, and then prove very difficult to remove if stuck, are another kettle of fish altogether, and legends abound of anything from vacuum cleaner attachments to gerbils having been utilsed at one time or another. I even once heard of a supposed porn video where some slaphead oiled his head and shoved it up his girlfriends arse, but I reckon that this is probably an urban legend (unless cunters know differently).

But back to the monster cucumber. Talk about reckless stupidity;

Jesus H, the staff in A and E departments everywhere must see some real eye-openers during the course of the working week, the daft twats involved here being a case in point. It really does take all sorts, as the old saying goes, especially when a bit of bum fun’s being hankered after.

Daily Star

Nominated by Ron Knee

are fucking stupid cunts.

Drug raid séx toy compensation.

Suffolk police have paid compensation to a lady after raiding her property and discovering her stash of rubber dicks decide to have a spot of fun..

Then rummaged through her knicker drawer.

The point of the raid was drugs related but they didn’t find any and ended up forking out £3,500 to the humiliated lady instead.

Has “compo culture” gone mad or are the police so hard up for recruits they have started employing 12 year olds?

What a riddle.

bbcnews

Nominated by Unkle Terry.

Now, I don’t know if I have just invented this name. But I want to nominate the crap that masquerades as popular music and pop stars in today’s world. I shall, of course, explain what I mean by the term Disney Pop.

The modern music industry is full of vacuous, manufactured and talentless cunts. Probably the worst musical period since the gruesome pre-Beatles ‘teen idol’ era of the 50s. Cunts like Fabian, Frankie Avalon and shite like that.

But, now it’s women, and not at all nice or talented ones either. The music is crap, that’s an absolute given. However, the horridness doesn’t stop there. These dressed up dolls get young kids (mainly young girls I should imagine) to buy their substandard shit by masking it as (wait for it) Disney Pop. But…. But what is Disney Pop?

Well, it involves some tart who cannot write, play or sing. Doing her empty headed routine and spouting made to order liberal woke misandrist crap to the media (always aimed at white men, obviously). Yet they still adopt and use the image of the female cliche that is the fairy princess or something similar. They all do it. Sabrina Carpenter, Ariana Grande, and the worst offender is Chappel Roan. Recently she ‘played’ the Reading Festival, with a ‘fairytale’ themed set. People like Roan act like they are politically minded and have a social conscience (which basically means hating and slagging off white men). Yet they will dress up as Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella to cynically get kids to buy their records and ‘merch’.

That cunt Emma Twatson is another one. OK, she is not a pop star. OK, she has no talent at all. But for all her woke bullshit and ‘feminist’ shite, she will cash in on the Disney princess thing to hoover up loads of cash. But – let’s face it – she can’t do anything else.

The point is these bints will spout their claptrap about ’empowerment’ and other such tripe. Yet they will use a well known and well worn female stereotype to get money and publicity when it suits them. What? Double standards? Surely not?

Needless to say, young ‘uns will lap this up, and I dare say a good few older idiots – wimmin and poofs alike – will also fall for this cynical rubbish. And, let me guess, the ‘villain’ in Roan’s fairy story set was a nasty white man?

bbcnews

Nominated by Norman.

In a party chock-full of quares, dykes, liars, hypocrites, Muslims and general half-witted incompetents, the Labour party are certainly not short of cunts, but amongst this heap of shits, one name is on everyone’s lips – it is not a very nice name – Angela Rayner, who must collect this weeks prize as top of the Labour scum pops.

Dirty Angie doesn’t like people to have second homes technically she already had two homes) – she has arranged that councils can apply extra council tax on them to discourage them. She doesn’t like “posh” people (though, with their own business, Steptoe & Son would probably be posh to her). However, it seems that Rayner has decided to join them, as she has bought herself an £800,000 “holiday” home in Hove in Sussex (Queenie Kyle’s constituency – no doubt he will mince round for Earl Gray and fairy cakes). The question remains, how many times did she have to drop her knickers and get on her back to pay for it?. She will be able to go on the beach and catch crabs, I can see Hove Special Clinic receiving many state visits from the old scrubber. It seems that she spends time there with her ex boyfriend Sam Tarry, the MP who got deselected from an East London constituency – perhaps they are planning the glorious revolution on the South coast, or perhaps she just wants a nice quiet place to entertain her clients. Who knows?, but the stink of hypocrisy almost equals the stench of Dame Kweer’s farts:

standard

N0minated by W C Boggs.

are cunts.

Britain has a new species of butterfly: the southern small white has continued its rapid colonisation of northern Europe allegedly by flying across the North Sea.

(Ringing any bells yet, cunters?)

Assisted by `global heating`, this fluttering insect has made rapid progress across Europe since it was first spotted north of the Alps in France and Germany in 2008. It reached the Netherlands in 2015 and was recorded near Calais four years later.

(That`s in France, cunters.)

“This is really exciting,” said Dr Dan Hoare, the director of nature recovery at Butterfly Conservation. “It’s always interesting when a new species turns up in the UK…”

Is it?

Well, Dr Whore, let me put it to you that it is yet another fucking immigrant – probably hitched a lift over here on the backs of the constant stream of the dinghy hordes.

And, like it`s simian counterparts, it will begin to infest our plantations & hard sweated-over allotments and lay it`s filthy eggs all over our green and pleasant land which in turn will hatch into ravenous juicy hairy caterpillars munching the fuck through our good clean English veg: Thence pupating and crystalizing into millions more of the unwanted fluttery bastards.

Repeat, ad infinitum.

Remember what happened to our oh-so-cute bushy red squirrels when the flea-infested `greys` demolished their way through our lush verdant forests?

And, they have already started to introduce beavers into Scotland – what could possibly go wrong?

Packham! Shield thy scrotum from the attack of the wild unkempt beaver. And I don`t mean that airhead Michaela (South African resident & BBC-funded air miles) Strachan.

bbcnews

Nominated by Sam Beau.