Coronoviral Shit


We all agree that it’s a bit of a cunt – even more so because it’s clogging up the site.

In future you can fill her boots here and if you post anywhere else then guess what? Yep, it’s binned.

3,638 thoughts on “Coronoviral Shit

  1. Well in an uncharacteristic show of concern the mrs and I decided it may be a good idea to look in on the nice old lady 3 doors up, she has no family or friends.
    My Mrs wrote out an area contact list of various support groups for her and I duly went down and posted it through her letter box.
    I knocked on little old lady’s door and she shouted through the window “Whose knocking on my door” I told her and I am hoping that she got me mixed up with the hoodlum upstairs with a similar name, because she slammed all the windows shut and told me to fuck right off.
    The only thing she didnt do was poke me with a broom stick through the letter box which strangely enough I was expecting the way things escalated so fast.
    I may pop a note through her letter box later tonight inviting her to join the site I think she would be well suited.

  2. Supermarket watch (as of Sunday 5th of April):

    Sainsbo’s everything in, including shit-rolls stuffed to the rafters. Hand soaps aplenty. Tinned stuff fine. More pasta than an explosion in a lasagne factory! Rice enough to feed the 3rd world.

    Lidl same.

    I hope all those bog roll hoarders feel like total cunts now. Not that they ever will because they didn’t realise that they were cunts in the first place, or probably just didn’t understand the English word “cunt”! Please feel to post the Urdu version here.

    Cunts!

  3. Not sure if this has been brought up elsewhere, but anyone remember the classic 1970s BBC drama, Survivors? Here’s the opening paragraph from the wiki page (I’m not making this up – link at the bottom of the post):

    Survivors is a British post-apocalyptic fiction drama television series created by Terry Nation and produced by Terence Dudley at the BBC, that broadcast from 1975 to 1977. It concerns the plight of a group of people who have survived an apocalyptic plague pandemic, which was accidentally released by a Chinese scientist and quickly spread across the world via air travel. Referred to as “The Death”, the plague kills approximately 4,999 out of every 5,000 human beings on the planet within a matter of weeks of being released.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Survivors_%281975_TV_series%29

    • Truth is indeed stranger than fiction. Good evening IY.
      Do you have an update from your area? I now officially recognise you as our US correspondent!

      • Morning Bert.
        Well, let’s see. Here in Harris County, some daft old cow judge has imposed a stay-at-home order and all non-essential businesses must close. A list of essential business types has been published (DIY, electronics, grocery stores, etc.), so if your company qualifies you’re allowed to continue trading but must impose social distancing rules. Seems fair enough except for 2 things.

        Firstly, the stupid bitch judge is allowing lawn crews to continue working, thus giving them “essential business” status. The actual wording is “landscaping”, but the illegal immigrant gring0s who run most of the lawn service companies around here have taken that to include them, even though they’re not really doing any landscaping as such.

        When they showed up close to my house a couple of weeks ago, I went fucking mental. I (wrongly) assumed they shouldn’t be working, so went out there and told them to fuck off. To their credit, they moved their truck several houses away from mine, but continued working regardless. Mrs Yank called it in to report them as stay-at-home violators and was told they’re classified as an essential business. We couldn’t believe it.

        What’s the big issue about some hardworking Hispanic folk earning a crust by cutting someone’s lawn, I hear you ask? Good question.
        1. I very much doubt all the gring0s who show up EVERY WEEK are in this country legally.
        2. It’s not one house they tend to. It’s 4, all around my house. So they’re not here for 10 to 15 minutes. They’re here for between an hour to an hour and a half.
        3. They use industrial sized mowers, the type you’d use to mow a football field, but they’re mowing front and back garden lawns the size of a fucking postage stamp. The noise is unbelievable.
        4. Then we have the strimmers and fucking leaf blowers adding to the noise which is deafening and goes on for more than an hour, every fucking Thursday. There’s not a room in my house where you can get away from the noise. So the enjoyment and peace and quiet of your own home is effectively dictated by a bunch of illegal immigrants and the lazy bastards who can’t be bothered to mow their own fucking grass or use a rake.

        I went looking for the official justification for giving these cunts a free pass. Then closest I got was ‘the maintenance and upkeep of the outside of residential properties is a sanitary and safety issue’. Hence, gring0 lawn crews are allowed to work. OK then, if that’s true then Harris County should have a county wide mandate that ALL residential properties have the outsides maintained to a certain standard. Of course, no such mandate exists, thus proving the official line of ‘sanitary and safety’ is in fact bullshit and a fucking joke.

        I’ll tell you what happened. When that bitch judge was making that decision, there was a gring0 in the room who stuck up for his brethren, knowing that if lawn/yard maintenance was suspended, his kind would mostly be affected. So the decision was racial. I’d bet my fucking house on that.

        The second thing will need to wait because I need to calm down. I fucking hate those cunts.

      • Sympathies IY, well they do like everything bigger, louder and better in the US. Following fine weather and the lockdown, every cunt has discovered they have green fingers and it is an orchestra of lawn mowers and jet washers. The jet washers washing pretty much anything that moves.

      • Hi there LL. Yep, we have the pressure washer brigade here too. It’s a matter of life and death if your driveway isn’t gleaming. The cunt next door did his a few months ago. Four and a half fucking hours I had to listen to that bastard machine. Then the cunt the other side of me decided one Sunday to pressure wash the brick walls at the front of its house. WHY? FFS!!!!

        There is something about the thick cunts around here. They get bored so need to do something which usually means it’s outside, involves some kind of machine and makes a fucking racket. It’s the ‘look at me look at me’ mentality. One starts, then the next one, then the next one and so on.

        Thick as pig shit, all of ’em.

      • Forgive me for being a cunt, but isn’t a gringo
        what Hispanics call a non-Hispanic and therefore not likely to be an illegal?

        yes, green grow the rushes oh. (and you will not be giving me one)

      • You might be right there Moggs. I’ve always referred to them as gringos because they’re foreign scum in my eyes.

        Technically speaking I’m a foreigner here too, but I’m here legally, pay my taxes, speak English and behave myself.

        well you are fucked, you thought that tax avoidance was clever, now we are being paid to stay at home with an NHS and you are not!

    • I do remember the opening titles and storyline but not any of the episodes. It was one of my first thoughts when this all kicked off.

    • A couple of years back I downloaded all 3 series of the original survivors drama. The first two were best.

      They did a remake a couple of years ago which needless to say lacked the punch and credibility of the original.

      In the same vein, The Last Train wasn’t bad either.

      All still available on Pirate Bay. Blocked in the UK but easy to access if you use a US proxy site. Not that I’m suggesting you do so of course…

      • Or pefhaps The Omega Man – the Charlton Heston original not the shite Will Smith remake.

        Or even 28 Days Later if you really want to shit yourself.

      • I’ remember the Last Train from when i was a teenager. I thought it was pretty good.
        Ive always enjoyed a bit of disaster porn, apart from zombies. I find them a bit unconvincing as a threat and not scary at all.

        There’s very little that will ever match Threads for bleakness. The softies who watch Netflix fodder can’t stomach more than two episodes of Black Mirror (seeries 4 is utter crap). It’s fucking Playschool compared to Threads.

  4. well I am afraid to say am on total lock down, not me but the Mrs is at risk I have not left the communal area for 7 days now.
    The Mrs is a WRVS first responder , or in layman’s terms a sympathetic ear on the phone, so if you are lonely or at risk it could be my Mrs you are talking too.
    When she signed up for this I did suggest that she might do better (Financially) on Dial a wank where she could be suggestive to some pour ugly cunt on lock down,( but let us face it never stood a chance anyway, unless Covid19 really kicks in and they are the last reproducing male).
    Any way she wont do it!
    Me well knock me down with a feather, after my stripping and stabilizing a wall feat I have gone on in leaps and bounds to sieve the raised bed.
    I have spent two days hand sieving 3 tons of earth, something that I would never have thought I would do, however the raised beds look lovely and we will plant them up, maybe to harvest or for animals or scavengers in the doomsday prophecy, ( thought I suspect we will enjoy them).
    Other news, Dominos has stopped it’s delivery service so I expect civil unrest and a drop in obesity localy, I think the chinky is still doing home delivery but has been boycotted for some unknown reason.
    And that is your Beirut update.
    Be safe

    • She sounds a lovely lady Benny – your Mrs. Hang on to her! You sound as though you’ve been busy. I suggest you plant up the beds like a cottage garden!

      • Thank you.
        You be strong too.
        As Tarzan said “it’s a jungle out there”

  5. One of my hobbies is doing online surveys. I made about £1,000 last year doing those.
    Yesterday i did a questionnaire on how the dreaded virus is effecting my life and my perception of other people and community.

    In a nutshell I said it brings out the worst in human nature, people are behaving like self obsessed me first selfish bastards and nobody give a fucking shit whether I live or die.

    Community? Not round this neck of the woods. Don’t make me fucking laugh…

  6. ‘people are behaving like self obsessed me first selfish bastards and nobody give a fucking shit whether I live or die.’

    Sounds like everyday life in Britain over the last 5 years.

  7. Does anybody find the phrasing re BoJo being in hospital curious? On the radio news this morning it said “he has the symptoms of coronavirus”. He’s been in hospital for days now and there are tests available. Does he have it or not?

    • Apparently all the independent labs including the universities wrote to the Home Orifice offering to start a large scale testing programme, Public Health England told them to Foxtrot Oscar as they were building a shiny new facility of their own. It will be operational in 15 years, cost a quadrillion pounds and be able to process 2 swabs a day with a 0.1% accuracy. In other news Dr Wu HanChu is selling Italy the PPE that Italy donated to them as a gesture of goodwill when it first kicked off. As some wag put it, fubarflu is like a black light in a roach motel room.

  8. I meant to do this when the story came out, but I’ve had a lot to do and I forgot. So I’m doing it now. Sam Smith and other ‘celebrities’ who have been on YouTube, Twitter, Instagram and all the other social media platforms, to tell us all to stay inside and inform us about their personal ‘battle’ with the old Charlie Chan’s revenge.

    Most, if not all of them have displayed a staggering lack of self awareness in their posts and videos. Smith has been one of the most pathetic, posting a whingeing video about how HE (I don’t believe in this non-binary bullshit, so I will NOT be using HIS preferred pronouns. Fuck that shit) is going crazy. Whilst self-isolating in his £12 million mansion. Oh poor fucking Sam. Try living in a one bedroom flat, with no balcony, like one of my mates. He was already dealing with PTSD, and the current situation is proving to be a real strain for him. But, y’know the squeaky voiced songster is a ‘celebrity’, so HIS mental strain is so much worse than that suffered by a combat veteran.

    Then we had Madonna telling us how the Kung Flu was the “great equaliser”, while sitting in her rose petal strewn bath in one of her mansions. Fuck off you plastic faced tart. And who could forget the immensely cringeworthy rendition of John Lennon’s Imagine, that featured several Hollywood types, including Gal Gadot and the painfully unfunny Will Ferrell. The only redeeming part of that was that, even without make up, Gal Gadot was still fit as fuck. That aside, it shows that celebrities really are suffering. Because without the publicity, without the adulation and ass kissing that they’re used to getting every time they’re out and about, they are the most insecure, self-centred people on the planet.

    In these current times, we need doctors. We need nurses. We need grocery stores, truck drivers, the military. To a degree we even need Five-O. We do NOT need a bunch of arrogant, grossly overpaid, publicity starved multi-millionaires telling us to stay inside, like professional fat fuck James Corden recently did, whilst sat in a mansion that has a garden the size of the Peak District national park and an Olympic sized swimming pool. Cunts, the lot of them.

  9. I have noticed that one of the first symptoms is to moan a lot, sit with a thermometer in your mouth (reading normal) and complain a lot
    Whether real or imagined I fear the prognosis may be terminal.

    • Hi all & hope you’re taking care & not going too Stir Crazy with the lockdown.

      Looked at some of the reported death figures, and wanted to run this by you, regarding Under-reporting of Covid-19 deaths :-

      1. I believe the main European Countries (France, Germany, Italy, UK, etc) are fully reported confirmed ‘hospital’ deaths, but the increased rate of deaths while at home & care homes is NOT currently being counted, unless a person had been tested & confirmed as having the virus. Here in the UK there is certainly no widespread tests happening. The ‘true’ numbers of deaths in European countries could therefore be double the numbers currently reported.

      2. Russia has 63 confirmed deaths out of a population of 168 million – who believes this number ?

      3. Pakistan has 61 confirmed deaths out of a population of 216 million – who believes this number ?

      4. India has 178 confirmed deaths out of a population of 1,300 million – who believes this number ?

      5. China has apparently ‘beaten’ Covid-19 ! – I shit you not ! – with NO new domestically transmitted cases, the only state reported increase coming from people travelling into the country, who are immedeatly isolated.
      Meanwhile, reports smuggled out of China indicate large protests; heavily squashed by state police & military, plus ‘50,000 +’ clay earns being transported on trucks, which are used to hold cremated ashes !
      3,331 reported deaths out of a population of 1,386 million – who believes this number ?

      • Due to Winnie the Pooh not wanting to lose face, the virus spread all over China (and therefore, the entire planet) for at least two months (some believe it could’ve been up to 4 months) without restriction.

        With their average at best healthcare system, I laugh at their figure of 3,000 deaths. I estimate it to be around 50,000 minimum. Possibly, anything up to a million. And there is no way it’s disappeared from China. Ridiculous.

  10. Just my thoughts with no research. But fuck me Germany has responded well to this crisis. Why is that? Hugely in front of us in testing. How have they developed tests so quickly? Then a piece about transferring patients in a helicopter in a kind of ICU pod. German engineering, famously. Could it be to do with their federal system I wonder as well? I have in feeling that it is closer to the people, it can move quickly. Probably to do with the whole country investing more in healthcare. Got to take your hat off to them.

    • UK hospital beds pre-Virus = 142,000

      Germany hospital beds pre-Virus = 479,000

      plus a ‘more willing to follow rules’ mentality I’m guessing ?
      Too many ‘I’ll do what I like’ inbred fuckwits in this country 🙁

      Germany was to be the front line of the third world war, There is a lot of buried unused infrastructure in the west of the country where populace was to be moved too, not to mention the NATO road systems, the hospitals though were a “Chance” they were built in the hopes that they would be spared.

  11. In addition to the BBC cunting. Headline on BBC News 9th April:-

    Are minorities being hit hardest by coronavirus?
    Prof Kamlesh Khunti, from the University of Leicester and the Centre for BME Health, says “A lot of people have been concerned about this issue based on anecdotal reports and now this data is showing a signal regarding a higher number of black and minority ethnic populations being admitted to intensive care units.”

    Yes. This is a racist and identity issue. And we have a centre for BME health. Why not a centre for White health I wonder? It seems overcrowding and cultural issues are contributing factors.
    Perhaps the Pakistan, Nigerian or Jamaican health services would better solve these problems?
    Good to see that BBC journalists are gainfully employed during these hard times.

  12. I’m reasonably slim, yet I encounter a number of obese cunts every day. To allow the currently stipulated 2m social distancing, has the government allowed for the fact that land whales require a far greater 2m radius than the more slender types, such as myself ?

    2 thin fuckers could pass 2m apart down a supermarket aisle much more easily than 2 fat cunts.

    Honestly, I don’t think they’ve thought this whole thing through…

  13. In the words of Junior Soprano, I’ve got a horrible feeling that I’ll be farting into the same sofa cushion for the next 18 months. A depression is coming, a big one, maybe not 1929 but close. All well and good Royalty and multi millionaire MP’s telling us where in this together. Are we fuck. Don’t piss on my head and tell me it’s raining. The Donald says the cure is worse than the disease. He’s got that right. Who will suffer the same as always? Us, me, the working class. The suicides, depression and mental illness will outstrip the deaths. Harsh I know but at least I’m being honest.

    • Bob, does that mean you’re planning to shake of this Mortal Coil before the Hari Kiri rush ?

      Tell us you won’t be cashing your chips in just yet. You don’t want to miss the State Carnival that will be Phil the greek’s funeral.

      • Hopefully not quite yet LOTR. Fuck the state carnival, call me a selfish cunt but I just long for a pint in the local, if there’s any left after this huge shit sandwich. God I fucking hate the chinks.

  14. While we are enjoying lockdown, a question arises: Who is the pretty and thin co-star of the fat bird on the sun bingo advert? Can I find out online…can I fuck! All I find is the fat birds name, and I just want to punch her repeatedly.

  15. Brexit: Labour warns against ‘chaotic’ no deal outcome

    The last thing UK business needs in the current economic climate is a “chaotic exit” from EU trading rules, Labour’s new shadow chancellor has warned.

    Anneliese Dodds urged ministers not to put “ideology over national interest”.

    The UK has left the EU but has given itself until 31 December to negotiate a trade deal, until which time most EU rules will still apply.

    New Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer has said it was “a mistake” to put that date into legislation.

    Heard this fucking nonsense hundreds of times before from Labour. Same shit, different shadow cabinet and different day.

    Hopefully we will be leaving the EU on 31st December 2020 either with a good deal for the UK or without a deal if not.

    Keep strong Boris.

    • Anneliese Dodds is a complete dingbat. Why Shitstabber would choose to make this fuckwit Shadow Chancellor is beyond comprehension. She’s one of those perennial Labour idiots always invited to spout bullshit on programmes like Question Time and Politics Live. Rishi Sunak must think all his Divalis have come at once.

  16. Fucking police checking people’s shopping baskets…fuck me

    If my house gets robbed tonight, I will be lucky to get a crime number or whatever but fuck me, you have some Doritos in your basket you had better watch out.

    Guess this gives them a break from stopping real crime like investigating people for LBGTSDQQAAF+ cirmes.

    • Its probably the BAME and LGBTQTOPCATISFUNBTR-whatever people out there committing most crimes, they have immunity because they can claim that arresting them is ‘discrimination’.

    • North Wales Plod sitting in their “Go Safe” cash-collection-van yesterday at the side of the road, pointing the camera at passing motorists (of which there were very few) – Nowt else better to do than wait for the “crime” to come to them…. Cunts.

  17. Kenny Dalgish eh?
    No love lost, but easily the finest opposition player I ever watched in the English game.
    It was a privilege to watch the man in his prime, and I say that as a lifelong Stretford Ender.

    I hope he gets well….

  18. Searching your bag for essential shopping? I can walk to the local kebab and come back with a chicken shish. Is that essential shopping? Of course not. So why are they allowed to open in the first place? Oh yeah…….they’re a bunch of goat shaggers aren’t they? The rules don’t apply to them. Fuck off.
    Luckily there are so many effnicks round here there’s more chance of winning the lottery than bumping into PC Plod. However, if they’re driving round looking for a whitey to pick on then i’m well in the frame with my bag of fags and wife beater. Cunts!

  19. All is not well Chez Dio.
    In the latest development in the Covid-19 crisis, we have run out of biscuits and the wine stocks are getting low. I will be forced to brave the supermarket soon.

    Meanwhile we are coping by eating cake and drinking beer…

    • No water crackers at the shop today except Captains table brand which is made in China, Fuck that!. There used to be a factory (Mills and Wares)10km from my house, as a kid I could smell the biscuits baking. Long gone now, made a passable light fruit cake too, no Pangolin bits. My mum and great aunt worked there.

  20. Lockdown Log 11/4/2020. Have decided to watch new Peter Pan film. Only been on 10 minutes and I hate it. Shitty left wing BAME LGBT crap, women in charge of the air force, black dude running the pirate ship? At least it has some good actors in it, it needs them. Time for a cigarette, I think.

  21. After weeks of WuhanFlu, uk government has decided it wants to scrap scratchcards because ‘they are not essential’ and to cut out unnecessary trips to the shop. Ok, where does that go next? Alcohol and tobacco arent essential either, are they next? Then theres crisps, chocolate bars, ice lollies, pop… Are all them for thd axe next? I dont know about you but if I cant have a fag, a beer or a bag of crisps when I want to…I may go mad and start wrecking the place. Dont think i’d be alone either, not that I would encourage others to join in.

  22. He has pointed the finger at WHO. Who? You know who.

    But I’ve just watched a programme about WHO. And they have been sounding the alarm for decades about the unpreparedness of the world for the next global pandemic.

    But according to you know who the fault lies with who? WHO.
    WHO done it.

  23. Tat.
    If you enter a Poundland around Christmastime the shelves are full of plastic tat from Taiwan, China. The effort that goes into producing this tat for it to be only to be thrown away in the new year is staggering. There must be billions of ‘items’ or ‘units’ sold throughout the world.
    If only (one thinks) all those dextrous Asian fingers in factories had been making masks, gowns, visors, gloves we wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in now.
    But no we wanted tat.

  24. As long as I can get four cans of Monster Ultra everyday then I’m a happy bunny….

    I’m not a smoker, a boozer or addicted to crap like the Lottery and its associated tomfoolery

    Because of the withdrawal symptoms heavy drinkers suffer when they cannot guzzle booze I would imagine banning booze would be a no no. Not so sure if Smoky Joe or Fagash Lil would suffer in the same way if they can’t get coffin nails to puff away on?

    • Its not the product disappearing that worries me, its the shit it would cause. People are already profiteering and stuff, stopping the sale of ‘unnecessary products’ would probably lead to rioting and the slaughter of chinese across the country.

  25. Crona virus “deaths” have reached 10,000 in the UK, the BBC is having a collective orgasm on their website and TV channels.

    • The BBC remind you of the fucking old hags who used to sit round the guillotine knitting while heads rolled – as as most of the BBC “presenters” are iron hoofs they probably do the same while they are being “important”

  26. I’ve had my fill of the Leftie Propaganda News channel (yeah, the fucking Beeb) banging on about this shit hour after hour, I get that it’s important & going to take a lot of air-time, but not 24/fucking/7. Especially when they fill it with asking the retarded questions that the punters send in for the experts to answer – ‘Am I allowed to visit my Mum & Dad in their garden during lockdown?’ FFS, which part of ‘STAY AT HOME, CUNT’ don’t you understand!
    And then there’s the press briefing questions – The Prof, Raabster & Sir Boffin lay it all out, then one of the opinionated non-reporter cunts (step forward Koonie) asks a bloody stupid question that they’ve already answered! Jesus H Christ woman, weren’t you listening!!? Old Dom is a karate black belt apparently, so as I said to the missus earlier, he should just run round the lectern & deliver a flying drop kick to the fucking TV screen with the stupid bitch’s face on it. Fuck the BBC – cunts.

  27. A fucking aspiring architect, riding along the pavement on a bike, shouted “boo” in my face tonight. Dirty fucking, stinking bastard. I didn’t even see the cunt’s face but he had a very distinctive front light. (Yes the cunt actually had lights, riding on the pavement when there was a completely empty road)
    If I see that bike again……….he better hope his sister is riding it.

    • That’s the mindset of some, I’m afraid. He’s thinking, ‘Well if on the off chance I have it, I might as well give it to ‘da man.’ They’ll be sue to do it when there are no witnesses.

      My Aunty who’s about 70, had a dark key neighbour walk past her the other day and cough in her face. My uncle went nuts and called the cops. Not sure what the outcome is yet, but I bet nothing will be done (his word against hers).

      I’m sure that there are a few racist white fucknuckles doing the same thing to non-whites, but those cases will count as racist crimes, you can sure. The other way around? What do you reckon?

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