QVC are a right bunch of tat flogging cunts, targeting our vulnerable and impressionable OAPs, disabled and workshy, tempting them to part with their hard earned (!!) pension, DLA, income support etc. Using silver tongued smarm merchants/salespeople to ramble endlessly about how this or that piece of tat is absolutely essential, what incredible value it is, how much you deserve it; think of the thrill when you hear the creak of the gate, the tip tap of the postman’s feet as he wends his way up your path, the sheer orgasmic moment as that parcel plops onto your dormat!!!!!! (pause to pant….).

But hurry, stocks are already limited…..there’s a 10 minute queue on the phones…..if you don’t want to wait you can use Q-Cunt……have your payment method at the ready…..have your credit card ready……..QUICK, YOU OLD BAG, WE WANT YOUR FUCKING CARD DETAILS!!!!!!!!…..what’s that? Only size 22 left in puce, and I wanted a 12? I’ll have it!!! And relax……..