Paul Burrell, Princess Diana’s former butler and, allegedly, her rock, is need of a cunting. He’s popped up in the Daily Fail, to offer his thoughts on Meghan’s strained relationship with her father, and other members of her family, notably, her gobshite half sister.

It baffles me no end why ANY media outlet would give this vile, obnoxious, self styled ‘royal expert’ both publicity and money to spout his opinions, yet its been happening for the past twenty years. The truth is, the Royal Family despise this motor mouthed little parasite. And it’s a sign of how much they hate him, that Harry didn’t bother to invite the little shit to his wedding. Of course, Burrell didn’t let an oversight like that stop him from turning up in Windsor, suited and booted. Happily, he failed to get past security, and had to watch from behind a barrier, like the rest of the hoy polloy. Honestly, this self-important prick has no shame.

The fact is, that while he may have know William and Harry quite well as children, he knows nothing about them as men. That means his ‘qualifications’ are out of date. He certainly knows as much about Meghan as I do, which is fuck all. But that hasn’t stopped him hawking his services around, particularly in the US, and making a mint out of his tenuous connection to the Royal Family.

Paul Burrell, you slimy little snail penis. Crawl back under your rock, you royal cunt!

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw